One night while my four kids were in various stages of bathing, showering, or getting ready for bed, I took a sweep through the house to corral the never-ending stream of clutter. As I bent down next to the couch to scoop up a pile of LEGOs, something on the couch caught my eye.

A streak of vivid purple.

As I slowly stood up, my eyes followed the trail of purple to where one of our cats was lying on the back of the couch. Her entire left side was covered in purple paint.

That’s when I connected the dots. Earlier that day, my 10-year-old budding artist had asked if she could paint a canvas—one of her absolute favorite things to do. “Yep,” I’d said. “As long as you clean it up after.”

Spoiler alert: She didn’t clean it up after. And now our leather couch was sporting purple stripes, plus our cat had apparently entered her punk phase?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 110 most powerful compliments for kids to boost their self-worth.

Here’s the Good News (And the Bad)

Thanks to a miraculous infusion of patience I didn’t know I had, I managed not to lose my temper or even raise my voice, and personally, I consider that a parenting win.

In a calm tone, I made my points. “If you want to be able to paint, you need to take responsibility for cleaning it up after.”

She hung her head and in a small voice said, “I know.”

“When you finish an activity, you can’t just wander off to start something new. You need to put things away first. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

“I know,” she repeated. Then in an even smaller voice: “I’m just bad at remembering stuff.”

My heart squeezed. “Hey.”

She looked up, and I pulled her in for a hug. “You’re not bad at remembering. It’s normal for kids to forget stuff like that. It’ll get easier.”

But later, her words kept coming back to me. I wondered: Are my nagging reminders making my child think less of herself? Should I be complimenting her more often? Am I adding fuel to the fire of her inner critic?

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day

What You Need to Know About Your Child’s Self-Worth

As parents, we want our children to grow up to be healthy, happy, and confident, and an essential component of a child’s mental health is their self-worth.

Here’s why: When a person possesses self-worth, that means they evaluate themselves as an inherently valuable, capable human being who’s worthy of respect, compassion, and love. Self-esteem also feeds into self-worth because high self-esteem means feeling confident in your own abilities and strengths.

As you might imagine, research shows that children with high self-worth and high self-esteem are more likely to be happy and confident. In fact, low self-worth or self-esteem can lead to depression in kids. But high self-worth and self-esteem are so powerful they can even increase a child’s relationship and job satisfaction later in life.

How Do You Boost Your Child’s Self-Worth?

With self-worth being so important to your child’s mental health, happiness, and confidence, you might be wondering what you can do to nurture it.

Here’s the good news: Parental warmth boosts your child’s self-worth. That includes displaying affection, being responsive to your child’s needs, and encouraging them with the most effective kind of praise.

But as it turns out, some types of praise can actually hurt your child’s self-worth and self-esteem.

Which Compliments for Kids Will Nurture Self-Worth?

Below, I’ll share a handy list of the best compliments for kids that work to boost their self-worth, but first, here are a few guidelines to help you come up the best compliments for your child:

• Be sincere. Kids can see through over-the-top compliments and praise, and that kind of praise can hurt more than help.
• Be specific. Imagine how it would feel to hear a loved one deliver a generic “Good job!” as opposed to something like this: “Wow. You ran into a tough problem, and you worked through it. That took perseverance.” When someone pays attention like that, you feel seen and understood. That kind of specific encouragement is way more powerful than generic compliments or phrases.
• Compliment your child’s actions and choices. Praise your child for what they can control. Likewise, avoid praising your child’s abilities. Phrases like “You’re so smart” can undermine your child’s motivation, damage their self-esteem, and even foster narcissism. To learn more, check out Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student. (Hint: It’s not “You’re so smart.”)
• Less is more. You don’t need to shower your child in compliments every time they do something—especially when it’s something they enjoy doing. Too much praise can even decrease their motivation. Also, if you tend to use the same compliments on a regular basis, those phrases can start to lose their oomph with your child. Try cutting back on those phrases for a bit and replace them with something new from the list below.
• Be careful with appearance. When a child believes most of their self-worth comes from their physical appearance, that can undermine the development of an authentic self-worth. In other words, they might believe that they are worth of respect, compassion, and love only if the people around them think they’re “cute” or “pretty” or “handsome.” When a child views themselves as an object to be evaluated based on their appearance, that’s called self-objectification, and it can lead to body image problems, eating disorders, and depression. This can be a problem for girls and boys. But our kids are cute, and it’s fun to tell them that! And so to avoid these negative effects, first pay attention to how often you’re complimenting your child’s appearance. Then try to replace some of those less powerful compliments to something else on the list below. Ideally, experts recommend avoiding compliments about your child’s physical appearance, especially their bodies. Instead, you can compliment something they can control, like the outfit they picked out or how they chose to style their hair. Above all, it’s best to avoid making any comments about your child’s weight or shape—positive or otherwise.

Pro tip: A handy trick for making sure you stick to specifics and compliment your child’s actions is to start off with “You…” then complete the sentence by describing what your child did.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

How Well Do Compliments Actually Work?

After the Purple Paint Incident, I circled back to my daughter for a follow-up conversation about what her inner critic had been telling her.

And it broke my heart to hear the phrases she’d been repeating to herself.

Can you seriously not remember that?

You’re so clumsy.

What’s wrong with you?

From then on, I made a conscious effort to compliment her every day—not on how she looks or something out of her control—but on something she made happen. If I was tucking her in at bedtime and couldn’t remember complimenting her that day, I made a rule for myself to think of one specific, heartfelt compliment and share it with her then.

I didn’t know if that was enough to drown out her inner critic’s voice, but I kept at it. Then one night at bedtime, I thought back through our day together and said, “You had the magic touch with keeping your little brother entertained today. I’m impressed.”

She smiled and said, “You always give me compliments, Mommy.”

I laughed. “Is that…okay?”

She beamed. “I love it.”

Related: 50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child

110 Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth

After that experience with my daughter, I set out to put together a list of the best 100 ways to compliment a child so that I could share it with the parents in this community. But I uncovered so many fun options that I kept the list going to 110.

These phrases work for a wide range of ages from young children to teenagers, but you know your child best, so choose the phrases you think will best lift up your child.

You can also get a free printable list of the best compliments for kids here. You can keep this list on your nightstand, tuck it in your purse or wallet, or leave it on the driver’s seat of your car as a handy reminder for the moments when your child could use a pick-me-up.

Pro tip: If your child is feeling frustrated or discouraged, compliments typically won’t help. In those situations, you need to first validate their struggle. Check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work for the best phrases to use during or after their struggle.

1. You give the best hugs.
2. Your room looks tidier! Did you spend some time cleaning up?
3. You ask such great questions.
4. The world is better with you in it. (This is one of my favorite compliments for kids, so it’s featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

5. I respect you and your opinions.
6. You’ve been practicing hard for your game/recital/play/language class. I can see/hear the difference. (Or for younger kids: You’ve been practicing hard tying your shoes/riding your bike.)
7. I love your curious mind/spirit.
8. If I need a smile today, I’m going to remember… (Finish with a funny or sweet thing your child said or did.)
9. You make me smile.
10. You got ready so fast this morning!
11. I love hearing you read aloud to me.
12. There’s only one you in the world.
13. I love your imagination!
14. I noticed you working hard on… (Finish with a specific example when you noticed your child pushing themselves to learn, grow, or finish something.)
15. You make life fun.
16. I love spending time with you.
17. Your art/writing always puts a smile on my face. Can you tell me more about how you made/wrote this? (Alternative: What gave you the idea to create this? Or: How did you think to do that? Or: What’s your favorite part?)
18. You’re an important part of this family.
19. You worked hard on that. Do you feel proud of yourself? (Alternative: It looks like you feel proud. Or: I bet you feel proud.)
20. You waited patiently for your turn. I know it’s hard to wait.
21. Sometimes if I’m feeling sad, just thinking of you makes me feel better.
22. You really took your time on…to do it well. (Fill in with something that your child was focused on or worked hard on.)
23. I love how you put your outfit together! It looks so cheerful/colorful/sophisticated/comfortable.
24. I enjoy listening to your stories.
25. I feel so lucky to be your mom/dad.
26. Your creativity amazes me.
27. I could tell you were really focused when you… (Finish with something your child was focusing on, like making art, tying their shoes, riding their bike, and so on.)
28. I’m so grateful you’re my daughter/son.
29. You want to try to do this by yourself, and that shows you’re growing up.
30. I’m proud of the person you are.
31. I love to hear/see how passionate you are about… (Finish with whatever your child is passionate about and loves to talk about.)
32. Your creativity/personality shines through in your artwork/writing.
33. I love how you did your hair today.
34. I love to watch you… (Then give an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, get wrapped up in reading a book, make art, play your clarinet, and so on.)
35. You have the best laugh/smile.
36. Every morning, I look forward to getting to see you.
37. You got your homework done right away. That must feel good to have that out of the way!
38. You make my heart feel full.
39. You tell the best jokes!
40. Your art/writing makes my heart happy. Thank you for sharing it with me.
41. The jewelry/belt/socks/shoes you picked out today are a nice touch. (Alternative: That [accessory] goes great with your outfit.)
42. You’re one of a kind.
43. I could watch you…all day! (Fill in with an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, dance, make art, play the piano, and so on.)
44. I love your sense of style.
45. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
46. Picking you up from school and hearing about your day is something I look forward to.
47. I’m grateful that you’re in my life.
48. I love your sense of humor.
49. I can tell you really enjoy… (Finish with whatever your child loves to do.)
50. You’re always so willing to try new things. That makes life with you extra fun.
51. I love hearing your ideas.
52. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)^†

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53. I love walking into a room and seeing you engrossed in a book.
54. You’re always on the move. I love your energy!
55. I have fun when I’m with you.
56. You inspire me to be a better person.
57. I love getting to hear how you think through a problem.
58. You make a difference in my life.
59. Just seeing your face makes me smile.
60. You are my favorite 5-year-old.
61. I love your enthusiasm for… (Finish with whatever your child is passionate about.)
62. You look really well put-together today.
63. I love seeing the world through your eyes.
64. You are a precious treasure to me.
65. I love the colors you chose for your artwork.
66. You are wonderful, just the way you are.
67. I admire your persistence in solving that problem.
68. I love being around you, no matter what we’re doing.
69. One of my favorite times of every day is when we snuggle at bedtime.
70. I love the way your mind works.
71. Thank you for sharing your artwork/writing with me. Can I put it up on the fridge? (Alternative: Can I put it in your portfolio? Side note: We love these slim art portfolios and get a new one every year for each kid to display their work.)
72. I love your laugh/smile.
73. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo.)
74. I love you just the way you are.
75. I’m so grateful I got to spend today with you.
76. You light up my day.
77. I feel blessed to have you in my life.
78. You make me happy, just by being you.

Compliments for Kids to Recognize Helpful Behavior

These phrases can nurture your child to see themselves as the type of person who helps and encourage them to make helpful choices in the future.

Quick tip: When you’re trying to encourage helpful behavior, you’ll make the most impact when you draw the connection to who your child is, like being a helper or being a kind person. Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. Here’s why: Your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

1. You had an opportunity to be a helper, and you stepped up to the plate.
2. I appreciate when you… (Finish with a specific example of something your child does that’s helpful or kind.)
3. You’re always willing to help out when I ask. I really appreciate that.
4. You shared…with your sister/brother/friend. That was generous of you. (Fill in with whatever they shared, like a cookie, a toy, crayons, and so on.)
5. When I was your age, I would have loved to have a friend like you.
6. You hung up your backpack/put away your shoes as soon as you got home. That helps our family have a comfy and tidy home. Thank you!
7. Thank you for being a helper.
8. Your kindness warms my heart.
9. I saw when you… (Then give a specific example of your child doing something helpful or kind.)
10. Your sister/brother/friend needed help, and you chose to be a helper. How do you think they feel now?
11. When you…, that showed me you’re a team player. (Fill in with a specific example of your child doing something collaborative.)
12. I appreciate that you’re such a helper.
13. It feels good to be a helper, doesn’t it?
14. That was a kind decision when you… (Then give a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
15. Thank you for pitching in! How does it feel to be a helper?
16. I see you being a helper, and I appreciate it.
17. That was a tough decision, and you made the choice to be a kind/generous/brave person.
18. That’s what a thoughtful/kind/brave person does.
19. I love seeing you be a helper.
20. Seeing you do that makes me smile.
21. You… That shows you have a big heart. (Fill in with a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
22. That was a big task/project, and you stuck to it until it was done. What a hard worker you are!
23. Sometimes it’s hard to make the kind/generous/brave choice, but you did it.
24. You took a moment to think about your sister/brother/friend, and you made the choice to be a helper.
25. You put yourself in their shoes to feel what they were feeling. That’s called empathy, and being an empathetic person is so important.
26. Friends/sisters/brothers look out for each other, and that’s exactly what you did.
27. I love seeing you work together.
28. You have a kind/generous heart. You inspire me.
29. Your choices matter, and you made the kind/generous/brave choice.
30. When you cleaned up the toys/loaded the dishwasher, that showed me that you’re a helper.
31. You are an example to your friends/siblings.
32. Your sister/brother/friend was upset, and you comforted them/gave them a hug. You’re such a caring sibling/friend.

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 110 Compliments for Kids

When your child could use a pick-me-up, use this cheat sheet of the most powerful compliments for kids to help boost their self-worth.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Keep your cheat sheet somewhere handy like in your nightstand or in your purse or wallet.
4. Say a phrase to your child. Your loving words will help boost your child’s self-worth, which is important to their mental health, happiness, and confidence. (Quick reminder: For the best experience, compliment your child’s actions and be as specific as possible.)

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What are your go-to compliments for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Soon after my youngest turned five, he set something into motion that nurtured his emotional wellbeing in a powerful way, although I didn’t realize it at the time.

One morning after he’d eaten breakfast and his big sisters were still sleeping, he picked out two children’s books and came into my bedroom where I was catching up on email.

“Will you read these to me?” he asked in a small voice, almost like he was preparing himself for the “I’m sorry, I’m busy right now” that was sure to come.

But for whatever reason that day, I looked at my youngest child and pictured him five years older, sleeping in like his sisters and no longer asking me to read to him. So instead of mentally reviewing my long to-do list, I caught myself.

I smiled. “Sure, buddy.”

He lit up. We climbed into my bed, got under the covers, and read together, just the two of us. And that was the start of a cozy morning routine that’s still going to this day. All it takes is 10 minutes, but every morning, he bounces away smiling—the 5-year-old embodiment of Tigger energy.

Which Is Cute, But…

My youngest has always been my most emotionally intense child. His feelings are big, and he lets you know it.

Several times a day whenever he gets frustrated or angry or disappointed, he wails at top volume. The storm passes fairly quickly, but it certainly is a bumpy ride when you’re in the thick of it.

But after he turned five, he started to mellow a bit. His outbursts weren’t quite so intense or quite so loud. They became fewer and further between. Plus, he was able to play independently for longer stints.

I thought we’d finally hit a developmental milestone when it came to his emotional regulation. I love how emotionally attuned my child is and I wouldn’t change him for the world, and yet it was still a relief to have fewer outbursts to navigate every day.

Then One Day, Something Changed

One weekday morning, I had a doctor’s appointment, and I had to boogie in order to get out the door on time. So when my son came in to ask me to read to him, I said I didn’t have time.

He hung his head a little but didn’t have an outburst, so I thought he was fine.

But when I got home from my appointment later that morning, it was like we’d unknowingly traveled in a time machine to a year ago.

His big feelings were front and center, exploding into outbursts at every little disappointment. He suddenly seemed incapable of playing by himself, so he repeatedly demanded his big sisters play with him, then would melt into a puddle when they couldn’t immediately drop what they were doing to play.

My husband and I tried to troubleshoot all day: Is he hungry? Is he starting to get sick? Are we in the Twilight Zone?

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Can You Guess What Happened Next?

That night, my husband and I collapsed into bed a full hour before our normal bedtime, worn out from the emotional rollercoaster.

Then the next morning, my son came into my bedroom like normal, and we cozied up in bed together to read. And 10 minutes later, his love tank was full, and he was off to the races.

Thinking the previous day had signaled a developmental regression, I braced myself for the outbursts that were sure to come.

But they never did.

He was back to himself again, not the version of himself from a year ago. My brain tried to solve the puzzle: What was different about the day before? What changed?

Finally, I Connected the Dots

When we started the day with meaningful one-on-one connection, my son felt secure in my unconditional love for him. He could ride the waves of his emotions rather than getting swept away or pulled under. He was better able to play independently.

He was happier.

As a Certified Parent Educator, I know the science is clear: Children need unconditional love from their parents. Research shows that children who grow up feeling loved and accepted by their parents tend to have a healthier self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and better academic performance.

And yet, even with all the training I’ve completed and all the families I’ve worked with, it took me a full day of racking my brain to solve the mystery of my own son’s behavioral setback.

Please Give Yourself Grace

When it’s your own child, it’s hard to see the difference that a small dose of meaningful connection can make. It’s like you’re trying to focus on a picture that’s too close to your face.

Plus, your own emotions can cloud your vision.

For example, if you’re stressed, you tend to be less responsive, so you’ll likely miss a shift in your child’s behavioral patterns that might signal a need for more connection. Instead, their outbursts or meltdowns feel like just One More Thing you need to deal with, and you might snap at your child or lose your temper. (Ask me how I know.)

And that disconnection can lead to even more emotional storms, which pushes you further apart from your child. Your child feels unmoored from the anchor of your unconditional love—and it shows in their behavior—and you feel at your wit’s end.

Related: 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond

So What’s the Fix?

Pay it forward to your future selves with the best morning routine for kids. Before the emotional storms—from your child or you. Before the disconnection. Before the distance feels too vast to close.

Spend 10 minutes filling your child’s tank.

You can cozy up to read a children’s book together, go for a quick walk around the block, or sit down and play a quick card game. (My favorite card game to play with younger kids is Sleeping Queens, and for older elementary kids and tweens, my go-to is Rat-a-Tat Cat or Love Letter.)

Not only will you grease the wheels for a smoother day with your child, you’ll also nurture a warm and loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond.

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Rat-a-Tat Cat

    
“My 5 year old’s current favorite is Rat a Tat Cat by Gamewright. I really like how the rules can be adapted for an ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ version of the game, giving the game more longevity!” – Patricia

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But You Might Run Into This Problem

Unfortunately, when you’re busy or tired, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do to connect with your child.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect so you can focus on enjoying the meaningful moment with your child.

You can keep the cards anywhere in your home—on your kitchen counter, your nightstand, or next to your phone charger—and pick a card once a morning or any time you notice your child is acting moody or not cooperative.

With these cards in your parenting toolbox, you’ll make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection—in just 10 minutes a day.

What About…?

If you like the idea of starting off your day with a dose of meaningful connection, but you get tripped up on the specifics of how to make it happen, this section is for you.

Our mornings are so rushed! I don’t see how I could fit this in.

To create space in your own morning routine, you can set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier. But if the issue is that your child has no extra time in the morning, try doubling up your connection time with something else already in your routine. For example:

• Before your child wakes up, cuddle up next to them in bed. After they wake up, you can ask them what they’re looking forward to that day.
• While your child eats breakfast, sit with them and read a children’s book aloud.
• While they pack their lunch or their backpack, queue up your child’s favorite playlist and kick off an impromptu family dance party.
• While you drive them to school, tell a funny story from their childhood or yours. If you can’t think of a story, ask a meaningful question to engage and connect. (Not sure what to ask? Try one of our conversation starters for kids.)

My kid is a grump in the morning. Any suggestions?

Some kids aren’t chipper in the morning, just like some adults—and that’s perfectly normal. However, it could be worth starting a conversation with your child at another time of day to find out what’s going on. You could start by saying, “I’ve noticed that you have a hard time getting up in the morning.” Or, “It seems like you’re struggling to feel calm and happy on school mornings.”

You might discover that your child isn’t getting enough sleep the night before, that they’re anxious about something happening at school, that they feel rushed in the morning and that’s engaging their fight-or-flight response, or something else.

My tween or teen is always on their phone. How can I connect with them?

Try meeting your child where they are and connecting through technology. For example, you could:

• The previous day, keep an eye out for a funny video on YouTube or TikTok that your child might enjoy. The next morning, say, “I found a video I thought you might get a kick out of.” Then hold out your phone and watch it together.
• Start a tradition of playing a phone game with your child, like Words With Friends or a chess app. Then in the morning, you could say, “Do you have a couple minutes to sit with me and play a few turns back and forth?” Or as another option, you can sit together every morning and solve that day’s Wordle to see who gets it first.
• Ask for their best finds by saying, “I could use a pick-me-up. Have you come across any funny videos this morning?” Depending on what your teen is into, replace “videos” with tweets, posts, songs, and so on.
• Seek out news and updates about what your child is into. For example, if they love Taylor Swift, check the latest gossipy tidbits on Twitter and save interesting tweets to show your child: “Hey, did you see this yet?”

If none of that works and you already have a no-phone rule in your family during meals, you can sit down with your child while they eat breakfast and just chat. You can ask them what they have going on that day, ask what they’re looking forward to (or what they’re dreading), or ask one of our conversation starters for kids.

And if that doesn’t work, you can strike up a conversation while their hands are otherwise busy and phone-free, like while they’re making their lunch or packing their backpack.

But Could It Have Been a Fluke?

A couple weeks after my epiphany, I had another busy morning where I was rushing to get ready before a virtual meeting for work.

While I could have afforded 10 minutes with my son, I was stressed and wanted to reclaim that time for myself. To make myself feel better about begging off that morning, I started to question my earlier lightbulb moment: Maybe he’d just had a bad day, and his emotional setback had nothing to do with our cozy connection time?

So when he woke up later that morning, I explained I was running late, and I didn’t have time to read right now.

Just like before, he hung his head but seemed to take the disappointment in stride.

Then 15 minutes later, his emotions boiled over because his sisters wouldn’t stop eating breakfast to play a game with him. When he got over that, he lost it a bit later when he couldn’t find the Scotch tape for an art project he’d started.

By the third outburst, I had seen enough. Skipping out on our time together was making the morning harder for my son, and instead of the extra time alleviating my stress, my decision to skip reading was adding to my stress.

I asked if he wanted to read together, and he came running into my room.

To be clear, our connection time didn’t remove all emotional upset from his day—I’m not trying to cultivate a preschool-sized robot, here! But our time together smoothed out the bumps in the road so that he (and I) could better handle whatever life threw at him, Tigger energy fully intact.

Your Turn

What’s your best tip for a positive morning routine for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One morning after my 10-year-old had woken up and was fixing herself a bowl of cereal, I walked up and said, “Hey, can I have a hug?”

She looked up at me, one corner of her mouth lifted.

“What?” I asked.

“Mommy,” she said, fully smiling now. “You already gave me a hug.”

“I did?”

She laughed. “Yeah, like two minutes ago!”

“Oh,” I said. And then a hazy memory of a quick good morning hug swam back into view.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable that will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

Why Would I Forget Hugging My Child?

That first hug we shared had been rushed. Routine and mindless. I’d been on my way to let the dog outside when my child had walked up to me for a hug, so my mind was focused on checking off my task, not on our hug.

But because I hadn’t given the hug my full attention, I barely remembered it.

And yet, as a Certified Parent Educator, I’m trained on the science behind hugs and the benefits of hugging your child. For example, warm, affectionate physical contact like a hug from a parent increases oxytocin, which is commonly referred to as the “love hormone” because it promotes bonding and facilitates feelings of trust. Plus, research shows that warmth and affection expressed by a parent to their child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child, including higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavioral problems.

But here I was, doling out quick half-second hugs that were so routine that my brain didn’t even deem them worthy to encode in memory.

If our hugs weren’t notable for me, I knew they weren’t as meaningful as they could be for my child. So I decided we needed to shake up our hugging routine.

Related: How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life {Printable}

How to Hug Your Child: 21 Sweet and Silly Hugs to Make Them Feel Loved

After my epiphany, I invited my kids to help me invent a few new ways to hug each other so that our hugs would be heartfelt and meaningful.

Then we sat down and made a list, adding in all the other types of hugs we’ve ever heard of, so that we could share the full list with you.

If you want to delight your child and show them you love them, then surprise them with a new kind of hug from this list. Every hug in this list may not be a good fit for every family, but it sure is fun to try them all out and see what kind of physical affection your child likes best!

But First, a Warning

While hugging your child is beneficial for you and your child, the point is not to force hugs on anyone. Just as you probably aren’t always in the mood for a hug or physical affection, your child sometimes may not want a hug either.

Before you hug your child, you can ask a simple question like “Can I have a hug?” or “Hey, got a second for a hug?” to remind your child they get to decide. Or as another option, you can use this genius solution to put your child in the driver’s seat on the kind of affection they want.

1. The Long Hug

This is your garden-variety hug, but make it last 6 seconds or more.

Here’s why that’s important: When you hold a hug for several seconds, oxytocin and serotonin start flowing. Those are the chemicals that promote bonding and reduce your stress, plus they boost your mood.

Science hasn’t given us a definitive answer yet on exactly how long a hug needs to last to get all those benefits, but the author of The Happiness Project discovered research indicating that six seconds is where the magic starts to happen.

With that said, counting the seconds can take you out of the moment, so try to hold on until you start to feel relaxed. Or you can try my trick: I challenge myself to be the last one to let go of the hug.

2. The Sandwich Hug

This hug needs two adults to make a “sandwich” with your child in the middle:

1. Call out your child’s name and add the word “sandwich,” like “Oliver Sandwich!”
2. One adult stands in front of your child while the other stands behind.
3. Both adults put your arms around your child and hug.

3. The Deep Breath Hug

When your child is upset, a hug paired with deep breaths can comfort them and help calm their big emotions.

While you’re holding on, take deliberate deep breaths. Odds are, your child will follow your lead and take a deep breath too, which will help calm their nervous system. (This is called the Chameleon Effect—a human unconsciously mimicking the behavior of another.)

4. The Rocking Hug

As you’re hugging, rock your child side-to-side.

My toddlers have especially liked it when I also said, “Mmm mmm mmm!” timing one “mmm” with every rock.

5. The Side Hug

This works well if your child is busy doing something because you can sidle up next to them, put one arm around them, and squeeze.

For an extra boost of connection, plant a kiss on their cheek or the top of their head.

6. The Heartbeat Hug

This is another hug for when your child’s upset or coming down from a tantrum or emotional outburst. Guide your child’s head to rest where your heart is so they can hear your heartbeat.

Some research indicates that when humans are in proximity, their heartbeats synchronize. If you’re calm and your child isn’t, hearing your heartbeat might help them regulate their heart rate to match yours. (The fancy term for this phenomenon is interpersonal synchrony.)

7. The Bear Hug or The Whole-Hearted Hug

Throw your arms wide and put your whole heart into that hug.

8. The Catch Me Hug

Open your arms, bend your knees, and encourage your child to run and jump into your arms, then hold on.

9. The Reverse Hug or The Back Hug

Tweens and teenagers typically like this one because they get to pretend they’re too cool for a regular hug, but they still get the benefits of cuddling with you.

To try this hug, stand behind your child and throw your arms around them.

10. The Scoop and Hug

Walk up to your child and scoop them up into your arms for a hug.

11. The Lap Hug

Pull your child into your lap, then wrap your arms around them.

12. The Love Blanket

Younger kids love this one at bedtime!

When you go to hug your child good night, lay on top of them without putting all your weight on them. For guaranteed giggles, call out “Attack of the Love Blanket!”

Side note: My kids are huge Bluey fans, so any time they want to initiate The Love Blanket hug, all they have to do is say “dunny,” and they know I’ll give them a “squish-squash!”

13. The Group Hug

Call out “Group hug!” and open your arms to any family members who are nearby. The bigger the family, the sillier this hug gets.

14. The Kissy Hug

As you’re hugging your child, pepper them with tiny kisses until they giggle.

15. The Hug and Twirl

End a hug by twirling your child around in a circle for a few extra seconds of connection.

16. The London Bridge Hug

Play “London Bridge is falling down…” but when the bridge catches your child, hold on for a hug.

17. The Dance and Hug

Fire up a song from our love songs for kids playlist, then dance with your child while hugging them.

Research shows that when kids move their bodies to a rhythmic beat, they get a big dose of happy—and the same goes for adults.

18. The Spoon Hug

For a special bedtime hug, lie down next to your child and spoon them with an arm around them.

19. The Massage Hug

As you’re hugging your child, rub their back in soothing circles.

20. The Sweater Hug

I typically wear a cardigan-style sweater at home so that’s how this hug came about, but this would work with any light cardigan or even a jacket. Walk up to your child and tap them on the shoulder, then open up the sides of your sweater to invite them in for a cozy hug.

After they wrap their arms around you underneath your sweater, close the sides of the sweater and hug them back. My kids love it because it’s like a little cocoon!

21. The Hug Monster Hug

Make monster sounds and stomp around, calling out “Here comes The Hug Monster!” When you find your child, unleash your inner love monster and hug them.

As an alternative, you can act like a robot and call yourself “The Hug Machine.” (Side note: If you’ve never read the book Hug Machine^† with your child, it’s a fun read!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

But Will This Break the Quick-Hug Habit?

If you’ve fallen into the habit of rushed squeezes instead of long hugs, you might need more than a list of different kinds of hugs to break that habit.

In that situation, what works well is to issue yourself a Hugging Challenge for one week. A Hugging Challenge will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

This is something I do once in a while to reconnect with the importance of hugging my child, and it works like magic. A Hugging Challenge is easy and quick so I can fit it into my busy day, and it gently breaks a “quick squeeze” hug habit, replacing it with a whole-hearted hug habit.

For instructions on how to get started with your own Hugging Challenge, head to How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life and jump to the How to Take the Hugging Challenge section.

As a bonus, you can grab the printable Hugging Challenge tracker at the end of this article. Use it to keep track of your hugs and mark off one box for every awesome hug you deliver to your child.

Bonus: Invent Your Own Hug

The week when my kids and I were inventing some of the hugs listed in this article, we had a blast together. We invented a lot of duds, and giggling at our hug failures was almost as fun as discovering a winning hug.

So don’t be afraid to embrace your playful side and invent your own kind of hug with your child. Instead of a secret family handshake, maybe you’ll stumble on a family hug that gives you warm fuzzies. But the best part is you’ll communicate to your child that hugging them brings you delight, and that will pay off in ways you can’t anticipate.

For example, that day I forgot I’d already hugged my 10-year-old when I asked for another hug? When she called me on it, I did my best Dory impression from Finding Nemo and gazed off into the distance: “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”

She giggled and went back to pouring milk over her cereal, then I turned away to fill the cats’ food bowl.

But when I turned back around, my daughter was standing in front of me, holding back a smirk (and failing). “Mommy,” she said. “You haven’t given me a good morning hug yet!”

I laughed and opened up my arms, then that time, we held on tight.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Get Your Free Printable: The Hug Tracker

Use this free Hugging Challenge tracker to strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

1. Get the free printable. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print your Hugging Challenge tracker.
3. Keep it handy and visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child, aiming for eight 6-second hugs a day. On your tracker, mark off one box for every awesome hug you give your child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable hug tracker:

Your Turn

What’s your favorite way to hug your child? Share in a comment below!

The post 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One night after my kids were in bed, I came across a quote from a doctor and author who specializes in childhood development and trauma, and this one simple sentence hit me right in the gut:

“Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.”

Dr. Gabor Maté

In other words, even though I love my children with every fiber of my being, they won’t feel that love unless I intentionally show them.

At first, I’d scoffed. Of course I’d shown that I love them. Then replaying our day together in my head, I hunted for examples to reassure myself.

But the memories that came back to me told a different story:

• When they were dragging their feet in the morning, I nagged them to finish getting ready.
• When the preschooler dumped his PBJ on the ground and the dog gobbled it up in 2.3 seconds, I huffed and I puffed.
• When I came out of my home office at the end of the afternoon and saw LEGOs and Magna-Tiles and animal figurines covering every square inch of the floor, I demanded they clean it up before dinner.

Sure, I’d delivered a quick good morning and good night hug and said “I love you” to all four kids. But I couldn’t recall a single moment where I stopped and truly showed my children that I love them unconditionally and joyfully.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of 75 positive phrases to show your child you love them.

Here’s Why This Matters

Research shows that children who grow up feeling loved and accepted by their parents tend to have a healthier self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and better academic performance. Not only that, children who feel loved grow into adults who report higher life satisfaction and happiness, experience greater success, and have better physical health.

The science is clear: Children need unconditional love from their parents. Every child needs at least one person in their life who makes them feel absolutely loved—and they need to know that nothing they do will make that love go away.

But Here’s the Problem

As parents, instinctually we already know how important it is to show love for our children. We don’t need a scientific study to tell us that.

And yet, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of daily parenting life and forget to make space for intentional, meaningful moments where you show that you love your children.

Even if you do have a loving ritual like a good morning hug or a good night cuddle, sometimes we can get busy or distracted and go through the motions instead of focusing on connecting with our child in the moment. While some connection is always better than nothing, those rushed moments may not be truly filling your child’s tank of unconditional love.

What’s a Busy Parent to Do?

If you want your child to feel secure in your love for them, the best way to do that is by showing love for your child in small, simple ways.

Kids don’t need grand gestures or physical presents to feel your love for them. All they need are small, everyday moments where through our words and actions, we show them they are loved and lovable.

Below, I compiled a list of all the most heartfelt and simple ways to love your child in everyday life. But we certainly don’t need more heaped onto our already overflowing parenting plates. No more to-do’s, no more chores, and definitely no more guilt.

And so I’m also sharing a practical fix to help you make space for these small everyday moments of love and connection, based on the research of behavior change.

How to Love Your Child, Even When You’re Short on Time

When you want to make a change amidst the hustle and bustle of parenting life, you need a visual cue. Something to serve as a gentle reminder to switch out of survival mode once or twice a day and fill your child’s love tank.

Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example:

• If you were to set a goal to eat healthier, you could leave a neon bright Post-It Note on your fridge to remind yourself that “Snack = veggies only.”
• Or if you wanted to stick to an exercise routine every morning, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before as a visual reminder to nudge you forward.

For my visual cue, I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child and show that you love them unconditionally. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

101 Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day

You don’t always have time to drop everything and spend a whole afternoon connecting with your child, so the list below is organized by the amount of time each idea might take. When you’re busy, pick from the 10 Minutes or Less section. When you can afford to hit the pause button on your never-ending to-do list for a bit longer, pick from the other sections.

But even if all you can manage is one quick item from this list, know that you will be giving your child the gift of feeling loved and lovable.

10 Minutes or Less: Quick But Powerful

When you’re busy and short on time, here are the best ways to show your child you love them.

1. Say “I love you,” but mix it up.

Your child loves hearing these three magic words from you. But if you’ve been saying “I love you” on autopilot, you can mix up the routine with 50 cute ways to say “I love you” to your child so they feel secure in your love.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Give them a hug that lasts.

Even older kids and teenagers need physical affection! Make sure the hug lasts six seconds or more so you nurture your bond with your child, and challenge yourself to be the last one to let go of the hug. Here’s why hugging your child like that is important.

If your child isn’t used to you dishing out impromptu hugs, try a high-five or fist bump instead and work up to hugs. Or If you want to surprise and delight your child at the same time, try a new kind of hug: 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. When they talk, get low.

If your child starts a conversation with you, stop what you’re doing and get down to eye level with them to show they’ve got your full attention. As parents, we’re often already busy when our kids approach us—loading the dishwasher, paying bills, checking email on your phone—so giving your child your full and undivided attention for a few moments is powerful.

Here’s a mental image that helps me: When my youngest comes up to get my attention, I imagine I’m hitting a pause button in my brain, then crouch down to his level so I’m looking him in the eye while he talks.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

4. Ask a meaningful question.

Forget “How was your day?” because it typically just leads to one-word answers or shrugs. Instead, ask one of these powerful questions for kids, and you’ll make your child feel known, heard, and understood.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Cuddle up with a book together.

Your child is never too young and never too old—read to them. Not only will they love it, reading to your child is one of the most powerful steps you can take to raise smart, kind kids.

Try reading at bedtime, while they eat breakfast or lunch, or as a way to connect when they get home from school. For older kids, you might take turns reading aloud from the same book, or try another one of these tips for reading aloud to older kids.

If you want to read a sweet book that makes your child feel loved, these children’s books about love would be the perfect fit. And if your child asks for one more story, say “yes” to show them you love spending time with them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Greet with your whole heart.

The first time you see your child in the morning, stop what you’re doing and give them a heartfelt “good morning” along with a hug, then ask them what their plans are for the day. Also, greet them with your full attention when they get home from school or you pick them up, or when you get home from work or running errands.

For every greeting, try to physically connect with your child as well, whether with a hug, a shoulder rub, or simply moving a strand of hair out of their face. Research shows that physical touch is important to a child’s wellbeing, even well beyond infancy. Warm, affectionate physical contact—like a hug, rubbing your child’s back, or holding hands—increases oxytocin, which is a hormone in the body that promotes bonding in a relationship and facilitates feelings of trust between humans. And when you connect with your child through positive physical touch, they’ll be less likely to experience depression as an adult.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Go beyond “I love you.”

Say one of these 75 positive phrases for kids to make your child feel loved. Bonus points if you get their attention by saying their name first and make eye contact while you say the phrase. (Don’t forget to grab your free printable of these phrases at the end of this article!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Apologize.

Modeling an appropriate apology teaches your child how to be a kind, thoughtful human. For example, if you lost your temper and raised your voice, tell your child you’re sorry and that you’ll try to do better next time.

Your apology shows your child you care about making things right, plus you’ll teach them one of the most basic lessons of life—how to take responsibility for your own behavior.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Warm their coat.

On cold mornings, put your child’s jacket in the clothes dryer for a few minutes to get it nice and toasty before they have to brave the cold. If your child walks to school in cold weather, you can also get hand warmers for them to keep in their pockets on the coldest days.

As an alternative, you can warm up their towel or pajamas in the dryer while they’re in the shower or bath.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Smother them in kisses.

Tell your child you’re the Kiss Monster (don’t forget to roar!) and deliver as many kisses as you can until you both collapse into giggles. You can kiss the top of their head, their shoulder, their elbows—anything to get them laughing. (Warning: If at any point your child says “stop” or “no,” honor their wishes so that you’re teaching them healthy lessons about body autonomy.)

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

11. Leave a surprise note.

You can put a slip of paper in your child’s school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror or their nightstand, a card in the toy box, and so on. If you’re not sure what to write: Tell a joke, write down what you admire about them, or just say “I love you.” For kids who aren’t reading yet, you can leave a drawing instead of a written note.

Or if you have a little extra time, try writing a poem about your child. My oldest daughter had a project in fourth grade where parents were encouraged to write a poem about their kids. I was nervous to write a poem since that’s not in my wheelhouse, but when I read the finished poem aloud to my daughter, she beamed.

As an alternative, if you have magnetic poetry^†, you can leave a sweet message on the fridge for your child to discover.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

12. Just smile.

As parents, we tend to feel overwhelmed and frazzled, and that often shows in our facial expressions. To show your child you love them, make eye contact and smile with your whole heart, letting your love for them shine through. No need to say anything—your warm smile will speak volumes!

A side note on the topic of lighting up when you see your child: When Toni Morrison made an appearance on Oprah to talk about her books, she just so happened to drop one of the most powerful pearls of parenting wisdom I’ve ever heard, which you can see in the clip below.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Ask their opinion.

Say, “I’d love to hear what you think about…” Then ask your child’s opinion on something that matters, like what to have for dinner that night, what to do on the weekend, which movie to watch together on family movie night, which restaurant to go to as a family, where to go on your next family vacation, and so on.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

14. Join in for snack time.

Instead of catching up on your to-do list while your child eats breakfast, lunch, or a snack, sit down for a few minutes just to be with them. Ask one of these powerful questions for kids, tell each other jokes, or read them a funny picture book.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15. Give a quiet kiss.

When your child is busy making art, reading a book, or building with LEGOs, stop to kiss them on the top of their head, then keep on going without interrupting them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Check in.

Stop what you’re doing, get on their level, and ask, “Tell me how you’re feeling.” Not only will you foster emotional intelligence by helping them to be aware of their own emotional state, you’ll show them you care.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Play with their hair.

Most kids enjoy the feeling of someone playing with their hair, so if your child enjoys that, it can be a sweet way to show you love them. You can brush their hair, braid it, or try out a new hairstyle. Or for short hair, you can ruffle the hair at the back of their neck or twirl bits of their hair.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Share a memory.

Surprise your child by reminiscing about a specific memory from when they were younger, the story of their birth or adoption, or any other special memory. You can start by saying, “You know what just popped in my head? When you were younger…”

As an alternative, you can share a funny, cute, or slightly embarrassing story from when you were a child.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Ask a funny question.

These funny questions for kids are so silly and off-the-wall, they lead to shared giggles and sometimes all-out guffaws. And that’s perfect when you want to make your child feel loved because research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

20. Brush off mistakes.

When your child makes a mistake like spilling something or breaking something, train yourself to react with an upbeat, “That’s okay! Accidents happen,” instead of, “You need to be more careful!” It’s a simple shift, but you’ll show your child that you love them, no matter what.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Give a different kind of kiss.

Ask your child if you can give them a kiss, but make it a special one:

• Butterfly kiss—Flutter your eyelashes against their cheek
• Bunny kiss—Touch your noses together and rub back and forth (some families call this a muzzle nuzzle, a gnome kiss, or an Ugga Mugga from Mister Rogers or Daniel Tiger)
• Kunik kiss—Try an authentic kunik kiss from the Inuit culture
• Cheek kiss—Press your cheeks together
• Quadruple kiss—Kiss your child’s nose, then each cheek, then their forehead
• Puppy kiss—Pretend to slurp their cheek
• Forehead kiss—Touch your foreheads together
• Blow a kiss—If they blow one back to you, pretend to catch it in your hand and deliver it to your heart
• Fish kiss—Suck your cheeks in to pucker up, then move your lips up and down like a fish underwater and kiss their cheek (Bonus points if you flap your hands at your cheeks like gills!)
• Monkey kiss—Puff your cheeks out, pull your ears to the side, and release a puff of air on their cheek

By the way, if you know of any other fun kinds of kisses to give your child, leave a comment at the end of this article, and I’ll add yours to this list!

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

22. Wake them gently.

If you wake up your child when it’s time to get up in the morning, instead of barging into their room and bellowing “Time to wake up!”, try sitting on the edge of their bed and rubbing their back until they wake up. Or if they tend to wake up before you, set your alarm early one morning, then climb into bed with them and cuddle until they wake up.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Show your appreciation.

Think of something helpful your child has done recently and say, “I appreciate when you…” Bonus tip: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

24. Invite them to sit in your lap.

Yes, even lanky teenagers! Older kids may giggle and act a little awkward about it at first, but they’ll also secretly love it. With younger kids, you can gently rock side to side while you cuddle.

If sitting in your lap doesn’t feel like the right fit, invite them to sit next to you instead by saying, “Hey, will you come sit with me for a bit?” Then you can put your arm around them so they can lean on you. Or alternatively, you can invite them to rest their head in your lap.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

25. Stop and play.

Sit down and just play with your child for a few minutes—no smartphones, no multitasking. Follow your child’s lead, whether that’s building with LEGOs, coloring in a coloring book, or pretending all their stuffed animals are forming a democratic government. Or if they’re between play activities, invite them to join you in a board game or card game.

Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick dose of connection: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

26. Make a food smiley face.

For example, if your child has oatmeal for breakfast, add banana slices for eyes, a raisin for the nose, and a semicircle of honey for the smile.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

27. Kick off a dance party.

Queue up your favorite playlist and have a family dance party. Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy family bonds and builds positive memories.

If you need some inspiration for your family dance party playlist, here are our favorite dance songs for kids with kid-friendly lyrics.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

28. Give a surprise massage.

Walk up and rub your child’s shoulders for a minute or two, or give them a few back scratches.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

29. Say “yes” to their next question.

Within reason, of course. Obviously, we can’t deliver on a pet unicorn! But when you make a conscious decision upfront to say “yes” to the next thing your child asks, you open your adult mind to fresh possibilities, and that’s good for you, too.

For example, the other night we were all getting ready to head out to dinner at a new restaurant, and I was running late. So of course, I decided to give myself a quick pedicure. One of my kids walked in just after I started and asked in a small voice, “Can you paint my toes too?” I started to say, “We don’t have…” but I caught myself and said “yes” instead. It took just a couple extra minutes, and I made her whole day.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

30. Play their favorite song.

Whatever your child’s favorite song happens to be at the moment, play it for them while you’re in the car together or just hanging out at home. Especially if their favorite song or artist isn’t your favorite (and even more so if your child knows that it isn’t your fave!), this is a sweet gesture to show you love them and want to put a smile on their face.

If you don’t know their favorite song, you can ask first: “Hey, what’s your favorite song right now?”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

31. Profess your love.

Think of something you love about your child, and tell them about it out of the blue. For example, if you’re in the car on the way to school or in the kitchen eating breakfast, you can say something like, “You know what I love about you?” Then be specific about what you love. The more specific, the better!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

32. Reach a hand out.

No matter if you’re sitting next to each other on the couch, at the dinner table, or just hanging out in the kitchen chatting, reach a hand towards your child to invite them to hold hands. You can give a quick squeeze and let go, or you can hold on as long as your child seems to be enjoying the physical connection.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

33. Put their work on display.

Pick out a recent piece of your child’s artwork or writing and display it somewhere prominent for others to see. You can pop it into a spare picture frame, or hang it on the wall with a pushpin. Alternatively, you can take a picture of it and make it your phone lock screen wallpaper.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

34. Embrace your early bird.

If your child wakes up extra early, make the most of that one-on-one time when the rest of your home is quiet. You can have coffee or tea together (for young kids, make your child’s coffee 95 percent milk with a splash of coffee, then warm it up in the microwave), read a book or two together, or watch the sunrise.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

35. Offer a piggyback.

A simple “Want a piggyback ride?” will put a smile on just about any kid’s face.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

36. Be like the Tooth Fairy.

On a random day without a dental loss incident, sneak into your child’s room while they’re asleep and leave a treat or surprise under their pillow, like a piece of candy, a sheet of stickers, or even just a cool rock you found. For my older kids and teens, I’ve left a Starbucks gift card that I wasn’t planning to use myself, a lottery ticket, or a new lip balm when I know they ran out.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

37. Let them know you see them.

Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and understood—even kids. To do that for your child, simply acknowledge their actions, choices, or effort on something, then share a few encouraging words.

For example, you could say, “You didn’t know how to draw a dog, then you came up with a plan to watch a video tutorial. You came up with that solution all on your own.” For more inspiration, here’s a list of the best 125 encouraging words for kids.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

38. Give them an epithet.

That word sounds kinda fancy, but it just means “a term you use to characterize a person or thing.” For example, one of my kids loves to stay in her pajamas all day on the weekends. So one day as I walked by her, I stopped, smiled, and said, “My pajama-loving child.” She beamed.

To show your child you see them and accept them for who they are, take one of their characteristics or something they enjoy and turn it into an epithet like I did with “pajama-loving.” Epithets could also include your child’s name, like “Sierra the Scrabble Whiz” or “Miles, Big Brother Extraordinaire.”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

39. Start a game of chase.

Or if chase isn’t feasible, go for another childhood classic game like hide-and-seek or duck duck goose. Pro tip: When playing hide-and-seek with a younger child, they’ll love it if you pretend their hiding place is so good you can’t find them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

40. Ask about big dreams.

As parents, we often have our own ideas about what we want our kids to achieve or work towards. To show your child their thoughts and feelings matter, ask them to share their hopes, dreams, and goals—and just listen. Here are a few questions to help get your child talking:

• What will you be doing in 10 years?
• If you could be the best in the world at something, what would it be?
• If you could start a company that made something, what would that be?
• What is one thing you want to learn how to do?
• How would you change the world if you could?
• What’s something you enjoy doing that you want to keep doing when you’re a grown-up?
• What do you think your life will be like in the future?
• Imagine us sitting together 1/3/5 years from now, when you’re xyz years old. What does your/our life look like?

Bonus: If your child expresses a dream that you can help set into motion—for example, if they want to be an artist or work with animals—brainstorm something small you can do to help them along that path. For aspiring artists, you could pick up some blank canvases and a new paint set. Or for kids who love animals, you might find a fun Outschool class about animal care or a colorful book from the library.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

41. Play a sweet song.

If you know of a song that makes you think of your child, queue it up, then say: “Hey listen to this, it makes me think of you.” If you don’t have a song like this yet, check out The Best 20 Love Songs for Kids: Approved by Parents and Kids.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

42. Tell a joke.

The cornier, the better! If you can’t think of any, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. (If you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!) My kids also enjoyed this full-color book of kids’ jokes from National Geographic.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

43. Let them hear you brag.

If your child did something helpful or kind recently, tell your partner or another adult about it while your child is in earshot.

Bonus tip in case you missed it earlier in this article: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

44. Ask them to guess how big your love is.

Say to your child, “Guess how much I love you!” and they might react a couple different ways:

• If they hold out their hands or arms to guess how much: For example, my preschooler throws his arms out wide and says “This much!” Then say, “Nope. I love you more!” and come up with a silly estimate of how much you love them, like “I love you all the way to the moon and back to our house” or “I love you more than peanut butter loves jelly!”
• If they say “I don’t know” or just smile: Jump straight to giving a silly estimate for how much you love them, like “I love you more than more than all the fish in the sea” or “I love you more than cupcakes love sprinkles!”

For extra inspiration, check out the “I love you more than…” item in 50 Meaningful + Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child.

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

45. Rough-house.

Yes, even with girls! Research shows this kind of play builds emotional intelligence and brings joy for kids. For example, you can have a “foot war” by sitting on opposite sides of the couch and putting your feet together, then pushing to see who can get the other person to bend their knees first.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

46. Let them prove you wrong.

If your child says something you’re not sure is right, instead of flat-out correcting them or telling them you think they’re wrong, say, “Huh. That’s the first I’ve heard that! I’d love to learn more. Wanna look it up online with me?” If it turns out they’re right after all, thank them for teaching you something new.

This happens all the time with animal facts in my family! One of my kids will pick up some interesting tidbit from a documentary or a book, share it at the dinner table, then we end up following a rabbit trail to learn more. As a side benefit, this has also helped my kids learn that you can’t just blindly trust one source of information.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

47. Embrace your silly side.

Do something off-the-wall silly to surprise your child. To really ham it up, you can first fix a stern look on your face and tell your child you need to talk to them. They might act a little worried, but that’s okay because it won’t last! Sit down on the couch facing them, then do something silly. A few examples for you:

• Bust out a can of Silly String and start spraying it—then hand them a can so they can join in. Or for a fun alternative, try squirt guns.
• Confess that you don’t have plans for dinner and the fridge is pretty empty, so you’re really, truly sorry, but you’ll have to have pancakes for dinner.
• Explain that you’re very concerned because you just realized your family doesn’t have a secret handshake yet, and that will not stand. Then invent one together.
• Announce that from this moment forward, it will officially be Backwards Day—if you can plan ahead, snag The Backward Day picture book from the library and start by reading it together. Or if Backwards Day is too much to keep up with, announce that tonight, you’ll have Backwards Dinner. Start with dessert, then the main course, then an appetizer like soup or salad. But just for fun, hold back some dessert to have at the end! You can also do Backwards Dinner as an outing, where you pick up something small for dessert at one place (like a candy bar from a gas station or an ice cream cone from an ice cream shop), then drive to another place for the main course (like fast food or pizza), and so on.
• Tell your child you had a bad day at work and you really want to build a fort to hide in and eat ice cream, but you have no idea where to start on building. They’ll jump at the chance to help! Especially if it means everyone gets ice cream at the end. (Side note: My kids love this build-a-fort kit. My 10-year-old told me, “This is the best present you’ve ever gotten us!”)

The sillier you are, the more your child will love it. Even teenagers! They might smirk or roll their eyes in the moment, but you’re demonstrating that it’s okay to be silly and childlike, even when you’re a grown-up.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

48. Draw a bath.

Make your child feel special by starting a bubble bath for them just because. Baths can help kids calm down from a stressful day, just the same as adults.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

49. Sing to them.

You can be silly and make up a nonsensical song about what you love about your child, then ham it up as you belt it out. I’ve found the “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” tune works well, like “Charlie Charlie, I love you. You’re an expert on the zoo.” As another example, I sometimes sing the Scooby Doo song but with my child’s name. So instead of “Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now,” I sing “Bailey Bailey Boo, where are you…” and get silly from there.

Or for a sweeter moment like when you’re cuddling before bedtime, you can quietly sing a favorite lullaby from when they were younger.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

50. Be a drill sergeant.

This is silly, but kids eat. it. up.

1. Using your best drill sergeant voice, call out “Private, fall in! Line up for your inspection!”
2. If this is your first time doing this, your kid will be puzzled at first, but if they’re slow to move, stay in character: “You heard me! This is a surprise inspection, so line up!”
3. When your child is finally standing in front of you, they might be giggling, so you can ham it up: “Get it together, private!”
4. Then comes the fun part: “Now, present your dimples for immediate inspection!” If your child doesn’t have dimples, replace that with anything special about them, like your funny bone, kind heart, big sister face, button nose, Bambi eyes, strong arms, and so on.
5. Put one of your eyes up close to whatever you’re “inspecting” and take your time studying it.
6. Eventually, stand up straight and narrow your eyes and proclaim the results: “You passed inspection for now, but let this be a lesson to you. If there are any shenanigans next time, you’ll have to drop and give me 20!”

If the idea of pretending to be a drill sergeant for 10 minutes doesn’t float your boat, that’s okay! Instead, you could pretend to be a head cheerleader judging auditions for their squad, a pirate interviewing new crew mates, or Dr. Bravestone from Jumanji evaluating his team members. (Don’t forget to smolder!)

• Ages: Preschooler to elementary

51. Bring them fuel.

If your child or teen is studying for a test or has a bunch of homework they’re stressed about, make them a special snack and deliver it to them so they feel cared for while they work. This also works well even if they’re wrapped up in something that’s not stressful, like if they’re in the zone creating art or immersed in a good book.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

52. Slow down at bedtime.

Too often as parents, we end up rushing through the bedtime routine because we’re exhausted and ready to collapse on the couch for some adult time. Show your child you love them (even when you’re tired) by turning out the lights and snuggling with them in bed for a few minutes. Here are a few ideas for simple bedtime rituals that will make your child feel loved:

• Chat about their favorite part of their day (and yours)
• Ask them to tell you a bedtime story
• Rub their back, massage their head, or scratch their back
• Draw letters or shapes on their back for them to guess
• Ask them what they think they’ll dream about
• Tell a story from their childhood (or yours)
• Just be quiet and relax together
• Before you turn out the lights: Read a bedtime story that will help them calm down

As a bonus, research shows that parental warmth can also help your child sleep better, from toddlers to teens—and some evidence points to parental affection and warmth at bedtime helping kids sleep longer.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15 Minutes to an Hour

If you find yourself with a small pocket of time, these simple actions will demonstrate your unconditional love for your child.

1. Go outside.

You can go on a quick walk, play catch, or hop on your bikes for a ride around the block. Without the distractions of daily life at home, your child may open up and share their heart with you while you’re on the move.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Reminisce together.

Invite your child to sit on the couch with you and look through family photo albums, even if it’s just the albums on your phone. Whether you look at their baby pictures or pictures from when you were a child, kids love a trip down memory lane. For bonus points, throw in a few childhood stories.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Leave a smidge early.

On a regular weekday, wake up a little earlier and get ready as fast as you can to give you 15 minutes of bonus quality time with your child. For example, if you drive your child to school, you can leave 15 minutes earlier and stop by a playground to swing together (but first set a timer for when it’s time to go so it doesn’t turn into a power struggle!).

Or if you homeschool, you can head out together for a leisurely 15-minute walk around the neighborhood before you come back to get started on school for the day. Follow your child’s lead and go along for the ride while they stop to inspect bugs, collect rocks, or pick flowers.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Trade a journal.

Get a shared journal designed for kids and parents, then write back and forth to each other. When you’re done with your turn, leave the journal on your child’s pillow. That’s their cue to fill it out and leave it on your pillow next. I’ve done this with my three oldest kids, and I can’t wait until my youngest is old enough for it. Sharing a journal with my children has deepened our relationships, and it made my children feel special and worthy of my time and attention, which is always in limited supply.

From a mother to a child, this mother-daughter journal or this journal for mothers and sons will give you a magical way to get your child to open up about what’s going on so you can stay connected. From dads to kids, check out this father-daughter journal or this journal for dads and sons. For more journal ideas, check out 10 Best Journals for Kids to Boost Their Emotional Intelligence.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

5. Share a late-night snack.

If your child is having trouble sleeping and keeps getting out of bed, sidestep the power struggle and make them a late-night snack instead. The snack doesn’t have to be groundbreaking—just make toast with butter, a bowl of cereal, or a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. No matter what you make, fixing a snack and sitting with your child while they eat will make them feel cared for.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Celebrate their accomplishments.

After they finish a stressful test or project for school (even if they didn’t get an A!), do something small to celebrate it being done and over with. Likewise if they achieve something they’re proud of, help them celebrate it. You can go out for ice cream, stop at a gas station for their favorite candy bar, or let them pick dinner.

And don’t forget to verbally acknowledge their accomplishments, too. For inspiration, head to 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

7. Make art together.

Invite your child to sit down with you and get creative. You can color in a coloring book, make a collage using old magazines, or watch how-to-draw videos and follow along together. Not only is creating art important for your child’s development, but it’s also been shown to impact health by reducing stress and anxiety, increasing positive emotions, and reducing the likelihood of depression.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Get back in bed.

One morning, instead of getting sucked into the hustle and bustle of your morning routine, invite your child to join you in your bed to eat breakfast in bed, drink a cup of hot chocolate, or read a couple picture books. Your routine will still be there after you slow down for a few minutes.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Ask for help.

When you ask your child to help you with something, they feel important and valued. Even so, it helps to be careful with your tone so it feels like you’re asking for special one-on-one time and not nagging them to do a chore! For example, you can ask for help with planning out dinners for the week, fixing something around the house, checking your math while paying bills, getting dinner started, making a bucket list of family vacations you want to take, and so on.

Case in point: A few evenings ago, my 8-year-old walked up while I was sorting mail, then pointed to a bill and asked what it was. I said, “It’s a bill…wanna pay it for me?” She lit up. For the next 20 minutes, she was on my laptop paying three bills, while I talked her through the steps. Not only did she feel valued, but she picked up a new life skill, too!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Co-view something they love.

If your child has a favorite television show or movie, join them on the couch and watch it together. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together—known as “co-viewing”—you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Give them a coupon.

Get my printable coupon book for kids and present it to your child. Every coupon is like an I.O.U. for a fun experience that your child can cash in on later. Your child will love calling the shots, and you’ll get to go along for the fun ride too. As an alternative, you can print out one specific coupon and give that to your child.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

12. Bake something.

Work together to make a special treat like muffins or cookies, and your child will get a double whammy of your love: the time you spend together in the kitchen plus the delicious manifestation of that time well spent. (My trusted source for the yummiest recipes is Smitten Kitchen.)

Even if baking isn’t your bag, you can make a special treat like these next-level Rice Krispie treats or whip up a batch of homemade ice cream.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Send snail mail.

Kids love when they get something in the mail that’s addressed to them! Write a letter or make a card for your child, then add a stamp and drop it in a mailbox.

If you’re not sure what to write, tell them something you love or appreciate about them, or you can say something simple like: “I love you and wanted you to know I was thinking of you.” When your child gets that surprise in the mail, they’ll feel special and loved.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

14. Give them a ride.

If your child takes the bus to school, pick a day to surprise them by driving them to school instead. Or if the school is within walkable distance, walk together and chat along the way.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

15. Game with them.

If your child enjoys playing video games, join them in a game sometime. While I was researching this article, so many adults called this out as a time they felt like their parents cared about them—when they took the time to join in on a favorite video game, just because their child loved it.

Ask your child to teach you how to play their favorite game, then while you play, make conversation about what they love about the game. Bonus: Odds are if you’re not a gamer yourself, you’ll stink at the game at first, and your child will be tickled to be better at something than you are, for once.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

16. Eat on the floor.

Instead of eating dinner at the table like normal, set up an indoor picnic on your living room floor. All you need is a big blanket! To make this even more special, turn on a family-friendly movie to watch while you eat.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

17. Nurture their independence.

When you trust your child with a grown-up task, they feel loved. For example, you can ask your child to walk to the mailbox and grab the mail, use cash to pay for something at a store (my kids love to swipe the credit card too!), or deliver something to your neighbor like a package mistakenly delivered to you or a plate of cookies to share.

Another idea my kids have adored: When you’re running errands, ask them to be the navigator—hand your phone over to them so they can use the maps app and tell you where to go next.

For older kids and teens, you could ask them to walk to the neighborhood store and pick up something you need, or if you don’t have a store within walking distance, they can run inside while you wait in the car. When teens start learning how to drive, you can ask them to start the car on cold mornings, back the car out of the driveway, or pull the car around if it’s parked far away.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

18. Hand your time over.

Say, “It just so happens I have 30 minutes free right now, and I’d love to spend it with you. And you get to decide: What do you want to do?” Kids rarely get to be in charge of what happens next, so they love this simple role-swap.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Check out a book.

Find a book at the library that your child might enjoy, then check it out and leave it for them to discover in their room along with a simple note like, “I saw this and thought you might like it!”

For example, if you have a young child who loves dinosaurs, check out a book about dinosaurs with colorful pictures. Or if your child has been enjoying graphic novels, find one with great reviews and check it out as a surprise for them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Pile into bed.

Pick any time of day and climb into your bed and cuddle together for a few minutes. My favorite time to do this is after school as a sort of reset button after the stresses of the day. You may be surprised at what your child opens up about after a few minutes of shared quiet!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Let them choose dessert.

When you’re at the grocery store together, give your child an “allowance” of a certain amount of money to pick out whatever treat they want to bring home for the family to share after dinner. Don’t try to influence what they pick—let them enjoy the experience of having complete autotomy over this low-stakes decision.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

22. Give them flowers.

Pick a few wildflowers or buy a small bouquet, then give them to your child to keep in their room.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Fold their laundry.

If your child usually folds their own laundry, folding it for them can be a sweet gesture once in a while, especially if they’re going through a particularly busy or stressful stretch with school.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

24. Go exploring.

Hop in the car together and let your child tell you which direction to go next. Every time you stop at an intersection, prompt them to pick which way to go: left, right, or straight. If you end up somewhere you’ve never been before that looks fun, get out and explore. You might even discover a favorite new spot, like a scenic hiking trail, a yummy lunch spot, or some cute shops to browse.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

25. Share what you know.

Say to your child, “Have I ever told you about my secret for xyz?” where xyz is some hack or trick you know.

For example, if you have a particular way you like to fold towels or load the dishwasher, pass that along to your child. (Pro tip: Adopt a playful tone so it doesn’t feel like nagging them about chores!) Or if you have a go-to trick for amazing chocolate chip cookies or the best spaghetti sauce, let your child in on the secret. Whatever you’re the best at, teach them that.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

26. Treat them after school.

If your child has a favorite after-school snack or a favorite treat, surprise them with it when you pick them up from school or when they get home. After a long day at school, a special treat they weren’t expecting will let them know you care.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

27. Bend the rules.

Eat pancakes for dinner (with sprinkles on top!), have a day where everyone stays in their pajamas all day, or let your child stay up a little bit later than normal and play a board game or card game together. If you need ideas for quick games, here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. (The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick round before bedtime: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

An Hour or More

If you can afford to carve out an hour or more, these powerful gestures will delight your child and make them feel loved.

1. Surprise them at school.

Pick a random school day and meet your child for lunch. Bring their favorite meal, even if it’s fast food. Or for a smaller treat, bring a cookie, a piece of chocolate, or another surprise dessert.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

2. Bring them to work.

Pick a day when your child doesn’t have anything important going on at school, or pick a day that’s a school holiday. Then bring them to work and show them what you do every day.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Make their favorite meal.

This works especially well when their favorite meal is something that’s not in your regular rotation. For example, one of my kids loves having crêpes for dinner, but we don’t do that very often. So when I want to make her feel loved and special, it’s an easy win!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Invite them along.

When you run errands, you might be in the habit of leaving your child at home with another caretaker (or alone if they’re old enough) so you can get through your list faster. Instead, pick a day to invite your child to join you on your errands. Sure, your errands might take a bit longer, but the time together will give you lots of opportunities for meaningful conversations with your child. (If you’re not sure what to ask, try one of these tried-and-true conversation starters for kids.)

To make this experience extra-special, add a stop for a treat from your favorite coffee shop (my kids love the cake pops from Starbucks!) or any place where they can pick out a piece of candy to enjoy during your errand time.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Hide your phone.

Pick a morning or afternoon when you’ll be with your child and put your phone in a drawer so you can focus on connecting and being in the moment together. Research shows that parents frequently spending time with a child without being on their mobile device has a positive impact on the child’s emotional intelligence.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Schedule a Do Nothing Day.

Pick a weekend day and forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run, throw your to-do list out the window, and schedule absolutely nothing. Tell your child you have nothing you have to do, so you can do whatever you want all day, then ask them what they want to do.

On your Do Nothing Day, you could bust out a jigsaw puzzle to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some parents use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do together.

Whatever you decide to do, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Grow your brains together.

Think of something your child has expressed interest in, like geocaching, photography, a musical instrument, and so on. Then make a plan to learn about it together. You can take a virtual class on Outschool, find an in-person class, or just binge a bunch of Youtube videos.

You’ll show your child that you pay attention when they tell you about something they’re interested in, plus the shared experience of learning together will make you feel closer.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

8. Let them pick a spot.

Tell your child you need to run errands and get them in the car ready to go. But when it’s time to hit the road, say, “You know what? I don’t feel like running errands today. Is there anywhere you’d like to go instead?”

Whether they want to go to the park or the ice cream shop, follow their lead, and they’ll be delighted that you’re listening to how they want to spend their time with you. (And if you do need to run errands, you can still do that afterward!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Forage for dinner.

Tell your child you don’t have anything figured out for dinner, so you’ll need to forage for something. Look through the pantry, fridge, and freezer with your child, and cobble together a meal of whatever looks good.

Oatmeal, yogurt, and raspberries? Sure! Pringles, pepperoni, and peanuts for dinner? Why not? Toast, hummus, and baby carrots? Go for it!

Anything goes, so instead of saying “no” to what your child picks out, try saying “yes, and…” to round out their meal. For example, if they say, “Can I have Pop Tarts?” you can say, “Yes! And since that will cover your carbs, how about something with protein like a handful of almonds?” Also, you don’t both have to eat the same thing, so if what they pick out doesn’t sound great to you, you can pick something else out for yourself.

If you enjoy foraging, you can turn Forage Night into a weekly family tradition, which will save you one night of figuring out what to make for dinner!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Give a clean slate.

Many kids feel overwhelmed by a messy room and aren’t sure where to start tidying up. If that describes your child, consider cleaning their room for them as a special gesture of your love. If you don’t like the idea of doing it for them, block off a couple hours and tackle it together so your child doesn’t have to struggle through it alone.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Ask them out on a date.

Set aside time just for the two of you to do something special. For example, you can head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink—coffee for you, hot chocolate or juice for your child.

For one-on-one date ideas, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond. If you have more than one child and you want to make this a routine, you can alternate weeks or pick one day a month to reserve for each child’s one-on-one date.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Throw a party, just because.

You could throw an “It’s Friday” party, a “Rainy Day” party, or even a “We Had a Fight But We Still Love Each Other” party. But remember: A party without cake is just a meeting. (By the way, this Mom’s Apple Cake recipe might just be my favorite cake of all time.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Show up.

Make a plan to attend your child’s concerts, ball games, dance recitals, and science fairs. Whatever their hobbies or interests are, be there.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

14. Give them a day off.

Let your child take a mental health day off school, and you’ll send the message that they’re loved and important. The day off can help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress because studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress. In fact, rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it.

Pro tip: Before doing this, make sure your child doesn’t have any big tests, quizzes, or projects due that day. And if you can’t afford a full day, you can pick your child up an hour or two early from school and go do something fun from this list.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

15. Sneak out for breakfast.

At night, tell your child you’ll wake them up early and just the two of you will go out to breakfast before anyone else in the family is awake. They might be so excited they decide to sleep in their clothes! You’ll bond over tiptoeing and acting like a secret agent as you sneak out. You can pick up something like breakfast tacos or donuts, or go to a sit-down breakfast joint.

If you have a partner and/or other kids at home, don’t forget to bring something back to share with them!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Follow their interests.

If your child mentions that they’re interested in trying archery, set up a lesson to surprise them. If they love bunnies, take them to a bunny rescue shelter to pet the bunnies. If they seem intrigued by ballet, find an intro to ballet Youtube video to do together.

Whatever their current interest is, encourage them to explore it in a low-stakes way. They’ll feel like you care about their happiness, plus you’ll help them discover their true passions.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Host a sleepover.

But instead of hosting your child’s friends for a sleepover, invite your child to bring a sleeping bag and sleep in your room for the night, or vice versa. Then do everything you’d do on a typical sleepover—eat yummy snacks, watch a fun movie, and stay up late talking in the dark.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Set up a friend date.

Invite one of your child’s friends over to hang out for an afternoon, or offer to take them somewhere fun like a playground or a movie. Warning: For older kids and teens, make sure to get your child’s buy-in on this first so you don’t unintentionally step into in-progress friend drama!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Let them pick dinner.

Ask, “If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?” Then make it happen. If you need ingredients, head to the grocery store together and pick them out. If your child isn’t sure what they want for dinner, sit down with a cookbook or two and browse until you find something they’re interested in.

For a fun twist on this, you can ask them what they want for dessert tonight—banana splits, root beer floats, brownies fresh from the oven with ice cream on top, or anything else.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Start something new.

Invite your child to help you start a new family tradition together. You can browse through this list of the best family traditions to nurture your family bond, then let them pick one that sounds fun to try out. When your child is grown, the traditions you create now are likely to become some of their favorite memories.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

21. Cancel something.

You know that feeling when a meeting gets rescheduled or an appointment gets moved, and you get the gift of reclaimed free time? Give that same gift to your child.

If they have an appointment or other scheduled activity that they don’t seem jazzed about, move it as a surprise, then encourage them to use that time however they’d like to.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

22. Declare a yes day.

Announce to your child that today is their yes day, then all day long, say “yes” when you’d usually say “no.” Can I have a piece of chocolate? Yes! Can we play a game? Yes! Can you teach me how to drive? Uhh…yes?

You don’t have to go to the extremes the parents in the movie Yes Day did, but a “yes day” can be a powerful way to show your child you love them. In fact, one of my kids once told me she didn’t care if she got any physical presents on her birthday. All she wanted was a yes day!

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

The Best Times to Show Your Child You Love Them

Let’s say you got your set of Family Connection Cards, and you set them up on your nightstand or bathroom counter as a visual cue. Awesome!

But…now what? You now have a handy collection of meaningful gestures of your unconditional love for your child, but when do you do them?

Here are a few ideas for how to work these loving gestures into your days:

• Surprise your child by saying their name out of the blue, then say a phrase from this list—even better if you bend down and get on their eye level first
• Pick a different activity to do at bedtime every night while tucking your child in
• If you’ve had a moment of disconnection like a disagreement or power struggle, reconnect by showing your child you love them with one of these gestures
• Start the day off well every morning with a different way of showing your love for your child
• When you notice your child seems sad or upset, pick something from this list
• If you notice your child struggling with something like homework or learning something new, try one of these gestures to give them a jolt of love and encouragement

Plus, here’s a bonus idea I love: Pick a week or a month and have your own personal “Love Challenge.” During a Love Challenge, you pick one new-to-you idea from this list every day and do it. You’ll surprise your child with fresh new expressions of your unconditional love, plus you’ll get to try out different ways to show your love and see what feels most meaningful to you and your child.

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids

Use this cheat sheet of positive phrases to show your child how much you love them.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What’s your best advice for how to show your child you love them? Share in a comment below!

The post 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As a parent, you’re responsible for getting everyone where they need to go, from school to extracurricular activities to doctor’s appointments and more.

You have to figure out healthy-ish food that will nourish your child’s growing body and mind, three times a day. Not to mention you’re also overseeing paying the bills on time, doing endless laundry, and keeping your home from looking like a tornado attacked a LEGO factory.

And in between all that, you want to nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond. Building a strong bond takes time, so you know you can’t treat it like cramming for a big test the night before.

The time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now, but how exactly are you supposed to fit that in on top of everything else?

Here’s the Solution

In as little as 10 minutes a day, you can connect with your child in a powerful way and build a stronger relationship that will stand the test of time. Because research shows that the quality of time you spend with your child is way more important than the quantity of time you spend.

The secret? Family bonding activities.

To be clear, I’m not talking about planning pricey day-long excursions or tackling elaborate craft projects that call for 42 random supplies you don’t have.

Because the best family bonding activities can be done in between your normal everyday routine—or even while you’re doing something that needs to be done anyway. That way, you’re nurturing a loving relationship with your child without adding anything to your overflowing to-do list.

Why a Strong Family Bond Is So Important

You might have already noticed that when your child feels connected and loved, they tend to cooperate more and engage in fewer power struggles.

But even beyond greasing the wheels of daily parenting struggles, research shows that investing in a strong family bond now will pay off for years to come. Here’s how:

• Kids thrive – Children in families with a strong family bond are much more likely to flourish, which includes feeling a sense of purpose in life, enjoying positive relationships with others, experiencing self-acceptance, possessing an ability for personal growth, and more.
• Kids grow into happy adults – Research shows that nurturing a loving bond with your child shapes your child’s happiness for life and results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavioral problems.
• Kids can handle stress better – Parental warmth and strong family bonds act as a buffer for kids to protect them from the negative effects of stress.
• Kids and adults are healthier – Stronger family relationships predict positive health outcomes for both kids and adults. Not only that, when you have a strong family bond, you tend to live longer.

Sounds great, right?

But when you’re an exhausted parent who’s barely keeping up with doing the laundry, helping out with math homework, and getting dinner on the table, you don’t have a lot of extra time to sit around and brainstorm meaningful activities that will make your family feel even closer.

So I decided to put a master list together for all the tired parents of the world, myself included.

The Best 60 Family Bonding Activities That Will Nurture a Loving Bond

Below, you’ll find a list of the best bonding activities for families to bring you and your child closer together.

To put together this list, I read every list of family bonding activities I could get my hands on in books and online, talked to friends and neighbors to hear about their favorite family activities, and surveyed the more than 100,000 readers in this community—then I compiled all the most-loved ideas into one epic list.

But First, a Warning

This list has a wide variety of ideas so that different families can find ideas that will work for them. But you don’t need to do everything in this list! That would be impossible, not to mention you’d be so overwhelmed you’d likely end up choosing nothing.

Instead, keep an eye out for one or two family bonding activities you’d like to try, and make a plan to do them this week. Add them to your calendar or put a reminder in your phone if you need to.

Pro tip: When you try a new family bonding activity, consider giving it a fun or playful name. Some studies suggest that when you label a concept or object, you change how people perceive it, and that framing can influence their preferences and behavior.

Using a short, playful name also helps you quickly communicate what the family bonding activity involves and can conjure up memories of previous experiences with it, giving you and your family warm fuzzies and getting everyone excited to do it again. For example, compare “Let’s all sit on the couch together while I read aloud from this chapter book” to “Family Read-Aloud Time.” Because giving your family activity an official name can elevate its value in these ways, below you’ll find some suggestions for naming each activity. Feel free to use any of those activity names that speak to you, or brainstorm a new name with your family to make it your own.

Everyday Family Bonding Activities

One of the best ways to nurture a strong family bond is by finding ways to connect during regular everyday routines. Because when you do that, you can elevate an ordinary ho-hum routine into a fun family tradition that will delight your kids every day.

Below, you’ll find the family activities that work best when you integrate them into your daily routines for a quick dose of connection.

Related: Be a Close-Knit Family: The Best 35 Family Tradition Examples

1. Pile into bed (but not at bedtime)

After you factor in time for homework, dinner prep and clean-up, and the kids’ bedtime routine plus everything in between, weekday evenings can feel rushed and chaotic. To strengthen your family’s bond after spending the day apart and keep the evening routine free of disconnection-induced speed bumps, start a tradition of stopping to snuggle and connect.

• Make it official: Popular names for this tradition are “Family Cuddle Time” and “Cozy up in Bed Time.”
• How to do it: When you get home on weekdays, call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and encourage everyone to run into your bedroom and pile into the bed. Something about the tight quarters of adults and kids all squished into one bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place. The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for. For the full details on how this family bonding activity works, head over to The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile.

2. Talk while you eat

If you’re not already sharing one meal a day as a family, this is one of the best family bonding activities to start. Research shows that children who regularly eat meals together with their family are more likely to experience long-term physical and mental health benefits, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: A simple “Family Dinner” or “Family Breakfast” gets the point across!
• How to do it: Make a habit of slowing down and coming together as a family for at least one meal a day, whether that’s a quick breakfast shared while standing at the kitchen counter or a sit-down meal at the dinner table.
• Variations: To boost the feelings of love and connection during your shared meals, ask one fun question at every family meal from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. The set includes 150 questions, which gives you enough questions for five months of family dinners. When you ask great questions like that, not only will you be teaching your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to them, what has them worried, what they’re excited about.

3. Pick a card, any card

Here’s the problem with reading an article like this: After you close your browser tab, the daily grind of parenting will suck you back in, and you’re likely to forget all these fun family bonding activities. To make family bonding a priority even after this post has faded from your memory, pick up our set of Family Connection Cards here.

I created these Family Connection Cards based on the science of what actually works when you want to bond as a family. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting. And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

• Make it official: In our family, we call this habit our “Fresh Start,” and we do it before the morning routine starts to get hectic so that we start the day off with our tanks of love full to brimming. One family told me they call this their “Come Together Time,” and they kick it off by playing the Beatles song Come Together. Other options include “Connection Time” or “10-Minute Together Time.”
• How to do it: Set aside 10 minutes in your daily routine. If you don’t have 10 minutes, five minutes can work. And if you can’t find five minutes, you can combine this with something else, like while your child eats breakfast. Have your child pick one of our Family Connection Cards, or you can pick one at random, then do what the card says to do. Because the Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you want to connect with your child, afterward you’ll both feel loved and connected.

4. Get lost together

Reading aloud to your child every day is a powerful family bonding activity because research shows daily read-aloud time grows your child’s brain (literally), increases your child’s capacity for empathy, and even improves their behavior. And no one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: Some families call this “Read-Aloud Time” or “Family Bookish Time.”
• How to do it: Pick a time of day when you can read aloud to your child for 10 minutes, like while they eat breakfast, while they’re in the bath, after everyone is in jammies and ready for bed, or when they’re tucked into bed and ready for lights out. For older kids, you can take turns reading aloud from the same book, or you can read a snippet from an interesting magazine or newspaper article. If you need a great book to read aloud, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: If you’re having trouble finding time to read aloud, turn on an audiobook when you’re driving back and forth to school or running errands, then listen together. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible^†, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Related: This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier

5. Walk it off

In busy family life, it can be difficult to make time for getting enough physical exercise. And yet, exercise is not only good for your child’s physical health, but research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Plus, kids who move their bodies every day experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes. To increase your child’s physical activity level (and yours!) so that you get all those benefits, start a family habit of taking a quick walk after dinner.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this bonding activity as simply their “Family Walk” or “After-Dinner Walk.”
• How to do it: After dinner, head out for 10 or 15 minutes and walk around your neighborhood. You can talk about your day, make it an informal scavenger hunt and count how many dogs or birds you see, or mix it up by hopping on your bikes for a ride around the block. If it’s already dark out, bring flashlights for an extra dose of fun.
• Variations: As an alternative, if you live in an area that isn’t walkable, you can queue up a yoga video and wind down together while you move through a few yoga poses. Our favorite family yoga video is this fun 17-minute practice:

6. Pitch in as a team

Most people don’t particularly want to spend their free time on household chores, and kids are no exception. But when you tackle chores together as a family, the work gets done faster so you have more time for other fun activities. Plus, research shows that sharing responsibilities as a family makes your family stronger. Not only that, kids who do chores at home tend to be more helpful to others, do better academically, and experience higher life satisfaction.

• Make it official: Say it’s time for your “10-Minute Tidy” or try a call-and-response approach, which my preschooler loves. When I say, “Teamwork makes the…”, he calls back, “…dream work!”
• How to do it: Take 10 to 15 minutes every afternoon or evening and pitch in to get something done together, such as loading or emptying the dishwasher, folding or putting away laundry, tidying up toys and clutter, dusting and vacuuming, and so on. To keep this activity light and fun, queue up a favorite playlist, like our family dance party playlist, and set a timer for 15 minutes. When the timer goes off, everyone stops and celebrates a job well done, such as by enjoying a piece of chocolate or some fresh fruit, playing a quick family-friendly board game or card game, watching funny animal videos, making hot chocolate, or reading a book together.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Weekly or Monthly Activities

Some of the best activities for family bonding require a little more time and planning than a daily routine. But when you make them into a weekly ritual, you give your kids something to look forward to and make the activity even more special. With that said, if you like an idea in this section but weekly feels too frequent to keep up with, many families use a monthly rhythm for these bonding activities, and that works well too.

1. Go head-to-head

Set aside one weekend afternoon or evening (or both!) every week for a family game night. Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to bond as a family. Plus, many family games are educational so your child will be strengthening skills like reading, math, and spatial intelligence without even realizing it because they’re having so much fun.

• Make it official: “Game Night” or “Family Game Night” were the most popular names families gave this bonding activity.
• How to do it: Let your child pick out a game they want to play, prepare a special snack like popcorn or one of these family game night snacks, and have fun playing together! If you find yourself cringing at the games in your closet (I’m looking at you, Candyland), I’ve gotcha covered. My family runs a small game shop, and we stock only the best family games loved by kids and parents. Here are our picks for the best family game night games. Two of our most popular games include Sleeping Queens – a quick and fun card game you can play with a wide range of ages – and My First Carcassonne – a game of strategy that’s fantastic for growing spatial intelligence and also fun for adults.

Black Friday’s back: Get 30% off all games with the code HAPPY30. Plus, free shipping for orders $49+.

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

2. Get free books

Set aside one day a week where your family heads to your local library so everyone can pick out a book (or twenty) to check out and take home. When you model regular library use and turn it into a fun family event, you’ll help foster your child’s appreciation for books and set them on the path to becoming a lifelong reader. Research shows that when kids grow up in a home full of books, that gives them a major boost in literacy (and numeracy!) that lasts into the adult years.

• Make it official: If you go the same day every week, you can name your special event by the day, like “Library Thursdays.” Or if the day changes, you can call it “Library Haul Day” or “Free Books Day.”
• How to do it: When you get to the library, let your child pick out whatever they want, even if it’s a Barbie early reader that makes you cringe. If you criticize your child’s choice in books, they could internalize that and become less interested in picking out books, which can dampen their excitement about reading in general. This is a lesson I learned the hard way with my oldest child. After I realized my mistake, I stepped back and encouraged her choices to rebuild her confidence. She’s now a major bookworm, but it took some time to undo the damage of my “helping.”
• Variations: Go through your owned books to decide whether you have any you’re ready to send to a new home. Then find a Little Free Library in your area, add your books, and pick out a few new-to-you books to take home with you.

3. Spin some tunes

Kick off the weekend with a family dance party every Friday afternoon. Research shows that listening to music together strengthens your bond and builds positive memories. Plus, studies show that young children especially get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat, and that goes for adults too.

• Make it official: If you decide on a standard day for your dance party every week, you can name it with the day, like “Friday Dance Party.” Otherwise, “Family Dance Party” will do the trick!
• How to do it: When everyone gets home on Friday, queue up a few of your family’s favorite upbeat songs. If you have a young child, scoop them up and start dancing. For older kids, challenge them to show off their best (or silliest) dance moves. Show your kids the dance moves that were popular when you were a kid, and ask them to teach you the dance moves popular now. (My teenager trying to teach me to floss always results in giggles for the whole family!) If you need some ideas for your family dance party playlist, check out our playlist of the best kids’ dance songs with clean lyrics.

4. Cozy up on the couch

Many families told me their favorite family bonding activity is movie night every Friday or Saturday night. As long as you accommodate younger kids when picking which movies to watch together, movies create a fun shared experience for the whole family. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together – known as “co-viewing” – you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Make it official: You can’t go wrong with just a simple “Movie Night” or “Family Movie Night”!
• How to do it: Take turns every week picking which movie to watch and cozy up on the couch together for a shared experience. To make this bonding experience extra special, add in a fun treat. You can watch new releases, share your childhood favorites, or rewatch one of your family’s all-time faves – the ones you have memorized. To help your child get the most out of the experience of co-viewing a movie, try pointing out interesting details, commenting on similarities between what you’re watching and something in your child’s own life, and pausing the movie after a complicated or potentially confusing scene to talk about what just happened.
• Variations: When the weather warms up, turn your weekly movie night into a backyard movie night. All you need is a projector and a white sheet or a screen to project on, plus blankets to spread in the grass or outdoor chairs. Bonus points if you roast marshmallows over a backyard fire pit. By the way, this is the outdoor projector I got for my husband one year for Father’s Day, and we use it every week during the summer for our Backyard Movie Nights!

5. Celebrate the full moon

Every night of a full moon, get the whole family outside for a nighttime walk to experience the magic of the night. When you cultivate these moments of awe and wonder for your child, it benefits their physical, mental, and emotional well-being, plus it makes them kinder and more generous.

• Make it official: Many families call these walks “Full Moon Walks.”
• How to do it: You can automatically add the phases of the moon to your Google Calendar. Then on those evenings, plan for a quick dinner so you can head out for a Full Moon Walk afterwards. Listen for the sounds of nighttime, and point out any wildlife or plants you happen to notice.

6. Move dinner outside

Sharing a daily meal can be a powerful family bonding activity, but depending on your work schedule and your child’s extracurricular activities, having a meal together every day may not be feasible. In that situation, you can set aside one day every weekend to pack a picnic to enjoy as a family, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Not only will your whole family get a healthy dose of fresh air, you’ll also foster the long-term physical and mental health benefits for children who regularly eat meals together with their family, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: The most common name for this bonding activity is just “Family Picnic,” but I also heard from one family that called this their “Eat Outside Day.”
• How to do it: Grab a blanket that can fit everyone – this is my family’s favorite picnic blanket because nothing soaks through, and it’s easy to clean off – and pack a meal to share. For a special treat, pack something fun your child doesn’t usually get, like a piece of candy or a juice box. You can set up your picnic in your backyard or front yard, at a neighborhood park, along the bank of a stream, river, or lake, in a clearing in a nearby wooded area, or even just on your living room floor. A picnic basket is absolutely not necessary, but if you find that your family enjoys this experience, you can add this lovely picnic basket to your wish list for future birthdays and holidays. We gifted that one to one of my kids, so every time we get geared up for a family picnic, she loves taking charge of getting the basket packed up.
• Variations: Bring a frisbee, a soccer ball, or an outdoor game you can play together after you eat. Or for younger kids, bring a kite or a bottle of no-spill bubbles.

7. Set a date

Head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink – coffee for adults, hot chocolate or juice for kids. When you turn a weekly coffee date into a family bonding activity, you’ll foster relaxed conversations where you take turns talking, which can boost your child’s vocabulary and nurture your child’s storytelling skills, which improves their reading comprehension down the road.

Many families also find that they naturally reminisce during these weekly coffee dates, sharing recent memories or even stories from their family’s history. When you engage in that kind of storytelling with your child on a regular basis, you improve your child’s self-esteem and give them the gift of higher resilience in the face of adversity.

• Make it official: Try “Family Coffee Date.”
• How to do it: Pick a time for your weekly family coffee date and add it to your calendar as a recurring event. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. These conversation starters are designed to boost your connection as a family, plus they’ll help you teach your child the art of a good conversation, unlocking all the powerful benefits listed above. Some families also like to bring along a favorite board or card game to play while they enjoy their drinks. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages, many of which we sell in our family-owned shop here. Among the games we stock, the best portable games for bringing along to a coffee shop are Sleeping Queens, Love Letter, Spot It!, Rat-a-Tat Cat, and Quiddler Junior.

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

8. Make a group effort

No matter if you’re the chef of the family or if you have a partner who usually does the cooking, pick a night every week when you can make dinner together as a family. When you show commitment to sharing responsibilities as a family – like making a meal to share – research shows that makes your family stronger. Plus, you’ll get help in the kitchen instead of everything resting on your shoulders.

Feel free to let the rest of your family take the lead while you take a step back and serve as more of an advisor and pinch hitter when they need help. Bonus tip: If you have trouble with this in general (I know I do!), try brewing yourself a coffee or tea or pouring another favorite beverage to sip on and keep your hands busy.

• Make it official: You might call this bonding time your “Teamwork Dinner,” “All Hands on Deck Dinner,” or “Calling All Chefs Night.”
• How to do it: Let your child decide what to make for dinner, then involve them in the work of making it. As an added benefit, they’ll be much more likely to eat a dinner they helped make! Keep in mind that especially when you have younger kids, you can expect the process to take a little longer than usual. Mistakes mean they’re learning. If your kid makes a mess, take a deep breath and try saying something like, “That’s okay, we can clean up when we’re done.”

Related: Want Your Family to Share the Load? Here’s the Best Way to Set Family Goals {Printable}

9. Batch your kindness

You might have heard before that regularly helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life. Research shows that even very young children are happier when helping others. But starting a daily “random acts of kindness” routine can make the experience feel meaningless. To keep the experience meaningful and enjoyable for the whole family, pick one day a month where you intentionally perform five small acts of kindness together. One study found that people who performed five giving acts all in a single day increased happiness.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Kindness Day,” “Random Acts of Kindness Day,” or “Family Kindness Marathon.”
• How to do it: Set aside one day a month for your Family Kindness Day, brainstorm small things your family can do for others, and execute on five of them. To help you brainstorm, check out our list of The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids That Will Teach Compassion. For example:
  • Bake fresh cookies and hand them out to your neighbors.
  • Write a thank-you note to someone.
  • Go through toys and pick some to donate to charity.
  • Collect non-perishable food in your neighborhood and donate it to a local food pantry.
  • If you have an elderly neighbor, help them out by mowing their lawn or weeding their garden.
  • Run a lemonade stand and donate the proceeds to your favorite charity.
  • Surprise a worker with a big tip, like a restaurant server, delivery driver, or your neighborhood coffee shop’s barista.
  • Go through your books to find those you can part with, then find a nearby Little Free Library and restock it.

10. Play in the dirt

Get everybody outside once a week to tend to a family vegetable garden, such as watering soil, pulling weeds, and picking ripe veggies. If you don’t have a garden yet, consider starting one, even if it’s just one container to begin with. Research shows that when kids get hands-on with a vegetable garden, they develop an increased preference for snacking on fruits and vegetables. Plus, gardening decreases stress hormones and boosts your mood. So if you can’t make a veggie garden work, you could also pick a spot to plant some pretty flowers in your yard or in a container on your porch.

• Make it official: Give this weekly bonding activity a playful name like “Green Thumb Time” or “Digging Hour,” or call it your family’s weekly “Garden Party” and make a batch of lemonade and fun snacks to keep you fueled as you work together.
• How to do it: To get started, here’s a quick guide to starting a container garden with your child. Then set aside a regular time every week for this family activity where everyone tends to be available, such as a weekend morning or afternoon. For younger kids, make sure to have kid-sized gardening gloves and garden tools, plus a small watering can available so they can help out. You can also use your time together to work on garden-adjacent projects, like painting rocks to use as labels in the garden, making or filling bird feeders, or putting up barriers to keep critters from eating your crops.

11. Schedule a break

While everyone experiences anxious feelings from time to time, research shows that anxiety disorders are on the rise with children. To help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress plus give yourself a break from the daily grind, consider setting aside one day a month as a mental health day.

On your family’s mental health day, you can take a regular weekday off from work and school—or if that’s not feasible, pick your child up early from school. Studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress, and in fact rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it.

• Make it official: The most common name for this bonding activity is “Mental Health Day,” but I heard from a couple families who call it “Get out of Jail Free Day” in reference to the Monopoly card!
• How to do it: To get the most out of your family’s mental health day, think of something special you can do together. If you all retreat to your favorite form of screen time, that won’t actually help your brain get the rest it truly needs. Research shows that the single most efficient strategy for dealing with stress is physical activity, so find a fun way to move your bodies together, like going on a hike, walking or biking around your neighborhood, taking a basketball or tennis rackets to a nearby park for a quick game, popping in a yoga DVD to do together, or kicking off your day with a family dance party. After that, do something to connect because connection with loved ones is necessary for overcoming stress as well. For example, you could play a fun new board game, read aloud to your child, or make art or color in a coloring book together. As another option, you can grab our Family Connection Cards, then pick one at random to do on your mental health day. The Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, so no matter what card you pick, you’ll be helping your child (and you!) recharge their batteries.

12. Drink words

One of my family’s favorite bonding activities is our monthly Family Read-a-Thon. Once a month, we set aside a weekend morning or afternoon, grab a stack of books, and cuddle up on the couch to read. A Family Read-a-Thon gives everyone a fun break from the hustle and bustle of a busy weekend. Plus, studies show that reading aloud grows your child’s brain, builds their empathy for others, and improves their behavior. Remember: No one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: My personal favorite name for this bonding activity is “Family Read-a-Thon,” but I also heard one family call it their “Family Reading Spree.”
• How to do it: We have a wide range of ages in our family, so we will typically read a handful of picture books and a couple chapters from chapter books. For chapter books, you can start a new book to be your family read-aloud book – and then make it a daily family activity to read a little bit each day – or you can get a stack of chapter books and read the first five pages of each one for what we call a “book flight,” which just means to sample a handful of books to see which one grabs you most. After that, my kids will often get hooked on their favorite story from our book flight and continue to read that independently after our Read-a-Thon. If you need book recommendations, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: Another option is to start an audiobook you can all listen to together while you do something else, like color in a parent-child coloring book, build with LEGOs or Magna-Tiles, or fold that mountain of laundry that’s been accumulating during the week. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

13. Reminisce

On the last day of every month, pick your top 10 favorite photos from all the photos you’ve taken on your phone and/or camera that month. Then pop them into a slideshow to share with your family before, during, or after a meal. Reflecting back on those moments as a family will spark your loved ones to share stories of those memories, plus make everyone feel all the feels.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Slideshow” or “Family Photo Round-Up.”
• How to do it: If you have a partner or spouse or an older child who also takes photos, ask them to send their favorites to you to include in the photo slideshow. To create the slideshow, you can use a free tool like Google Slides.
• Variations: To take this a step further, you can devote a wall in your home to displaying prints of your favorite family photos, then get your favorites printed every month, quarter, or year to swap them out. You can DIY this yourself or get a ready-made photo wall display like this. Some families also use these monthly “best of” photos to create a family yearbook. After you pick out your favorites photos, you can make a scrapbook or have them printed into a hardcover book at Shutterfly.

14. Throw your list away

If a monthly mental health day isn’t doable for your family, consider instituting a Do Nothing Day on the weekend where you all spend the day together. Similar to a mental health day, a Do Nothing Day gives you and your child a break from the daily stress of family life, which is important for helping you survive the harmful effects of stress.

• Make it official: Most families call this “Do Nothing Day,” but some alternatives are “Together Day” and “No To-Do-List Day.”
• How to do it: For one weekend day a month, forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run and throw your to-do list out the window. Then as a family, brainstorm one or two fun things you might do together. Keep in mind that TV, video games, or mindless surfing aren’t restorative, but aside from that, go with whatever sounds fun. You can bust out a jigsaw puzzle for the whole family to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort with your kids using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some families use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do as a family. Whatever you decide to do as a family, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

15. Stretch your brains together

Challenge your family to learn something new together once in a while, just for fun. Playfully testing out a new hobby or activity will open new neural pathways in your child’s brain, plus regularly learning something new is one of the best steps you can take to keep your own brain healthy as you age. A few months ago, we decided as a family that it would be fun to learn how to talk in a British accent, so we took a weekend morning to watch a few videos about how to do it, then challenged ourselves to talk that way the rest of the day. Our accents were horrible, but we had a blast, and the kids still talk about that day, months later.

• Make it official: A couple names to consider are “Family Curiosity Day” or “Be Curious Day.”
• How to do it: In a central location, you can keep a running list of things that sound fun to learn and encourage everyone in the family to add to it whenever inspiration strikes. Some families have a special notebook they keep on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter, and they call it their “curiosity journal.” Then once a month or whatever frequency works for your family, set aside a morning or afternoon to pick something to learn together. You can watch videos together, check out books from the library ahead of time, look for apps focused on whatever you want to learn, or ask someone you know to give you an in-person lesson. To kick off your curiosity journal, here are a few ideas: learn a new language, go bird-watching, pick up knitting or crocheting, practice yoga, tackle something new in the kitchen like baking bread from scratch, make origami, learn magic tricks, take your photography skills to the next level, try geocaching, make candles or soap, or take up astronomy.

16. Round up change

Challenge your family to collect any spare change they come across, then once a month count it up together and decide on a charity where you can donate it. You’ll be teaching your child the importance of giving back, plus research shows that helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life.

• Make it official: In my family, we call this “The Great Change Round-Up,” but I heard from one family that called it their “Spare Change Drive.”
• How to do it: Set up a jar for collecting spare change and keep it in an easily accessible location. (Important: If you have young children who still put things in their mouths, be sure to keep this jar out of their reach! One of my kids once swallowed a coin and ended up in the hospital, so I learned the hard way that you can never be too careful.) Tell your child any time they come across a coin on the ground, they can pick it up to add to your spare change jar. You can also plant some seeds about where else they can find spare change, like in the nooks and crannies of your vehicle, in pants pockets in the laundry hamper, under couch cushions (side benefit: my kids will regularly pull them out and clean up everything under the cushions, looking for spare change!), and so on. Kids tend to get excited by the challenge of seeing how much they can find, and you might even catch them asking neighbors and relatives if they have any spare change to donate to charity.
• Variations: In our family, we also set up a “matching” program where however much the kids scrounged up, we match that penny for penny to double the donation and make an even bigger impact.

17. Ride it out

For a weekly activity that’s good for the whole family, make it a habit to go for a family bike ride or on a family hike. Spending more time outdoors has been shown to improve mental health well-being for kids, to decrease stress, and even to boost academic performance. Plus, exercise boosts your child’s physical health (and yours!), and research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Kids who move their bodies every day also experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes.

• Make it official: If you opt for a weekly bike ride, try “Weekend Cruise” or plan a route to pick up breakfast tacos or donuts and call it “The Breakfast Club.” For a weekly hike, go for “Explorer Hour,” “Trailblazing Time,” or simply “Family Hike.”
• How to do it: If you don’t have an area in your neighborhood that’s appropriate for bike rides or hikes, research areas nearby that could work by searching Google for “best bike rides in xyz” and replace “xyz” with your city’s name. For hikes, search “best hikes in xyz.” Then carve out time on the weekend or another time everyone’s available so you can go exploring together as a family. Bring plenty of water and fun snacks to keep everyone fueled for the group exercise, or pack fixings for a picnic so you can break halfway to share a meal outdoors.

Once-in-a-While Activities

Some bonding activities for families might require more time or planning than a daily routine or a weekly ritual, and yet they can bring about some of the most meaningful moments for your family. The family bonding ideas in this section work best when you make them happen once in a while, whether that means once a quarter, once a year, or on a spontaneous basis.

Often, these activities create lifelong memories for your child and become part of your family’s lore, prompting out-of-the-blue reminiscing that starts off, “Remember that time we…”

1. Build an epic fort. Gather the supplies you’ll need, such as sheets, tablecloths, or curtains; command hooks and string to attach blankets to the wall; and pillows, blankets, or rugs to make it cozy. Then when it’s done, you can all pile in to play a fun family board game or read together. At nighttime, you can string some Christmas lights or fairy lights and keep the fun going with a slumber party in the fort.
2. Light a candle. Make something special for dinner, then turn out all the lights and have dinner by candlelight. To make the experience even more memorable, get everyone to wear their nicest outfit and pretend you’re at a fancy restaurant.
3. Kick off a spontaneous game. Start a classic childhood game with your family, like hide-and-seek, duck duck goose, Simon says, and so on.
4. Have afternoon tea. Make your favorite warm beverage and a cup of caffeine-free herbal tea for your child, and sit down to enjoy it together. To make this activity extra special, turn it into a tea party with snacks like fruit, cookies, or sandwiches cut into fun shapes with a cookie cutter. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids.

5. Go on a scavenger hunt. My personal favorite style is a photo scavenger hunt because the photos will help you remember the experience. When you find something on your list, snap a photo with the item and whomever found it or with the whole family. You can find free printable scavenger hunts online like this simple printable and this one for tweens and teens.
6. Make an obstacle course. Turn your yard or your living room into an obstacle course for your whole family. If you’re indoors, you can use couch cushions, step stools, chairs to crawl under or climb over, and so on. For outdoors, try scrap wood for balance beams, a hula hoop, a jump rope, and anything else you can get creative with.
7. Puzzle it out. Tackle a big jigsaw puzzle as a family and celebrate when you get it done.
8. Roughhouse. Research shows this kind of play helps kids manage their emotions and feel connected to their parents. Try starting a pillow fight, a game of chase, or a round of “Squish Squash” while lying in bed together. (Check out this Bluey episode for an explanation of Squish Squash.)

9. Sing karaoke. You don’t need a fancy karaoke machine to bust out some tunes together. Look for a karaoke app on your mobile device, or search Youtube for kid-friendly karaoke songs.
10. Be a tourist in your town. Plan a special outing to see one of the sights in your area, such as a trip to the zoo or aquarium, a kid-friendly museum, or the biggest playground within driving distance.
11. Give time together. Make a plan to volunteer at a local food bank, animal shelter, nursing home, community garden, and so on. If you can’t find a kid-friendly volunteer opportunity in your area, grab a trash bag and rubber gloves and visit a local creek or park to pick up litter. Not only will it feel good to help, research shows that kids who volunteer experience a boost in self-esteem, higher levels of positive emotions, improved ability to regulate emotions, and even better physical health.
12. Build together. Break out the LEGO or Magna-Tiles and join your kids in building something epic together.
13. Play putt-putt or go bowling. Find a miniature golf course or bowling alley in your area and set aside an hour or two to play together.
14. Have a contest. Challenge your family to a contest, like hula hooping, jump roping, or limbo. Winner gets to pick their favorite meal for dinner, an extra piece of candy after dinner, or just bragging rights.
15. Go camping—or try stay-camping. Even if you just camp in your backyard or set up a tent in your living room, the fresh air and quality time (and s’mores) will be an experience your family will remember. If you don’t have a tent yet, here’s the 4-person tent we got for our living room camping adventures. It’s affordable, has great reviews, and unlike most tents doesn’t drive my husband bonkers trying to set it up and take it down.
16. Visit an arcade. Take your family to a classic video game arcade where you can play pinball, skee-ball, Pac-Man, and more.
17. Make up stories. Go around the table and take turns adding a sentence to a story. For example, the first person might start with, “Once upon a time, a girl decided to go on an adventure in the forest.” The next person might add, “What the girl didn’t realize is that the magical creatures of the forest were currently engaged in an epic battle.” You’ll love hearing what your kids come up with! If you’d like more structure with this activity, pick up a set of these gorgeous Create a Story cards in our family-owned game shop.

1,208 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$12 from Amazon* $12 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Create a Story Cards

    
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona

18. Take a day trip. Find a fun destination that’s within driving distance and head there together to explore. Research shows taking a trip with your child becomes a “happiness anchor” for them. In other words, vacations stick in kids’ brains as vivid memories, and later on as adults those memories can even help them get through tough times. (Don’t forget to crank up a family dance party playlist and sing aloud at the top of your lungs!)
19. Strap on skates. Go skating together as a family. You can try a roller skating or ice skating rink, or if you have rollerblades you can gear up for a turn around the neighborhood.
20. Turn on the sprinklers. When the weather’s warm, set out a sprinkler everyone can run through. For an extra dose of family bonding, have a water soaker fight.
21. Make s’mores. Even if you don’t have a fire pit or grill, you can make them in the microwave. The deliciously gooey mess will make smiles and memories.
22. Catch the sunset or sunrise. Find out when the sunrise or sunset will be in your area, then set an alarm on your phone to remind you to catch the event together. Awe is a powerful emotion, and the shared experience of awe will bring you closer as a family.
23. Give a room a makeover. If you’ve been meaning to tackle a home improvement project, make it a group effort. For example, you can paint your child’s room the color of their choice, hang wall art, or just reorganize the furniture for a fresh look.
24. Go birdwatching. Get everyone outside and see how many different birds you can spot. You can even find a birdwatching app and take photos to submit to the app. Many families told me they’ve made this an annual tradition with the Great Backyard Bird Count.
25. Do a science experiment. We have this book of 10-minute science experiments for kids, and my kids love it!
26. Make money. Work together to put on a garage sale, bake sale, or lemonade stand in your neighborhood. Some families boost their bonding even more by deciding to donate the proceeds then voting on which charity to donate to.
27. Play an outside game. Get some fresh air while you play together. Try frisbee, disc golf, badminton, tennis, or just kick a soccer ball around your yard.
28. Get creative. Make art together, like sidewalk chalk art or origami, or grab a coloring book and some crayons or colored pencils to color together.
29. Go swimming. When the weather’s warm, visit a local pool and enjoy cooling off in the water together.
30. Make dough or slime. Look for a play dough or slime recipe online, make it as a team, then play with it together.
31. Listen to a podcast. Find a family-friendly podcast and listen together. This works well in the car, or you can pair it with making art or a chore like folding laundry to keep your hands busy. Some of our favorites are Brains On, But Why, Stories Podcast, Tumble, and Wow in the World. For tweens and teens, we also enjoy Book Club for Kids, Stuff You Should Know, and This American Life.
32. Wash the car. Grab a bucket, a sponge, soap, and the hose, then work together to get your vehicle looking spiffy.
33. Count stars. Stay up late together and lie in your yard after dark, counting stars and picking out constellations.
34. See a show. Visit a movie theater or catch a live concert, play, or other kind of performance.
35. Build a time capsule. Pull together a few mementos and seal it all up for at least a year. Then set a reminder on your calendar so you remember to open it together when the time comes. Some families love this bonding activity as a New Year’s tradition.
36. Create a haven for wildlife. Turn your backyard into a wildlife habitat to help reverse some of the human-caused habitat destruction that hurts wildlife, especially the pollinators we need to grow food. The National Wildlife Federation has a program where you can get your backyard certified as a wildlife habitat.
37. Host a comedy special. Challenge everyone in the family to learn a handful of jokes, then come together for your very own comedy show. Take turns telling jokes, and enjoy the shared giggles!

Your Turn

What are your all-time favorite family bonding activities? Share in a comment below!

The post 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As parents, our daily lives are full to the brim, if not overflowing. We pinball from cobbling together dinner with whatever’s left in the fridge, to helping with math homework, to tackling the neverending pile of laundry—and the list goes on.

That doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for connecting one-on-one with our kids and simply enjoying our time together.

And yet, if you want to nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now.

Which is why as a busy parent, I’m always on the lookout for simple ways to connect with my kids without adding to my to-do list. And one of my favorite tricks for that is to ask my kids funny questions.

Why Funny Questions Can Save the Day

Research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

And as you spend quality one-on-one time with your child, laughter is sure to bubble up before too long.

But when you’re short on time—and let’s be honest, patience—you can’t exactly flip a switch and manufacture a Fun-Filled Family Moment™ on the spot.

The good news? Even if you don’t have time to stop and play with your child, you can always ask a funny question on the way to or from school, during a meal like dinner, or anytime you find yourself in the same space for more than 60 seconds.

The shared laughter will make you feel closer, plus the conversation will support your child’s language development. Researchers have discovered that regularly having back-and-forth conversations with your child builds their vocabulary, improves their reasoning skills, and literally grows their brain.

How This List Is Different

You can search “funny questions to ask kids” and find a gabazillion lists already out there. But as you start reading through the questions, you’ll discover pretty soon that those questions clearly haven’t been tested with real, actual kids.

I know this because I did test those other lists with my four kids, whose ages range from preschooler to teenager. And a good number of the questions resulted in blank stares, shrugs, and eye rolls. Questions like, “What color would you paint your room?” and “What’s your favorite food to put ketchup on?” will at best give you bland one-word answers and certainly won’t elicit giggles.

So I put together a new tried-and-true list of funny questions to ask kids that will actually get them (and you!) laughing. I’ve been keeping this running list for several years, and today I’m sharing it with you so that you can experience the pure comedic gold that will come out of your child’s mouth.

Related: 100 Non-Boring Questions for Kids to Get Them Talking {Printable}

120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles

These funny questions for kids are one of my favorite shortcuts to help me quickly connect with my kids. Because these questions are so silly and off-the-wall, they lead to shared giggles and sometimes all-out guffaws.

But my favorite part of these fun questions isn’t even the moment of connection, although those warm fuzzies are undeniable.

What I love best about asking my kids these funny questions is that for a couple minutes, I get to see the world through their eyes. And that fresh perspective fills me with a sense of awe and reminds me how lucky I am to spend my days with these special little humans.

When you want to connect (quickly!) with your child, even when you’re busy, ask one of these funny questions for kids. Not only will their answers put a smile on your face, but you’ll delight in hearing how their mind works.

But First, a Quick Heads Up

Most kids don’t appreciate feeling like they’re put on the spot to perform like circus animals for the benefit of the surrounding adults. Plus, a conversation where everyone’s contributing is more fun anyway.

And so after your child answers one of these funny questions, consider answering the question yourself as well so that it feels like a conversation and not an interrogation.

Also, keep in mind that every child is different. Your child might not laugh out loud at every question, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re taking the time to connect with them and listen to their thoughts and opinions. If any of these questions turns out to be a dud for your family, just move onto the next question.

Pro tip: Any time one of your child’s answers tickles your funny bone, you can jot down the question and answer in a journal or a notes app for safekeeping. Then later on down the road, you can reread them to reminisce—either alone or together as a family. As an alternative, if your child is okay with it, you can take a quick video of them answering a question or two so that you’ll always have that snapshot of your shared moment of fun.

All-Around Funny Questions

Here are the best overall funny questions to ask kids because they work in just about any situation and with a wide variety of ages. When you need a good laugh, these open-ended questions are a sure bet.

1. What’s the funniest thing somebody did or said today?
2. If you could eat only one food for an entire year, what would you choose?
   • Alternative: If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
3. What’s the funniest joke you know?
   • Side note: If you discover that your child doesn’t know many jokes, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids^† and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. And if you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!
4. If you could change your name to anything, what would your new name be? (Or would you leave it?)
5. If you could stay up all night, what would you do?
6. If somebody from another planet came to Earth, what would they think of our world?
7. If you had three wishes, what would they be?
8. If you buried a treasure chest, what would you put in it?
9. What is the most annoying noise in the world?
10. If people could see inside you, what would they see?
11. If you could be anything for Halloween, what would you be?
12. If you had an extra room in your home, what would you use it for?
13. If you could create one law that everybody on Earth had to follow, what would it be?
14. What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever seen?
15. If you were a superhero with one superpower, what would it be? Fun follow-ups:
    • What would your superhero name be?
    • What would your weakness be? (Maybe cake?)

31. What would be the most annoying part of being a grown-up?
32. If you met your favorite famous person, what would you do or say?
    • If you already know their favorite famous person, ask the question with their name inserted.
33. If you were invisible, where would you go and what would you do?
34. If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
35. What’s the funniest sound you can make?
36. If you were trying to make me smile/laugh, what would you do?
37. If you could change one thing about your school, what would you change?
38. What’s the worst smell in the world?
39. What’s one thing that used to be cool but isn’t cool anymore?
40. Do you remember what you dreamed about last night?
41. What’s something I do that makes you laugh?
42. What’s one thing you wish you could tell your younger self?
    • This works best if you make it more specific. For example, for a 10-year-old, you might ask: What’s one thing you wish you could tell your 5-year-old self?

Funny Questions About Animals

For kids who love animals, here are a few funny questions that will be right up their alley.

1. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? Why?
2. If you had a pet parrot, what’s the first phrase you’d teach it to say?
3. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you choose?
4. If you woke up one morning and you’d turned into a bear/dolphin/elephant/insert favorite animal, what would you do?
5. If your pet could talk, what would they say?
6. If you could combine two animals to make a new one, what would you combine? What would you call it?
7. If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be? Why?

Silly Questions for Kids

Asking these silly questions for kids might get your child giggling even before they answer. These questions tap into your child’s imagination, and their creative answers might surprise you!

1. What would be the absolute worst name in the world to have?
2. If you could be any cartoon character for one day, who would you be? Why?
   • If your child doesn’t watch cartoons, you can change this to any fictional character—video game, movie, television, or Disney character.
3. What’s a weird combination of foods you’d be willing to try? Ketchup and banana? Syrup on mac and cheese?
4. Would you rather live in a castle, on a boat, or on a cloud?
5. If you could swap places with mom or dad for a day, what would you do?
6. If you had to take a bath in something besides water, what would you choose?
   • If your child takes showers instead, change the question to “If you had to take a shower…”
7. If you had a time machine that could travel to the future, what would you do there?
8. If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be, and what would it mean?
9. If there are aliens on other planets, what do you think they look like?
10. If you could build the perfect ice cream sundae and add any toppings in the world—candy, sprinkles, hot fudge, anything—what would you add?
11. If we left on vacation but you stayed home alone, what’s the first thing you’d do?
12. If you were in space and there was no gravity, what would be the hardest part?
13. If you could choose any one of your toys to come to life, which one would you choose? Why?
14. If you got to design a new Disney/amusement park ride, what would it be like?
15. If you found out your parents were secretly spies, what would you do?
16. If you found out your home was built on quicksand and you had to move immediately but you only had time to grab three things, what would you take with you?
17. If you woke up one morning and you’d magically turned into a grown-up, what’s the first thing you’d do?
18. If you were hired to invent the next dance craze, what would your dance look like?
    • Feel free to demonstrate famous dances as part of the question, like the Macarena!
19. If you had a pet monster, what would you teach it to do?
20. If you discovered your home was haunted by a ghost, what would you do?
21. If you could have a secret passage from your room to anywhere, where would it go? And what would the secret door look like?
22. If you were President for a day, what’s the first thing you’d do?
23. If you could create a new holiday, what would it be? How would you celebrate?
24. If you could build a robot to do anything, what would you make it do?
25. If you could live inside any movie but you had to be the villain, which movie would you choose?
    • Alternative: If you could live inside any book or fairy tale but you had to be the villain, which would you choose?
26. If you had to enter an eating competition, which food could you eat the most of?
    • Follow-up: How many could you eat without getting sick?
27. If you could give Mommy/Daddy/sister/brother a nickname and everyone had to call them that name for the rest of their life, what would you call them?
28. If you found a magic beanstalk and knew you could climb it to get a huge bag of gold, but you had to get past a grumpy giant, what would you do?
29. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? Why?
30. If you woke up tomorrow and discovered you had a clone, what would you have it do?
31. When you’re a grandma or a grandpa one day, what will you do with your grandkid to have fun with them?
32. What does the Tooth Fairy do with all those teeth?
33. If you could stay one age for the rest of your life, what age would you be? Why?

Questions to Get the Wiggles Out

Many of the funny questions for kids in this section will get your child moving their body in response. Perfect for active kids!

1. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
2. Can you wink? (If they can wink with one eye, ask them to do the other!)
3. Can you pat your head while you rub your belly?
4. Can you flare your nostrils?
5. How fast can you run?
6. Can you do an evil laugh?
7. Can you whistle?
8. Can you go a full minute without blinking?
9. Can you talk in a British/French/etc accent?
10. Can you hula hoop?
11. Can you talk with your tongue sticking out?
12. Can you wiggle your ears?
13. Can you talk like a pirate?
14. Can you juggle? (If you have bean bags or clementines on hand, those are perfect!)
15. Can you roll your tongue?
16. How high can you jump?
17. Can you yodel?
18. Can you kiss your knees?
19. Can you do a cartwheel?
    • Warning: If you decide to join your child on this one, be careful. I threw my back out trying to get in touch with my inner child!
20. Can you do a headstand? What about a handstand?
21. Can you raise one eyebrow?
22. Can you touch your toes without bending your knees?
23. Can you talk without moving your lips?
24. Can you do a pull-up?
25. Can you put your leg behind your head?
26. Can you jump rope?
27. Can you lick your elbow?
28. Can you do the splits?
29. Can you touch your toes to your nose?
30. Can you say a tongue twister 10 times in a row? A few examples:
    • She sells seashells by the seashore.
    • A proper copper coffee pot.
    • The sheep on the ship slipped on the sheet of sleet.

Potty Humor Questions

Different families feel differently about potty humor. But if that area of comedy is fair game in your family, here are a few funny questions for kids about just that.

1. If a unicorn farts, what does it smell like?
2. What would be the worst place to get the urge to poop?
3. What food would make the worst smelling farts?
4. Can you make yourself burp?
5. What’s the best way to get rid of the smell in the bathroom after you poop?
6. What’s your worst memory of throwing up?
7. What’s your favorite way to pass the time while you’re pooping?
8. You’re on the toilet, and you reach for the toilet paper but it’s all gone. What do you do?

Bonus: When to Ask These Funny Questions for Kids

Ask your child one (or more!) of these silly questions for kids any time you want to connect and laugh together. Here are a few specific situations that work well:

• Ask one of these questions when you’re in the car together, like as you’re driving your child to or from school, when you’re running errands, or on a road trip.
• When you find yourself in a situation where you’re stuck waiting like at the doctor’s office or at a restaurant, ask a couple of these questions to help pass the time and keep your child entertained.
• Pick a question or two to ask your child at dinner every night, then take turns answering the question.
• If you have a weekly tradition like family game nights or family movie nights, kick off the event with a question or two from this list. For game night, these questions work great as fillers when you’re in between games or when someone’s in the kitchen popping more popcorn!

Want More Awesome Questions?

For an everyday peek inside our children’s hearts, we keep our favorite set of family conversation starters in a mason jar on the kitchen counter. That way, it’s ready to go for the times we need an extra dose of connection.

We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy. Click here to get your own set.

Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: 75 Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear

Your Turn

What are your favorite funny questions to ask kids? Share in a comment below!

The post 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As parents, the phrase “I love you” probably comes out of our mouths more than any other—although “be careful” and “stop bugging your sister” have got to be up there, too.

You say “I love you” to your child before they head off to school for the day, when you tuck them in at night, and in countless other small moments, day in and day out.

But after a while, saying “I love you” becomes something you do on autopilot. The phrase can feel like a routine rather than heartfelt words filled with warmth. So instead of your child hearing those words and feeling secure in your love for them, the words barely connect.

In the hustle and bustle of family life, saying “I love you” to your child can become as notable as saying “don’t forget your backpack” or “time for dinner.” In other words: Not at all notable.

Here’s the Solution

Your child needs to feel secure in your love for them. Because when a child feels warmth and affection from a parent, that shapes the child’s happiness for life—research shows that expressing love to your child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems.

But any phrase you use a lot can lose its meaning, including “I love you.” This phenomenon is called semantic satiation, and it means that repeating a word or phrase can make it less meaningful for the listener—or even meaningless.

The solution? Mix up your regular routine with a handful of new and cute ways to say “I love you” to your child.

But First, You Need to Know

Sharing sweet words with your child is just one way to show how much you love them. I would never want to suggest that simply talking about how much you love your child could replace giving them hugs and kisses, actively listening when they talk, and spending quality time together.

So if you’re looking for some fresh ways to show love to your child every day—even when you’re busy—here are a few more resources for you:

• Surprise your child with a new kind of hug from this list of 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.
• To encourage your child to open up about what’s important to them, what has them worried, and what they’re excited about, check out 100 Non-Boring Questions for Kids to Get Them Talking.
• If you struggle to fit in quality one-on-one time with your child, you’ll love The Best 10-Minute Fix to Spending Quality Time With Kids.
• Take five minutes to read aloud to your child from a special book: 10 Picture Books About Love That Will Make Your Kids Feel Absolutely Loved.

50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child

When you want to make sure your child truly feels the meaning of your loving words, pick one of these heartfelt but cute ways to say “I love you” to your child.

Because you don’t use these phrases every day, they’ll disrupt the automatic “I love you” reflex and get your child’s attention so that the words don’t go in one ear and out the other without connecting. (Side note: Many of these phrases work well for spouses, too!)

When you sprinkle a few of these sweet phrases and actions into your days, the meaning of your message will get through, and your child will feel secure in your unconditional love.

1. You make me smile.
2. I love you from your toes to your nose to where your hair grows!
   • For extra giggles, touch your child’s toes when you say “toes,” their nose when you say “nose,” and the top of their head when you say the last line.
   • As an alternative, some families use “I love you from your head to your toes—and from your knees to your nose.”
3. You make my heart feel full.
4. I love you so much I want to eat you all up! (If your child is familiar with the classic picture book Where the Wild Things Are^†, they’ll love hearing this one.)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

5. You’re one of a kind.
6. I love your insides and your outsides!
7. You make life fun. (This phrase is featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set here so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

8. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
9. You are a precious treasure to me.
10. I love your laugh/smile.
11. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)

12. I love you more than… Then follow up with a specific example, like:
    • More than all the stars in the sky
    • More than all the fish in the sea,
    • More than all the crayons in the biggest crayon box,
    • More than monkeys love bananas,
    • More than milk loves cookies,
    • More than cupcakes love sprinkles, and so on—feel free to come up with your own silly comparisons too!
13. I heart you.
14. Say “I love you” in sign language. (Teach your child what that sign means so that any time you flash them the sign, they’ll know what’s in your heart.)

15. You are my favorite 5-year-old. (Just replace with their current age!)
16. I love you to the moon and back. (Or you can take this one step further by adding on, like “I love you to the moon, past the end of our solar system, to the next galaxy over and to every other galaxy in the universe, to the alien planet no one knows about yet, and all the way back home.”)
17. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo. An alternative is: “I’m your biggest fan.”)
18. I love you so much that my heart might just explode. (To ham it up, you can cover your face or avert your eyes and say, “No, really. I can’t look at you anymore, or I’ll go kablooey!” Out of this whole list of cute ways to say “I love you” to your child, this is the one that gets the most giggles from my kids!)
19. You light up my day.
20. I love you THIS much.
    • Then hold your arms out as wide as you can.
    • Alternatively, you can ask “Do you know how much I love you?” and then answer “THIS much” with your arms held out wide.
21. Come up with a code word that means “I love you” so you can say it any time, even if you’re around others or in a crowded place. For example, you could teach your child that any time you say “whirligig” or “flibbertigibbet,” that means “I love you.”
22. I love you so big.
23. You are my sunshine. (You can also keep it going with “You make me happy when skies are gray.”)
24. I have fun when I’m with you.
25. I love you more than French fries. (Or insert your favorite food like pizza or cupcakes.)
26. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
27. You are made of awesome sauce.
28. I love you so stinking much.
29. Teach your child that when you mouth the words “olive juice” and “I love you,” it looks the same. Then a day or two later, get their attention and say “olive juice” aloud. It’ll take them a second, but they’ll remember!
30. I wouldn’t trade you for a million gabazillion dollars.
31. I love you when… or… Then finish with two very different examples, like:
    • I love you when you feel brave or scared, or
    • I love you when you’re serious or silly. (Side note: The inspiration for this one came from the sweet children’s book called The I Love You Book.)
32. I miss you when I blink. (This is also the name of a funny memoir from a mom about trying to do it all.)
33. Channel your inner Buddy the Elf and sing, “I love you! I love you! I love you!”

34. I love you times infinity.
35. You are pure magic.
36. I dig you.
37. I love you even when… Then finish the sentence with something silly or cute, like:
    • I love you even when you have stinky feet,
    • I love you even when your hair is a mess, or
    • I love you even when you have chocolate ice cream on your face. (By the way, the inspiration for this comes from the song “All Ways” that’s on this playlist of The Best 20 Love Songs for Kids. If you’re looking for more cute ways to say “I love you” to your child, check the lyrics of those songs!)
38. I wish I didn’t have to go to work so we could stay home together and play all day!
39. Say “I love you” in a different language, like “Je t’aime” in French or “Ich liebe dich” in German. (Here’s a list of some common “I love you” translations from the Duolingo app.)
40. I love you the mostest.
41. I love your face.
42. You’re a gem.
43. Come up with a secret handshake that means “I love you.” For example, you can teach your child that when you squeeze their hand three times in a row, that means “I love you.”
44. No matter how many times I say “I love you,” I will always love you more than that!
45. You’ve got a friend in me. (Toy Story fans love this one!)
46. If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and spend today with you all over again.
47. I love you three thousand. (This one’s perfect for Iron Man fans, but you can use any random big number.)

48. Ask, “You know what my favorite thing about you is?” They might say, “No, what?” Then reply: “Everything.”
49. Of all the days I’ve lived, the best ones have been with you.
50. I love you because… Then finish the sentence with something silly or cute, like:
    • I love you because you giggle at my stupid jokes,
    • I love you because you like curry, or
    • I love you because you hate getting pruney fingers in the bath.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Bonus: When to Use These “I Love You” Alternatives

You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to share loving words like this. Here are a few situations where you can try out these cute ways to say “I love you” to your child:

• Say one of these phrases during a transition time, like before your child leaves for school, when they get home from school (or you get home from work), or when you tuck them in at bedtime.
• Write one of these phrases on a small slip of paper and leave that little “love note” somewhere for your child to find, such as under their pillow, in their backpack, or in the fridge next to whatever they usually have for breakfast.
• Use window markers to write one of these phrases on your child’s bathroom mirror.
• Surprise your child with their favorite snack, just because, then sit down to enjoy it with them. When you hit a lull in the conversation, say one of these phrases.
• Pair one of these phrases with physical touch like a hug, a snuggle on the couch, or a quick shoulder massage. For hug ideas, check out 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.
• As you’re doing chores together, slip in one of these funny ways to say “I love you.” For example, if you’re at the sink washing dishes while your child is loading, surprise them with one of these phrases.

Your Turn

What are your favorite cute ways to say “I love you” to your child? Share in a comment below!

The post 50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have many family traditions, aside from spending holidays together. We didn’t pick berries at a local farm every summer, make hot cocoa to celebrate the first day of winter, or host a lovingly cutthroat family game night every Sunday.

Don’t get me wrong: We still had fun together, and my childhood was a happy one. But as an adult when I would hear about my friends’ family traditions, I knew I wanted to intentionally create new traditions in my own family one day:

• One of my friends flies back home for her mom’s birthday every year because they have a tradition of going to the spa on her birthday.
• A neighbor drives to Florida every summer to meet up with her whole extended family.
• Another friend plans elaborate pranks to pull on her siblings every time they get together for a holiday—and her siblings happily return the favor.

Hearing about others’ traditions left me imagining what kinds of traditions I might create one day, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I learned family traditions are not just a heartwarming nice-to-have.

Because if you want your family to be close-knit into the teenage years and beyond, you need to nurture positive family traditions.

Why Are Family Traditions Important?

To investigate the importance of family traditions, researchers at Syracuse University completed a review of 50 years of research on family traditions. They discovered that when a family incorporates rituals and traditions into daily family life, they experience these benefits:

• Family relationships are stronger and more resilient, which includes staying connected even in the face of conflict, solving problems together, and maintaining a positive outlook
• Children feel worthy of love and feel accepted as a person
• Children learn that they can count on others
• Children gain a stronger sense of personal identity – such as what makes them unique and the kind of person they want to be
• Family members feel less stressed by daily family life
• Physical and mental health outcomes for children improve
• Children perform better academically
• Married parents report greater marital satisfaction

In other words, if you want to build a home your child will want to come back to even when they’re grown, a handful of strong family traditions are a must.

What Is a Family Tradition, Exactly?

When I first learned about all those research-backed benefits of family traditions, I had one reaction: Sign. Me. Up.

But then I wondered: What are family traditions? Because if I wanted to get all those benefits, I needed to understand exactly what makes something a family tradition versus a regular everyday routine. As it turns out, the definition of “family tradition” is tricky because family routines and traditions are similar. They both happen on a regular basis.

Here’s the big difference: Family routines are basic activities that need to get done to keep your family functioning well. For example, if you brush all your kids’ teeth right before bed every night, that’s a routine or habit. It’s important that it happens, but the experience of doing it is bland and probably not something you find yourself looking forward to.

On the other hand, family traditions are activities you engage in regularly that:

• Evoke positive emotion and
• Foster a sense of connection and togetherness.

Sticking with our tooth brushing example, suppose every night before brushing your kids’ teeth, you announce, “RAWR! The Dino Dentist is ready to see you now!” Some nights, you make your arms short like a T-Rex and pretend to struggle while you brush their teeth. Other nights, you stomp around like a Stegosaurus or screech like a Pterodactyl. In other words, you’ve elevated an ordinary routine into a fun family tradition that will get everyone giggling and your kids will look forward to every night.

Side note: You might hear some experts refer to “family traditions” as “family rituals” or use the words interchangeably.

“Family ritual is practically any activity you purposely repeat together as a family that includes a heightened attentiveness and something extra that lifts it above the ordinary ruts…

I wouldn’t call it a ritual if you sometimes sit on the front steps of your house, blowing bubbles with your kids. But if you do it every Friday while consuming cookies and lemonade and call it your ‘Welcome to the Weekend Party,’ then it’s definitely a family ritual.”

Megan Cox, The Book of New Family Traditions†

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

The Best 35 Family Tradition Examples

If you want to start a new family tradition to nurture a strong family bond, this list is for you. Below, you’ll find examples of family traditions that will bring your family closer now and into the future.

To put together this resource for families, I read every list of family tradition examples I could get my hands on in books and online, talked to friends and neighbors to hear about their favorite traditions, and surveyed the more than 100,000 readers in this community – then I compiled all the most-loved ideas into one epic list.

But First, You Should Know This

This list includes a wide variety of family tradition ideas so that different families can find ideas that will work for them. But you don’t need to do everything in this list! That would be impossible, not to mention you’d be so overwhelmed you’d likely end up choosing nothing.

Instead, keep an eye out for one or two examples of family traditions you’d like to try, and make a plan to do them. Add them to your calendar or put a reminder in your phone if you need to. Then if your family enjoys it, you can set up a recurring reminder until it becomes second-nature.

Pro tip: No matter which family tradition you want to try, consider giving your new tradition a fun or playful name. Some linguistic studies suggest that when you label a concept or object, you change how people perceive it, and that framing can influence their preferences and behavior.

Using a short, pithy name also helps you quickly communicate what the tradition involves and can conjure up memories of previous experiences with it, giving you and your family warm fuzzies and getting everyone excited to do it again. For example, compare “Let’s all sit on the couch together while I read aloud from this chapter book” to “Family Read-Aloud Time.” Because giving your tradition an official name can elevate its value in these ways, below you’ll find some suggestions for naming each tradition. Feel free to use any of those tradition names that speak to you, or brainstorm a new name with your family to make it your own.

Everyday Family Traditions

One of the best ways to stay connected as a family is to transform ho-hum daily routines into heartwarming family rituals and traditions. Most families are busy, so everyday family traditions tend to be simple and quick.

Use the family tradition examples in this section to help you see your daily routines in a new light so that you can elevate one or two of those habits to family tradition status.

1. Hold on for every good morning, good night, and hello or goodbye

In the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it’s easy to fall into the habit of rushed greetings delivered with quick half-second hugs, if at all. And yet, hugging your child for six seconds or more can lead to life-long positive outcomes for them and reduce the harmful effects of stress. Transform that quick hug habit into a tradition of greeting your child that will lift them up and remind them how much you love them.

• Make it official: In some families, they’ll say, “Can I have a Good Morning Hug?” or “Goodbye Hug” or “Hello Hug.” To mix things up and try different kinds of hugs, here’s a list of 21 sweet and silly ways to hug your child, and each hug in that list has its own special name.
• How to do it: Every time you greet your child, such as when they wake up in the morning, before they go to bed at night, or when they get home from school, stop what you’re doing and give them a whole-hearted hug for six seconds or more. To help you start your new hugging tradition, you can take the Hugging Challenge explained here and grab a free printable that will keep you on track.

2. Start your mornings with a full tank

A family’s morning routine can be hectic as everyone rushes around to get ready for school and/or work. That added stress can make everyone in the family snippy with each other, plus it can get kids started off on the wrong foot for the day with stress hormones pumping through their small bodies and impacting how they act at school. To avoid that, start your mornings with a 10-minute family tradition to protect your family against the stress.

• Make it official: In our family, we call this tradition our “Fresh Start,” and we do it before the morning routine starts to get hectic so that we start the day off with our tanks of love full to brimming. One family told me they call this their “Come Together Time,” and they kick it off by playing the Beatles song Come Together. Other options include “Connection Time” or “10-Minute Together Time.”
• How to do it: Set aside 10 minutes in your morning routine. If you don’t have 10 minutes, five minutes can work. And if you can’t find five minutes, you can combine this with something else, like while your child eats breakfast. Have your child pick one of our Family Connection Cards, or you can pick one at random, then do what the card says to do. Because the Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, you’ll both start your day feeling loved and connected, plus you’ll stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

3. Leave surprise messages

Start a tradition of writing a sweet note for your child every day and leaving it somewhere for them to find. You can tell a joke, write down what you admire about them, or just say “I love you.” When your child finds the note you left just for them, they’ll feel special and loved.

• Make it official: Many families call these surprise messages to their child “Love Notes.”
• How to do it: Leave a note in your child’s school lunch box or if they buy lunch at school, you can leave it in their pencil box or backpack. Or as an alternative, you can leave a Post-It note on their bathroom mirror every night for them to find it in the morning. For ideas on what to write, check out 75 Positive Words for Kids That Will Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved.

4. When you get home, run to the bed

After you factor in time for homework, dinner prep and clean-up, and the kids’ bedtime routine plus everything in between, weekday evenings can feel rushed and chaotic. To strengthen your connection after spending the day apart and keep the evening routine free of disconnection-induced speed bumps, start a tradition of stopping to snuggle and connect.

• Make it official: Popular names for this tradition are “Family Cuddle Time” and “Cozy up in Bed Time.”
• How to do it: When you get home on weekdays, call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and encourage everyone to run into your bedroom and pile into the bed. Something about the tight quarters of adults and kids all squished into one bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place. The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for. For the full details on how this tradition works, head over to The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile.

5. Read together

Reading aloud to your child every day is a powerful family tradition because research shows daily read-aloud time grows your child’s brain (literally), increases your child’s capacity for empathy, and even improves their behavior. And no one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: Some families call this tradition “Read-Aloud Time” or “Family Bookish Time.”
• How to do it: Pick a time of day when you can read aloud to your child for 10 minutes, like while they eat breakfast, while they’re in the bath, after everyone is in jammies and ready for bed, or when they’re tucked into bed and ready for lights out. For older kids, you can take turns reading aloud from the same book, or you can read a snippet from an interesting magazine or newspaper article. If you need a great book to read aloud, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: If you’re having trouble finding time to read aloud, turn on an audiobook when you’re driving back and forth to school or running errands, then listen together. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

Related: This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier

6. Stop and eat

If you’re not already sharing one meal a day as a family, this is one of the best family traditions to start. Research shows that children who regularly eat meals together with their family are more likely to experience long-term physical and mental health benefits, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: A simple “Family Dinner” or “Family Breakfast” gets the point across!
• How to do it: Make a tradition of slowing down and coming together as a family for at least one meal a day, whether that’s a quick breakfast shared while standing at the kitchen counter or a sit-down meal at the dinner table.
• Variations: To boost the feelings of love and connection during your shared meals, ask one fun question at every family meal from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. The set includes 150 questions, which gives you enough questions for five months of family dinners. When you ask great questions like that, not only will you be teaching your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to them, what has them worried, what they’re excited about.

7. Go around the block

In busy family life, it can be difficult to make time for getting enough physical exercise. And yet, exercise is not only good for your child’s physical health, but research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Plus, kids who move their bodies every day experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes. To increase your child’s physical activity level (and yours!) so that you get all those benefits, start a family tradition of taking a quick walk after dinner.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this tradition as simply their “Family Walk” or “After-Dinner Walk.”
• How to do it: After dinner, head out for 10 or 15 minutes and walk around your neighborhood. You can talk about your day, make it an informal scavenger hunt and count how many dogs or birds you see, or mix it up by hopping on your bikes for a ride around the block. If it’s already dark out, bring flashlights for an extra dose of fun.
• Variations: As an alternative, if you live in an area that isn’t walkable, you can queue up a yoga video and wind down together while you move through a few yoga poses. Our favorite family yoga video is this fun 17-minute practice:

8. Fill a jar

One powerful family tradition that’s popular with many families is a daily gratitude ritual in the form of a gratitude jar. And for good reason: Research shows that when kids regularly practice gratitude, that increases their happiness and life satisfaction. Not only that, a simple gratitude ritual can improve your physical health, develop your compassion, and help you better cope with stress.

• Make it official: Refer to your jar as the “Gratitude Jar,” “Happiness Jar,” or “Warm Fuzzies Jar.”
• How to do it: Find an empty jar or bowl and make that your family’s new gratitude jar. You can keep it on your kitchen counter or on your dinner table. Then pick a time every day to encourage everyone to reflect on what they’re grateful for, such as at dinnertime. As everyone goes around to share their gratitudes, write each one down on a slip of paper to add to the jar. Over time, the jar will fill up, giving you warm fuzzies just by looking at it. But as an added bonus, if anyone in your family is having a rough day, they can pull out a slip (or five) to reflect back on the good.
• Variations: As an alternative, some families encourage everyone to add gratitude slips to the jar throughout the week, then at Sunday night dinner, they empty the jar out and read aloud all the gratitudes from the week. One more variation on this idea is to create a “good things” jar where you ask everyone in your family to jot down good things whenever they happen. Then once a month and again on New Year’s Eve, empty out the jar and read them aloud to reflect back on all those good things.

9. Take turns writing

Get a shared journal for kids and parents and take turns writing back and forth to each other every day. This family tradition works like magic to get your child to open up about what’s going on in their life so you can stay connected no matter what.

• Make it official: Depending on who’s sharing the journal, you can call it your “Mommy and Me Journal” or “Daddy and Me Journal.”
• How to do it: Pick up a journal designed specifically for kids and parents, or just get a blank journal. On your turn, write something to your child like something funny that happened that day, a memory you have of your child, or something they did that you appreciated. Before bedtime, leave the journal on your child’s pillow, and then it’s their turn to write back and leave it on your pillow the next night. My absolute favorite shared mother-child journal comes in a couple options: mother-daughter and mother-son. For a father-child option, check out this father-daughter or father-son journal. Or for younger kids who aren’t writing yet, you can share a drawing journal like this art journal for moms or for dads.

10. Make bedtime sweet

Bedtime can be stressful for kids for many reasons, from separation anxiety for younger kids to ruminating over worries for older kids. When you slow down for a few minutes and connect through a nightly family tradition, you can help your child destress and calm down so that they have an easier time drifting off to sleep. One of the best ways to do that is by using the power of touch.

• Make it official: Several families said they call this “Bedtime Cuddles” or “Bedtime Snuggles.”
• How to do it: After your child climbs into bed, ask if you can rub their feet or their back. Physical touch like massage helps reduce stress, which can improve kids’ sleep, mood, and behavior. As an alternative, you can use your finger to write a message on your child’s back like “I love you” and have them guess what you wrote. You’ll connect through physical touch, and they’ll feel proud when they figure out the message.

Weekly Family Traditions

When a family ritual happens just once a week, that gives you a little more breathing room to take your time and make it special. In this section, you’ll find family tradition ideas that work well on a weekly basis for reconnecting as a family. With that said, if a weekly rhythm feels like too much to keep up with, many of these work well as monthly family traditions as well.

1. Crank it up

Kick off the weekend with a family dance party every Friday afternoon. Research shows that listening to music together strengthens your bond and builds positive memories. Plus, studies show that young children especially get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat, and that goes for adults too.

• Make it official: If you decide on a standard day for your dance party every week, you can name it with the day, like “Friday Dance Party.” Otherwise, “Family Dance Party” will do the trick!
• How to do it: When everyone gets home on Friday, queue up a few of your family’s favorite upbeat songs. If you have a young child, scoop them up and start dancing. For older kids, challenge them to show off their best (or silliest) dance moves. Show your kids the dance moves that were popular when you were a kid, and ask them to teach you the dance moves popular now. (My teenager trying to teach me to floss always results in giggles for the whole family!) If you need some ideas for your family dance party playlist, check out our playlist of the best kids’ dance songs with clean lyrics.

2. Roll the dice

Set aside one weekend afternoon or evening (or both!) every week for a family game night. Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to bond as a family. Plus, many family games are educational, so your child will be strengthening skills like reading, math, and spatial intelligence without even realizing it because they’re having so much fun.

• Make it official: “Game Night” or “Family Game Night” were the most popular names families gave this tradition.
• How to do it: Let your child pick out a game they want to play, prepare a special snack like popcorn or one of these family game night snacks, and have fun playing together! If you find yourself cringing at the games in your closet (I’m looking at you, Candyland), I’ve gotcha covered. My family runs a small game shop, and we stock only the best family games loved by kids and parents. Here are our picks for the best family game night games. Two of our most popular games include Sleeping Queens – a quick and fun card game you can play with a wide range of ages – and My First Carcassonne – a game of strategy that’s fantastic for growing spatial intelligence and also fun for adults.

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4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

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Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

3. Grab the popcorn

Many families told me their favorite family tradition is family movie night every Friday or Saturday night. As long as you accommodate younger kids when picking which movies to watch together, movies create a fun shared experience for the whole family. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together – known as “co-viewing” – you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Make it official: You can’t go wrong with just a simple “Movie Night” or “Family Movie Night”!
• How to do it: Take turns every week picking which movie to watch and cozy up on the couch together for a shared experience. To make this tradition extra special, add in a fun treat. You can watch new releases, share your childhood favorites, or rewatch one of your family’s all-time faves – the ones you have memorized. To help your child get the most out of the experience of co-viewing a movie, try pointing out interesting details, commenting on similarities between what you’re watching and something in your child’s own life, and pausing the movie after a complicated or potentially confusing scene to talk about what just happened.
• Variations: When the weather warms up, turn your weekly movie night into a backyard movie night. All you need is a projector and a white sheet or a screen to project on, plus blankets to spread in the grass or outdoor chairs. Bonus points if you roast marshmallows over a backyard fire pit. By the way, this is the outdoor projector I got for my husband one year for Father’s Day, and we use it every week during the summer for our Backyard Movie Nights!

4. Fill a basket

Sharing a daily meal as a family can be a powerful family tradition, but depending on your work schedule and your child’s extracurricular activities, having a meal together every day may not be feasible. In that situation, you can set aside one day every weekend to pack a picnic to enjoy as a family, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Not only will your whole family get a healthy dose of fresh air, you’ll also foster the long-term physical and mental health benefits for children who regularly eat meals together with their family, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: The most common name for this tradition is just “Family Picnic,” but I also heard from one family that called this their “Eat Outside Day.”
• How to do it: Grab a blanket that can fit everyone – this is my family’s favorite picnic blanket because nothing soaks through, and it’s easy to clean off – and pack a meal to share. For a special treat, pack something fun your child doesn’t usually get, like a piece of candy or a juice box. You can set up your picnic in your backyard or front yard, at a neighborhood park, along the bank of a stream, river, or lake, in a clearing in a nearby wooded area, or even just on your living room floor. A picnic basket is absolutely not necessary, but if you find that your family enjoys this tradition, you can add this lovely picnic basket to your wish list for future birthdays and holidays. We gifted that one to one of my kids, so every time we get geared up for a family picnic, she loves taking charge of getting the basket packed up.
• Variations: Bring a frisbee, a soccer ball, or an outdoor game you can play together after you eat. Or for younger kids, bring a kite or a bottle of no-spill bubbles.

5. Share the kitchen

No matter if you’re the chef of the family or if you have a partner who usually does the cooking, pick a night every week when you can make dinner together as a family. When you show commitment to sharing responsibilities as a family – like making a meal to share – research shows that makes your family stronger. Plus, you’ll get help in the kitchen instead of everything resting on your shoulders.

Feel free to let the rest of your family take the lead while you take a step back and serve as more of an advisor and pinch hitter when they need help. Bonus tip: If you have trouble with this in general (I know I do!), try brewing yourself a coffee or tea or pouring another favorite beverage to sip on and keep your hands busy.

• Make it official: You might call this tradition your “Teamwork Dinner,” “All Hands on Deck Dinner,” or “Calling All Chefs Night.”
• How to do it: Let your child decide what to make for dinner, then involve them in the work of making it. As an added benefit, they’ll be much more likely to eat a dinner they helped make! Keep in mind that especially when you have younger kids, you can expect the process to take a little longer than usual. Mistakes mean they’re learning. If your kid makes a mess, take a deep breath and try saying something like, “That’s okay, we can clean up when we’re done.”

Related: Want Your Family to Share the Load? Here’s the Best Way to Set Family Goals {Printable}

6. Make it a date

Head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink – coffee for adults, hot chocolate or juice for kids. When you turn a weekly coffee date into a family tradition, you’ll foster relaxed conversations where you take turns talking, which can boost your child’s vocabulary and nurture your child’s storytelling skills, which improves their reading comprehension down the road.

Many families also find that they naturally reminisce during these weekly coffee dates, sharing recent memories or even stories from their family’s history. When you engage in that kind of storytelling with your child on a regular basis, you improve your child’s self-esteem and give them the gift of higher resilience in the face of adversity.

• Make it official: Try “Family Coffee Date.”
• How to do it: Pick a time for your weekly family coffee date and add it to your calendar as a recurring event. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. These conversation starters are designed to boost your connection as a family, plus they’ll help you teach your child the art of a good conversation, unlocking all the powerful benefits listed above. Some families also like to bring along a favorite board or card game to play while they enjoy their drinks. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages, many of which we sell in our family-owned shop here. Among the games we stock, the best portable games for bringing along to a coffee shop are Sleeping Queens, Spot It!, Rat-a-Tat Cat, and Quiddler Junior.

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Quiddler

    
“This has been a go-to game for our family for years, and my teens love it! It’s quick and easy, and you can play it anywhere. We even throw it in a suitcase so we can play when we’re traveling. If you like Scrabble, it’s similar, but this game is easier and allows more people to play.” – Cassie

7. Honor favorite foods

Whatever it is that your family loves to eat, from pizza to breakfast tacos, make it a family tradition to have it on a specific day of the week, every week. That way, you’ll be giving your family something they love on a regular basis, plus whoever handles deciding on meals will have one less meal to figure out every week.

• Make it official: Take whatever food it is you’ll be having and combine it with the day, like Burger Tuesdays, Pizza Wednesdays, or Pancake Saturdays. Bonus points for alliteration like Taco Tuesdays!
• How to do it: If you’re not sure what everyone loves most of all, start a conversation at the dinner table by asking, “What’s your favorite meal that we have on a regular basis?” Then depending on what you hear back, plan to have the top favorite once a week on the same day.
• Variations: If you have differing opinions in your family, you can always have more than one meal tradition, or you can alternate between them. For example, in my family we have Pizza Wednesdays every other week and Breakfast for Dinner the other weeks to accommodate the kids who prefer one over the other.

8. Pick out free books

Set aside one day a week where your family heads to your local library so everyone can pick out a book (or twenty) to check out and take home. When you model regular library use and turn it into a fun family event, you’ll help foster your child’s appreciation for books and set them on the path to becoming a lifelong reader. Research shows that when kids grow up in a home full of books, that gives them a major boost in literacy (and numeracy!) that lasts into the adult years.

• Make it official: If you go the same day every week, you can name your tradition by the day, like “Library Thursdays.” Or if the day changes, you can call it “Library Haul Day” or “Free Books Day.”
• How to do it: When you get to the library, let your child pick out whatever they want, even if it’s a Barbie early reader that makes you cringe. If you criticize your child’s choice in books, they could internalize that and become less interested in picking out books, which can dampen their excitement about reading in general. This is a lesson I learned the hard way with my oldest child. After I realized my mistake, I stepped back and encouraged her choices to rebuild her confidence. She’s now a major bookworm, but it took some time to undo the damage of my “helping.”
• Variations: Go through your owned books to decide whether you have any you’re ready to send to a new home. Then find a Little Free Library in your area, add your books, and pick out a few new-to-you books to take home with you.

Monthly, Quarterly, or Annual Family Traditions

For family traditions that take more than an hour or two, you might find that those work best on a monthly, quarterly, or annual basis. Here, you’ll find ideas for family traditions you might engage in once a month to renew your sense of connection and belonging. If you like a family tradition example in this section but monthly feels like too much to commit to, consider adding it to your calendar once a quarter or once a year.

For all the family tradition examples in this section, many families highly recommend adding the tradition to your calendar as a recurring reminder.

1. Outsource dinner

Picking up takeout for dinner can get pricey fast, especially if you have a big family. But if you can swing it, a monthly takeout night can be a fun family tradition everyone looks forward to. Whoever typically cooks in your family gets a break in the kitchen, and disrupting the regular dinner routine can make the night feel special to everyone else. Bonus points if you try a new restaurant or order something new off the menu for everyone to sample, family-style. Research shows that even a small bit of novelty can deliver a rush of dopamine, and dopamine plays a role in human bonding.

• Make it official: The most popular name for this family tradition is “Family Takeout Night.”
• How to do it: Pick one day a month, and make that your official Family Takeout Night. For example, some families make it the first Friday or Saturday of every month. If dinner isn’t a good fit, another option is to get takeout for another meal, like Family Donut Day or First Saturday Breakfast Tacos. To get the whole family into this tradition, you can rotate who gets to pick the restaurant every month. Also, consider letting your child pick out what they want on the menu. Research shows that when you give your child autonomy to make decisions within reasonable boundaries, their wellbeing improves and you foster a positive emotional family climate.

2. Pick five small acts

You might have heard before that regularly helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life. Research shows that even very young children are happier when helping others. But starting a daily “random acts of kindness” routine can make the experience feel meaningless. To keep the experience meaningful and enjoyable for the whole family, pick one day a month where you intentionally perform five small acts of kindness together. One study found that people who performed five giving acts all in a single day increased happiness.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Kindness Day,” “Random Acts of Kindness Day,” or “Family Kindness Marathon.”
• How to do it: Set aside one day a month for your Family Kindness Day, brainstorm small things your family can do for others, and execute on five of them. To help you brainstorm, check out our list of The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids That Will Teach Compassion. For example:
  • Bake fresh cookies and hand them out to your neighbors.
  • Write a thank-you note to someone.
  • Go through toys and pick some to donate to charity.
  • Collect non-perishable food in your neighborhood and donate it to a local food pantry.
  • If you have an elderly neighbor, help them out by mowing their lawn or weeding their garden.
  • Run a lemonade stand and donate the proceeds to your favorite charity.
  • Surprise a worker with a big tip, like a restaurant server, delivery driver, or your neighborhood coffee shop’s barista.
  • Go through your books to find those you can part with, then find a nearby Little Free Library and restock it.

3. Take a day

While everyone experiences anxious feelings from time to time, research shows that anxiety disorders are on the rise with children. To help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress plus give yourself a break from the daily grind, consider setting aside one day a month as a mental health day.

On your family’s mental health day, you can take a regular weekday off from work and school—or if that’s not feasible, pick your child up early from school. Studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress, and in fact rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it. Because mental health days can be so restorative for kids, some states in the U.S. are even passing legislation to allow kids to take regular mental health days off from school.

• Make it official: The most common name for this tradition is “Mental Health Day,” but I heard from a couple families who call it “Get out of Jail Free Day” in reference to the Monopoly card!
• How to do it: To get the most out of your family’s mental health day, think of something special you can do together. If you all retreat to your favorite form of screen time, that won’t actually help your brain get the rest it truly needs. Research shows that the single most efficient strategy for dealing with stress is physical activity, so find a fun way to move your bodies together, like going on a hike, walking or biking around your neighborhood, taking a basketball or tennis rackets to a nearby park for a quick game, popping in a yoga DVD to do together, or kicking off your day with a family dance party. After that, do something to connect because connection with loved ones is necessary for overcoming stress as well. For example, you could play a fun new board game, read aloud to your child, or make art or color in a coloring book together. As another option, you can grab our Family Connection Cards, then pick one at random to do on your mental health day. The Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, so no matter what card you pick, you’ll be helping your child (and you!) recharge their batteries.

4. Snuggle up and read

One of my family’s favorite traditions is our monthly Family Read-a-Thon. Once a month, we set aside a weekend morning or afternoon, grab a stack of books, and cuddle up on the couch to read. A Family Read-a-Thon gives everyone a fun break from the hustle and bustle of a busy weekend. Plus, studies show that reading aloud grows your child’s brain, builds their empathy for others, and improves their behavior. Remember: No one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: My personal favorite name for this tradition is “Family Read-a-Thon,” but I also heard one family call it their “Family Reading Spree.”
• How to do it: We have a wide range of ages in our family, so we will typically read a handful of picture books and a couple chapters from chapter books. For chapter books, you can start a new book to be your family read-aloud book – and then make it a daily family tradition to read a little bit each day – or you can get a stack of chapter books and read the first five pages of each one for what we call a “book flight,” which just means to sample a handful of books to see which one grabs you most. After that, my kids will often get hooked on their favorite story from our book flight and continue to read that independently after our Read-a-Thon. If you need book recommendations, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: Another option is to start an audiobook you can all listen to together while you do something else, like color in a parent-child coloring book, build with LEGOs or Magna-Tiles, or fold that mountain of laundry that’s been accumulating during the week. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

5. Do nothing

If a monthly mental health day isn’t doable for your family, consider instituting a Do Nothing Day on the weekend where you all spend the day together. Similar to a mental health day, a Do Nothing Day gives you and your child a break from the daily stress of family life, which is important for helping you survive the harmful effects of stress.

• Make it official: Most families call this tradition “Do Nothing Day,” but some alternatives are “Together Day” and “No To-Do-List Day.”
• How to do it: For one weekend day a month, forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run and throw your to-do list out the window. Then as a family, brainstorm one or two fun things you might do together. Keep in mind that TV, video games, or mindless surfing aren’t restorative, but aside from that, go with whatever sounds fun. You can bust out a jigsaw puzzle for the whole family to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort with your kids using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some families use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do as a family. Whatever you decide to do as a family, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

6. Schedule a Day in the Life

Set aside one day a month, quarter, or year to focus on capturing all the small, quiet moments with your family on camera. As parents, we typically grab our phones or cameras to snap a few photos of special events like birthday parties and Halloween costumes, but we don’t always remember to capture the everyday moments that make up the majority of our lives together with our kids. The intent focus on your child’s face as they build with LEGOs. A sweet, impromptu hug between siblings. Shared giggles at the dinner table after everyone’s done eating and is just enjoying the time together. In a couple years, those are the moments you’ll be glad you captured on camera.

• Make it official: This one goes by “A Day in the Life,” but one family said they call it “Family Picture Day.”
• How to do it: Plan on keeping your camera in your hands most of the day, and take a ton of pictures. You can always delete the stinkers later. If you have an older child or a partner who’s interested in playing along, turn the camera over to them for an hour and let them capture moments from their perspective. For more tips on how to start this family tradition, check out 53 photo prompts for your Day in the Life Project from my friend Tiffany.
• Variations: As another option, you can hire a photographer to take candid family photos while you go about your regular day, as opposed to the typical posed family photos we tend to expect when hiring a photographer. And don’t forget video: Set up a video camera or phone to record an everyday moment, like a family meal, reading a bedtime story, or your kids all solving a jigsaw puzzle together. I got a mini tabletop tripod and phone mount for this reason, and I love the videos we’ve captured. (Thanks to my friend Erica for this idea!)

7. Pick your favorites

On the last day of every month, pick your top 10 favorite photos from all the photos you’ve taken on your phone and/or camera that month. Then pop them into a slideshow to share with your family before, during, or after a meal. Reflecting back on those moments as a family will spark your loved ones to share stories of those memories, plus make everyone feel all the feels.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Slideshow” or “Family Photo Round-Up.”
• How to do it: If you have a partner or spouse or an older child who also takes photos, ask them to send their favorites to you to include in the photo slideshow. To create the slideshow, you can use a free tool like Google Slides.
• Variations: To take this a step further, you can devote a wall in your home to displaying prints of your favorite family photos, then get your favorites printed every month, quarter, or year to swap them out. You can DIY this yourself or get a ready-made photo wall display like this. Some families also use these monthly “best of” photos to create a family yearbook. After you pick out your favorite photos, you can make a scrapbook or have them printed into a hardcover book at Shutterfly.

8. Be curious

Challenge your family to learn something new together once in a while, just for fun. Playfully testing out a new hobby or activity will open new neural pathways in your child’s brain, plus regularly learning something new is one of the best steps you can take to keep your own brain healthy as you age. A few months ago, we decided as a family that it would be fun to learn how to talk in a British accent, so we took a weekend morning to watch a few videos about how to do it, then challenged ourselves to talk that way the rest of the day. Our accents were horrible, but we had a blast, and the kids still talk about that day, months later.

• Make it official: A couple names to consider are “Family Curiosity Day” or “Be Curious Day.”
• How to do it: In a central location, you can keep a running list of things that sound fun to learn and encourage everyone in the family to add to it whenever inspiration strikes. Some families have a special notebook they keep on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter, and they call it their “curiosity journal.” Then once a month or whatever frequency works for your family, set aside a morning or afternoon to pick something to learn together. You can watch videos together, check out books from the library ahead of time, look for apps focused on whatever you want to learn, or ask someone you know to give you an in-person lesson. To kick off your curiosity journal, here are a few ideas: learn a new language, go bird-watching, pick up knitting or crocheting, practice yoga, tackle something new in the kitchen like baking bread from scratch, make origami, learn magic tricks, take your photography skills to the next level, try geocaching, make candles or soap, or take up astronomy.

9. Collect change to make change

Challenge your family to collect any spare change they come across, then once a month count it up together and decide on a charity where you can donate it. You’ll be teaching your child the importance of giving back, plus research shows that helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life.

• Make it official: In my family, we call this “The Great Change Round-Up,” but I heard from one family that called it their “Spare Change Drive.”
• How to do it: Set up a jar for collecting spare change and keep it in an easily accessible location. (Important: If you have young children who still put things in their mouths, be sure to keep this jar out of their reach! One of my kids once swallowed a coin and ended up in the hospital, so I learned the hard way that you can never be too careful.) Tell your child any time they come across a coin on the ground, they can pick it up to add to your spare change jar. You can also plant some seeds about where else they can find spare change, like in the nooks and crannies of your vehicle, in pants pockets in the laundry hamper, under couch cushions (side benefit: my kids will regularly pull them out and clean up everything under the cushions, looking for spare change!), and so on. Kids tend to get excited by the challenge of seeing how much they can find, and you might even catch them asking neighbors and relatives if they have any spare change to donate to charity.
• Variations: In our family, we also set up a “matching” program where however much the kids scrounged up, we match that penny for penny to double the donation and make an even bigger impact.

10. Walk in the dark

Every night of a full moon, get the whole family outside for a nighttime walk to experience the magic of the night. When you cultivate these moments of awe and wonder for your child, it benefits their physical, mental, and emotional well-being, plus it makes them kinder and more generous.

• Make it official: Many families call these walks “Full Moon Walks.”
• How to do it: You can automatically add the phases of the moon to your Google Calendar. Then on those evenings, plan for a quick dinner so you can head out for a Full Moon Walk afterwards. Listen for the sounds of nighttime, and point out any wildlife or plants you happen to notice.

Family Traditions to Celebrate Milestones

Simply put, family celebrations are fun. But research shows they’re important too: Like other types of family traditions, celebrations strengthen your bond as a family. When a child or someone else in your family reaches an important milestone, here are a few family tradition examples to help you celebrate.

Birthday Traditions

Kids (and most adults!) love to feel special on their birthday. Use the ideas in this section to harness the power of family traditions and delight your child every birthday.

1. Say yes

Surprise your child by saying “yes” when you’d usually say “no.” Can I have a piece of chocolate? Yes! Can we play a game? Yes! Can you teach me how to drive? Uhh…yes? You definitely don’t have to go to the extremes the parents in the movie Yes Day did, but a “yes day” can be a family tradition your child looks forward to all year. In fact, one of my kids once told me she didn’t care if she got any physical presents on her birthday. All she wanted was a yes day!

• Make it official: “Yes Day” gets the point across perfectly!
• How to do it: You can tell your child ahead of time that their birthday will be a yes day, or you can surprise them on the morning of their birthday. If they’re not familiar with the concept, you can pick up a copy of the sweet picture book Yes Day and read that together. Many families find it helpful to set some boundaries for yes days. For example, in my family we give the birthday kid a monetary budget they have to stick to that day. When the money’s gone, it’s gone, and they have to switch to free activities. As an added bonus, your child will get practice working through tough (for them) spending decisions like, “Do I get the new toy I want, or do I order every dessert on the menu?”

2. Send a message in a bottle

As every parent knows, kids grow up fast. In the words of author Gretchen Rubin, “The days are long, but the years are short.” To capture the sweetest memories of your child before they slip through your fingers, start a birthday letter tradition. On your child’s birthday, write them a letter to capture what they’re like right now, what they’re passionate about, what you love about them, and anything else that pops into your head.

• Make it official: A simple “Birthday Letter” works well.
• How to do it: Write a birthday letter to your child on paper or in a word processing app on your computer. You can either give your child the letter now, or you can save them all until they’re older or until they turn 18 to share with them. Some parents do this and then present all the letters as a high school graduation present.
• Variations: If email is more your speed, you can set up an email account for your child and email them a letter every birthday.

3. Make their favorite

Whatever your child’s favorite dinner is, make that for their birthday. Or if their favorite dinner is from a restaurant, pick up takeout as a birthday treat. This is a simple way to make your child feel special on their birthday.

• Make it official: You can call this “Birthday Girl/Boy’s Choice” for dinner.
• How to do it: This family tradition may require planning ahead, so a few days before your child’s birthday, ask them what they want for dinner. Or if you already know what their favorite is, you can just surprise them with that on the big day.

4. Measure and celebrate

Make it a family tradition to mark your child’s height on a doorframe or wall in your home on their birthday every year. You’ll marvel at how they grow over time, and they’ll beam at the visible proof of getting older and bigger.

• Make it official: You might call this tradition “Measure-Up Time” or a “Birthday Height Check.”
• How to do it: Find a doorframe or wall that’s out of the way where you can get away with adding pencil marks every year, then set a reminder in your calendar or phone to mark your child’s height. Or if you want to create a family keepsake, you can get a standalone growth chart like this wooden “ruler” and attach it to a wall.
• Variations: To take this family tradition one step further, you can do something to celebrate how much your child has grown. For example, if they grew an inch, you can let them pick out an inch worth of candy bars at the store. Or for every inch they’ve grown, you can give them $10 in birthday money.

School Traditions

Whether your child goes to school outside the home or you homeschool, these family tradition examples are the perfect fit for celebrating milestones related to that huge part of your child’s life.

1. Interview your child

On the first day of school every year, take a few minutes to ask your child a handful of thought-provoking questions and record their answers. You’ll capture a heartwarming snapshot of them as they are right now and after a few school years, you’ll have a one-of-a-kind memento.

• Make it official: Try calling this the “First Day Interview” or “Back to School Interview.”
• How to do it: Get my free printable first day of school questions here, print the questionnaire, and fill it out with your child on the first day of school. Don’t worry if your kid is in seventh grade and you haven’t ever done this before. It’s never too late to start! If you enjoy the first-day-of-school interview, you can also get a free first-day-of-summer questionnaire here for a similar family tradition after the last day of school.
• Variations: If your child is open to it, another alternative is to pull out your phone and record a video of your child verbally answering the questions from the questionnaire.

2. Get a special treat

On the first and/or last day of school, make it a tradition to celebrate with a special treat. Whether you make a treat at home or go out to pick it up from a restaurant or store, you’ll give your child something to look forward to. If your child feels anxious or worried about the first day of school, something to get excited about can be a welcome distraction.

• Make it official: Combine the name of the treat with the milestone, like “First Day of School Pancakes” or “Last Day of School Ice Cream.”
• How to do it: On the morning of, you could make pancakes, grab breakfast tacos, or pick up donuts on the way. After the school day, you can go out for ice cream, take the whole family to a favorite restaurant, or make a special dinner your child loves but doesn’t get very often. (In our house, the kids always pick mac-n-cheese!) One more idea I heard from a few families was to celebrate with a bonfire and s’mores in the backyard.

3. Snap a photo

Pick a place inside your home, on your porch, or in your yard that you can use every year to take first-day-of-school photos. While your child may grumble now, photos taken in the same place once a year will give you an invaluable memento, like a time-lapse series showing how your child has grown over the years.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this tradition as “First Day of School Photos.”
• How to do it: If you’ve tried this before, you probably already know that this isn’t most kids’ favorite back-to-school family tradition. To grease the wheels, you can talk with your child ahead of time about the photos and why they’re important to you, then ask for their ideas on how the experience could be more fun for them. For example, maybe they want to take a silly photo where they’re doing a handstand or making a goofy face. Or they might hate standing still, so you could break it up by having them do jumping jacks or run around the yard while you snap some action shots. As an alternative, if your child is excited about something they got for the new school year like a snazzy lunchbox or backpack, encourage them to show that off in the photos.

Want More?

For more ideas to help you feel even closer as a family, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond.

Your Turn

What are your favorite family tradition examples? Share in a comment below!

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The post Want a Close-Knit Family? The Best 35 Family Traditions, According to Science appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One weekend afternoon, I was reading on the couch while my 8-year-old had flopped on her belly on the living room rug, head bent over a notebook and a pencil in hand.

Out of nowhere, she picked up her notebook and threw it across the floor. “Ugh!”

I looked up, surprised. “Hey,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

She let her head drop to the rug, her voice muffled. “I’m trying to write this stupid story, and I can’t get it to come out like I see it in my head.”

In my first few years as a parent, that’s the point at which I would have unleashed a barrage of words of encouragement for my child, thinking I was helping.

You can do it.
I believe in you.
Don’t give up!

But after experiencing several moments like that, I realized my attempts at boosting my kids back up weren’t actually helping them overcome discouragement. In fact, my encouraging words sometimes seemed to intensify my kids’ negative feelings.

Then years later during my training as a Certified Parent Educator, it finally made sense. Because I learned why words of encouragement for kids aren’t the best solution for moments when your child is feeling discouraged or frustrated.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 125 most encouraging words for kids, plus a quick reference of the research-backed M-A-P technique for motivating and inspiring your child.

Why Words of Encouragement Don’t Always Work

Think back to the last time you felt discouraged and you confided in a friend or your partner.

Now imagine that your loved one said nothing to acknowledge your disappointment. Instead, they busted out a stream of positive platitudes like, “It’ll all work out!” or “You can do it!” You’d probably feel frustrated. You’d feel unheard and unseen.

And you certainly wouldn’t feel ready to move past that discouragement so that you could learn from the situation and come up with a solution.

So What Does Work?

As parents, we hate seeing our kids frustrated and discouraged, so we’re anxious to push past those negative feelings and jump right to words of encouragement or telling our child how to fix the problem.

But research shows that when someone is experiencing emotional upset, what they need first and foremost is to feel validated.

Because until a child feels heard and seen, they can’t move forward into solving the problem or learning from the experience. In fact, without validation, their mood is likely to get worse.

In other words, without that essential first step of validating your child’s feelings, you could shower them in all the words of encouragement for kids known to humankind, and all those well-intentioned words would just go in one ear and out the other.

Here’s a Simple Way to Remember: The M-A-P Technique

When your child experiences moments of discouragement, it’s like they’re lost in a labyrinth and can’t find their way out. Everywhere they look, they see tall hedges pressing in on them – they’re overwhelmed by their scary negative feelings and lacking the life experience or brain maturity to know those feelings will pass.

The good news? As a parent, you can help your child get un-stuck and find their way out of that maze so they can learn and grow from the experience. All you need to do is give them a map.

So when you find yourself in those moments, remember the three steps of the research-backed M-A-P technique below to jog your memory about how to react and help your child move forward.

But First, a Warning

Making this shift in regards to encouraging words for kids might take some practice. Nobody expects perfection, so please be kind to yourself!

Here’s the deal: The simple fact that you’re reading this post tells me that you care deeply about the child or children in your life, and you want to do better. Stopping to reflect on how you’re encouraging them and whether you could do an even better job is no small thing.

1. Mirror

This is the first and most important step of the M-A-P technique, and it can take anywhere from less than a minute to 10 minutes – or more, depending on how upset your child is.

How to do it: Pretend you’re a mirror and reflect back what your child is experiencing, by naming the emotion they seem to be experiencing.

For example, you might say one of the mirroring statements below and use your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language to mirror how your child is feeling and to align with your own words. Much of human communication is non-verbal, so by aligning your words and the non-verbal cues you’re sending, you’ll communicate in a meaningful way that you really do get how your child is feeling.

Sometimes, a mirroring statement is enough to deflate the ballooning negative emotion. But other times, your child may need more comfort. In those situations, you could open your arms to offer a hug, rub their back or shoulder, or invite them to sit with you then cuddle in silence while breathing deeply.

If they still seem overwhelmed by their negative emotions, take 5 or 10 minutes to connect together. You could go on a quick walk around the block, kick off an impromptu dance party, or read together. This isn’t always necessary, but just a few minutes can help your child clear their head so they can find their way out of that scary maze.

Related: Family Connection Cards: Nurture a Relationship That Will Last {Printable}

2. Ask

After you get a sense that your child feels heard and understood and their negative emotions have started to dissipate, you can proceed to the next step.

How to do it: Ask a question to engage your child’s problem-solving skills so they can move forward in a positive way.

Why this step is important: Nurturing your child’s problem-solving skills is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. Kids who lack problem-solving skills may be at a higher risk for depression and suicide. On the other hand, when you teach children problem-solving skills, research shows that kids are less likely to have behavioral issues, plus they get better at controlling their own impulsive behavior.

Teaching children problem-solving skills is such a powerful intervention that one of the researchers behind those studies even went on to develop a program called I Can Problem Solve. When kids learn problem-solving skills through this classroom-based training program, studies show those kids benefit from improved academic achievement, have an easier time making friends and getting along with others, experience greater resilience in coping with frustration, and show decreased physical, verbal, and relational aggression.

3. Prop Up

After your child articulates a lesson learned or brainstorms a potential solution, that’s the best time for this final step: Share positive words of encouragement for kids that will prop them up.

Remember that the Mirror and Ask steps are essential so that your child will be capable of actually hearing and absorbing your words of encouragement. I used to jump straight to this final step with my kids and skip the previous two steps, and that never worked.

By leaving words of encouragement for kids as the last step, your child will feel they earned and deserve that encouragement, rather than feel like you’re dishing out empty praise.

A handy trick for making sure you stick to specifics and praise your child’s actions is to start off with “You…” then complete the sentence by describing what your child did.

Why this step is important: Rewards shape human behavior, and studies show that our brains respond to social approval like praise in the same way they respond to monetary rewards. Verbal praise and supportive gestures like high-fives make us feel good, plus they can encourage children to try again after a mistake or failure.

When you praise a child’s actions or choices, you can motivate them to stick with a challenging task. This is even true for toddlers, and that boost in motivation can stick with kids several years later.

Research also shows that words of encouragement can help develop your child’s social skills, such as encouraging them to help others in the future.

Related: 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth {Printable}

Inspire And Motivate Your Child: The Best 125 Encouraging Words for Kids

Get your free printable list of the most powerful words of encouragement for kids here. You can keep this list on your nightstand, tuck it in your purse or wallet, or leave it on the driver’s seat of your car as a handy reminder for the moments when your child feels discouraged. These phrases work for a wide range of ages from young children to teenagers, but you know your child best, so choose the phrases you think will most encourage your child.

The printable also includes a refresher of the 3-step M-A-P technique from earlier in this post so that your words of encouragement for kids will actually work. Because until you validate your child’s feelings and engage their problem-solving skills, sharing encouraging words would be a bit like lobbing a half-deflated ball towards them, then watching as your words fall flat without even reaching your child.

Quick tip: For some of these encouraging phrases, you can make an even more positive impact by first starting with one sentence to acknowledge your child’s actions, choices, or effort, starting with the word “You…” For example, “You didn’t know how to draw a dog, then you came up with a plan to watch a video tutorial.” When you start with that before sharing words of encouragement for kids, you help them see the whole story of their own struggle and how they moved forward from it.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

For this next set of phrases, think of a small win or improvement you can point out first, then share the words of encouragement. Research shows that pointing out someone’s progress on small things can help motivate them to keep going after their big dreams.

1. You’re improving/getting better already.
2. You’ve made a lot of progress already.
3. You’re getting the hang of it!
4. Even though you’re not there yet, you’re closer than you were yesterday/this morning/an hour ago.
5. You’ve come a long way already.
6. Look how far you’ve come.

16. What time is your test/presentation? I’ll set a timer on my phone and at that moment, I’ll close my eyes and think of you, taking deep breaths and wishing you calm, confident energy.
17. When I was in school, I remember being so nervous about every test! You’re not alone.
18. When you get home today, let’s do something fun together to celebrate having this done. What sounds good to you?

Encouraging Words to Recognize Kids for Helpful Behavior

If your child’s struggle relates to doing something helpful, such as resisting helping with chores or a sibling scuffle over taking turns with a toy, these phrases can shift their internal dialogue and encourage them to make the helpful choice in the future.

Quick tip: When you’re trying to encourage helpful behavior, you’ll make the most impact when you draw the connection to who your child is, like being a helper or being a kind person. Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. Here’s why: Your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

1. You had an opportunity to be a helper, and you stepped up to the plate.
2. Thank you for being a helper.
3. Your sister/brother/friend needed help, and you chose to be a helper. How do you think they feel now?
4. I appreciate that you’re such a helper.
5. This goes faster when we do it together.
6. We’re like little worker bees, working on this together!
7. It feels good to be a helper, doesn’t it?
8. Let’s celebrate with something fun when we’re done!
9. This is more fun when we do it together.
10. Thank you for pitching in! How does it feel to be a helper?
11. I see you being a helper, and I appreciate it.
12. When we all pitch in together, that feels good inside.
13. That was a tough decision, and you made the choice to be a kind/generous/brave person.
14. That’s what a thoughtful/kind/brave person does.
15. I love seeing you be a helper.
16. Seeing you do that makes me smile.
17. That was a big task/project, and you stuck to it until it was done. What a hard worker you are!
18. Sometimes it’s hard to make the kind/generous/brave choice, but you did it.
19. You took a moment to think about your sister/brother/friend, and you made the choice to be a helper.
20. You put yourself in their shoes to feel what they were feeling. That’s called empathy, and being an empathetic person is so important.
21. Friends/sisters/brothers look out for each other, and that’s exactly what you did.
22. I love seeing you work together.
23. You have a kind/generous heart. You inspire me.
24. Your choices matter.
25. When you cleaned up the toys/loaded the dishwasher, that showed me that you’re a helper.
26. You are an example to your friends/siblings.

Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids – some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras they hear from their older siblings!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow – and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Grab your own set of mindset posters here, pair them with a set of colored pencils, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from their mistakes. A growth mindset is one of the best traits you can nurture in your child!

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 125 Encouraging Phrases for Kids

When your child feels discouraged, use this cheat sheet of the most encouraging words to inspire and motivate them.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Keep your cheat sheet somewhere handy like in your nightstand or in your purse or wallet.
4. Say a phrase to your child. Use the research-backed M-A-P technique to make sure your child is ready to hear your encouraging words, then share a phrase from the cheat sheet. (If you need a refresher, the cheat sheet also includes a quick run-down of the 3-step M-A-P technique!)

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

The Most Powerful Way to Respond When Your Kid Gives Up

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Your Turn

What are your go-to encouraging words for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One morning a while back, my toddler tackled me in a bear hug. As his pudgy arms clung to my neck, I felt my shoulders relax, and my jaw unclenched. The stress of the moment melted away, and I felt fully and deeply connected to my child.

But then I glanced at my oldest, now a teenager, sitting on the couch.

And my stomach twisted with an uncomfortable thought: When was the last time I hugged her like that? I couldn’t remember.

My mind jumped to my other kids, 8 and 6, who were upstairs playing pretend in their room. I racked my brain, trying to think back to our last hugs.

Quick squeezes and pecks on the head, but I couldn’t recall more than that.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable that will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

The Importance of Hugging Your Child: 6 Powerful Benefits

As a Certified Parent Educator, I’m trained on the science behind hugs and the benefits of hugging your child.

And yet, I’d gotten so caught up in the go-go-go of daily parenting life that I’d slipped into a bad habit of quick half-second hugs to say good morning or when my kids headed out for the day.

So I went back to review my notes on exactly how a habit of hugging your child for several seconds impacts them. And I uncovered both short-term and long-term benefits:

• A parent’s affection shapes a child’s happiness for life – Several studies have shown that warmth and affection expressed by a parent to their child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems.
• A parent’s affection protects a child – Parental warmth and affection can protect a child from the harmful effects of stress, leading to better mental and physical health outcomes for the child.
• A parent’s affection increases a child’s empathy – When a child receives parental warmth and affection, they’re less likely to experience depression and anxiety as an adult, plus they demonstrate a greater capacity for empathy and compassion.
• Hugs promote bonding – Warm, affectionate contact like a hug increases oxytocin, which is a hormone in the body that promotes bonding in a relationship and facilitates feelings of trust between humans.
• Hugs reduce stress – Scientists have also found evidence that oxytocin can reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body and promote feelings of relaxation.
• Hugs boost your mood – After an increase in oxytocin, the body releases serotonin. You’ve probably heard of serotonin before because it’s known as the “happy chemical” because it boosts your mood.

To add to all that, I know that if I want nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now.

So I decided to renew my commitment to hugging my children – truly hugging them, not just quick squeezes.

My go-to solution? The Hugging Challenge.

The Science Behind Hugging Your Child

The Hugging Challenge works because it’s based on the science behind hugs and the science behind behavior change.

Before we get into the specifics of how the Hugging Challenge works, first here’s a quick recap of what research tells us about great hugs:

• How long you hold on matters – When you hold a hug for several seconds, oxytocin and serotonin start flowing. Those are the chemicals that promote bonding and reduce your stress, plus they boost your mood. Science hasn’t given us a definitive answer yet on exactly how long a hug needs to last to get those benefits, but the author of The Happiness Project discovered research indicating that six seconds is where the magic starts to happen. In other words, if you want to nurture your bond with your child, a super-short hug won’t cut it. Hold on until you start to feel relaxed.
• How often you hug matters, too – How many hugs do we need a day? Research shows that just one hug a day can improve your mood and decrease conflict in the relationship afterwards. Researcher and author Dr. Sara Gottfried says that in order to reap the full benefits of the oxytocin that hugs can stimulate, you need to give or receive eight hugs a day. Eight hugs a day of seven seconds adds up to 56 seconds. That means that in less than a minute a day, you can boost your child’s mood (and yours) plus strengthen your bond.

To add to that, world-renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir who’s known as the “Mother of Family Therapy” was famous for saying this:

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival.

We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.

We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

Virginia Satir

The Hugging Challenge also builds on the science behind behavior change. For example, below you’ll get a visual cue to serve as a gentle, physical reminder of the goal you set to give your child great hugs. Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

But here’s the best part: Giving your child several heartfelt hugs a day can be a keystone habit that will nurture your parent-child relationship in a deep way. Keystone habits are special because they kick off a chain reaction, influencing several aspects of your life at once. Translation: You can focus on just one keystone habit, and you’ll experience several positive impacts.

Here’s a quick example of how a keystone habit works:

“Take, for instance, studies from the past decade examining the impacts of exercise on daily routines. When people start habitually exercising, even as infrequently as once a week, they start changing other, unrelated patterns in their lives, often unknowingly. Typically, people who exercise start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed…[For] many people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change.”

Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit†

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

In my personal experience and in my work with families as a Certified Parent Educator, taking that one simple step of saying “yes” to a healthy hugging habit ends up improving your relationship with your child as a whole.

You’ll feel more connected, and you’ll likely find that you have more patience with your child. And because connection breeds cooperation, your child may start to listen more and be more cooperative.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

How to Take the Hugging Challenge

Think back to the last couple times you hugged your child. Were they quick squeezes hello or goodbye? Or did you hold on long enough to feel your child relax into you?

To strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide, try the Hugging Challenge for one week.

This is something I do once in a while to reconnect with the importance of hugging my child, and it works like magic. It’s easy and quick so I can fit it into my busy day, and it gently breaks a “quick squeeze” hug habit, replacing it with a whole-hearted hug habit.

Here’s how the Hugging Challenge works:

1. Promise yourself. Set a personal goal to give your child eight great hugs every day for a week.
2. Say it. Say your promise out loud or write it down to make the commitment official: “I will hug my child eight times today and every day this week.”
   • This is called an implementation intention, and hundreds of studies have shown they help you stick to your goals.
   • To get the full benefit of your implementation intention, be as specific as you can. For example, you might list specific times you plan to hug your child, like this: “I will hug my child eight times today and every day this week – once when they wake up, before every meal, anytime we say goodbye, at bedtime, and a couple more spontaneous hugs.”
3. Track it. Grab the bonus Hugging Challenge tracker at the end of this post, and use it to keep track of your hugs and mark off one box for every awesome hug you deliver.
   • This is a visual cue to help you form the habit.
   • Keep your tracker somewhere handy but visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child. For every hug, make sure it lasts at least 6 seconds or until you start to feel relaxed.
   • If you want to recalibrate yourself during the first few hugs, you can count in your head while you hug your child, but just for fun instead of your typical second-counting phrase like One Mississippi, two Mississippi… or One one thousand, two one thousand, you can try One I love you, two I love you…
   • If you want to add a dash of fun and playfulness to your Hugging Challenge and delight your child at the same time, surprise them with a new kind of hug. Find a new hug to try in this list: 21 Sweet and Silly Hugs to Make Your Child Feel Loved.
   • Important: While hugging your child is beneficial for you both, the point is not to force hugs on anyone. Just as you probably aren’t always in the mood for a hug, your child sometimes may not want a hug either. You can ask a simple question like “Can I have a hug?” or “Hey, you got a second for a hug?” to remind your child they get to decide. Or as another option, you can use this genius solution to put your child in the driver’s seat on the kind of affection they want.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Get Your Free Printable: The Hug Tracker

Use this free Hugging Challenge tracker to strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

1. Get the free printable. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print your Hugging Challenge tracker.
3. Keep it handy and visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child, aiming for eight 6-second hugs a day. On your tracker, mark off one box for every awesome hug you give your child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable hug tracker:

Your Turn

What are your thoughts on the importance of hugging your child? Share in a comment belo

The post How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Some days, it feels like I spend every waking second with my kids.

From the time they wake up in the morning until we put them to bed, we’re together. Whether they’re screeching like pterodactyls while I’m on an important phone call, seeking me out for every little sibling-inflicted injustice, or asking for food every 13 minutes, the constant barrage is well, constant.

Meanwhile, I have my own list of stuff I need to get done. Dishes, laundry, making meals (which means more dishes). Work, conference calls, email. Bills, budgeting, birthday planning. Rinse and repeat, all day every day.

And this isn’t unique to me. Research shows that in today’s world, we parents are spending more time than ever with our kids:

“The amount of time mothers and fathers spend in child care has been climbing since the 1970s. Fathers’ time has nearly tripled from 2.6 hours a week spent with kids in 1965 to 7.2 in 2010. Mothers’ time with children rose from 10.5 hours a week in 1965 to 13.7 in 2010.”

The Washington Post

We’re spending tons more time with our kids, but it’s not like our responsibilities as parents are decreasing to balance that out. If anything, our plates are fuller than they’ve ever been.

And so when one of my kids comes up to me and asks me to play pretend or read them a book or join a quick card game, my knee-jerk reaction is typically some variation of this: “Sorry honey, I don’t have time.”

But Here’s the Problem

With a finite number of hours in the day and an overflowing to-do list, I’m forever trying to get the maximum number of things knocked off my list in the limited time I have.

While I’m doing the dishes, I’m thinking through whether we have enough clean laundry to last another day. While I’m eating lunch, I’m making a list of phone calls to make after I’m done. While I’m sorting through the clutter that’s accumulated on my kitchen counter and multiplied like Gremlins, I’m making a mental grocery list.

So when one of my kids interrupted that go-go-go inertia and asked me to spend a few minutes of quality time with them, I felt absolutely justified in saying no. We spend so much time together already. Isn’t that enough?

But the truth is that in those moments, I’ve been missing the bigger picture.

While it’s true that my kids and I are together a lot, the time we’re spending together isn’t exactly…quality time. I’m always doing something else from the never-ending list in my head. Which means I’m paying only partial attention to the kids when they need something or try to connect with me.

So all that time we’re spending together isn’t giving my children the one thing they need most of all: connection.

Quick win: Get these Family Connection Cards so you can stop feeling guilty about spending quality time with your child and nurture the kind of close relationship that will stand the test of time – in just 10 minutes a day.

What Happens When Kids Don’t Get Enough Quality Time?

Unfortunately, when kids are feeling disconnected from their parents, that will result in more power struggles and less cooperation when you ask them to do something. Connection breeds cooperation, and disconnection breeds discord.

In other words, when I say no, sorry, not right now, that disconnection can lead to more sibling squabbles, grumbling when I ask for help to fold the laundry, conveniently “not hearing me” when I ask them to pick up their toys, and more.

And yet, as parents we’ve got real, grown-up, honest-to-goodness responsibilities. It’s not like we can just sit around playing LEGOs all day.

Here’s the good news: Not too long ago, I had an epiphany that changed everything for me as a parent. And because of that, I uncovered a simple 10-minute solution to this problem so many parents struggle with. You can skip ahead to the solution here, or you can keep reading the next section to find out the epiphany that led me there.

Skip Ahead: Want to Spend Quality Time With Kids? This Is a Must

The Simple Analogy That Made All the Difference

One day a while back when I was washing dishes, my 6-year-old walked up and asked me to play a game with her.

We were literally all out of clean bowls and spoons, so I gave a variation of my standard reply: “I would love to, but I need to get this done. Maybe later.”

She hung her head and shuffled off, dragging her feet.

I sighed. Don’t they realize I’d love to just stop and play? Don’t they know how busy I am? Don’t they appreciate me?!

While I scrubbed dried oatmeal off bowls, I kept wallowing in the hurt.

Then I picked up the crockpot. And as I poured elbow grease into scraping off the previous night’s caked-on curry sauce, an off-the-wall thought hit me: Kids are not crockpots.

With a crockpot, you can spend a few minutes mindlessly throwing ingredients together, hit a button, and your dinner will happily simmer all day. No attention required. When you’re ready for dinner, it’s there, ready to meet your needs and fulfill your wishes.

In a way, that was exactly how I was treating my kids. I expected that I could give them a big bear hug in the morning, then let them simmer in the background all day with no quality one-on-one attention from me.

And when I wanted something from them – for them to brush their teeth without me nagging them 72 times, for them to put their laundry away before the cats knocked over the neat piles and it had to be folded all over again, for them to put away one board game before getting out the next – I expected them to be ready to meet my needs and fulfill my wishes.

Spending Time With Kids Is NOT About Quantity

Even though my crockpot “aha” moment that day was a bizarre analogy, it did help my hurt feelings dissipate. And it made me realize that when it comes to spending time with kids, it’s about quality not quantity. As I later learned, research shows that the quality of time you spend with your child is way more important than the quantity of time you spend.

That day, I decided to test my odd little crockpot theory. I turned off the water, dried my pruney hands, and sought out my 6-year-old.

When I found her at the kids’ art table, she was drawing in a sketch book, the tip of her tongue sticking out one side of her mouth.

“Hey,” I said. “I have a question for you.” She looked up. “I’m going to give you two options, and you tell me which one you pick.”

She tilted her head a little to one side. “Okay.”

“Here’s the first option: Your life is exactly as it is right now. I’m here with you all the time getting stuff done around the house and getting my work done. Because I’m so busy, I don’t have time to play with you. I give you a hug in the morning and I’m there all the time, but we don’t have time to stop and read together or play, just you and me.”

She just stared back, so I continued.

“And here’s the second option: During the day, you and I would see each other three times a day, for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. That’s about enough time to play a game of UNO. And when we saw each other, I wouldn’t be doing anything else except just being with you. We could do whatever you wanted – read a book, play a game, draw together, play pretend. But it would just be for 10 or 15 minutes at a time, three times a day. And then the next time you would see me would be at the dinner table with the whole family. Then we would all spend the evening together as a family like normal until bedtime.”

I paused and opened my mouth to ask which she’d pick, when she beat me to the punch. “The second one,” she said.

“Are you sure?” I raised my eyebrows. “You wouldn’t get to see me most of the day. Just those three times.”

She nodded and grinned. “The second one sounds really fun. We could play so much!”

I stood there, this phrase like a gong in my head: Quality time, not quantity.

“So?” she said. “Can we do that today?”

I laughed. “Sure.”

I sat down next to her and pulled out another sketch book, and we sat and drew together and chatted for 10 minutes. We talked about what we were drawing, how she wants to be an artist when she grows up, and how my “cat” turned out looking more like a hairy foot.

Get Your Copy: The 10-Minute Solution to Spending Quality Time With Your Child

The Important Thing to Remember About Quality Time With Kids

The rest of that day, my daughter surprised me a couple times. After lunch, she cleaned up everyone’s dishes and loaded the dishwasher – without being asked. At another point, she walked up to me, and I thought she was going to ask me for something. But she just gave me a quick hug then ran off to play.

Above all, I noticed that afternoon, she shined a little brighter. Like I’d filled her tank of unconditional love.

And all it took was 10 minutes of stopping and being in the moment with her. She showed me that just 10 minutes of quality time with kids can pay much bigger dividends to your parent-child relationship and to your family as a whole.

But What About Those Moments When You Really Are Busy?

Having a sleep-deprivation-induced epiphany about crockpots and kids is one thing. Shifting your behavior in light of that epiphany is a whole other beast.

I knew I’d need to change something so that I wouldn’t fall back into that same harried mentality that made me say “no not right now” or “I’m too busy” or “sorry maybe later.”

My question to my daughter about what she’d prefer was enlightening. But I couldn’t actually skedaddle away from my family all day long and just pop back in two or three times a day. At least not until I get my dream “she shed.”

But I knew that adding “quality time with my kids” to my never-ending to-do list would just be One More Thing to add to my overwhelm and stress.

To make the most of this epiphany, any change to my daily routine would need to be simple. I’d need to make it automatic, not another task on my list. And it would need to be fun. If at any point, my kids or I felt like it was a chore, that important quality time would turn sour fast.

Want to Spend Quality Time With Kids? This Is a Must

How many times have you set a goal – to exercise more, or to eat healthier, or to stop watching silly reality TV on Netflix so you can get to bed at a decent hour – only to revert back to the status quo after a few days or a couple weeks?

This is where habits will save you. They work because they put your brain on autopilot so you don’t even have to muster up the willpower to do something. You just go through your normal routine, and it happens.

Brushing your teeth, taking a shower, and guzzling that first cup of coffee in the morning are all examples of things you might do on autopilot.

That day, I flipped open my book Happy You, Happy Family to the chapter titled Build the Right Habits to figure out what would work best.

And I found the solution to putting “quality time with kids” on autopilot: a visual cue.

Let Me Explain

Visual cues are a powerful science-backed tool that will remind you of a habit when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example, suppose you wanted to start flossing more regularly. You could put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror to remind you to floss every night before brushing your teeth. Or if you were trying to start a morning exercise habit, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before.

But spending quality time with your child is a unique situation. Because not only do you need to put it on autopilot in the first place, you also need to know what to do during that quality time.

I could have put a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that said “spend 10 minutes of quality time with kids,” but then the next barrier would be to figure out what to do during those 10 minutes. And yet to keep the quality time fun and not a chore, I’d need fresh ideas every day to keep things interesting for my kids – and for me.

My tired, overwhelmed brain had never proven to be all that great at coming up with fun new ideas on the fly for spending time with kids.

How to Spend Quality Time With Your Child: The 10-Minute Fix

I knew I needed a visual cue to make quality time with my kids into a habit. So one day I sat down and sketched out something called Family Connection Cards.

On each card, I wrote a different quick and simple way to connect with my kids so that when it came time to spend quality time with my kids, I could hit the ground running. I wouldn’t have to think up fresh ideas and figure out the details in the moment because my past self had already done it for me. For each card, I also added a time estimate and the age range of kids it works best with – because we have an almost-teen all the way down to a toddler.

The cards worked so well that I mentioned them to a few friends and family members, and they started asking for a set of the cards too. So I ended up making a pretty version you can print and even laminate if you want. Here’s where you can get your own set of Family Connection Cards.

You can keep the cards anywhere in your home as a visual cue – on your kitchen counter, your nightstand, or next to your phone charger – and pick a card any time you notice your child is acting moody or not listening to you.

But another fun way to use them is The Easter Egg Method.

How to Set It And Forget It: The Easter Egg Method

Here’s how it works:

1. Get your Family Connection Cards. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out the details of spending time with kids. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for spending time with your child.
2. Print your deck. After you get your set of Family Connection Cards here, then print them yourself at home or at an office services store like Staples or Office Depot. You can print them on any paper, but card stock works especially well. Or if you want to save yourself the step of cutting the sheets into 3 pieces, you can print on this ready-made Avery index card template and just pop the perforated cards out when you’re done. Some parents like to laminate their cards, so that’s another option too.
3. Find a container. This doesn’t need to be fancy or anything – you just need a way to keep the deck of Family Connection Cards all in one spot. Here are a few things that have worked for other parents:
   • Keep the cards together with a binder clip
   • Put the cards inside an empty bowl or mason jar
   • Hole punch the corner of the cards and stick them on a book ring like this or on a keyring
4. Hide the deck. This is where the magic happens! Take the deck and whatever container it’s in, and put it in a place where you’re likely to stumble upon it in a typical day. Think of it as setting up a little Easter egg hunt for yourself, but make it relatively easy to find. Here are a few places you might hide your deck:
   • On your nightstand
   • Next to your toothbrush
   • Next to the TV remote
   • In your underwear drawer
   • On the kitchen counter (as long as it’s not 100% covered in clutter like my kitchen counter because then the deck could get lost!)
   • Next to the coffee pot or inside tomorrow’s coffee cup
   • Next to your phone charger
   • In the pantry or fridge next to something you eat every day
   • Next to your comb or hairbrush
   • On top of the washing machine or dryer
   • Next to wherever you keep your computer or tablet
   • In the silverware drawer
   • If you wear glasses or contacts: Next to where you keep them
   • If you exercise regularly: Inside your sneakers or wherever you typically do your workout
5. Forget about it. After you hide the deck, forget about it and then when you stumble upon it naturally, continue to the next step.
6. Pick and connect. When you come across the deck again, that’s your reminder to take a few minutes to spend quality time with your child. Flip through the deck until you find an idea that’s the right fit for your current state of mind and the amount of time you can spare (you’ll even find ideas for when all you have is ONE minute!). Find your child and use that idea to connect with them.
7. Hide it again. After you’re done with that session of quality time with your child, hide the deck again. Pick a different place from the list in step 4 above, or get creative and come up with another place you’re likely to stumble upon. Even if all you do is put it back in the same place, you’ll still be carving out quality time with your child once a day.
8. Repeat steps 5-7. Every time you find the deck and connect with your child, hide it again for the next time.

And that’s it! You’ll fill your child’s connection tank without adding to your to-do list. The Easter Egg Method puts spending time with kids on autopilot so you don’t have to figure out the “when” and the “what” of spending time with your child.

Some days, you might have just one session of quality time with your child, and that’s okay. Other days, you might up with a handful of sessions, and that’s great too. The point is not to be “perfect.” The point of The Easter Egg Method is to remove the common roadblocks standing in the way of you spending quality time with your child.

Because regularly filling your child’s connection tank in this way is like an investment that pays dividends for the rest of that day – and to the strength of your parent-child relationship for years to come.

Bonus: 5 More Ways to Use Your Family Connection Cards

Every time you pick a Family Connection Card to do with your child, you show your child they’re important and loved, and you nurture a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.

If The Easter Egg Method doesn’t feel like the right fit for you, here are a few bonus tips for how to use your cards:

• Set an alarm. Set a recurring alarm on your phone for one or two times a day when you tend to be less busy. Then when the alarm goes off, pick a Family Connection Card and spend a few minutes of quality time with your child.
• Bundle it. Use a habit hack called temptation bundling. First, figure out something you love to do that you could bundle with this new habit of using your Family Connection Cards. For example, suppose you love to read, and you look forward to getting the kids into the bath every night so you can sneak in a few minutes of reading. To bundle that temptation with your new habit, you would allow yourself to read for pleasure only after you’ve picked a Family Connection Card to do with your child that day. You could even pick a different card every night to use as a bookmark as a visual reminder.
• Keep or share. Keep the cards to yourself for your own personal inspiration – or share them with your whole family and encourage your child to pick a card when they want to connect with you.
• Repair with five. Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. This is called the Magic 5:1 Ratio. After a negative interaction with your child, grab a card and reconnect with a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you.
• Banish a bad mood. When your child is acting moody, not listening to you, or acting out, that’s the perfect time to pick a card and connect one-on-one. Remember: Connection breeds cooperation. And when you feel grumpy, annoyed, or irritated, grabbing a card can work wonders for you, too! Sometimes that’s all you need to banish a bad mood.

Frequently Asked Questions About Spending Time With Kids

Below, you’ll find answers to the most common questions about how to spend quality time with your child. If you have a question about spending time with kids that’s not answered here, please leave a comment at the end of this post with your question, and I’ll do my best to get back to you!

What if I pick a card that I can’t do in that moment?

If you can’t spare the time shown on that card, you can always pick another card that has a lower time commitment. A handful of the Family Connection Cards take just one minute, and more than 20 cards take just 5 minutes. (For reference, only 15 of the cards land in the 15- to 30-minute range.)

But if you’re using The Easter Egg Method and in that moment when you find the deck you realize you just cannot spare one to five minutes, you can always hide it again to find a little later on.

I have more than one child. How do you spend individual time with each child?

I have four kids, so this is my reality! That’s why I designed the Family Connection Cards so that most of the cards work well with more than one child at a time. But if you prefer to connect one-on-one, you can set up one child with an independent activity while you connect with another child, then take turns. For a list of special activities that will keep your child actively engaged, check out our epic list: The Best 50 Activities for Kids At Home That Will Keep Your Child Busy + Happy.

What if I try to connect with my child, but they don’t seem to enjoy what we’re doing?

Every child is different, and some kids will enjoy certain Family Connection Cards more than others. If you discover your child doesn’t enjoy one of the activities, just take that card out of the pack and set it aside.

With that said, if you pick a card and it doesn’t feel like the best fit for you, try it once with an open mind. You might be surprised! If it turns out that card still isn’t a good fit for you and your child, take that card out of the pack.

How much quality time should a parent spend with their child every day?

At the time I’m writing this, research hasn’t yet shown whether there’s a “sweet spot” for the right amount of quality time with kids.

So rather than aiming for a certain amount of time, you might ask yourself: Do I feel connected to my child today? If the answer is no, connect for a few minutes. On the flip side, if you notice your child is acting moody, not listening to you, or acting out, a quick dose of quality connection time can usually help turn that bad mood around.

“Children don’t say, ‘I had a hard day at school today; can I talk to you about it?’ They say, ‘Will you play with me?'”

Lawrence Cohen, Playful Parenting

I’m so busy already. I can’t afford to spend even MORE time with my child!

I can definitely relate! The goal isn’t to spend more time with your child. Remember that research shows parents today are actually spending more time than ever with our children.

Instead, the goal is to shift a handful of short bursts of time you’re already spending with your child into high-quality connection. Quality matters, not quantity.

What if I’m available for quality time with my child, but they’re busy right then?

If your child is engaged in and focused on another activity, you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth it to interrupt them. Some of my kids hate being interrupted, which I completely understand because I hate being interrupted myself!

In my family, I consider it a win when my kids are actively absorbed in something that’s keeping them busy, and I leave them to it. And so if I stumble upon the Family Connection Cards in one of those moments, I “hide” the deck on the dining room table. That way as I’m getting our next meal ready, I’ll find it and remember to spend a couple minutes connecting with them before or during that meal.

What are the benefits of spending time with your child?

Research shows that spending quality time with kids has several benefits. Here are just a few:

• A happy, connected family. Regular high-quality interactions between parent and child increase your child’s wellbeing and strengthen your emotional bond.
• Fewer behavior issues. Research suggests that the quality time you spend with your child can be an antidote to impulsiveness, aggression, and uncontrolled emotion in your child. Also, research shows that when parents spend quality time with their teenagers, their teens are less likely to skip school or break the law.
• Better academic outcomes. When you spend quality time with your child while they’re young, that tends to result in your child experiencing better academic results and healthier relationships as adults.
• Less stress. When a parent and child play together, that regulates the body’s stress response. Also, studies have shown that leisure time helps you cope with stress and protects you from the negative health impacts of stress, so quality time together can help both you and your child deal with stress.

Your Turn

What’s your favorite way to spend quality time with kids? Share in a comment below!

The post The Best 10-Minute Fix to Spending Quality Time With Kids appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Right now, my four kids are home all day long, while my husband and I are working from home.

But because we aren’t with the kids during all their waking hours, by the end of the day we’re anxious to reconnect with our kids and find out how their day went.

Plus, it would be nice to get some reassurance that they haven’t spent every spare minute gorging themselves on an all-you-can-see buffet of unlimited screen time.

And yet when you sit down at the family dinner table after a busy day, asking your child “How was your day?” is like a dead end. You’ll hear “fine” or “good” or get a half-hearted shrug, and that will be the end of that.

During the school year, you can try asking questions about specific subjects, but questions like that don’t exactly spark a light in your child’s eyes. And during the summer or a school break, you can’t even use the structure of the school day as a starting point.

Recently, we started a family ritual that solves that problem: We ask our kids four quick questions every day.

This simple ritual takes just 10 minutes at the dinner table, and it actually gets our kids excited to talk about what they did that day. Plus, it reinforces for our kids the essential ingredients you need every day to protect your wellbeing and thrive, even during tough times.

And possibly the biggest win of all: This one daily ritual has inspired our kids to help out more around the house with chores, clean up after themselves, and pitch in to take care of their younger siblings.

The Most Powerful 4 Questions to Ask Your Child Every Day

I mentioned our 4-question ritual to a few friends and neighbors, and they’ve since adopted it into their own families. Then a few of them asked if I could type up a quick explanation so they could send it to their friends. And so below, you’ll find everything you need to know in order to start this daily ritual with your own family.

First, here are the 4 questions to ask your child every day, then after the list I’ll explain the science behind why they work:

1. Body: What did you do today to move your body?
2. Mind: How did you exercise your mind today?
3. Family: What did you do to help out our family?
4. Fun: What was the most fun thing you did today?

After the first few times you ask your kids these questions, you won’t even need to ask the full question. You’ll be able to say the one word listed in bold above as a prompt, and that will be enough to get your kid talking!

Before I share the research on why these four questions are the most powerful daily questions for kids, let me explain why we call this little ritual “The Life Canoe.”

Related: Family Connection Cards: Nurture a Relationship That Will Last {Printable}

What Even Is a…Life Canoe?

One night at the dinner table, we were talking to our kids about how you need these four areas of your life to be in balance in order to feel fulfilled and happy. And if you ignore one area or spend all your time on just one of the categories (like “Fun”), that would make it difficult to find happiness.

During the conversation, I racked my brain for an analogy that would help the kids understand even better. And finally after the conversation had already moved onto the kids trying to one-up each other’s fake British accents, it came to me: a canoe.

So I said: “Oh! Hey, remember that canoe we took out on the lake last summer?”

They stopped talking and stared at me.

My 12-year-old said, “Uh…yeah?”

“Well,” I continued. “Do you remember what happened when we got back to the shore, and everyone stood up and went to one end of it?”

Giggles from my 6-year-old. “It flipped and we all fell out!”

“Exactly,” I said. “Body-Mind-Family-Fun is a lot like a canoe but for your life. You need everyone to stay in their spot to distribute the weight evenly and stay afloat. And technically, you could survive with just 3 people in a 4-person canoe. But that would be hard to keep going because your arms would get tired from paddling without that fourth person pitching in to carry their own weight.”

Which is how we started calling this daily dinnertime ritual “The Life Canoe.” Kind of silly, but it paints a vivid mental picture for my kids that you need balance to stay afloat.

Feel free to brainstorm your own name for this family ritual to make it your own! One family I know calls it “The Life Buckets,” and a few others just call it “Body Mind Family Fun.”

Here’s Why These 4 Questions Work Like Magic

These 4 questions to ask your child every day are more than just a cute ritual with a silly name. Here’s the science behind why they work so well…

1. You’ll actually get your kids talking about their day.

When we ask kids “How was your day?” and they give us one-word answers, they’re not trying to be cagey.

The ability to recall events that happened earlier are part of your child’s executive functioning skills. But even though kids experience huge leaps in executive functioning from the ages of 2 to 6, development of those skills doesn’t peak until the age of 25.

Asking “How was your day?” can feel overwhelming to kids because their ability to think back through their day and recall events and experiences isn’t fully developed yet. But when you ask your kids these questions every night, you’re giving them some structure to help them recall and visualize memories from their day, which strengthens their executive functioning skills.

2. You’ll set a clear expectation.

Research shows that when parents set clear and realistic expectations, their children are more likely to meet those expectations. For example, this study found that clear expectations from parents about school result in better academic performance from kids.

Regardless of whether your family sticks to a strict schedule during school breaks and weekend days or whether you have a laissez-faire, anything-goes approach, these questions give your child a basic framework of the must-dos every day.

When you ask your kids these questions, you make clear what’s most important for their wellbeing—staying healthy, staying sharp, helping out, and having fun—so that their brains are primed to look for opportunities to meet those expectations.

3. You’ll reinforce the ingredients you need for a happy life.

If you want to set your child up to live a joyful, meaningful life, researchers recommend that you make a habit out of encouraging your child to reflect on positive experiences. That’s exactly what you’re encouraging when you ask your kids these questions every day.

But at a more granular level, each of these four questions highlights an essential ingredient you need every day to protect your wellbeing and thrive in life:

• Body: Exercise is not only good for your child’s physical health, but research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Plus, kids who move their bodies every day experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes.
• Mind: In a child’s first few years of life, their brain forms more than 1 million new neural connections every second, but your child’s brain continues to develop throughout childhood. Real-life learning experiences literally build your child’s brain architecture.
• Family: In the Harvard Grant Study, researchers found that in order to be happy and successful, you need a healthy work ethic. One of the best ways to develop that work ethic in kids is to have them pitch in with household chores and other work that supports the family as a whole. With the “Family” category, you’re helping to nurture the life skills your child will need to succeed as they get older.
• Fun: Play boosts everything from language development to problem-solving skills, plus it improves your child’s wellbeing including physical and mental health.

4. You’ll help your child hone their problem-solving skills.

When you set the expectation that your child will be reporting back on how they did in each category every night, you’ll train their brain to look for opportunities to meet those expectations during the day.

But even if they forget, all is not lost. When we’re going around the table at dinner, sometimes one of my kids will realize they missed a category that day. (See the Frequently Asked Questions section below for ideas on how to handle that situation.)

For example, last night my 4-year-old realized she was short on something for the “Family” category. She was quiet for a few seconds, then said, “Oh! I’ll clean up the dishes after dinner.” Another night a few days ago, the same thing happened, and she busted out with, “I know! I can pick up all the LEGOs before bedtime!”

SCORE.

And the best part is that I didn’t have to nag her to help out around the house. She just noticed a gap between expectations and reality, and she came up with a solution to the problem. All I had to do was bite my tongue and let a few extra seconds of silence pass while she exercised her growing problem-solving skills.

I can’t guarantee this will happen with your child. But I have heard similar stories from other families who started a ritual with these daily questions for kids, so you might get lucky too!

How to Make These 4 Questions Part of Your Daily Family Routine

Here are a few ways my family and my friends’ families have tweaked their regular daily routine to include these 4 questions to ask your child every day:

• Post a reminder. Especially at first, consider posting a visual reminder in a prominent place like on your fridge, on a family chalkboard or whiteboard, or even with special window markers on a big window. You can just write “Body Mind Family Fun,” you can draw pictures to represent each word instead, or you can do something else creative. Visual cues like that are a powerful science-backed tool that will remind you of a new habit you want to stick to.
• Ask at dinner. You can take turns going around the table with each person answering all four questions at once then passing to the next person. Or you can have each person answer one question at a time, then cycle back through with everyone taking turns answering the next question.
• Connect during bedtime. A few families told me they all pile into the parents’ bed right before bedtime to cuddle for a few minutes and then take turns sharing their Body-Mind-Family-Fun updates.
• Brainstorm examples. When you introduce this ritual to younger kids, it can help to brainstorm a few examples of what might fall into each category. Then if they seem stumped one night, you can use those examples to jog their memory. For example, if they can’t think of what they did for the “Body” category, you could say: “Did you run around in the yard outside today? Or did you ride your bike?” (See the Frequently Asked Questions section below for more ideas for each category.)
• Keep it fresh. To keep our nightly conversations fresh and add an element of surprise, we always end our Body-Mind-Family-Fun updates by asking one question from this set of the Best Family Conversation Starters. Not only do these conversation starters teach your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to them, what has them worried, what they’re excited about.

Frequently Asked Questions

Below, you’ll find answers to the most common questions when it comes to these 4 questions to ask your child every day:

• This sounds awesome! But how do I get my kids on board with this?
• Aren’t there other ingredients that are important for your child’s wellbeing? Why these 4?
• Why do you have just 4 categories? Couldn’t you add more to it?
• What if my child doesn’t do something in one category? How do you handle that?
• My child is having trouble thinking of different ideas for each category. Do you have a list we can use?

This sounds awesome! But how do I get my kids on board with this?

First, find a time when the whole family is together and isn’t distracted by other tasks, such as during dinner or when you’re all hanging out together but not on screens.

Then you can start a family conversation to introduce the idea, similar to something like this:

• Parent: “Let’s pretend you were going to make chocolate chip cookies. What ingredients would you need for that?”
• Kid(s): “Chocolate chips! Sugar! Butter?”
• Parent: “Right! And what would happen if you tried to make chocolate chips cookies withOUT chocolate chips or sugar? How would they taste?”
• Kid(s): “Blech! Not very good.”
• Parent: “Exactly. Your life is kind of like that too. Now that we don’t have a school schedule we have to stick to, we have a lot of freedom with how to spend our days. But if we want to stay healthy and have happy days, there are a few ingredients we need to have in every day…”

After that, you can step through each Body-Mind-Family-Fun category and explain what they mean and why they’re important. As another option, you can use the “Life Canoe” analogy to explain it to your kids, or save that for a future dinnertime conversation to reinforce the idea of needing to balance all four areas of your life.

Aren’t there other ingredients that are important for your child’s wellbeing? Why these 4?

One major factor in a child’s wellbeing and happiness that’s not explicitly covered by this ritual is parental warmth. However, that ball is in your court, whereas this ritual teaches your child about how to support their own wellbeing.

And yet, it is extremely important to your child’s wellbeing that they experience regular moments of loving connection with you. But when you’re a busy parent, it can be hard to make sure you’re finding those moments every day.

When it comes to making sure that happens, one thing that’s worked wonders in our family is using these Family Connection Cards here. In just 10 minutes a day, these cards will deliver the powerful dose of parental warmth that your child needs in order to thrive. Plus, using these cards will help stop the power struggles caused by disconnection in your parent-child relationship.

Why do you have just 4 categories? Couldn’t you add more to it?

I chose to stick with those four categories because I didn’t want to overwhelm my kids and make it too hard to remember. The fourth category of “Fun” is something kids do naturally every day, so all they really have to remember to work into their day is Body-Mind-Family.

In general, I have found that any time I ask my kids to remember more than three things at a time, they tend to get overwhelmed and have trouble remembering. As it turns out, it seems like there’s a good reason for that:

“The short-term memory part of your mind—the part that tends to hold all of the incomplete, undecided, and unorganized “stuff”—functions much like RAM on a personal computer. Your conscious mind, like the computer screen, is a focusing tool, not a storage place. You can think about only two or three things at once. But the incomplete items are still being stored in the short-term-memory space. And as with RAM, there’s limited capacity; there’s only so much “stuff” you can store in there and still have that part of your brain function at a high level. Most people walk around with their RAM bursting at the seams. They’re constantly distracted, their focus disturbed by their own internal mental overload…This produces an all-pervasive stress factor whose source can’t be pinpointed.”

David Allen, Getting Things Done

With that said, you can always add or remove categories to make this work best for your family.

What if my child doesn’t do something in one category? How do you handle that?

During your nightly Body-Mind-Family-Fun ritual, your child might feel like they haven’t done anything in a certain category. This is common because: Kids.

But the goal of this ritual is not to make your child feel ashamed for what they haven’t done. Instead, this ritual is meant to be a positive addition to your daily routine with your kids.

So when you find yourself in this situation, you can handle it a few different ways:

• Be quiet. Bite your tongue for a few extra seconds longer than you feel comfortable with. Your child might surprise you by coming up with a solution to the problem! (See the “4. You’ll help your child hone their problem-solving skills.” section earlier in this post for more information.)
• Throw them a bone. Your child might have trouble remembering what they did that day, or they might struggle to make a connection between what they did and how that fits into the categories. So if you can think of something your child did for that category, no matter how small, you can point that out to build their confidence for next time. Nobody wants to feel like they’re falling short of expectations, so that will keep the ritual a fun experience. If you’re worried about lowering expectations by pointing out something small they did, you can reinforce that, like this: “Oh! You did clean up your lunch dishes today when you were done. I know that’s just a small thing, but it’s at least something!”
• Ask a question. You can say something like, “That happens to me too sometimes. I get to the end of the day and realize I didn’t do something for one category. What’s one small thing we could do together before bed for <insert category name>?” Asking them to set their intention ahead of time for what they plan to do will make them more likely to follow through.
• Look ahead. Point out they’ll have another chance the next day by saying something like, “Well, tomorrow’s another day! We can put a sticky note reminder on the fridge to do something together for <insert category name> after breakfast. How does that sound?”

My child is having trouble thinking of different ideas for each category. Do you have a list we can use?

Of course! Below are a few ideas to get your gears turning about each category—except for “Fun” because your child isn’t likely to need ideas for that!

Body: Physical Activities for Kids

• Go for a walk. To spice it up a little, turn it into a nature scavenger hunt with this printable.
• Do animal walks. If you haven’t heard of animal walks before, you move your body in a way that resembles how that animal would move. Most of us have heard of crab walks or frog jumps, but you can find tons of ideas for more fun animal walks.
• Ride your bike. Your child can stick close to home and just putz around on their bike, or depending on their age and whether you need to go with them, they can go on a longer bike ride to get their heart pumping.
• Design an obstacle course. If you have more than one child, they can turn it into a competition and race through the course. Or for only children, they can show it off when they’re done, and you can run through the course together.
• Do yoga. Screen time can be a useful way to keep your child active, especially on rainy days. For kids ages 3 to 6, we enjoyed this yoga video for kids. For kids ages 7 to 12, this yoga video is a great fit. For older kids, we love Jillian Michaels’s Yoga Meltdown.
• Have a dance party. If you don’t already have a kid-friendly dance party playlist, you can use our happy family playlist here as a starting point.
• Play hopscotch. Use sidewalk chalk to draw it outside, or use painter’s tape to mark out a game on a hard floor.

Mind: Brain Activities for Kids

• Read a book. If your child isn’t a bookworm yet, get them a wide variety of options, including graphic novels, picture books, magazines, funny poetry, and chapter books. You never know what they’ll end up loving! For book recommendations, check out our list of the best picture books, according to kids and parents. Or as another option, they can listen to any audiobook version of a children’s book—give them an Audible or Libro.fm membership so they can listen to the best children’s audiobooks. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)
• Solve a jigsaw puzzle. About once a week, my kids will go on a puzzle binge, putting together puzzle after puzzle. Our favorite puzzles for younger kids are the Melissa & Doug floor puzzles. For older kids, the Ravensburger puzzles are high-quality and have lots of fun options to choose from.
• Listen to a podcast for kids. Some of our favorites are Brains On, But Why, Stories Podcast, Tumble, and Wow in the World. For tweens and teens, we also enjoy Book Club for Kids, Stuff You Should Know, and This American Life.
• Play a board game or card game. Check out our list of the best board games for all ages. We’ve spent countless hours testing different family games with all different ages to find the cream of the crop!
• Do a science experiment. We have this book of 10-minute science experiments for kids, and my kids love it!
• Build with LEGOs. To take this everyday activity to the next level, we got our kids this book: Awesome LEGO Creations with Bricks You Already Have. They can’t get enough!
• Solve a word puzzle. We love this series of crossword puzzle books because they have perforated pages you can tear out so you can solve a puzzle on the go. As another option, the word searches from the Highlights PuzzleMania series kept my kids busy for a long while.

Family: Activities That Help Out Family

To make this daily habit stick for your kids, it helps to approach household chores with a playful attitude. If you can make it a team project, even better!

• Give it 10 minutes. Every day after lunch before the kids run off to play, we set a timer for what we call our “10-Minute Clean-Up Party.” Everyone picks a room, and they pick up and put away anything on the floor until the 10 minutes is up.
• Tackle the mountain. If your house has a never-ending mountain of laundry like ours does, we pile it all on the couch to see how high we can get it, then we turn on our favorite kid-friendly dance party playlist and tackle it together.
• Round up the trash. Your child can get all the trash from bathrooms and any other trash can, empty them into your main trash, then take out the full bag and put a new trash bag in the trash can. My kids love taking out the trash because it means they get to put the new bag in at the end. I’m not exactly sure what the appeal is, but I’ll take it!
• Cull the herd. Go through toys and pick some to donate to charity.
• Make something yummy. Encourage your child to flip through your cookbooks or look for a recipe at a couple of your favorite blogs, then make it. They can try a new recipe for dinner or make a baked good as a family treat.
• Help a younger sibling. Your child could read a book to their sibling, design a scavenger hunt for them, teach them something new, and so on.
• Wash the car. Get the kids set up with a bucket, a sponge, soap, and the hose, and let them have at it.

Your Turn

What are your thoughts on these 4 questions to ask your child every day? Share in a comment below!

The post 4 Powerful Questions That Will Help Your Child Thrive Every Day appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

After I tuck my kids into bed every night, I collapse on the couch, close my eyes, and sigh.

Unfortunately, with four kids, I get about 2.7 seconds of peace before one of them asks for another drink of water, needs an extra hug, or remembers a month-long school project that’s due tomorrow.

But after a few turns on the bedtime merry-go-round, I can finally sink back into the couch.

That’s when the replay of our day starts in my head. It’s like a 10x sped-up video, but every time my mouth opens to say something to my kids, the video slows down so I can hear myself.

“Put your shoes away.”
“Your room is a mess!”
“Stop bugging your sister.”
“You haven’t brushed your teeth yet?”

My own personal highlight reel of nagging and negativity, directed at the people I love most in the world.

The weight of my words crushes my chest, and my mind scrambles to remember: when did I say something loving, something sweet, anything positive?

Was I so focused on treading water in a neverending sea of parental to-dos – getting snacks, folding laundry, mediating sibling squabbles – that I forgot to tell my children how much I love them?

My kids deserve better. They deserve to hear every single day that no matter what road bumps we hit, I feel lucky to be on this lifelong road trip with them.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 75 most powerful positive words for kids, plus three important pitfalls to avoid when it comes to positive things to say to your child.

But Here’s the Problem

It’s heartbreaking to think that your child’s last thought after you tuck them in at night and before they fall asleep may be: Is Mommy mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Does Daddy still love me?

What’s more, lack of connection with your child also leads to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from your child when you ask them to clean their toys up, to help empty the dishwasher, or to stop chewing their food like a cow with a megaphone.

But as parents in today’s world, we have a lot on our plates. Because of that, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in the daily struggles of parenting that you forget to stop and tell your child how much you love them.

When you have too much to do and too little time to do it, you’re in survival mode not nurturing mode. And those positive sayings for kids like “You’re important to me” and “I love you to the moon and back” that our children crave from us? They go unsaid.

How Important Is It to Share Positive Words for Kids?

Recently, I came across this quote from a doctor and author who specializes in childhood development and trauma:

“Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.”

Dr. Gabor Maté

In other words, those positive messages for kids don’t work when you just think them to yourself after your kids are tucked into bed. You need to actually say them out loud.

I realized it was time for a change.

Because the research is crystal clear that when kids feel warmth and affection from their parents, that has a life-long positive impact on the child.

Not only do kids with affectionate parents do better in school and develop a healthy self-esteem, they also end up emotionally happier and less anxious as adults. Parental warmth even has an impact on your child’s physical health.

And so the important question is: When you’re busy and overwhelmed and just impaled your left foot on a stray LEGO, how can you remember to say out loud all the positive things you should say to your child to remind them of your unconditional love?

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

Here’s a Quick Fix for Every Busy Parent

This is easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of parenting life, so I decided to set up a visual cue. Something to serve as a gentle reminder for me to switch out of survival mode a few times a day and fill my children’s tank with unconditional love.

Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example:

• If you set a goal to eat healthier, you could leave a neon bright Post-It Note on your fridge to remind yourself that “Snack = veggies only.”
• Or if you wanted to stick to an exercise routine every morning, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before.

For my visual cue, I made a nice printable list of all the positive things to say to your child to show them you love them. I can stick this list of positive words for kids on my fridge, tape it to my bathroom mirror, or leave it on the driver’s seat of my car as a reminder every time we get in the car to go somewhere.

Below, you can get this free printable list of positive messages for kids as a visual cue for yourself.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly

75 Most Powerful Positive Sayings for Kids

Get your free printable list of the most powerful positive words for kids here right now. Then every time you see your printable list, say one of these positive messages for kids to make your child feel absolutely loved.

Don’t forget to grab the printable so you also get the list of three important pitfalls to avoid when it comes to delivering these positive sayings for kids!

A quick caveat: You won’t find phrases like “You’re so smart” to praise your child’s abilities on this list because that kind of praise can undermine your child’s motivation and even foster narcissism in your child. To learn more, check out Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student. (Hint: It’s not “You’re so smart.”)

1. You are important to me.
2. I love spending time with you.
3. You make me smile.
4. The world is better with you in it. (This phrase is featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

5. I feel so lucky to be your mom/dad.
6. I’m proud of the person you are.
7. I love you from your toes to your nose to where your hair grows! (For extra giggles, touch your child’s toes when you say “toes,” their nose when you say “nose,” and the top of their head when you say the last line! For more funny ways to say “I love you,” check out 50 Meaningful + Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child.)
8. You are beautiful to me, inside and out.
9. I thought of you today when… (Finish with a specific time during the day that you thought of your child.)
10. I like you. (Even if you say “I love you” regularly, does your child know you like them too?)
11. Sometimes if I’m feeling sad, just thinking of you makes me feel better.
12. You can always talk to me, even if it’s about something that makes you nervous or scared or sad.
13. I love to watch you… (Then give an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, get wrapped up in reading a book, make art, play your clarinet, and so on.)
14. You make my heart feel full.
15. I appreciate when you… (Finish with a specific example of something your child does that’s helpful or kind.)
16. You’re one of a kind.
17. I care about you more than you can imagine.
18. I’m grateful that you’re in my life.
19. I love your insides and your outsides!
20. I’m here for you, no matter what happens.
21. I’d love to hear what you think about… (Then ask your child’s opinion on something that matters, like what to have for dinner, what to do on the weekend, where to go on your next family vacation, and so on.)
22. I noticed you working hard on… (Finish with a specific example when you noticed your child pushing themselves to learn or grow or finish something.)
23. I believe in you.
24. I saw when you… (Then give a specific example of your child doing something helpful or kind.)
25. I love you no matter what. (This one is made even more special if you first read the beautiful children’s book No Matter What† together!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

26. I love hearing your ideas.
27. You make a difference in my life.
28. I love seeing the world through your eyes.
29. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
30. You matter to me.
31. I hope you have an awesome day today.
32. Anytime you need help, I’m here for you.
33. I love you just the way you are.
34. You are a precious treasure to me.
35. I respect you and your opinions.
36. We’re a team, you and me.
37. I love being your mom/dad.
38. Sometimes I look at you and think back to when you were younger, and… (Finish with a specific memory of when your child was younger.)
39. There’s only one you in the world.
40. I love your laugh/smile.
41. Nothing would ever make me stop loving you.
42. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)
43. You’re an important part of this family.
44. It’s exciting to watch you grow up.
45. I’m so grateful you’re my daughter/son.
46. You can always come to me, no matter what.
47. I love you more than… (Then give a specific example like more than all the stars in the sky, more than all the fish in the sea, more than cupcakes love sprinkles, and so on – feel free to come up with silly examples too!)
48. I will always be there for you.
49. Being your parent is my favorite part of life.
50. You are special to me.
51. Thank you so much for doing… (Finish with a specific example of an action your child took.)
52. You make life fun.
53. I love being around you, no matter what we’re doing.
54. You are my favorite 5-year-old.
55. I love you to the moon and back. (Or you can take this one step further by adding on, like “I love you to the moon, past the end of our solar system, to the next galaxy over and to every other galaxy in the universe, to the alien planet no one knows about yet, and all the way back home.”)
56. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo.)
57. I love when we learn something new together.
58. I’m never too busy for you.
59. You light up my day.
60. That was a kind decision when you… (Then give a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
61. I have fun when I’m with you.
62. I love you more than French fries. (Or insert your favorite food like pizza or cupcakes.)
63. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
64. You’ll never get in trouble for talking to me about something that’s bothering you.
65. I feel blessed to have you in my life.
66. You inspire me to be a better person.
67. Even if I’m feeling frustrated about something, I still love you.
68. I love the way your mind works.
69. You make me happy, just by being you.
70. I wouldn’t trade you for a million gabazillion dollars.
71. I love you when… or… (Finish with two very different examples, like “I love you when you feel brave or scared” or “I love you when you’re serious or silly.” The inspiration for this one came from the sweet children’s book called The I Love You Book.)
72. I miss you when we’re apart. (Or you can go for the over-the-top version, “I miss you when I blink,” which is also the name of a funny memoir from a mom about trying to do it all).
73. You can always tell me the truth, even if you’re scared to, and I will still love you.
74. I wish I didn’t have to go to work so we could stay home together and play all day!
75. I will love you always and forever.

Related: 150 Conversation Starters for Kids That Will Make You Closer Than Ever {Printable}

But First, Beware of This Gotcha

Visual cues have one weakness. After a while, they become wallpaper.

In other words, after you get used to seeing the cue in your environment, the cue stops reminding you. And this list of positive words for kids is not immune to this phenomenon.

But there’s a simple fix: When the cue stops catching your eye, just move it to a different spot.

Here are a few different places you can put this free printable list of positive sayings for kids. When the list starts blending into the background, move it to a new place from this list.

• The fridge
• A door
• The bathroom mirror
• The dinner table
• The driver’s seat of your vehicle
• As a bookmark for whatever book you’re currently reading – your own personal reading material or a read-aloud chapter book you’re using at bedtime with your child
• On your nightstand
• Inside your kitchen pantry
• Laid inside a drawer you open frequently, like in your dresser or bathroom vanity
• On the kitchen counter – for example, next to your coffee maker

Plus, here’s a bonus idea I love for an extra reminder: Change your password to one of these positive sayings for kids every few days. Then whenever you enter your password, it will be a reminder to say those positive words out loud to your child.

For example, you could change your password to URImportant2Me! to represent the phrase you are important to me.

Related: 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth {Printable}

The Best Times to Use These Positive Words for Kids

Let’s say you’ve received your free printable list of positive words for kids, and you hung it in a prominent spot in your home as a visual cue. Awesome!

But…now what? These are all beautifully positive things to say to your child, but when do you say them?

Here are a few ideas for how to work these positive messages for kids into your days:

• Surprise your child by saying their name out of the blue, then saying a phrase – bonus points if you bend down and get on their eye level first
• Pick a different phrase to say at bedtime every night while tucking your child in – say it with a smile or whisper it while you give a big bear hug
• If you’ve had a moment of disconnection like a disagreement or power struggle, deliver one of these phrases with a hug, back rub, or pat on the shoulder
• Write a phrase down and leave it for your child to find – a slip of paper in your child’s school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror, a notecard on their pillow, and so on
• When you notice your child seems sad or upset, say one of these phrases
• If you notice your child struggling with something like homework or learning something new, encourage them with one of these positive sayings for kids

Related: 10 Children’s Books That Will Make Your Kids Feel Absolutely Loved

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids

Use this cheat sheet of positive things to say to your child to help you remember to show your unconditional love for your child – even when life is busy.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section earlier in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What are your favorite positive words for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Every afternoon, my living room floor used to look like someone dumped a toy store into a blender and pressed “GO” with the top off.

• LEGOs and Lincoln Logs
• A tea set and a baking set
• Superhero capes and masks
• Toy cars and fire trucks
• Stuffed animals and dolls
• So many doll clothes

As I walked through my house and saw that the toy clutter had infiltrated not only the living room but also the dining room, the kids’ bedrooms, and every nook and cranny possible, my chest felt tight.

Why can’t they put things away when they’re done playing?

Why do they have to spread the mess around the whole house?

And why can’t Mary Poppins and her clean-up magic be a real thing?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable toy rotation kit including a step-by-step guide, toy inventory log, and a toy organization cheat sheet. You’ll have everything you need to say goodbye to toy clutter.

An Unfortunate Side Effect of Toy Clutter

With a baby on my hip, I’d bend over and pick up a couple toys. Squatting while holding a 25-pound butterball turkey isn’t a pleasant sensation, so seeing the toy clutter brought on frustration.

No kids in sight, but every single toy sure was. I tried to take a deep breath, but my nostrils stayed flared and I forgot to exhale.

“This house is a disaster!” I yelled to the kids upstairs. “It’s time to clean up!”

A couple heads peeked around the corner on the stair landing.

“C’mon down here now. I didn’t make this mess, so I shouldn’t have to clean it up.”

They loped down the stairs, their heads hung. They knew what was coming because at one point, it was happening nearly every day.

A full-fledged mom tantrum brought on by the sight of toys everywhere.

Something Had to Change

I wasn’t proud of how I lost my cool over my kids’ toy clutter.

Every time, my toy-clutter-induced tantrums would create a fracture in my relationship with my kids. And if I didn’t stop what I was doing to mend the fracture and repair the relationship, the disconnection would lead to less cooperation from my kids and more power struggles the rest of the day.

We couldn’t continue like that. I knew I needed to make a change.

It had to be possible for my kids to learn to pick up their toys after they were done – without me nagging them or losing my temper.

But everything I tried failed. And I didn’t realize until after my failures that I was missing the big picture.

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

The Real Problem With Toy Clutter

First, I tried approaching my kids with the patience of June Cleaver and asking them to clean up their mess. Then we learned Daniel Tiger’s clean-up song and sang it together. I even tackled our toy room organization, labeling all the containers with pictures of which toys go in them.

All that helped a tiny bit, but the big problem remained: Toys ending up everywhere, me nagging the kids to clean it up, and me needing to supervise the whole process to make sure they didn’t get distracted or shove everything in a corner and call it done.

So I researched what the experts say about how to deal with toy clutter, and I realized that I had completely missed the root of the problem.

We didn’t need more toy room organization, and I didn’t need to grit my teeth and pretend to be June Cleaver or Daniel Tiger.

The real problem? Too many toys.

Related: How to Stop Being an Angry Mom Now…Using 5 Hair Ties {Printable}

How Having Too Many Toys Is Hurting Our Kids

My reaction to toy clutter wasn’t unique. In fact, research shows that clutter can hurt your mental well-being, especially for women. Visual clutter can also increase your levels of cortisol, a stress hormone.

When I stopped to think about it, that made perfect sense. And I realized that’s why my preschooler and toddler would just stand there, waiting for me to tell them what to do next.

My kids’ not-yet-fully-developed brains were just as overwhelmed by the mess as mine was, if not more. When I asked them to clean up, their brains were stewing in a stress hormone bath. They didn’t know where to start.

Even worse than that, I discovered that having too many toys was hurting my kids developmentally.

Because when kids have too many toys, they feel overwhelmed. They end up jumping around from toy to toy without ever getting fully engrossed in playing with one specific thing.

You might be thinking: So what? But it’s the experience of being engrossed in one toy that leads to real growth and development for your child.

It’s kind of like if you started 10 different books all at once and took turns reading a couple pages from each one. You’d never get fully immersed in any of the books, and you’d struggle to pull any significant life lessons or new knowledge from the reading.

And the clincher for me? I discovered that the average 10-year-old owns 238 toys but plays with just 12 on a daily basis.

Whoa.

Here’s the Best Way to Organize Toys + Stop Toy Clutter

Still, it’s not like we had a bunch of junky old toys in our home that we just needed to get rid of. With four different kids at different developmental stages and with different tastes, preferences, and personalities, we had a healthy mix of toys.

It was just too much to have it out all at once.

So if a Great Toy Purge wasn’t the answer, how could we solve the problem of chronic toy clutter?

Thankfully, I found the one magic solution that would tackle it all at once: toy rotation.

If you haven’t heard of it before, toy rotation means periodically switching out the toys your child has available to play with so that only a few toys are out at any one time. Then you store the toys that aren’t currently in rotation out of the way, like in a closet, attic, or basement.

“As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.”

Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross, Simplicity Parenting^†

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Why Toy Rotation Is the Perfect Solution for Too Many Toys

When I first came across the idea of toy rotation, I was skeptical. I didn’t have time for another project. And I didn’t especially feel like dealing with the cries of protest when I told the kids I was putting 75 percent of their toys away.

But after reading about the benefits of toy rotation, I decided to give it a go. Check it out for yourself:

• Fewer toys out at one time cuts toy clutter way down. If visual clutter stresses you out, you may find that less toy clutter helps you stay calmer during the road bumps of daily parenting life.
• Having fewer toys makes cleaning up faster, and the faster clean-up process helps both parents and kids keep a fun Mary Poppins-esque attitude about the task. Also, it’s easier for kids to help clean up when the rotating toys have a specific “home” to return to.
• Decreasing the number of toys your child has access to will increase her ability to play independently and creatively. Because she’ll immerse herself deeper into the play experience with the fewer remaining toys, she’ll be able to focus better. Plus, kids tend to play longer and more creatively with fewer toys around. One more side benefit that surprised me: My kids started turning everyday objects into toys – wooden spoons became puppets (or microphones), scrap pieces of wood from the garage became toy laptops and phones, and pillows and blankets became forts. If you want your kids to learn to think outside the box, toy rotation is an excellent way to foster that.
• Setting up a toy rotation system gives you the perfect opportunity to declutter toys. You can get rid of broken toys, donate the toys your child has outgrown, and sometimes you’ll even give new life to an old toy. That’s because during the process, you may discover that one missing piece of a toy that you haven’t seen for months.
• Toy rotation fosters appreciation in your kids because they learn to appreciate the toys they have right now instead of taking for granted that they have access to any toy they want at any time. In many families, that translates to kids taking better care of their toys too.
• Rotating toys also stops your child from getting bored as easily. That’s because when it’s time for a new set of toys to come out, kids get excited and tend to get lost in play with the “new” toys for a long time. (Which means I can sneak a cat nap on the couch, score!) Then when they seem to lose interest in the current set of toys you have out, the solution is simple: just rotate to a new set.
• This surprised me, but toy rotation actually cut down on sibling scuffles over toys. When we had a smaller set of toys out at one time, our kids found creative ways to play together, and they were more considerate about taking turns and not hogging the toys. (My hunch is that when we had our mess of toys everywhere, the kids had decision overload and it was easiest to just go after what their sibling was already playing with.)

Get Your Copy Now: Free Printable Toy Rotation Kit

How to Get Started With Toy Rotation + Get Your Kids Excited For It

You can keep your toy rotation system simple and informal, or you can go for a more structured toy checkout system – kind of like a toy library at home. It’s completely up to you, so check out the steps below and do what resonates with you.

Below, I’ve tried to cover all the possible gotchas, so it looks like a lot but you can actually get the whole toy rotation system set up in less than a couple hours – maybe even an hour if you hustle.

Then after the initial setup, it’s super quick to rotate toys out. It probably takes me about 15 minutes every two or three weeks to rotate our toys. A small price to pay for an end to the overwhelming toy clutter on my living room floor!

Quick tip: For the best possible results, get my free printable toy rotation kit that includes a step-by-step guide, toy inventory log, and toy organization cheat sheet.

1. Gear Up

Estimated time: 5-15 minutes

Before you get knee-deep in toys while setting up your toy rotation system, you’ll be thankful to have already gathered a few helpful supplies.

I skipped this step the first time, so I found myself with my toy rotation system all ready to go…but with no way to keep it organized. So I had to interrupt my progress and go on a scavenger hunt for supplies.

Save yourself the trouble and find a few empty containers ahead of time. You’ll likely want 8-10 empty containers or so. They don’t need to match, so just find something that will work in the short term:

• Cardboard boxes
• Plastic tubs or bins, like these clear, stackable containers
• Large baskets

Along with the containers, grab a stack of scratch paper and tape or a stapler so you can label the containers when the time comes in a later step.

These won’t necessarily be the final containers for your toy rotation system, but they’ll be good enough until you figure out what you actually need later on.

Note: If you’re the type of person who likes to plan ahead, skip ahead to step 6 for what you’ll need for your final toy rotation containers, then come back here to get back on track.

2. Have a Heart-to-Heart

Estimated time: 5-15 minutes

If your child is older than a toddler, you’ll likely want to talk to them up front about what you’re about to do and why you’re doing it.

I made the mistake of skipping this step the first time I started toy rotation. Someone had suggested that I should just hide all the toys while my kids were sleeping, leave a few out, and they would be none the wiser.

Uh…wrong. Kids aren’t dummies, and I should have known better. My preschooler peppered me with questions every day afterwards: Where’s my horsey? Where’d my princess dress go? Mommy, I can’t find the Lincoln Logs!

After I explained what I’d done, I felt silly for not including the kids from the start, so we went back to square one and went through the process together as a family.

Here are a couple different approaches that might work for this conversation:

• I’m sorry I keep losing my temper over the toys being everywhere. Having stuff all over the place stresses me out. I know your toys are important to you, so I’d like to try taking turns with which toys we have out.
• I don’t enjoy asking you to clean up your toys, and I know you don’t like having to clean up a huge mess of toys everywhere. A friend of mine told me in their family, they swap out different toys every few days. That way, you never have a huge mess to clean up, and you get to play with different toys all the time. We’re going to try this and see how it goes in our house.

3. Round ‘Em Up

Estimated time: 15-30 minutes

After you get everyone on the same page, you’ll need to round up all the toys in one place. The good news is this is the last time you’ll have to deal with all the toys in one big mess again. Woo!

Pick one room to use as your Official Toy Rotation Headquarters. Then visit every other room in the house and gather up any toys you find to bring them to Headquarters.

Go ahead and include the kids in this step because it’s actually pretty fun to root out all the toys hiding throughout the house. Like a toy scavenger hunt!

4. Prep the Boxes

Estimated time: 5-15 minutes

Set up the empty containers that you gathered in step 1. Designate one box for each category:

• Trash – This is where broken, unrepairable toys will go.
• Donate – This is for any toys your child has outgrown or doesn’t love.
• (Optional) Save for later – For example, if you’re planning to have another baby one day but don’t have any little ones in the baby stage right now, you’d put baby toys in this category.

For the rest of your empty containers, you’ll be sorting toys based on how they support your child’s growth and development. Your goal will be to end up with several mini-collections of toys. You’ll want to make sure those mini-collections have a variety of toys to support different aspects of your child’s development.

If that sounds confusing, don’t worry – I’ll step you through it!

Warning: Don’t start sorting yet. For now, just familiarize yourself with the categories* you’ll be using:

• Moving toys – These toys help your child learn to use the big muscle groups of their body, also known as gross motor development. Examples: balls, ride-on toys, tricycles, jump ropes, play tunnels, push toys, balance stepping stones.
• Pretending toys – Pretend play toys encourage both social/emotional and language development because they help your child act out stories from their mind. Examples: kitchen sets, toy cars and garages, stuffed animals, dolls and dollhouses, dress-up clothes, animal figurines, tea sets, play silks, action figures, puppets.
• Thinking toys – These toys support a child’s cognitive development by fostering things like problem-solving, cause-and-effect reasoning, math skills like counting and patterning, curiosity, and more. These types of toys also tend to teach hand-eye coordination and support fine motor development, which means the ability to make movements using the small muscles in your hands, wrists, and fingers. Examples: LEGOs, Magna-Tiles, bristle blocks, Lincoln Logs, puzzles, nesting cups, stacking blocks, pattern blocks, shape sorters, board games.
• Creating toys – The process of open-ended creating helps kids relax, focus, feel successful, and learn to express their emotions. When your child uses arts, crafts, and music toys, they’re primarily growing social/emotional and fine motor skills. Examples: art supplies, play dough, craft sticks, musical instruments, rain sticks.
• (Optional) Other toys – Sometimes you won’t be sure which category a toy fits into, and that’s okay. This doesn’t have to be perfect. Go easy on yourself and set up a category for other types of toys you’re not sure where to put. Examples: Nerf guns (moving toys or pretending toys?), magic kit (pretending toys or thinking toys?), noisy electronic toys (trash? ha!).

* Thanks to Playful Learning and Green Child magazine for the category inspiration!

5. Sort And Purge

Estimated time: 30 minutes-1 hour, but it will vary greatly depending on how many toys you’re starting with

The sight of your Official Toy Rotation Headquarters right now might make you hyperventilate, so it’s time to fix that.

It’s up to you whether you include the kids in this step. Including them will likely make it go slower, but on the flip side, they’ll be a part of the process and start to learn the important life lesson of how to declutter toys and anything else.

You’ll probably find that you want to go faster during this step because you’ll just want to be DONE by this point. But try to resist that urge so you can be intentional and deliberate. Because if you speed through this, you’ll still end up with too many toys, and toy rotation will just be a Band-Aid for a little while.

This step has one very important rule. Pick up one toy at a time and ask yourself these questions:

1. Is this toy broken and un-fixable? Put it in Trash.
2. Has my child outgrown this toy? Put it in Donate or Save for later, depending on whether you have younger kids or plan to in the future.
3. Does my child get excited to play with this toy? Do they play with it on a regular basis? If not, put it in Donate.
   • This is where having your kids in the room with you can be helpful. If you pick up a toy and they snatch it out of your hands and immediately start playing with it, that’s a sign they actually do love the toy, but it got lost in the mix.
   • If they’re in the room with you, you might ask something like, “Do you want to play with this every single day?” If they don’t seem particularly gung-ho, you can follow up with, “Well, can we send this along to another kid who doesn’t have many toys to play with? Maybe it will be their new favorite.” Side note: It helps my kids swallow the pill of donating toys when we talk about how it might be just the perfect toy for a child who doesn’t have many toys.
   • If they’re not ready to let go, don’t stress. After you have your toy rotation system set up, you’ll be able to watch more closely and see what they actually do play with when they’re not overwhelmed by too many toys.
4. If the toy has passed all those tests, it’s time to sort it into your special categories: moving toys, pretending toys, thinking toys, creating toys, and other. (See the previous step for a refresher on which toys go where.)

Repeat this step one toy at a time until you have every single toy in a labeled box.

Done? Kick the kids outside to play and lock the room so the kids can’t wreak havoc before your toy rotation system is up and running, then move onto the next step.

6. Pick a Frequency

Estimated time: 5-10 minutes

At this point, the hardest part of your toy rotation system is done. Whew! So go raid your secret chocolate stash and spend a few minutes thinking about how often you’d like to rotate toys:

• Random – This is how we roll in our family. I rotate toys whenever the kids are having trouble entertaining themselves independently (i.e. lots of “I’m bored”s) or if the kids specifically ask for fresh toys. For the random approach, you’ll want a handful of permanent-ish boxes or plastic containers to hold your final toy collections (more on that in the next step). Some people group their toys into 3 containers, and some people have 10, so it’s completely up to you. You can use cardboard boxes, and that’s how we started out too. But cardboard boxes may not stand up well over time, and it’s hard to see what’s inside each one without opening it up. That’s why we switched to using these clear, stackable containers. Pro tip: Get stackable containers that will fit wherever you’ll be storing your toy collections when not in rotation – like a closet, attic, or basement.
• Weekly – Pick a day of the week to rotate toys, and get 4 containers to hold your toy collections.
• Daily – Some parents like to swap out toy collections every day. This typically works best for stay-at-home parents with younger kids because when you give the kids new toys every day, that lets you get away with other important stuff that needs to be done like laundry, dishes, and scrubbing your toddler’s “art” off the walls. If daily sounds like the right fit to you, you’ll want to get 7 containers – one for each day of the week.

Not sure which way to go? Get 4 containers as a starting point, and you can always add or subtract later.

7. Play Matchmaker

Estimated time: 30-45 minutes

Now that you have all the toys categorized and your empty containers ready to go, it’s time to match toys up for maximum fun and learning (and quiet time so you can play Candy Crush uninterrupted while your kids are busy).

Your goal in this step is to end up with a few toy collections that include at least one toy from each category: moving toys, pretending toys, thinking toys, creating toys, and other. (See step 4 for more on the categories.)

For example, one toy collection might include a jump rope (moving), Wonder Woman action figures and superhero dress-up clothes (pretending), LEGOs (thinking), and paper and crayons (creating). Side benefit: The kids will start using the toys in new and fresh ways. The jump rope may become Wonder Woman’s truth lasso, and the LEGOs may become the new Justice League headquarters.

To start playing toy matchmaker, grab an empty container and pick one sorted toy from each category to add to your fresh new toy collection. Ideally, you’ll want to end up with 10-12 toys in each toy collection.

A few gotchas to be aware of with your curated toy collections:

• If you have a lot of toys to start with, you might end up adding a couple toys from each category in each toy collection.
• If you find that you have more than about 10-12 toys in each collection, you may want to split some toys out for another collection. Your goal is to give your child a well-curated collection of a few toys so they can deepen their play experience. If your toy collection has too many toys, you’ll end up back where you started with overwhelmed kids and a mess of toy clutter.
• If your child freaks out at the idea of one of their favorite toys going bye-bye, no need to be a stickler for the rules and cause emotional trauma. If your kid has a favorite toy they play with every day, you can make an exception and leave that one out all the time. Your goal is to fix the toy overwhelm and help your child get the most out of a few toys, and making an exception or two won’t undermine that.
• You may find it helpful (and fun) to try to keep toys along the same theme together. For example, if you have a train set and a Thomas the Train puzzle, those would be great to pair up. That way, when you get the train set out, your child won’t beg for the train puzzle (or vice versa) and throw a wrench in your toy rotation system.

When all toys have found their new homes, consider labeling the containers with what’s inside. Quick tip: If you got clear plastic containers, sometimes dry-erase markers will work on those.

As a bonus for joining my weekly-ish newsletter, you can get a free printable toy inventory sheet at the end of this post (or with that link right there). This inventory sheet is perfect for jotting down which toys are in each container so that when it comes time to rotate, you can round everything up quickly.

8. Display + Hide the Rest

Estimated time: 5-10 minutes

Pick one of the toy collections to start with, then hide the rest of the containers. This is important because if you put the rest of the “not in rotation” containers somewhere your kids can see them, they’re going to bug you incessantly to get more toys out.

You might hide the toy containers in a closet, garage, basement, attic, or even under the bed. Just make sure that the kids won’t be able to easily get into the toy collections because that will create a big jumbled mess of toys.

As for your currently featured toy collection, you can handle that a couple different ways:

• Some parents just plop the container on the living room floor and let the kids have at it. (That’s me!)
• Other parents like to get the current set of toys out of the container and place them thoughtfully around the child’s bedroom or playroom. For example, you might put a puzzle out on the kids’ play table, set up Magna-Tiles and farm animal figurines on the floor, and lay dress-up clothes out on their bed.

9. Rotate

Estimated time: 5-10 minutes

Depending on the frequency you chose in step 6, you may want to set yourself a reminder on your phone or whatever calendar you use so you don’t forget to rotate the toys when the time comes.

Or you can do what I do: I just rotate toys when the kids seem to be bored with the current set – or when they ask for different toys.

To rotate, you’ll round up the toys from the current toy collection and put them back in the container, then get a new container out with a new toy collection. This is where labeling your containers can be helpful because rounding up the current toys will go faster if you have a list for yourself. (Don’t forget to grab my free printable toy rotation kit, which includes an inventory sheet that’s perfect for this step.)

Some folks recommended that I rotate toys while my kids were sleeping so they wouldn’t get upset at “losing” the old toys. I did this the first couple times, but I felt like I was trying to pull the wool over my kids’ eyes. That wasn’t a good fit for us.

My toddler understands the idea of going on vacation, so I explained that the old toys were going on “vacation” and she would see them again soon. After that quick explanation, she had zero problems with toy rotation day. With that said, every kid is different, so go with your gut when it comes to handling the actual toy rotation.

Common Questions About Toy Rotation + Answers for You

If you’re thinking of trying out toy rotation in your home, odds are you have a few questions about how to make it work for you and your kids.

Below, you’ll find answers to these common questions parents have about getting started with toy rotation and making it a success:

• What counts as “one” toy? Is a LEGO set one toy?
• What’s the ideal number of toys to have in each toy rotation box?
• What if I have more than one child?
• What about “big” toys like dollhouses and play kitchens?
• What should I do with old toys my kids don’t play with anymore?
• What if my child asks for a specific toy that’s not in rotation?
• What about when we get an influx of new toys, like for Christmas and birthdays?
• What’s the best way to store the current collection of toys in rotation?
• How do I know if it’s time to rotate toys?
• What should I do with seasonal or holiday-specific toys?
• What if my toy rotation boxes don’t have many toys for a certain category?

What counts as “one” toy? Is a LEGO set one toy?

Yes! One toy could be a LEGO set, or it could be a set of animal figurines for pretend play, or it could be a couple coloring books with a box of crayons.

If you happen to have a lot of one type of toy, like a gabazillion LEGO sets, you might want to divide them up a little so you have LEGOs in a couple different toy rotation boxes. Same goes for play food, dress-up clothes, and so on.

What’s the ideal number of toys to have in each toy rotation box?

That will depend on a lot of factors: how many toys you’re starting with, how often you plan to rotate toys, whether your kids play with the same toys or are at wildly different stages, and so on.

But in general, 10-12 toys in each toy rotation box seems to provide a good amount of variety without creeping into toy overwhelm territory. This isn’t about depriving our kids from enriching play experiences – just about helping them focus and avoid the overwhelm that undermines the best play experience.

Here’s an interesting little tidbit about the guideline of 10-12 toys that may set your mind at ease: The average 10-year-old owns 238 toys but plays with just 12 on a daily basis. So even if you put more toys in each toy collection, your child may not be capable of playing with that many toys.

What if I have more than one child?

If your kids are in vastly different developmental stages (like a tween and a toddler), you may want to include a few more toys in your toy rotation boxes to make sure you have a variety to meet everyone’s interests and needs. So instead of 10-12 toys in each toy collection, you might have 14-16.

We have a 10-year-old, 5-year-old, 3-year-old, and infant, so the baby always gets a few of his own toys in each toy rotation box. But aside from that, the older kids play together well with the same toys. For example, they can spend an hour or more building with Magna-Tiles and using animal figurines for pretend play – It’s an aquarium! It’s a zoo! It’s a rescue ranch for fairy tale animals like the three little pigs!

What about “big” toys like dollhouses and play kitchens?

Shoving a dollhouse into an under-the-bed plastic container ain’t gonna happen. So don’t stress about hiding the big stuff like that.

You can leave the big toys out all the time and rotate the toys that go with them. For example, you can put the miniature dolls for the dollhouse or the play food for the play kitchen in a toy rotation box.

What’s fun is that your kids will get creative about what they use to play with those big toys. My kids have turned LEGO people into dolls for their dollhouse and turned Magna-Tiles, wooden blocks, and sock rolls into “food” for their play kitchen!

What should I do with old toys my kids don’t play with anymore?

If you’ve done your initial toy purge and now you’re wondering what to do with old toys, you’ll find a few options below.

Just keep in mind that nobody wants broken toys, so if you can’t repair a toy, it needs to be recycled or disposed of.

A few ideas for what to do with old toys:

• Donate old toys to a charity thrift store like Goodwill.
• Check with a local nonprofit about whether they accept toy donations. Children’s shelters and other nonprofits like the Boys and Girls Club will sometimes accept donated toys. But be sure to check first! It helps no one if you drop off a big batch of run-down old toys when the nonprofit can’t make use of them.
• Swap toys with another family in your neighborhood or with a friend who has kids around your kids’ ages. You get “new” toys for your kids, and your friend’s kids get “new” toys too.
• Sell a bunch of toys as a lot on Craigslist, or hold a garage sale to find new homes for them.

What if my child asks for a specific toy that’s not in rotation?

If the toy is an all-time favorite, think about whether it makes sense to leave it out all the time. You don’t want to make a ton of exceptions and undermine the whole point of toy rotation, but it’s fine to make an exception for a handful of your child’s most favorite toys.

But if you get the feeling your child is just anxious to play with that toy now, you can do what feels right to you: swap the toy out with a similar toy in the current toy collection, swap the whole toy rotation box now, or tell your child to wait until the next day you’ll be rotating toys. That last one goes more smoothly if you can tell them the specific day and even show them on a calendar.

What about when we get an influx of new toys, like for Christmas and birthdays?

This is where the free printable toy inventory list will save you a ton of time.

If you’ve listed the contents of each toy rotation box and marked the toy category, then it’s easy to see at a glance where you can squeeze in a new toy to round out a toy collection.

But here’s another tradition many families enjoy: the month or so before holidays or birthdays, they go through their toy rotation boxes with their kids and do a mini-toy purge.

To do this, it works best if you do it at the end of a toy rotation. Because that set of toys will be fresh on your kids’ minds, you can hold up each toy to the kids before you put it back in the box. Ask them if they’re still loving that toy or if they think it would be a better fit for another kid who may not have many toys.

What’s the best way to store the current collection of toys in rotation?

Kids (especially the younger ones) do best when they can see everything to choose from. When everything is “put away” and hidden, they may not realize what’s available to play with and then have trouble playing independently.

We have a low bookshelf like this for storing the current toys in rotation so they’re easy for the kids to see. This also helps with toy clean-up because at the end of the day, the toys all have a home to return to.

But if you don’t have a shelf like that, you can easily designate a table, bench, or just a corner of a room to achieve the same effect.

How do I know if it’s time to rotate toys?

Here are a few signs that it may be time to rotate toys:

• Your child comes up to you more often to announce, “I’m bored”
• Your child starts playing with a toy but loses interest quickly
• Your child asks for television or other screen time more frequently
• Your child gets into things they know they’re not supposed to play with
• Your child seems clingy and is following you around all day – be sure to rule out sickness or emotional upset as the cause before blaming the current toy rotation box, though!

With that said, if this all happens within a day or two of switching to a new toy rotation box, that could mean that particular collection of toys is either not robust enough to capture your child’s imagination or that your child is struggling to figure out how to play with some of the toys in that collection.

For example, suppose you have a toy rotation box that contains a jump rope (moving), puppets (pretending), a puzzle (thinking), and a xylophone (creating). It could be that your child needs practice with the jump rope, would appreciate a story prompt for the puppets, is having trouble fitting the puzzle together, or hasn’t figured the xylophone out quite yet – or some combination of more than one issue.

If you suspect that’s the case, set a timer for 10 minutes, put your phone away, and plop down to play with your child one-on-one. You’d be surprised how a quick parent-child play session can get your child “un-stuck” and back to playing independently!

What should I do with seasonal or holiday-specific toys?

Consider making a seasonal or holiday-specific toy rotation box or two, and then put those boxes in rotation when the time is right.

For example, you might have a summer toy rotation box that includes sandbox toys, squirt guns, sidewalk chalk, a backyard safari kit, and more. Or for a winter toy rotation box, you might include snowman-making supplies, snow shovels, or spare PVC pipe for making an indoor fort on frigid days.

What if my toy rotation boxes don’t have many toys for a certain category?

No worries! If your categories feel a little unbalanced, consider doing a toy swap with a neighbor or friend. This can be a permanent trade of toys or a temporary swap where you send the toys back to their original home after a period of time.

For example, you might say something like: “I realized we have three pretend tea sets but no musical instruments. Would you guys be interested in swapping a tea set for a musical toy or two?”

You can also make a note to suggest toys in a certain category when grandparents and extended family ask for Christmas and birthday ideas. Again, this is where those free printable toy inventory sheets at the end of this post will be super useful.

As another option, you can look for a local toy rental service. These services clean and sanitize every toy before sending it your way. Then when the novelty of the new toy wears off, you just send it back.

Get Your Free Printable: Your Toy Rotation Kit

To get started with toy rotation right now, you can get my free toy rotation kit, which includes a quick one-page step-by-step guide, a toy inventory log, and a toy organization cheat sheet to keep you on track. Here’s how to get it:

1. Get the free kit. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print the kit. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal so everything holds up during the process of setting up your toy rotation system.
3. Refer to the kit as you set up your toy rotation system, and fill out the inventory logs as you create your final, curated toy collections.
4. Put the inventory logs inside the toy collection boxes. That way, when it’s time to round up that collection and put it away, you’ll have a list of everything to round up. Huge time-saver!

Here’s a sneak peek of your toy rotation kit. First, the step-by-step guide:

Here’s the inventory log that you’ll put inside your curated toy collection boxes:

And here’s the cheat sheet on the best way to organize toys into categories:

Your Turn

What tips do you have for a successful toy rotation system? Share in a comment below!

The post Why Your Kids Leave Toys Everywhere + How to Fix It With Toy Rotation appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One of my children was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and I didn’t see it coming.

I knew my child struggled in certain situations, but I didn’t think she had anxiety.

That day we got home from the doctor’s office after hearing the diagnosis, I went straight to my closet, shut the door, curled up in the corner, and fell apart.

How did I miss it?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free checklist to help you watch for these hidden signs of anxiety in your child.

This Is Why

Months after my daughter’s diagnosis, I still feel guilty that I didn’t see the signs earlier.

The truth is that you never think it will happen to your child.

Maybe you’ve read about how anxiety disorders are one of the most common health issues for kids and adolescents these days…but that doesn’t apply to your child.

Sure, your child may struggle a bit in certain situations – maybe they have a hard time falling asleep at night or get extra nervous about tests at school or worry about making friends (and keeping friends) – but that’s just part of childhood, right?

But Here’s What I Learned the Hard Way

Every child experiences anxious feelings, so yes, that is just part of childhood. But sometimes, those anxious feelings are a sign of an underlying anxiety disorder.

In other words, for some kids, those anxious feelings are a sign that their brain overreacts to some triggers. Their bodies get stuck in a constant loop of the fight or flight response. Their brain and body feel the same as if they were constantly being hunted by a hungry lion.

How common is it? One study of over 10,000 kids discovered that more than 30 percent of those children had an anxiety disorder.

Won’t Kids Just Get Over It?

Honestly, that’s what I thought. I thought we could cope with my child’s sleep struggles and her endless worries about school, and eventually she would just grow out of them.

But as a child’s brain develops, their anxiety can intensify. Left unchecked, childhood anxiety can cause other serious issues.

Academic struggles. Depression. Substance abuse. Eating disorders. And my throat feels tight as I type this next part because this isn’t theoretical or a statistic – this could happen to my child – kids with anxiety are at increased risk of suicidal thoughts.

This is my baby. When I held my baby in my arms that very first time years ago, I didn’t yet know her brain would just happen to be a little too sensitive to triggers and stress.

It took me too long to realize my child might be struggling with an anxiety disorder. Two different pediatricians didn’t suggest she may have an anxiety disorder, even after I described the classic symptoms. The only reason we found out was because I felt in my gut that something wasn’t right, so I took her to a third doctor.

And now I’m on a mission to help other parents notice the signs of childhood anxiety early.

Related: 8 Surefire Ways to Calm an Anxious Kid

How Do You Know If Your Child Has Anxiety?

The hardest part is that your child won’t come out and say, “I feel anxious.” You have to watch for clues.

But first, a warning: I am not a medical expert. I’m just a mom who’s been in your shoes, and I know what it’s like to worry about your child.

So I compiled these signs and symptoms from several reputable resources to give you one single checklist for symptoms of anxiety in children.

At the end of this post, you can also get a free printable childhood anxiety symptoms checklist that you can fill out and take to your pediatrician’s office.

This is the checklist I wish I’d had years ago for my child.

Anxiety in Children: A Symptoms Checklist for Parents

Please watch for these signs in your child and see your child’s doctor if you notice any of them on a regular basis.

But keep in mind that experiencing one of these symptoms does not necessarily mean your child has an anxiety disorder. Your child’s doctor will likely be most interested in whether the symptoms are getting in the way of your child functioning in their daily life or if they’re impacting the rest of the family.

For example, if math homework every night leads to a meltdown or if it takes your child so long to fall asleep that she’s feeling tired the next day and unable to focus at school – those may be signs of an anxiety disorder.

With that said, remember that anxiety doesn’t just go away on its own. Without treatment, childhood anxiety can intensify and spur other serious mental health issues.

Note: For the source where you can find out more about each of these childhood anxiety symptoms, click the »» character after the checklist item.

Listen for These 15 Phrases That Are Code Words

If your child says anything like this on a regular basis, these phrases can be code words for “I’m anxious”:

1. “My tummy hurts.” or “I feel like I might throw up.” Anxious feelings often present in the body. Stomachaches are very common for anxious kids because in the throes of anxiety, the body redirects blood flow from the abdominal organs to the brain, which slows down digestion. That experience can cause nausea. »»
2. “I’m not hungry.” When digestion shuts down because of anxiety, so does the need to eat. »»
3. “Please don’t make me.” or “Can I just stay home?” or “I don’t want to!” Kids with anxiety may start to avoid stressful situations. »»
4. “Please don’t leave me.” or “Is it time to leave yet?” or “I want to go home.” Anxious kids in a stressful environment or situation will typically ask to leave so they can get away from the stress. »»
5. “I feel like I can’t do anything right.” or “I feel like there’s something wrong with me.” Kids with anxiety can be very hard on themselves. »»
6. “I can’t do it!” or “Can you do it for me?” Anxious kids tend to expect perfection from themselves, so they may avoid a difficult task to avoid making a mistake. »»
7. “I’m sorry.” Because anxious kids are typically hard on themselves, they may apologize often, especially for small things. »»
8. “Are you mad at me?” Many anxious children will seek constant approval or reassurance from others. »»
9. “I can’t fall asleep.” Anxious kids may have difficulty falling asleep. »»
10. “I’m so tired.” Kids with anxiety tend to have difficulty falling asleep or getting restful sleep, but sometimes the only sign you’ll see may be them complaining of feeling tired. »»
11. “But what if…? What if…?” Anxious kids typically worry constantly, sometimes about things that are far in the future. »»
12. “Nobody wants to play with me.” or “I don’t really have many friends.” Some kids with anxiety experience an intense fear of social situations. »»
13. “Are you sure…?” or “Do you think…?” Anxious kids tend to ask lots of questions to seek reassurance from you about their worries, like “Are you sure we’re not running late?” or “Do you think the teacher will like my science project?” »»
14. “I feel hot.” or “I can’t breathe.” An anxiety attack (or more commonly referred to as a panic attack) can cause hot flashes and sweating. Other panic attack symptoms include a racing or pounding heartbeat, trembling or shaking, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, lightheadedness, tingling sensations, and chills. »»
15. “I have a headache.” Anxious feelings or a panic attack can also cause a headache. »»

Related: 10 Best Journals for Kids That Will Boost Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

Watch for These 15 Behaviors

The following behaviors can be a sign or symptom of childhood anxiety. This list is not exhaustive, but it gives you one single list of the most common child anxiety symptoms as compiled from several sources.

1. Cries often or often seems sad »»
2. Becomes angry easily »»
3. Acts extremely sensitive, such as taking things personally »»
4. Gets in a bad mood easily or with no clear reason »»
5. Acts irritable often »»
6. Seems to have difficulty concentrating or focusing »»
7. Gets scared easily, sometimes due to phobias or exaggerated fears »»
8. Wakes up crying in the middle of the night because of bad dreams or nightmares »»
9. Behaves in obsessive or compulsive ways, such as worrying about germs, arranging objects in a specific way, finger tapping, and so on »»
10. Experiences intense tantrums or meltdowns »»
11. Turns down opportunities to socialize with peers »»
12. Seems overly concerned with their grades in school »»
13. Overreacts to any constructive criticism from a parent or teacher »»
14. Runs away or hides to avoid stressful situations »»
15. Acts clingy when you try to leave them for a short time »»

Next Steps: What to Do With This Child Anxiety Checklist

Then moving forward as a next step, take this child anxiety checklist and your notes to your pediatrician. If your pediatrician doesn’t take these signs seriously, find another doctor.

We had to talk to three doctors before someone took my child’s mental health seriously. When it comes to your child’s health, it never hurts to get a second (or third or fourth) opinion.

Get Your Free Printable: Anxiety in Children Symptoms Checklist

Use this checklist to evaluate your child for signs and symptoms of anxiety, then follow up with your child’s doctor.

1. Get the free checklist. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print and fill out the child anxiety checklist. You may want to jot down notes in the margins and take a few days to watch and listen for the signs. Fill in the appropriate bubble for any day you notice that behavior.
3. Make an appointment with your child’s doctor. Remember: If your child’s doctor doesn’t seem to take you seriously, get a second opinion.
4. Help your child calm down. While you wait to meet with your child’s doctor, you can help your child cope with anxious feelings with these 8 surefire ways to calm an anxious child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your checklist:

Your Turn

What would you add to this childhood anxiety symptoms checklist? Share with your fellow parents in a comment below.

The post 30 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Children That You Need to Know appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Every evening at the dinner table, my husband and I used to fall into this age-old parenting trap:

“How was your day?”
“Fine.”

“What did you learn today?”
“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with at recess?”
“No one.”

But one-word answers don’t foster a good discussion, and they certainly don’t help us reconnect with our kids after a long day apart from each other.

And yet, it’s absolutely essential that we do reconnect because if we don’t, we pay the price later.

When we’re all feeling connected, the kids jump in to help clean up after dinner—without being asked. They pay attention the first time we ask them to brush their teeth and get jammies on. When we tuck them into bed, they’re all giggles and smiles.

But when we’re all feeling disconnected? We get less cooperation, more power struggles, and grumbles and grimaces at bedtime instead.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun printable family conversation starters and use them at the end of every day to reconnect with your child.

What If We Asked Our Kids Better Questions?

I realized I needed to solve the problem of one-word responses so we could have a meaningful family conversation. Because conversations like that leave everyone’s connection tank overflowing, plus they contribute to a healthy parent-child bond. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you consistently engage in that kind of active listening with your child.

But as busy parents, we’re too exhausted to be creative and come up with questions to ask kids that will get a real, meaningful conversation going. So my first step was to find the best questions for kids that actually work at getting your kids to open up.

You can find lots of questions for children online, but you have to wade through quite a few duds, like:

• “What’s your favorite number?” or
• “Why do you think some kids disobey their parents?” or
• “Frozen or The Incredibles?”

In other words: Boring, loaded, or queued up for another one-word answer that takes the conversation nowhere.

Same goes with the ready-made conversation starters you can find on Amazon. After reading tons of reviews, I found out the store-bought versions of “questions of the day for kids” had the same problem—questions that were duds, plus the questions didn’t work well for a wide range of child ages.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly {Printable}

Here’s How These Questions for Kids Are Different

I devoured every list of questions for kids I could find, and I compiled the ultimate list of all the best questions for kids. These were my criteria:

• Open-ended questions for kids work best, like “How” and “Why” questions. These types of questions get kids talking because they open the door to more than just one-word answers. On the other hand, a question like “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your favorite outfit?” doesn’t foster a meaningful conversation.
• Any questions to ask your kids should be something adults can answer, too. Most kids don’t appreciate feeling like they’re put on the spot to perform like circus animals for the benefit of the surrounding adults. Plus, a conversation where everyone’s contributing is more fun anyway.
• No boring questions. Research shows people love talking about themselves—but not if you ask boring questions.
• No trivia questions. You’re trying to foster a meaningful conversation, not quiz your child on who’s the current President of the United States or what’s the fastest land animal. (A cheetah!)
• And this one’s important: Any questions to ask your child shouldn’t feel like a test or a lecture. For example, “Why do you think some kids disobey their parents?” may give you some interesting answers, but your kid could feel like you’re setting a trap.

I waded through pages and pages of questions for kids to find the absolute best questions that kids and adults will enjoy. The final list includes 150 awesome questions for kids, which gives you enough for nearly six months of questions of the day for kids.

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

Available for a limited time: If you prefer a printed set of these family conversation starters, you can get your printed set here.

100 Questions for Kids…That They’ll Actually Answer

With these questions for kids, not only will you be teaching your child the art of conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into their heart. You’ll go beyond the surface-level questions about their favorite movie, toy, or pizza topping—and tap into what’s important to them, what has them worried, and what they’re excited about.

And most important of all, you’ll close any distance that’s come between you and your child during the day so you both end the day feeling connected, loved, and happy.

To get a printable version of the full set of 150 questions for kids, get my family conversation starter cards here. Included in this post below, you’ll find 100 of the best questions for kids from those conversation starters.

These questions work for a wide range of ages, from toddler to teen and everything in between. You’ll find a mix of silly questions and thought-provoking questions, plus quite a few meaningful conversation starters that will bring out answers that are sure to warm your heart.

Open-Ended Questions for Kids

When you want to get your child talking, open-ended questions like these work best:

1. What are you excited about right now?
2. What was your first thought when you woke up today?
3. What do you want to accomplish by your next birthday?
4. What do you love about yourself?
5. What’s something that’s hard for you?
6. What was the last time you felt mad?
7. What’s the best thing about your life?
8. What’s a small thing that makes you feel happy?
9. What’s something you want to do, but you can’t yet?
10. What makes you feel loved?
11. What do you know how to do that you could teach others to do?
12. What’s the best thing that has ever happened to you?
13. What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
14. What are you most proud of?
15. When you’re feeling sad, what makes you feel better?
16. Which rule do you have to follow that doesn’t make sense?
17. If you could pack anything in your lunch tomorrow, what would it be?
18. What makes you feel special?
19. What is the best part of every day?
20. What is the worst part of every day?
21. What’s the best gift you ever received?
22. What do you worry about the most?
23. What’s something you’re looking forward to?
24. What’s something you’d like to get rid of or throw away?
25. What’s something you work hard at?
26. When do you feel happiest?
27. What’s your favorite holiday—the one you look forward to the most?
28. What’s your favorite thing to do outside?
29. What’s your favorite thing to do as a family?
30. What’s the best part of our family?
31. What’s something nice someone said to you lately?
32. Who understands you the best?
33. What’s your favorite thing to do with your friends?
34. What’s something you did to help someone today?
35. Who made you smile today?
36. What’s your favorite family tradition? Why?
37. What was the last time someone was mad at you?

Funny Questions to Ask Kids

Your child’s answers to these silly or funny questions for kids will get you and your child giggling:

1. What’s the funniest thing somebody did or said today?
2. If you could only eat one food for an entire year, what would you choose?
3. What’s your favorite joke?
4. If you were a superhero with one superpower, what would it be?
5. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to? (Or would you leave it?)
6. If you could stay up all night, what would you do?
7. If somebody from another planet came to Earth, what would they think of our world?
8. If you had three wishes, what would they be?
9. Would you rather live in a castle, on a boat, or on a cloud?
10. If you buried a treasure chest, what would you put in it?
11. What is the most annoying noise in the world?
12. If people could see inside you, what would they see?
13. If you could be anything for Halloween, what would you be?
14. If you had an extra room in your house, what would you use it for?
15. If you could create one law that everybody on Earth had to follow, what would it be?
16. If you were invisible, where would you go and what would you do?

Related: 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles

Thought-Provoking Questions for Kids

These thought-provoking questions go beyond the bland status quo of “How was school today?” Instead of hearing a one-word answer in response, you’ll get a peek into how your child’s mind works.

1. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
2. If you could be any animal, what would you be? Why?
3. What will you be doing in 10 years?
4. What’s the most important choice you will have to make in your life?
5. What’s your earliest memory?
6. Do you like morning or night better? Why?
7. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
8. If you had to choose only three words to describe yourself, what would you say?
9. If you won $1000, what would you do with it?
10. If you could be any book character, who would you be?
11. What is something you would never change about yourself?
12. What would you like to invent?
13. Which one of your 5 senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch) is most important? Why?
14. If you could be any age, which age would you choose? Why?
15. If you could be the best in the world at something, what would it be?
16. What’s something you used to dislike, but you now like?
17. Which three words would you use to describe our family?
18. If you could start a company that made something, what would that be?
19. Which do you prefer: a messy room or a clean room? Why?
20. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned so far?
21. What’s the hardest thing about being you?
22. What is one thing you want to learn how to do?
23. If you were stuck on a desert island but could pick three things to bring, what would they be?
24. What does it mean to show respect to someone?
25. If you could change one family rule, what would you change?
26. If you could switch places with one person for a day, who would it be?
27. What do you get to do at someone else’s house that you wish you could do at ours?
28. What advice would you give to a younger sister or brother?
29. Who do you admire? Why?
30. What do your friends like best about you?
31. If one of your parents described you, what would he or she say?
32. If you could start a new family tradition, what would it be?
33. What’s the most important job in the world?
34. What’s the most fun job in the world?
35. What is the best part of being a grown-up?
36. What is the best part of being a kid?
37. What’s the smartest thing you heard somebody say today?
38. If we didn’t have to go to school or work on Monday, what would you want to do all day?
39. Has someone ever asked you to do something you didn’t want to do?
40. What’s the most important thing for a parent to do?
41. Twenty years from now, where do you think you’ll live?
42. What’s something grown-ups get to do that you wish you could do?
43. What does it mean for two people to be in love?
44. If you could give everybody in the world one piece of advice, what would you say?
45. If you could learn any language, what would you learn?
46. What will the world be like in 10 years? What will be the same? What will be different?
47. If you could live in another country for one year, where would you live?

How to Use These Printable Questions for Kids

To save you some time, these printable conversation starters are designed so you can print them on pre-perforated business card templates and just pop each one out (see below). But regular paper and scissors work great too.

1. Get your cards here. After you order, you’ll get a special link to get your cards.
2. Print. I designed these questions of the day for kids to print on Avery business cards for inkjet^† or laser printers. Or you can just print them on regular paper or card stock, then cut the cards out or fold and tear to get a charmingly casual look.
3. Drop the cards into an empty bowl or spare mason jar, put it on your dining room table, and you’re DONE. Or to take it one step further, you can hole-punch them in one corner and put the whole set on a book ring like this. That makes the cards extra portable so you can throw them in your purse, car, or carry-on for a plane ride.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

When to Ask These Family Conversation Questions

Here are a few situations where you can ask your kids these questions:

• Pick a question or two to ask your child at dinner every night, then take turns answering the question—and get ready to feel closer to your child than ever before.
• Keep your cards in the car and ask a question on the way to or from school for an extra dose of connection.
• Set up a weekly one-on-one date where you grab ice cream sandwiches or another favorite dessert and ask each other questions.
• If you have a weekly tradition like family game nights or family movie nights, kick off the event with a question or two from this list. For game night, these questions work great as fillers when you’re in between games or when someone’s in the kitchen popping more popcorn!

Before You Go: 4 Quick Tips for the Best Conversations

Your Turn

What are your favorite questions of the day for kids? Let’s help our fellow parents discover another way to say “How was your day?” that will actually get a conversation going. Share your best questions to ask children in a comment below!

The post The Best Questions to Ask Your Kid Instead of “How Was Your Day?” appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

With four kids in our family, our daily responsibilities as parents take up most of our free time.

It starts from the minute we wake up, when my husband and I start planning out the day—Who’s picking up the oldest from school? What’s for dinner tonight? Do we have enough food for every kid to have a lunch that consists of more than a stale tortilla and three dried-out carrots?

While we figure all that out and more, my husband makes three bowls of oatmeal alongside his own, and I clean the toddler’s grubby high chair from dinner last night because I forgot and…is that an ant?!

We’re constantly in go-go-go mode just to get the bare minimum done, and that doesn’t leave much time for stopping to connect with our kids.

But That’s a Big Problem

A healthy connection with our kids is essential. Research shows that in order to have a healthy relationship, for every negative interaction, you need five positive interactions to balance it out.

For example, when I lose my cool over my toddler coloring on the walls, we need five positive interactions to balance that out, or our relationship will suffer.

But I don’t need the research to tell me that because I can see it for myself.

When my connection with my children starts to suffer, the result is more power struggles and less cooperation from them. And when the power struggles wear down my patience, I sometimes turn into an angry mom, which feeds the disconnection even more.

And then above all, my goal is to build a strong mother-daughter bond that will last a lifetime. As it turns out, a healthy mother-daughter relationship can be the strongest of all family relationships throughout your child’s life.

But it’s when my daughters are young that I must invest in a solid foundation for our relationship. If we don’t start out with a healthy connection now, it certainly won’t magically appear when they’re teenagers or adults.

Related: How to Stop Being an Angry Mom Now Using 5 Hair Ties {Printable}

Here’s the Solution…With a Catch

Nothing gets us back on track like some good quality bonding time, whether that’s reading our favorite picture books on the couch together or playing one of our quick family bonding games for an emergency dose of connection.

All it takes is a few minutes, and we walk away smiling and feeling that invisible string between our hearts again.

But sometimes my kids let me know that what they really need is more than a group bonding activity. They need one-on-one quality time with me.

Because my daughters all have such different personalities, the way they communicate this manifests in different ways:

• My oldest gets quiet and disappears behind a book
• My youngest daughter acts out by climbing the furniture, dumping her water bottle out on the floor, or morphing into a toddler-sized Godzilla and destroying her older sisters’ prized Magna Tiles creation of the day
• And my middle daughter, whose emotional intelligence outstrips my own, will walk up to me while I’m doing dishes or folding laundry, slip her little hand into mine, and say, “I want some mama time”

Sometimes I’ve made the mistake of ignoring or pushing off these pleas for connection, and I always regret it later. But more power struggles and less cooperation don’t exactly make for a happy family. So I’ve learned to pay close attention to my daughters when they show me or tell me they need one-on-one time.

The Tricky Part?

One-on-one time sounds great in theory, but we do still have a household to run and four kids to parent, so I can’t always drop what I’m doing and have a full-fledged mother-daughter day to get that one-on-one time. And with my daughters ranging in age from tween to toddler, what works as a fun mother-daughter activity with one girl may not work with the others.

So when it comes to mother-daughter date ideas, we’ve had to get a little creative.

For several years, I’ve kept a special list of mother-daughter date ideas on my computer for my own use. Every time I came across a new idea for fun mother-daughter dates, I added it to the list.

Any time I feel a disconnect with one of my girls, I go to the list and find an idea of something we can do in the very near future. I don’t have to come up with fun ideas out of thin air, and my girls get the connection they’re craving. Win-win.

Related: 7 Most Powerful Ways to Get an Emergency Dose of Family Connection {Printable}

101 Best Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Every Age, Budget, And Situation

Recently, it dawned on me that I may not be the only busy mom looking for simple ways to connect with my daughters, so I decided to clean up the list and share it here with you.

If you’re looking for mother-daughter things to do that will help you feel closer to your girl, check this epic list for the best ideas.

Decide how much time you have for your one-on-one bonding, then find that section for oodles of ideas for fun things to do with your daughter.

Quick win: Get these Family Connection Cards so you can stop feeling guilty about whether you’re spending quality time with your daughter and nurture the kind of close relationship that will stand the test of time—in just 10 minutes a day. The cards feature the ideas included in this article, plus bonus ideas.

But First, a Disclaimer

My husband has also used this list over the years for father-daughter date ideas, and I’m absolutely planning to use this list with my son when he’s a little older. Out of this whole list, I counted only a handful of ideas that may not be the right fit for some boys.

So if you have a son or if you’re a dad (or grandparent or aunt), please go ahead and use this list too!

But because I’m a mom and I have three older daughters I’ve been having one-on-one time with for 13 years, I wrote this as a mother-daughter date ideas list.

20 Minutes or Less: Quick But Powerful!

These fun mother-daughter date ideas are perfect when you need a spontaneous dose of healthy connection with your daughter.

Free, or Less Than $10

All the mommy-daughter date ideas in this section are quick, and they’re also no-cost or low-cost. Score!

1. Have an impromptu dance party.

Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy bonds and builds positive memories. To help kick off your mother-daughter dance party, I’ve curated a few of the best songs for kids in these playlists: girl power songs, funny songs for kids, love songs for kids, and family dance party music.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Ask each other interesting questions.

Our favorites are from this set of adorable family conversation starters. We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

3. Read aloud.

If she’s old enough, you can take turns reading out loud to each other from the same book. If reading aloud is already part of your daily routine and feels a bit too routine to be special, you can switch it up by changing genres. For example, you might read poetry or magazine articles to each other. When my oldest daughter and I want to connect one-on-one, we’ll take turns reading to each other from Harry Potter.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Take turns taking photos of each other.

Odds are that as the mom, you’re the one behind the camera most of the time so there aren’t many family photos of you. So your daughter may appreciate the honor of capturing some rare snapshots of you. You can dress up if you want or keep it simple. Feel free to be as silly as you want!

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Make art together.

You can doodle, design thank-you cards, or try something fancy you found on Pinterest. Not only is creating art important for your child’s development, but it’s also been shown to impact health by reducing stress and anxiety, increasing positive emotions, and reducing the likelihood of depression.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Take turns telling each other jokes.

If you don’t know many jokes, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids^† and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. (If you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!) We also enjoyed this full-color book of kids’ jokes from National Geographic.

As an alternative, you can take turns asking each other funny questions because research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

And for that, all you need is this list: 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

7. Look at pictures.

Grab a family photo album and look at old photos together. Whether you look at her baby pictures or pictures from when you were a kid, kids love a trip down memory lane. For bonus points, throw in a few childhood stories.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Make up a story together.

You make up one sentence, then pass it to your child for the next sentence. For even more fun with this mother-daughter bonding activity, use one of the Create and Tell Me a Story card decks. We always keep that fun game stocked in our family-owned game shop!

• Ages: Preschooler to tween

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Create a Story Cards

    
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona

9. Dress each other.

Let your daughter pick out your clothes for the day, then you do the same for her. Then head out to run errands or to your regular daily routine wearing what you picked out for each other.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Write poems about each other.

My oldest daughter had a project in fourth grade where parents were encouraged to write a poem about their kids. I was nervous to write a poem since that’s not in my wheelhouse, but when I read the finished poem out loud to my daughter, she beamed. Sit down and write poems together, then read them aloud to each other.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

11. Climb into bed.

Pick any time of day and pile into your bed and cuddle together for a few minutes. You may be surprised at what your daughter opens up about after a few minutes of shared quiet!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Tell a story.

Think back to a funny or cute story from when she was younger—or from when you were a child—and share it with your daughter. Even if she’s heard it before.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Stop and play.

Sit down and just play for a few minutes—no smartphones, no multitasking. Just follow her lead.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

14. Start a game of chase or hide-and-seek.

For younger girls, she’ll love it if you pretend her hiding place is so good you can’t find her.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15. Start rough-housing or a pillow fight.

Research shows this kind of play builds emotional intelligence and brings joy for kids—yes, even girls!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Talk in the dark.

When you put her to bed, turn out the lights and snuggle in bed with her. Ask questions and listen. Here’s one of our favorites: “When did you feel most loved today?”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

17. Ask for help.

Ask her to help you with something like doing laundry or paying bills. Not only is this one of the best kinds of mother-daughter bonding activities, she may learn a new life skill, too.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Welcome the day.

Wake up early and watch the sunrise together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Have a hula hoop contest.

The winner gets to pick their favorite meal for dinner, an extra piece of candy after dinner, or just bragging rights.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

20. Make slime or play dough.

Then play with it together.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

21. Color on the sidewalk.

Use washable sidewalk chalk to create a masterpiece or invent a new game. If sidewalk chalk is a regular activity for your daughter, make it special with glitter chalk or a mandala stencil. For creative inspiration, check out Chalk on the Wild Side, which has 25+ chalk art projects, recipes (glow-in-the-dark chalk!), and chalk game ideas for you.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

22. Learn a new language together.

Try the Duolingo app, or listen to language lessons on Audible or on Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

• Ages: Elementary to teen

23. Meditate together.

Our favorite app is Headspace because it has sections specifically for kids.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

24. Give each other massages.

This works for a wide age range, and it’s easy to do anytime or any place.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

Between $10-20

If you have a small budget to work with, try one of these fun mother-daughter activities.

1. Color together.

Get a special mother-daughter coloring book, which has one intricate page for mom and one simpler page for your daughter in each spread. Our favorites are this book with adorable animal illustrations and this one with more variety that a family therapist helped create. Coloring is perfect as a mother-daughter bonding activity because you can do it in short spurts of time. And if you’re feeling a little disconnected, the action of coloring calls on both logic (staying in the lines) and creativity (picking colors and color schemes), which helps your brain relax.

Don’t forget to pick up some snazzy new coloring pencils or fineliner pens to go along with your pretty coloring books!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Do a crossword puzzle.

We love this series of crossword puzzle books because they have perforated pages you can tear out so you can solve a puzzle on the go.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Take turns writing.

Get a shared journal for kids and parents and write back and forth to each other. This is my favorite mother-daughter journal because it gives you a magical way to get your kid to open up about what’s going on so you can stay connected. Or if you’d prefer to share a drawing journal, the co-author of this gorgeous mom and me art journal is a licensed art therapist so it’s specifically designed to improve your mother-daughter relationship.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

An Hour or Two

When you have a little more time to spare, these fun mother-daughter activities will help you feel close and connected.

Free, or Less Than $10

Every mother-daughter activity in this section is free—or close to it!

1. Go for a long walk or hike.

Without the distractions of daily life at home, your daughter may open up and share her heart with you on the walk. Plus, outdoor time is good for your relationship, according to science. Research shows time spent in nature helps mothers and daughters get along better.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Have a coffee date.

Bring your favorite board game or card game to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink while you play—coffee for you, hot chocolate for her. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. (The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for coffee dates: Sleeping Queens.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

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Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

3. Browse the bookstore.

Take her to a bookstore and browse the shelves in the kids’ section together. Whether she’s at the picture book, chapter book, or young adult level, pick out a book or two and read out loud to her. (Kids are never too old to be read to!) If you need some ideas, here are our absolute favorite picture books of all time—and we read a lot. For a special treat, surprise her by buying her a new book she has her eye on.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Host a movie night for two.

At home, watch your favorite movie, her favorite movie, or a new movie you’re both interested in. Then afterwards, talk about your favorite parts.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Get a mani-pedi.

You can go DIY style with a spa day at home and paint each other’s nails, or make it an extra special event by taking her to a nail salon for a manicure and/or pedicure so you can both relax while you’re pampered.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Trade makeovers.

Get your makeup bag out, and let your daughter do whatever she wants—then swap roles. You may look ridiculous after she’s done with your makeover, but she’ll love being “in charge.”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Get moving together.

Pop in a workout DVD (we like Jillian Michaels’s Yoga Meltdown) and have fun keeping your bodies healthy. Or if that’s not your style, go for a quick run or bike ride together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Do a buddy read.

Read the same book—together as a read-aloud or separately on your own—then have a meeting where you talk about what happened in the book, your favorite characters, what surprised you, and so on. Even better: Host your book club for two at the local coffee shop or bakery.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

9. Make a meal.

This is extra fun if you try out a new recipe for the first time together. Or if you don’t want to make a meal, bake a treat together (cookies are quick and easy!) or make homemade ice cream.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Put on a fashion show.

Try on clothes from your closet that you haven’t worn in a while, and your daughter can do the same. If you’re close in size, you can even let her try on your clothes. As an added bonus, you may get new ideas for how to wear what you already have—or at least you’ll be able to clear out stuff that didn’t work out.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Play a board game or card game.

For an extra treat, pick up a new game you haven’t played before. If you need ideas, check out Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages. For the perfect one-on-one date, check out 7 Wonders Duel. My daughters beg me to play that one with them on our dates! If you have more than an hour or two, try a game night for just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Camp out in the living room.

After the rest of the family goes to bed, set up your sleeping bags in the living room and stay up late talking, watching a movie, or playing a board game—or all of the above.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Go on a photo scavenger hunt.

You can find free printable photo scavenger hunts online like this simple printable and this one for tweens and teens.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

14. Paint rocks.

Then leave them somewhere for a stranger to find so you can brighten their day.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

15. Go to a park, just the two of you.

Join your daughter on the swings, and go ahead and try out the big slide too. If your local park doesn’t have a playground, try driving to another park in your area that does.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Stargaze.

Stay up late and lay in your yard, counting stars.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

17. Get literary.

Go hear an author speak at a local bookstore. Bonus points if it’s one of your daughter’s favorites.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

18. Feed the ducks.

Visit a nearby pond with ducks. (Just make sure to bring defrosted frozen peas or corn, never bread!)

• Ages: Toddler to tween

19. Go swimming.

Visit the local swimming pool or splash pad, just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Try geocaching.

Have fun exploring together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

21. Try on shoes.

Go to the best shoe store in your area and try on as many shoes as you want. You don’t have to buy anything—in fact, it can be even more fun to try on wild styles you’d never consider buying.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

22. Make something.

Find a craft or DIY project on Pinterest and make it together. (My Playful Parenting board has tons of fun ideas.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Go skating.

Try roller skating, ice skating, or rollerblading.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

24. Visit the library.

Then pick out books for each other that you think the other person would enjoy.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

25. Play a sport together.

Try something like tennis, or visit the batting cages or driving range.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

26. Scrapbook side-by-side.

Print a few family photos and look for other tidbits like ticket stubs, notes you’ve written each other, or your child’s artwork, then sit down together with a scrapbook and preserve those memories. For older kids, you can print funny text message threads between the two of you and paste them into a scrapbook.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

27. Train for something.

Sign up for a race like a 5K and train for it. Then run it together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

28. Declutter as a team.

Go through your closet and pick things to rehome, then switch and go through her closet.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

29. Round up spare change.

Then decide together on a charity to donate it to. Check the couch cushions, the bottom of purses, junk drawers, and cup holders in your car. (Whenever we do this, my girls always want to throw in some of their piggy bank money to donate even more!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

30. Purge the pantry.

Get rid of expired food, and bag up any other food you can to donate to a local food bank.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

31. Invent a recipe.

Start with a favorite recipe and experiment with switching it up to make it even better, or start from scratch to come up with something new together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

32. Get inspired.

Look through magazines and Pinterest to find ideas for redecorating her bedroom. Clip any photos you love and make a vision board. (For fresh ideas, try my Kids’ Room Ideas board.)

• Ages: Elementary to teen

33. Do each other’s hair.

Find a fun hairstyle on Pinterest and practice it on each other. (Check out my How to Be a Girl board for ideas.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

34. Fly a kite.

Take turns flying a kite at a nearby park.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

35. Have a slumber party.

Join your daughter in her room for one night, just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

36. Play with paper dolls.

Print a cute set of color-in paper dolls, then cut them out and color them together, then play dress-up. I downloaded a set of the most adorable paper dolls from this Etsy seller, and my girls had so much fun! Even my 13-year-old.

• Ages: Preschooler to tween

Between $10-20

Got a bit more budget to work with? Here are a few ways to spend your mother-daughter quality time.

1. Solve a jigsaw puzzle.

We do a lot of puzzles in our family, and our absolute favorite puzzle-maker is Ravensburger because the pieces are nice and sturdy—perfect for little fingers. A few of my daughters’ favorites have been this magical 150-piece unicorn puzzle, a panoramic puzzle featuring the Frozen characters, and this playful carnival scene.

But if you’re both whizzes at puzzles, maybe you’re brave enough to try this impressive 33,000-piece puzzle that’s the world’s largest.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Take her out for ice cream.

Let her order whatever she wants. The more scoops the better!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Grow something.

You can go all out and start a garden or just find an empty pot and plant a pretty flower in it. This mother-daughter bonding activity is great because you can take care of the plant together every day. Here’s an all-in-one garden starter that we’ve used and loved. If you’re new to gardening and your daughter is young, you might also want to pick up a kid-friendly set of garden tools.

On the other hand, if you have a black thumb (hello, that’s me!), you can skip the plant aspect and try a butterfly-growing kit.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Have a picnic.

Grab a basket and pack yummy food, an outdoor blanket, and a fun treat like sparkling juice. Side note: If you enjoy picnics together, you might want to invest in a great outdoor blanket that’s waterproof and will last a while. We went through a couple duds before we got this stud of an outdoor blanket, and it’s fantastic.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Meet for lunch.

Pick a random school day and meet your daughter for lunch. Bring her favorite meal, even if it’s fast food. Or for a smaller treat, bring a cookie or another surprise dessert.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

More Than $20

When you can splurge a bit, these mother-daughter date ideas will create lasting memories for both of you.

1. Take a class.

Find a class you’re both interested and sign up, like an art, pottery, sewing, photography, self-defense, or cooking class—or something else altogether. If you’re on a budget, most home improvement stores offer free kid-friendly workshops. Learning a new skill or trying something you’ve never done before can be a little stressful in the moment, but research shows it pays off with increased happiness in the long term.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

2. Go thrifting.

Shopping is one of the most stereotypical mother-daughter bonding activities, but it doesn’t always fit the family budget, and you may not want to foster a love of “stuff” from a young age. If that’s the case, take her to a thrift store, a flea market, or garage sales and look for hidden gems.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Take her out to eat.

Pick a restaurant you both love, a new restaurant you’ve never tried before, or just get a couple slices of deliciously greasy pizza, and share a meal just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Go to a yoga class.

Find a class your daughter will feel comfortable with, and do it together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

5. Catch a movie.

Go see a movie in the theater. Be sure to get your favorite theater treat, whether that’s buttery popcorn, a king size Twix, or the pucker power of Sour Patch Kids.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

6. Visit a local farmer’s market.

Sample as much as possible, and pick up something fun to bring home and share with the rest of the family.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Explore a museum.

Younger kids love children’s museums, and older girls may enjoy visiting other attractions like an art museum, natural history museum, planetarium, science museum, and so on.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Take her to a show.

Find a musical, play, or other performance, and surprise her with tickets. She’ll love the excuse to get dressed up!

• Ages: Elementary to teen

9. Throw a spur-of-the-moment party just because.

You could throw an “It’s Friday” party, a “Rainy Day” party, or even a “We Had a Fight But We Still Love Each Other” party. Remember: A party without cake is just a meeting.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Go bowling.

It doesn’t matter if you stink at bowling. Laugh it off, and it will add to the fun.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

11. Let your daughter decide.

Give her twenty dollars (or ten, or whatever your budget is) and tell her she can decide how you’ll spend your time together. She may decide to spend it all on candy, but research shows that kids are happier when they have a say in how they spend their time.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Play putt-putt.

Find a miniature golf course, play a game together, and laugh at yourself when you miss terribly.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

13. See an outdoor show.

Take her to an outdoor play or concert.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

14. Host a tea party for two.

Dress up and wear fancy hats if you have them, and do everything the British do for high tea. Or if you’re feeling adventurous, visit a local tea room or hotel for high tea.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

15. Give back.

Pick a project on Kiva to invest in. You can lend as little as $25 to help someone start or grow a business, go to school, and more to help them realize their potential. As another option, you can find a project on DonorsChoose and help kids in economically disadvantaged areas get what they need in order to learn better at school.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

16. Watch sports.

Get tickets to a sporting event and splurge on the junk food. For an extra treat, get a souvenir to remember the fun day.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Go on a walking tour.

See your city with fresh eyes by signing up for a walking tour. Some cities even have food walking tours where you can try a few new restaurants in the span of a couple hours.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

18. Book haircuts for both of you.

Schedule them for the same time so you can chat while you’re pampered.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

19. Pick fresh fruit.

Visit a local u-pick farm and pick fresh fruit—berries, apples, pumpkins, or whatever’s in season.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Visit animals.

If you and your daughter love animals, visit a zoo or a farm with a petting zoo. If you don’t have a zoo nearby, a local pet store works in a pinch, especially for younger kids.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Get breakfast treats.

Wake up before everyone else in the family and head out early to get breakfast treats, like breakfast tacos, donuts, or cinnamon rolls. Don’t forget to bring home extras to share with everyone else!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

22. Visit an arcade.

Play as many games as possible together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

Half a Day or More

As busy parents, it can be hard to set aside a full day or even half a day. But if you can put it on the calendar once every two to three months, do it because these mother-daughter date ideas are so much fun.

Free, or Less Than $10

When you have a bit more time to spend with your daughter, here are the best free (or cheap) mommy-daughter date ideas.

1. Take a mental health day.

Take one day off school and work and spend the day together. Just make sure she doesn’t have any big tests, quizzes, or projects due that day! Or if you can’t afford a full day, pick her up an hour or two early from school and go do something fun from this list.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

2. Give time.

For younger kids, it can be difficult to find organized volunteer activities, but you can always put together care packages for the homeless in your area or make cards to brighten the day of nursing home residents.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Bring your daughter to work with you.

Pick a day when she doesn’t have anything important going on at school, or pick a day during a school holiday. Then bring her to work and show her what you do every day.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

4. Camp out in your backyard.

Put up a tent for the full experience, and don’t forget the s’mores fixin’s!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Go on a kindness spree.

Pick a day and commit as many random acts of kindness as you can think of. For ideas, check out The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids—For Every Age And Budget.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Be in nature.

Drive to the nearest beach or nature center and soak up the outdoor time together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Take her to college.

If it’s within driving distance, take her to your alma mater and show her around campus. If it’s too far away, take her to the closest college campus and explore together. Ask questions about what she thinks college will be like, and share any fun stories you can remember from when you went.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

More Than $20

If you have extra time and budget, try one of these mother-daughter date ideas.

1. Take a day trip.

Find a fun destination that’s within driving distance, pack some fun snacks, and head there together to explore. Research shows taking a trip with your child becomes a “happiness anchor” for her—in other words, vacations stick in kids’ brains as vivid memories, and later on as adults those memories can even help them get through tough times. (During your road trip, don’t forget to crank up a girl power playlist and sing aloud at the top of your lungs!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Visit a fair or amusement park.

Ride every ride together and eat all the junk food you possibly can.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Pretend to be tourists in your own town.

Have fun exploring a tourist attraction or two.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

4. Have a one-night staycation.

Book a night at a hotel in your downtown area. For a special treat, order room service for breakfast or for a late-night treat.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

Bonus: How to Reconnect After a Tough Moment With Your Child

Research shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. This is called the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

In other words, after a negative interaction with your daughter, you need to reconnect through a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you and your child. Because if you don’t close that gap and your daughter feels a lack of connection, that will lead to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from her when you ask her to do something.

But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your daughter so you can reconnect.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to reconnect. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to reconnect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

Want More?

For more ideas to help you feel even closer as a family, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond.

Your Turn

What are your favorite mother-daughter date ideas? Share in a comment below!

The post The Best Way to Nurture Your Mother-Daughter Bond: 101 Fun Mom-Daughter Date Ideas appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As parents, we have big dreams for our kids.

We want them to be smart so they can go after what they want in life and have a reasonable chance of getting it. We want them to grow up to be kind, caring members of the community. And it would be nice if they also turned out to be the type of people who remember to signal before turns.

That’s a tall order. Especially when I consider the day a success if I remember to brush all my kids’ teeth twice a day.

And yet, now is the time to set our kids up for success in life. Short of morphing into a drill sergeant who fills every spare moment with flashcards and forced kindness, how can we raise smart and kind kids?

Here’s the Good News About Raising Smart Kids

As it turns out, we have one magic “keystone habit” as parents that will help us raise smart, kind kids.

If you haven’t heard of keystone habits before, they’re an elite category of habits that kick off a chain reaction, influencing several areas of your life at once. In other words, you can focus on just one keystone habit, and you’ll experience several positive impacts. For example:

“Keystone habits explain how Michael Phelps became an Olympic champion and why some college students outperform their peers. They describe why some people, after years of trying, suddenly lose forty pounds while becoming more productive at work and still getting home in time for dinner with their kids.”

The Power of Habit

The best thing about this particular “keystone habit” for raising smart, kind kids is that it’s completely free, it takes just 10-15 minutes a day, and anyone can do it.

To get smart, kind kids, you don’t have to sign your kid up for expensive tutoring or have twice-daily screenings of the movie Wonder.

All you have to do is this: Read to your child. Even if they already know how to read to themselves.

Because research shows reading aloud is the powerful keystone habit that will raise smart, kind kids. (More on that in a minute.)

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free family read-aloud challenge kit, which includes a bingo-style challenge and a cheat sheet of practical tips for how to make it easier to find read-aloud time even when you’re busy.

But This Is What Gets in Our Way

As parents, the demands on our time are endless.

We have laundry to fold, sibling battles to mediate, and healthy dinners to prepare. Our kids need help with homework, the car is due for an oil change, and it’s our turn to bring snacks after the t-ball game. We need to make doctor appointments, deposit a check at the bank, and sew that seam that ripped in our best work pants.

On and on and on.

This is why when it comes to reading aloud to our kids, we tend to prioritize it lower. I know I do. In a 2018 survey of American families, only 30 percent of parents reported reading aloud to their kids for at least 15 minutes a day.

I try to read to my kids regularly, but for two weeks I tracked how many picture books I read aloud, and I was shocked. I’d only read to my kids 6 out of 14 days – not even half of the days.

And so to soothe my guilt, I decided to dig into exactly what reading aloud to your kid accomplishes. I wondered: When it comes to raising smart kids, is reading aloud truly all it’s cracked up to be?

The Single Habit That Raises Smart, Kind Kids?

This is what happens when you read aloud to your child every day:

• Your child will hear a wider variety of words. Here’s why this is important: “The one pre-kindergarten skill that matters above all others, because it is the prime predictor of school success or failure, is the child’s vocabulary upon entering school. Yes, the child goes to school to learn new words, but the words he already knows determine how much of what the teacher says will be understood. And since most instruction for the first four years of school is oral, the child who has the largest vocabulary will understand the most, while the child with the smallest vocabulary will grasp the least.” – The Read-Aloud Handbook^†
• You grow your child’s brain, literally. The more you read to your child, the more the neurons in their brain will grow and connect together.
• You put them on the path to be a lifelong reader. Reading is essential for the learning process, and kids who struggle with reading tend to struggle in school. But you have the power to give your child this one key to success in school and life because: “The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading is reading aloud to children.”– Becoming a Nation of Readers
• Your child’s behavior will improve. When you read aloud, you increase your child’s ability to pay attention and concentrate – skills that definitely help your child in school. Also, reading aloud to a child can even decrease aggressive tendencies in the child.
• You build a stronger bond with your child. Kids love when you read aloud to them because of the physical closeness and emotional bonding it offers: “We’re blown away that kids time and again said the most special time they recall spending with a parent is reading together.” This makes sense when you think about it. In our busy modern lives, how often do we stop everything we’re doing, put down our phones, and just enjoy time with our kids? A strong connection with your child leads to better cooperation from them, and that’s something pretty much every parent could use more of.
• You increase your child’s capacity for empathy. When you read fiction to your child, their brain is “literally living vicariously through the characters at a neurobiological level.” In other words, you’re exposing your child to different types of people and giving them the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes while you read. Growing your child’s empathy muscle will teach them to be a friend who empathizes, a partner who can see their partner’s side in a disagreement, and a compassionate person who helps others in need.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

The moral of my little research project? The one single habit of reading aloud to your child kicks off a chain reaction of all these positive outcomes, and more. If you’re looking for the secret to raising smart kids, reading aloud is it.

So why wasn’t I making it happen even half the time?

For teachers: Want to share this article with your students’ parents? Feel free to share the link to this article via email! But if email isn’t feasible, as a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, you can get a free printer-friendly version of this article.

8 Reasons Why We Don’t Read Aloud – And How to Fix It

Knowing that reading aloud to your kids is important and actually making it happen every day are two separate things.

To explore that disconnect in my own parenting habits, I did some research and reached out to several parents I know to find out why we may not always read aloud to our kids. Then because I’d just read oodles and oodles about how powerful a daily read-aloud habit can be for raising smart kids, for each reason I decided to pull together a few solutions that might help me and my fellow parents.

Because sometimes, all we need is a tweak or two to make reading aloud a daily habit and set our kids up for a fulfilling, happy life.

By the way, if you have any other suggestions for making this habit work, please leave a comment to share at the end of this post!

1. I’m busy.

When you’re overwhelmed by daily parenting life, reading aloud to your kids doesn’t always make the cut.

This is my own Achilles heel. On the lazy days we spend at home, I have no problem fitting in read-aloud time. But on busy days where we have errands, extracurricular activities, or appointments, read-aloud time tends to fall by the wayside.

How to Fix It: Make reading aloud a daily habit. Duh, right? But here are a few hacks for making it happen:

• Bundle it. Think of another daily habit you never skip, and bundle reading aloud with that. For example, you wouldn’t skip brushing your kid’s teeth at night, so make a rule that you won’t brush teeth until after you’ve read aloud. Or as another example, you could read aloud to the kids while they take a bath or if they’re slow eaters, while they finish eating dinner.
• Give yourself a visual cue. Visual cues are great for reminding yourself in the moments you’re most likely to forget. For example, after reading aloud at bedtime, you could put the book back on your child’s nightstand as a reminder to read the next night. Or you might get a sturdy wire basket like this, fill it with a few of the best picture books, and leave the basket on your kitchen counter or in a visible spot of your living room.
• Track it. Post a piece of paper on your fridge or use colorful dry-erase markers to write on your bathroom mirror, and keep track of your goal. You might draw a green checkmark for every day you’ve read aloud and a red X for any day you miss. Your goal is to keep a string of checkmarks going as long as possible!

2. My kid can read on their own.

When our kids are old enough to read on their own, we tend to stop reading aloud. This is what I did when my oldest started reading on her own. But the problem with stopping at this point is that we’re not helping our beginning readers get to the next reading level.

“Reading and listening skills begin to converge at about eighth grade. Until then, kids usually listen on a higher level than they read on. Therefore, children can hear and understand stories that are more complicated and more interesting than what they could read on their own…Beyond the emotional bond that is established between parent and child (or teacher and class), you’re feeding those higher vocabulary words through the ear; eventually they’ll reach the brain and register in the child-reader’s eyes.”

The Read-Aloud Handbook

In other words, a fourth grader can listen to and appreciate a seventh grade level story before she can read it herself, and that’s how you’ll build her vocabulary enough so she can read a higher level book one day.

How to Fix It: Lately, I’ve noticed that if I sit down to read to my younger kids, my oldest will make her way to the same room and sit near us to listen in. Always remember that older kids still like to be read to, even though they may not admit it!

But if you’ve taken a break from reading aloud to your older child and they’re used to reading on their own, it may seem odd to start back up again with reading aloud. Here are a few ideas for easing back in:

• Ask them to tell you about what they’re reading. Then say, “Ooh, that sounds really good! Do you mind if I read out loud a little bit to you so we can both enjoy it at the same time?”
• Invite them to help you pick out a family read-aloud book, then you can all take turns reading out loud at dinner every night.
• If you subscribe to the newspaper or magazines and you come across an interesting article, say to your child, “Can I read this to you? I read it and thought you would enjoy it.”
• Listen to audiobooks during your commute to/from school or while you do chores together, like folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher. Pro tip: Get an Audible or Libro.fm membership for access to the best audiobooks. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)
• Find something funny like a poem or a short story and ask to read it out loud to them. Kids love funny, no matter how old they are!
• If your child was assigned a book to read for school, ask if you can read it out loud to them.

3. I don’t enjoy reading aloud.

This can happen for two reasons: you don’t like the book, or you just don’t like the experience of reading out loud. I can relate to both reasons.

Enjoyable books, we’ll get to below. But for the second issue, that can be a little more complicated. When I first started reading aloud to my oldest child, I made a mental comparison of my relatively monotone, low-key reading style to the most recent storytime we’d attended at our local library. The librarian was so chipper, so full of energy. And the kids loved her! How could I compete with that?

But I later realized that reading aloud isn’t about your ability to perform. It’s about connecting with your child. Because of the physical closeness and emotional bonding involved, reading aloud is something that kids regularly call out as their favorite activity to do with their parents.

How to Fix It: The first one’s an easy fix because the world has thousands and thousands of children’s books to choose from, so just pick another one you’ll all enjoy and read that instead. As a starting point, here’s my list of the best picture books according to kids and parents.

But if you struggle with the experience of reading aloud, try to reframe that time in your mind to focus on the connection you and your child will get from it. For example, you might come up with a special name for that time, like “Cuddle and Read Time” or “Cozy Book Hour” or “Hugs and Books Extravaganza.”

If that doesn’t help, try reading aloud a different genre than normal. If picture books aren’t your thing, maybe poetry would be fun. If poetry doesn’t cut it, try nonfiction. If nonfiction is a no-go, try reading aloud plays and doing different voices for different characters. Just keep trying until you find something you can enjoy.

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

4. My child won’t sit still.

If every time you try to read aloud, your kid loses interest and runs off to do something else, you’re going to get a complex real fast and think your kid isn’t interested.

Especially with active kids, listening is an acquired skill. But with a daily read-aloud habit, kids will learn how to listen. Remember that when you read aloud, you increase your child’s ability to pay attention and concentrate – skills that will help your child in school and in life beyond school.

How to Fix It: My third child is super active, so when she was younger I had to be creative with finding read-aloud time. Here are a few ideas for how to make it work:

• Ease your kids into read-aloud time with books that are designed just for active kids. Check out 12 Best Interactive Books for Kids That Will Get the Wiggles Out.
• Read at bedtime when kids are starting to calm down for sleep and are already tucked into bed.
• Read aloud when you have a captive audience, like when your child is eating a meal or is in the bathtub. (One parent told me they read to their kids while they build with LEGOs!)
• Take your child to the park, plop them in the swing, then read while you push them.

Also, make sure your child is enjoying the books you’re reading. If they’re really into dinosaurs and you’re reading about dump trucks, that could be the root of the issue. If you need fresh ideas, check out this list of the best picture books approved by kids and parents.

For more help with reading to active kids, check out my friend Rachel’s tips for How to Read To Kids Who Won’t Sit Still.

5. I’m tired.

Most of us leave read-aloud time for bedtime, but if your kids’ bedtime routine is anything like my kids’, by the end of the day you’re burned out. I don’t want anyone touching me or asking me for one more thing, and I certainly don’t feel like adding 20 more minutes to our already long and drawn out bedtime process.

On nights I’m particularly exhausted, I’ve been known to skip pages if I think I can get away with it. (And it turns out, I’m not alone in this.)

How to Fix It: Try moving your read-aloud time earlier in the day. You could read while your kid eats breakfast or an afternoon snack, or during bathtime if you’re not completely pooped by then.

As another strategy, make sure you’re reading a book out loud that you enjoy, too. If you’re stuck reading the same picture books every night, try branching out to a chapter book you enjoyed as a kid or a new release you’ve heard of. Or if you think you can swing it with your kid, try reading out loud from whatever book you’re currently reading. Obviously you’d need to skip over any kid-inappropriate bits, but maybe they’ll go for it, and you can squeeze in a little reading before you’re in bed yourself.

Related: How to Develop a Reading Habit That Will Stick: 8 Steps

6. My kids are all different ages.

This can be tough. My kids are 10, 5, 3, and newborn. I can read a picture book to the younger three, but that leaves out the oldest. Or I can read a chapter book to the two big kids, but that leaves out the two little kids.

How to Fix It: What I’ve discovered is that my 10-year-old still enjoys listening to a good picture book, and I’ve heard from other parents that even their teenagers still love hearing them read picture books out loud.

But if your older child really isn’t interested, try reading interesting magazine or newspaper articles out loud to her while she’s eating or doing chores. You might say, “Hey, check this out! I thought you might like this…” And then just start reading.

As another idea, you can read out loud to your older kids when the younger ones are in bed at night or while they’re taking a nap.

Related: Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

7. My kid interrupts…on every page.

Nobody likes to be interrupted – especially not when you’re trying to do something for your child and she interrupts you.

But as it turns out, kids asking questions during a book are an essential part of the learning process:

“Those of us who have seen a movie more than once fully realize how many subtleties escaped us the first time. This is even more the case with children and books. Because they’re learning a complex language at the adult’s speaking pace, there often are misunderstandings.”

The Read-Aloud Handbook

How to Fix It: If your child’s question is about the story itself, go ahead and answer it right away because odds are, your child isn’t fully understanding what’s happening and that’s why she asked.

If the question is tangential to the story or completely unrelated, try saying something like, “Ooh good question! At the end of the story, we’ll talk about that.”

8. Reading the same story over and over again is boring.

Yes, it is. It really, really is.

Unfortunately for us as parents, repeated readings of a book are exactly what your child needs in order to learn. They end up hearing the same words over and over again, which cements the vocabulary in their brain. Also, repeated readings help flush out any misunderstandings that are bound to happen when you’ve been on this planet for such a small amount of time. (See above.)

How to Fix It: Here are a few ideas you can try:

• If there’s a book you truly hate, get rid of it. Or at least hide it most of the time. It does your child no good if you’re gritting your teeth just to get through a book you hate. Better to spend 15 minutes reading something you enjoy than zero minutes reading because you can’t stand a particular book. Find something you enjoy instead using this list of the best picture books.
• If there’s a book you actually do think is alright but you just don’t want to read it 72 times a day, try coming up with a rule for your house. For example, when I’ve read the same book twice in one day, my kids know that book is done for the day. There’s no shame in setting boundaries so the read-aloud experience can be enjoyable for everyone.
• Try keeping things fresh with every read-aloud of a repeat book. One time, you might read it with a Southern accent. Another time, you might read it while marching in place. (Make your kid do this too!) Or another time, you might lay upside down hanging off the couch to read it. When your sanity is at stake, feel free to be creative.
• Visit the library regularly to get fresh new books. When you have a steady influx of new books to choose from, your kids will be less focused on re-reading the same books over and over again. Bonus: When the library books are due back to the library, they go back and you never have to re-read them again!

Get Your Free Printable: Family Read-Aloud Kit

One way to make reading aloud more doable is to turn it into a game, so I designed a free printable read-aloud challenge you can start today with your family. Your kids will love it, and so will you!

Along with the challenge printable, you’ll also get a cheat sheet of the practical tips from this post about how to make it easier to find read-aloud time even when you’re busy. Here’s how to get your free family read-aloud kit:

1. Get the free printable. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print the challenge board + cheat sheet. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be nice and sturdy.
3. Hang the challenge board somewhere visible like your fridge or your living room wall (next to the TV works great!) as a visual cue to remind you to squeeze in read-aloud time. Challenge yourself to try one new read-aloud trick a day for 30 days. But if you don’t get it done in 30 days exactly, no worries. Every day you read aloud to your kids is a win.

Here’s a sneak peek of your family read-aloud challenge board:

And here’s a preview of the cheat sheet summarizing the practical tips in this post:

Your Turn

What gets in your way with this habit for raising smart kids? Share in a comment below!

The post Want to Raise Smart, Kind Kids? Science Says Do This Every Day appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

It’s a proven scientific fact that a toddler will engage you in approximately 57 billion power struggles every day. At least half of those power struggles will set off epic toddler tantrums.

And that’s just the power struggles.

That doesn’t even account for all the other instances of that special brand of fun they bring to your day, like when they color on your carpet with a Sharpie, unlace all your shoelaces and re-tie them with 20 knots, or swallow a dime that gets stuck in their throat and requires a $25,000 surgery to remove. (Ask me how I know.)

Some days, parenting a toddler feels a bit like navigating a field of landmines, while balancing a tray of full champagne glasses on one hand and wearing boots three sizes too big…with your eyes closed.

Quick win: Need a quick fix that will help you ease power struggles with your toddler? Get my Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works. In 10 minutes a day, these cards will help you boost your connection with your child so that you’ll have fewer power struggles and get more cooperation.

What You Should Know About the Toddler Brain

This ain’t my first toddler rodeo – my third child is in the toddler phase right now. But we just welcomed a newborn into the family, so I’m more sleep-deprived than usual. Which means my patience for those typical toddler behaviors seems to be in even shorter supply lately.

So I decided to research the toddler brain and find out what’s developmentally appropriate for toddler behavior according to science. Maybe if I understood more about how my toddler’s brain worked, I wouldn’t get so frustrated with her.

And as I devoured toddler book after toddler book, I found myself wishing I’d known all the toddler parenting secrets before I became a parent – or at least one or two kids in, instead of on my third toddler.

Related: How to Deal With Toddler Tantrums Like an Expert {Printable}

7 Things Your Toddler Wishes You Knew

As it turns out, as frustrating as those typical toddler behaviors are, for the most part they’re 100 percent developmentally appropriate.

But in the moment of a power struggle, a boundary test, or any other typical toddler behavior, how do you keep that in perspective – and keep your sanity, too?

If your little one could explain what’s going on inside her toddler brain, this is what she’d tell you. Under each “What to do” section, you’ll find practical tips for how to take that understanding of the toddler brain and apply it to your daily life with a toddler in tow.

Get ready because this peek inside the mind of a toddler will turn you into a bona fide toddler whisperer.

Related: The Only Thing You Need to Survive the “Terrible Twos” – With Your Sanity Intact {Printable}

1. Please tell me again.

When you say, “How many times do I have to tell you?” it seems like you’re annoyed with me. But I really do need you to tell me lots and lots of times.

Here’s why: Your ability to focus your attention, remember instructions, and control impulses comes from your executive function skills. But guess who doesn’t have those executive function skills yet? Your toddler.

Let’s picture the Grand Canyon. On one side is your toddler’s impulse to color on the walls simply because it’s fun. On the other side of the canyon is the ability to control that impulse because mom said you shouldn’t color on the walls, and you really would rather not see that look she gets on her face when you do something she told you not to.

In a toddler’s brain, these two sides aren’t yet connected. You have to build a bridge.

That first time you tell your toddler not to color on the walls, it’s like you’ve placed one long, rickety wooden board across the chasm. It wouldn’t bear any weight and it’s certainly not strong enough to hold up over time, but you have to start somewhere.

Each time you tell your toddler the same thing – or even better, show them – you add one more board to the bridge across the Grand Canyon in your toddler’s mind.

But building a bridge across the Grand Canyon would take a lot of wooden boards, not to mention some steel beams. And it would take lots and lots of time.

In the same way, it takes lots and lots of life experiences to create those connections^† in your toddler’s brain so they develop those important executive function skills.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

“What molds our brain? Experience. Even into old age, our experiences actually change the physical structure of the brain. When we undergo an experience, our brain cells—called neurons—become active, or ‘fire.’ The brain has one hundred billion neurons, each with an average of ten thousand connections to other neurons. The ways in which particular circuits in the brain are activated determines the nature of our mental activity, ranging from perceiving sights or sounds to more abstract thought and reasoning. When neurons fire together, they grow new connections between them. Over time, the connections that result from firing lead to ‘rewiring’ in the brain.”

The Whole-Brain Child

What to do: How many times do we have to tell our toddlers? The answer is over and over (and over) again. For a toddler brain to learn, they need that repetition. So keep reminding and comforting and guiding your toddler because every single experience is building that bridge.

When I find myself losing patience while telling my toddler the same thing one more time, I take a deep breath and try to picture the Grand Canyon. Then I imagine that my words are laying one more board across the chasm.

2. I don’t know how to say what I need to say.

I’m feeling big, scary feelings, and I don’t have the words to tell you how it feels. When the bad feelings overwhelm me, I can’t think straight.

Here’s why: Toddlers feel negative emotions just like adults do – they may feel angry, frustrated, sad, scared, anxious, confused, powerless, and so on.

As adults, we’ve learned that when you feel a negative emotion, it’s best to stop, think it through, and then carefully decide how to react. (Still, even after a lifetime of feeling those negative emotions, sometimes we still react without thinking – by lashing out or shutting down!)

But the part of the brain that’s capable of stopping, thinking, and deciding how to react isn’t fully developed in toddlers yet. And so when toddlers feel a negative emotion, that emotion takes over. This is one of the biggest reasons toddlers throw temper tantrums.

“Children can become shut down with shame, or lash out in anger, stuck in the experience of the negative emotion. Negative emotions are confusing at this age (as they can be at most ages), and our toddlers need our help to handle them…

For toddlers, who are just beginning to get their sea legs, these emotions are new, raw, exciting, and often very confusing! …The part of the brain that handles emotions and allows us to regulate them is just starting to form in the toddler, a process that will take another twenty years to complete. To say that handling these emotions for children ages two to five is hard is a major understatement.”

How Toddlers Thrive

What to do: Your toddler needs your help to put words to her feelings. Labeling an emotion is one of the best ways to help someone feel heard so they can calm down and move forward, and toddlers are no different.

Here are a few examples of how to validate your toddler’s emotions:

• “You are so mad. You’re showing me how much you wanted that piece of candy.” (Source)
• “I’m sorry you’re (state the emotion). When you calm down, I’ll give you a hug and we can talk about what happened.” (Source)
• Use reflection. For example, if he’s stomping his foot: “Your foot is going like this (stomp your foot). Your face looks like this (mirror his facial expression).” He’ll probably look at you, so take a deep breath. He might unconsciously take a deep breath with you. Then say: “You seem (state the emotion). You were wanting (state the desire).” (Source)

3. I can’t hear you right now.

I can tell you’re trying to help me feel better, but these big emotions are too much for me. I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.

Here’s why: Suppose your toddler is in the middle of a tantrum because you cut her PBJ in half when she wanted it whole. What happens if you push the two sandwich halves together and say, “Look, it’s the same sandwich, just in two pieces”?

It sure would be nice if your toddler would stop crying and say, “Oh, you’re right. Nevermind then.” But you’ve probably learned the hard way that you can’t reason with a toddler in the middle of a tantrum.

This is because her toddler brain just won’t compute what you’re trying to say:

“Your toddler becomes so angry that you poured water on his head to wash his hair that he begins screaming, throwing toys out of the tub, and wildly swinging his fists, trying to hit you. In this case, the lower parts of his brain—in particular his amygdala—take over and hijack his upstairs brain, [which is responsible for decision making, personal insight, empathy, and morality]…

In fact, the stress hormones flooding his little body mean that virtually no part of his higher brain is fully functioning. As a result, he’s literally incapable—momentarily, at least—of controlling his body or emotions, and of using all of those higher-order thinking skills, like considering consequences, solving problems, or considering others’ feelings. He’s flipped his lid.”

The Whole-Brain Child

What to do: In the middle of a tantrum, don’t ask questions, don’t use logic, and don’t tell your toddler, “That’s not important.” In fact, the maybe-I-can-talk-some-sense-into-her approach will probably intensify the tantrum and make it last even longer because your toddler will not feel heard.

Focus on validating your child’s emotion first, then when everyone is calm you can tell the story of what happened and build those brain connections for the future. (See the examples in number 2 above for how to validate those big emotions.)

4. I’m not trying to be difficult.

You seem frustrated with me right now, but I’m not trying to make you frustrated. I’m just trying to learn.

Here’s why: Does any of this sound familiar?

• Your toddler wants to make her own cereal for breakfast, then ends up spilling milk all over the counter.
• Your toddler says he want to buckle his car seat himself, but it’s taking him forever and you needed to leave 10 minutes ago.
• He gets dressed by himself in short sleeves and shorts, but it’s 40 degrees outside and no matter how much you try to convince him, he won’t wear a coat or even a long-sleeved shirt.
• It’s bedtime, but she keeps asking question after question after question – when you just want to collapse in your own bed.
• It’s time to walk out the door to make a meeting for work, so you get your shoes from the closet only to realize that someone has unlaced all your shoelaces.

Sometimes it feels like your toddler is out to get you. But even though it feels that way, she isn’t purposely trying to make a mess, make you late, or keep you up all night.

Toddlers learn best through experience. And they need lots of life experiences to fully learn a lesson. (Remember the bridge from number 1 above?) For example, they may need to spill milk all over the counter a few times before they learn to pour it out slowly.

And unfortunately for us as the parents who would rather not clean half a quart of milk off the kitchen counter, there is no shortcut to learning. In order for our toddlers to learn, they have to make mistakes.

“This age group seems to be in perpetual motion. They are heedless explorers ready to take on the world without all the necessary skills yet in place. And that’s the way we want them to be—curious and adventurous! It is from this place that self-confidence and the ability to take initiative emerge. The challenge for us as parents is in giving children between ages two and five enough freedom to start making some of their own choices, so they can start making—and owning—their mistakes. What we see as mistakes, they take as part of the natural process of growing.

Sound difficult? It may be for you, but it’s not for them. Young children are not yet self-conscious or judgmental about their actions. They leap into activities and toward situations without thinking them through. They live in the moment. Jumping off the slide at full tilt? Building a beautiful sand castle just to destroy it? Wearing rain boots when it’s sunny outside? These may seem like illogical choices to us, but they make perfect sense to a toddler…Indeed, many of these choices make us parents very nervous. Our response? We tend to overcorrect and attempt to control them, which just makes them feel bad about themselves, which then results in shame.”

How Toddlers Thrive

I don’t want to have to clean up an extra mess or be late for an appointment or re-lace my shoes every time I leave the house. But for my toddler to learn and grow, she has to figure things out through trial and error.

Another danger of trying to correct and control your toddler all the time is that your toddler ends up hearing “no” an awful lot throughout the day. She may feel like she can’t do anything right, and she may feel incredibly frustrated when she can’t do anything the way she wants to. And then when you need to say “no” to keep her safe, like if she’s unbuckling her car seat while you’re on the road, she’s much less likely to listen to you.

What to do: Pick your battles. If your toddler eats 3 peas instead of 20 or wants to leave the house wearing polka dots and plaid, it may not be worth it to turn it into a fight.

In those moments when I find myself feeling annoyed or exasperated at my toddler, I repeat a mantra to myself: “Let her learn. Let her learn.” That’s usually enough to remind me to let her make her own mistakes. But if I’m still tempted to overcorrect or control – or worse, step in and do the task myself – I’ll ask: “If I let her do it her way, what’s the worst that could happen?”

I’m not perfect, but this little habit has helped me back off and let my toddler try on her own way more often than I used to. As an added bonus, when you stop trying to control your toddler on those everyday tasks, you can step back from the situation and be ready to comfort your toddler if she gets frustrated during the learning process.

5. I need you to be kind and firm at the same time.

I like doing things myself, but I need you to keep me safe.

Here’s why: When your child enters toddlerhood, she learns that she is her own person, separate from you. This is when she discovers she has the power to act on her own separate ideas, opinions, and preferences.

For example, suppose you’re crossing the street and holding your toddler’s hand, then she pulls away and runs off to pick up a shiny coin off the ground. She’s exerting that newfound power, which is exactly what her toddler brain needs.

But it’s our job as parents to set boundaries on that power to keep our toddlers safe:

“Two to five is an age of testing out who they are and their level of power. It is too scary to think their power is unlimited. They want to know you will keep them safe (even if they battle you!). The world they are exploring during these years is a big place. There is much to learn, much to see, and so much to figure out…So much is going on and they cannot do it solely on their own. Children count on parents to set up limits and guidelines, to show them when to stop and let them know we will keep them safe. The feeling that they are not on their own, that we are setting limits, gives them security and feelings of comfort…Deep inside, they want to know that we will not let them go too far.”

How Toddlers Thrive

Still, when you feel like your toddler has done something dangerous, it’s easy to lose your cool and say something like, “What on earth were you thinking? Never, ever do that again!”

From your toddler’s perspective, she made her own decision as her own person, and you got upset at her for making her own decision. Feelings of shame overwhelm her toddler brain, and she’s unable to learn anything from the experience. It’s a missed opportunity to build onto that bridge across the Grand Canyon (from number 1). If she experiences that shame on a regular basis, she may become anxious, defiant, or less confident.

What to do: Your toddler needs you to set limits when something is important, like running across the street or throwing her whole dinner plate on the floor.

To avoid overreacting and making your toddler feel shame for making her own decision, first try to connect with your toddler on why she made that decision. That way, you can let her know that there’s nothing wrong with how she felt, then you can set the limit.

Think, “kind first, then firm.” For example: “You were excited to see that shiny coin, and you wanted to grab it! But it’s my job to keep you safe, and running across the street can hurt your body. Next time, hold my hand tight when we cross the street, no matter what.”

6. I’m not ignoring you.

I’m just not sure what you want me to do.

Here’s why: Don’t think of an elephant right now. Whatever you do, don’t picture an elephant. You better not be thinking of an elephant.

So…are you thinking of an elephant? Because that’s 100 percent normal if you are, and your toddler is no different.

Suppose your toddler is running through the house while your infant is sleeping, so you say, “Don’t run!”

What sticks in your toddler’s mind is simply: Run. Saying “don’t run” puts the focus squarely on what you don’t want to happen. Pretty much the opposite effect of what you’re going for.

Plus, when you say “stop” or “don’t,” your toddler has to double-process your request. First, he has to understand what you don’t want him to do: don’t run. Then he has to translate that into what you do what him to do, which can be confusing for young kids.

What to do: Erase “don’t” and “stop” from your vocabulary with your toddler because they’re just setting you both up for frustration. Then reframe your statements to communicate to your toddler what you do want him to do.

Here are a few examples for you:

• Instead of, “Stop banging your fork on the table.” Try, “Your fork goes in your mouth or on your plate. Can you pretend your fork is an airplane landing in your mouth?”
• Instead of, “Don’t run!” Try, “Please walk slowly. Let’s pretend we’re turtles!”
• Instead of, “Don’t color on the walls!” Try, “Markers are for paper only. Can you draw me a picture on this paper?”
• Instead of, “Don’t be rough with the baby!” Try, “Please use a gentle touch with the baby. It’s our job to keep the baby safe.”
• Instead of, “Don’t take that toy from your sister!” Try, “Your sister is having that right now. You can ask, ‘Can I have that when you’re done?'”

I’m usually pretty pumped if I can catch myself before a “don’t” slips out, but if you want to go above and beyond that to really make your toddler sit up and take notice, try adding a statement at the front to empathize with his emotions. For example, “You really wanted that toy right now! It looks like so much fun. But your sister is having that right now. You can ask, ‘Can I have that when you’re done?'”

7. When I feel loved, I do better.

I’m happiest when we get some special time together every day. Then I want to do everything I can to make you happy with me.

Here’s why: When my toddler is being particularly uncooperative, the root cause every single time is the same thing.

For example…

• I’ll be doing dishes, and she asks me to read her a book. “Later,” I promise. “I’m busy right now.”
• I’ll be paying bills on the computer, and she asks to play a game. “Not right now, honey,” I say.
• I’ll be putting the baby down for a nap, and right when he dozes off, she bangs the door wide open looking for me. “Go back out there!” I hiss.

Then the next time I ask her to do something (or not do something), she doesn’t listen. Sometimes, she’s outright defiant.

She’d told me exactly what she needed from me – a story, a game, my physical presence – and I brushed her off.

She needed connection. And when I didn’t give it to her, I paid the price in the form of less cooperation or none at all.

“Children freely, even enthusiastically, cooperate when they believe that we’re on their side. When they don’t have that belief deep in their bones, our standards of behavior seem unfair, contradicting what they perceive as their own best interests, whether that’s taking the biggest piece of cake or lying to us. No amount of “parenting skills” can make up for an eroded parent-child bond. It’s like riding a bike up a very steep hill. By contrast, parenting with a good relationship is like coasting downhill—you still have to pay attention and stay on the road, and twists and turns certainly arise, but the momentum is with you.”

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

What to do: Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. This is called the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. To get more cooperation from your toddler, aim for five positive interactions to balance out every negative experience.

Bonus: How to Connect With Your Toddler + Get More Cooperation

After a negative interaction with your child, you need to reconnect through a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you and your child. Because if you don’t close that gap and your child feels a lack of connection, that will lead to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from your child when you ask them to do something.

But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your child so you can reconnect.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to reconnect. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to reconnect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

Your Turn

What surprises you most about the toddler brain? Share in a comment below!

The post 7 Hidden Reasons Why Your Toddler Acts Defiant appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

A few weeks ago, my 4-year-old was sitting at the breakfast table with a stack of paper, a stencil, and a bunch of colored pencils when she said something that broke my heart.

I’d been washing dishes about five feet away, so I saw her in my peripheral vision, holding the stencil to the paper with one hand and tracing with the other hand.

But then she sat back and said, “I’m not a good artist.”

I glanced up. The corners of her mouth pointed down, and her eyes were starting to fill.

This is the girl who tells me every day that when she grows up, she’s going to be an artist during the day, then at night she’s going to be Wonder Woman and fight bad guys.

But in that moment, I could see her confidence in her dreams slipping away.

I felt a tug in my chest. I turned off the faucet and dried my hands.

Settling into the chair next to her, I asked, “What makes you feel that way?”

“I just can’t do it right. Every time I try to draw with the stencil, it moves and messes it all up.” She hung her head, and I reached out to rub her shoulder.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

The Problem With Kids Talking Like This

A little self-doubt can be healthy – as long as it drives you to put in more effort and try to improve.

But getting stuck in a negative mindset can cause you to give up on what you set out to do.

As parents, that’s the opposite of what we want for our kids. We don’t want to raise quitters who give up at the first sign of a challenge. We want to raise determined kids who work hard and persevere through challenges until they succeed.

A few kids seem to naturally learn that lesson and need no support to transform moments of self-doubt into a determination to work harder.

But after talking to my friends and reading messages from parents who write to me every day, what seems to be the most common situation is this: Our kids need our help to learn how to catch themselves in these moments of self-doubt.

They need our guidance on how to turn negative self-talk from something that makes them give up – into something positive that drives them towards success.

This Could Be the Most Important Lesson You Teach Your Child

A few years ago, I volunteered as a mentor to a small group of girls in a second-grade classroom.

During the volunteer training, the educators running the program taught us a powerful concept I hadn’t heard before: fixed versus growth mindset.

• Kids who have a fixed mindset believe that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be. You can’t change how smart you are, no matter how hard you try. You can’t change your personality, how creative you are, or anything else because your traits and abilities are fixed.
• But kids with a growth mindset believe that if you work hard, you can become smarter. These kids thrive on challenge. Fixed-mindset kids see failure as evidence of not being smart, but growth-mindset kids see failure as an opportunity for growing. In fact, they don’t even see failure as a failure. They see it as learning.

Can you guess which kids end up being most successful in school and in their careers later in life? Which kids have the greatest capacity for happiness?

More than 20 years of research^† shows that the key to success in school and life is being able to apply a growth mindset. In other words, if you believe that trying hard will make you smarter, it will.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

But if you believe that nothing you do will change how smart you are, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What’s more, fixed-mindset kids don’t enjoy the learning process. Their mindset even drives them to lie about their school performance so they can maintain the perception that they’re smart. They certainly can’t handle mistakes.

“In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort.

In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.”

Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

How to Foster a Growth Mindset in Your Child

To be clear, if your kid is showing signs of a fixed mindset, you won’t find a quick overnight fix. Shifting your mindset takes time. In the words of the top researcher on growth mindset:

“Change isn’t like surgery. Even when you change, the old beliefs aren’t just removed like a worn-out hip or knee and replaced with better ones. Instead, the new beliefs take their place alongside the old ones, and as they become stronger, they give you a different way to think, feel, and act.”

Carol Dweck

In other words, pretty much everyone has both a fixed and a growth mindset. As a parent, the best thing you can do to help your child is give them a toolbox of growth mindset tricks they can use when they’re struggling with a challenge.

Guiding your child from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset will take time and patience, but it will pay off for your child. In a minute, I’ll share a powerful trick to add to your child’s growth mindset toolbox, but first: How do I know?

Here’s a Powerful Trick

In my family, we’re no stranger to the struggle of shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

Our oldest daughter has struggled with her mindset since she started school. We reacted by nudging and encouraging her towards a growth mindset, and we’ve seen a huge transformation in her attitude about making mistakes, working hard, and not giving up.

We’ve tried countless parenting techniques to get to this point – some of them total duds and some that thankfully made an impact.

But we stumbled on one powerful growth mindset trick that I wish I’d done much earlier with my oldest daughter because the results have been fast and impressive with her and my preschooler.

Growth mindset posters.

But not just any growth mindset posters. Kids color in the phrases on these posters – phrases specifically designed to help kids internalize the crucial message that putting in effort is how you grow your brain.

Because the truth is that overused platitudes like “never give up” don’t stick in kids’ minds. But these special growth mindset mantras will burrow their way into your child’s internal dialogue and come out at the exact moment your child needs them.

9 Unique Growth Mindset Posters That Will Shift Your Child’s Mindset

The problem with most ready-made growth mindset posters you can get is that you stick them on the wall and they become…wallpaper. Your child may notice a pretty poster for a day or two, but then they blend in, and your child’s eyes will gloss right over them without really seeing the important messages you’re trying to get across.

Because of this, I put together a special set of printable growth mindset posters for my kids, and they loved them so much I decided to share them here.

You can use these color-in mindset posters at home with your kids, or you can use them in a classroom of students then decorate the walls with the students’ creations. (Just remember to move them around every now and then to keep them from becoming wallpaper!)

The phrases on these special growth mindset posters include:

1. I can’t do it yet, but I will
2. I’m the boss of my mind, and I can tell it what to do
3. My brain is a muscle, and mistakes are like lifting weights
4. I’m perfectly imperfect, and that’s a beautiful thing
5. Winning doesn’t matter. Learning does.
6. The more I try, the more my brain grows
7. There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs. (A quote from Zig Ziglar)
8. Worrying about mistakes is like putting a leash on my brainpower
9. I can (This one’s our favorite because it shows “I can’t” with the “t” being cut off with a pair of scissors!)

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Why These Posters Make the Mindset Message Stick

These are the only growth mindset posters that will actually make the mindset message sink in with kids.

Here’s why:

• Powerful mantras arm your child with positive sayings they can repeat to quiet internal negative thoughts, so they’re ready when they hit speed bumps during the learning process or during the everyday challenges of childhood.
• But kids may have a hard time grasping abstract concepts and remembering a string of words, which means phrases like “strive for progress not perfection” end up going in one ear and out the other. But the mantras on these growth mindset posters are as literal and concrete as possible. When you can paint a picture in your child’s brain to go along with a mantra, your child is much more likely to remember it.
• After you get these posters, you can print new copies for your child to color as often as you want. Here’s why that’s important: For your child to shift to a growth mindset, she needs to internalize the lesson so she won’t have to think about it consciously. But she can’t just hear a message once and internalize it immediately. She needs repetition. From math to vocabulary and beyond, repetition and rehearsal of new information support a process that’s essential to memory – a process called consolidation. During consolidation, the brain moves memories from temporary storage in the brain’s hippocampus to more permanent storage in the cortex (the outer layer of the brain). Translation? The more your child colors these growth mindset posters, the more the message will sink in.
• And most important of all, these color-in growth mindset posters are just plain fun. Whereas slapping a ready-made poster on a wall and asking kids to read them aloud veers into drill sergeant territory, engaging kids in the fun activity of coloring unlocks their creativity and invites them to be an active part of the learning process. In fact, brain research suggests that fun isn’t just a “nice to have” for the learning process but that it may be required for authentic learning and for storage in long-term memory.

But…Will These Posters Spark a Change in Your Child?

When I first set out to create these growth mindset posters for kids, my goal was to shift my kids’ internal dialogue in those moments when they struggled. Specifically, I wanted to erase the internal dialogue where they painted a picture of themselves as incapable of improving – and replace it with a handful of powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow and help them become the people they want to be.

And although I’d done a ton of research ahead of time about the science behind how growth mindset posters could help my kids, I didn’t know exactly how well the messages would stick.

The day the final posters were ready, I called my two oldest kids over to the dining room table while their toddler sister was napping.

“Hey guys, let’s color!”

I’d laid the growth mindset posters on the table, along with my fancy coloring pencils that I keep on a high shelf in my closet except for special occasions.

They walked into the room, glanced around the table, and hurried to sit down.

We each took a sheet and started coloring. My preschooler wanted to talk about the letters on her poster while she colored, and my oldest who’s in elementary school said, “We have posters kind of like this at school in some of the classrooms, except you can’t color them in.”

“Oh yeah?” I said. “What do they say?”

“I can’t remember,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said. Probably not the effect the teachers were going for when they took the time to pick out those pretty posters and hang them up to inspire the kids to keep trying.

As we colored, we talked about the phrases on our posters – what the phrases mean, situations we’ve been in where the phrases would have helped us, and more. I kept it light and breezy by asking lots of questions and biting my tongue when I felt like lecturing. Just let the posters sink into their minds, I reminded myself.

We had a fun afternoon coloring together, then we picked out a piece of prime wall real estate to hang up our creations.

Later that day, I was in the kitchen while the girls were building with Magna Tiles in the living room, and I overheard my grade-schooler say, “I can’t get it to work.”

And my 4-year-old said, “You can’t get it to work YET. But you will.”

Score.

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Would the Messages Stick Long-Term?

I smiled at the fast impact, but I still wondered if the messages of the growth mindset posters would stick with my kids for the long-term.

Every week or so, I’d bust out a fresh set of the posters with my special pencils, and we’d have another group coloring session. I overheard the girls repeating the growth mindset phrases to each other for encouragement, and I noticed a shift in their self-talk – so I was one happy mama.

But after picking up my oldest from school one day, on the ride home she said, “We have to write two paragraphs every week with six to eight sentences each on the same topic. And we have to use these stupid prompts! I can’t write with a prompt.”

“Hmm,” I said. “Have you ever written with a prompt before?”

I expected her to get more frustrated and focus on why writing prompts are so hard, but she surprised me. “Well, it’s not that I can’t write with a prompt. I’ve done it before. It’s just that it’s hard to get started because it’s not my own idea.”

She got quiet, and I glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She was staring at a piece of paper, and I wondered what thoughts were churning behind the scenes.

She said something under her breath, so I asked, “What’s that?”

“Oh, I just said maybe this one will work. And if I don’t like how it turns out, I can try again.”

I smiled. “That sounds like a good plan.”

She was no longer just repeating the growth mindset phrases from the posters. She’d internalized the message.

But the real clincher came for me that weekend while we were in the car running errands as a family.

The two big girls sit in the back row, and I could hear them talking to each other but couldn’t quite make out the words.

Then after a bit, my preschooler called up to us. “Mommy and Daddy, we have a new phrase!”

Ty and I glanced at each other. “A new phrase?” I asked.

“Yeah. Wanna hear it?”

“Sure.”

She and her big sister whispered to each other some more, then my oldest said, “She wants me to go first. My phrase is ‘A life without mistakes is no life at all.'”

I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. I leaned across and whispered to Ty, “The growth mindset posters!”

Then to my oldest, I said, “That’s awesome!”

“Wanna hear mine?” my preschooler asked.

“We’d love to!” I might have been a little excited.

“Okay,” she said. “Winning doesn’t matter. Trying does.”

Not only had they internalized the messages from the growth mindset posters, but they’d been making up their own growth mindset phrases in their own words. All because of our special set of growth mindset coloring posters.

The girls have even taken it one step further and started coming up with their own rules to live by in the same style.

So far, my favorite from my 4-year-old is this one:

If you have something nice to say, say it. Otherwise, if you can’t say something nice, shut your mouth.

Wise words, little one.

How to Get Your Growth Mindset Posters

Invite your kids to color these growth mindset printable posters, then you can hang them in your house as a gentle and positive reminder of the power of your mindset. For an extra dose of fun, try printing two copies, then sit by your child and color them together.

If you’re a teacher, these are the perfect growth mindset posters for the classroom because you can print as many copies as you want and have a built-in growth mindset activity for your students.

1. Grab your mindset posters here. After you order, you’ll get a special link to get your growth mindset posters PDF.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal, especially if you plan to hang the posters on the wall later.
3. Set your kids up to color the posters. Regular old crayons work fine, or you can pair the activity with a fun new art supply like watercolor pencils or 80’s Glam Sharpies.

For an extra treat for your kids, you can have these growth mindset posters printed at Staples using their “engineering print” option to make super-sized versions of the posters. We’ve had the best luck with the 18×24 size (less than $2) and the 36×48 (about $7).

We pick one of the growth mindset posters every now and then to do this with, then unleash all the kids at once for a group coloring project that keeps them moving towards a growth mindset.

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

Your Turn

Which of these growth mindset posters is your child’s favorite (or yours)? Share in a comment below!

The post 9 Powerful Phrases That Will Inspire Your Kid to Keep Trying—Even When It’s Hard appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.