this is a really well worded reply. One thing I struggle with is the Golden Rule: Don’t do something to some one you wouldn’t done to yourself. If I don’t want to loose time with my child how the hell is it right to do that to my ex?? I’m so confused.
My bad choices have already separated my child from my childs mother. I don’t want to do bad things to my child or my ex anymore. I want to affect thier lives in positive ways. I don’t want to separate a child from a childs mother. I want to encourage my child to spend more and more quality time with her mom, to respect her mom, to appreciate her mom. I want to bring my child closer to her parents not farther. If my daughter says that she really enjoys time with her mom and dosen’t miss me thats a good thing! I don’t want her heart to hurt like mine. I don’t want her to miss me. I want her to know that I am her FATHER, nothing can separate us. we share a spiritual bond that she can always connect to.

The only thing I can figure is let my Daughter choose for herself when to see me and how long. I’m not going to obligate her or make her feel pressured in any way. I’m not going to try and convince her that she doesnt like her own mom or life would be better with me or that she likes me more or any dumb shit like that. I’m not going to make her feel that my feeling of missing her is her responsibility. I’m the one who destroyed my family. I’m the reason I miss her. That being said I really feel for the people replying to this article.
my ex chose to let a abusive,possesive,controlling, meth using stranger move in with my child. This “man” would just grab the phone and hang it up when I was talking to my child. One time he yelled and said ” no one here wants to talk to you”!!. I gave up on talking to my child. I began to be very sad. I started looking for her when I walked arround hopping on the small chance that I could just see her, just simply see her. I began to become very very very very scared. what if i forgot what she looked like? what if I couldn’t remember the way her voice sounded?? I decided not to give up. life always changes. nothing stays the same. I was hanging out at a resteraunt and saw my wife and this man walking. I decided to confront them. at first he tried to pull her away but I was asertive and i said ” hey dude she can choose for herself when to talk to me”. I told him that what he did was very rude and I asked him to considder how he would feel if i did that while he was talking to his child. We agreed that i wouldn’t try and convince my child not to like him and he would not convince my child not to like me.

my most sincere hope is that this post can give some of you hope. I know it dosen’t feel fun to go from living with your child to only seeing them for short times. I want to give you hope! You can show them that they are worth it, the relationship is worth the hardship that it takes to build. You can model good, mature, healthy behavior. You can give them a source of strength and hope that they can tap into no matter where they are. You can show them that they have intrinsic, internal value that can be given or taken away. This is the mission of a parent; to give your child something that they can carry into the world with them, to give them a part of you that will live on in thier hearts forever. This is the hope of every parent everywhere. This is the hope that we must cling to. I hope in some small way that my post has touched the heart of a parent.

its so sad that you can’t see that missing your kids is a human issue not a gender issue. I hope that some day you will see the equality of men and women

exactly like you say, we make plans, the kids and I, for our every more rare times together, I make it the best time ever for the kids when they come. And it is. They say so over and over, which is something that might be making things worse.

One addition (that you don’t mention) having seen a cousin’s divorce becoming a battle between the parents to “buy the kid” by purchasing the most expensive toys ever, I try not to fall into that trap. The focus is in giving them attention that they don’t get (their mom is a social media addict), and opportunity to do crafts (anything in their official home gets destroyed by younger siblings)

Result?

Their mom resents me, and perhaps also the kids, even more, and seems to go out of her way to block us from seeing each other (“I’m too overwhelmed to plan that,” is her usual response when I propose to help her be less overwhelmed by having the kids over, she complains over and over about how they yell and are unruly at her place, and how she “can’t get anything done.” At my place, they cook, tidy up, yes they do make some mess, but we DO things TOGETHER), crafts. Just like you say, she seems to prefer to send them anywhere else rather than to my place.

Yet, right now I am feeling that my efforts to care for the kids are backfiring, as she sees their time with me as competing (she’s VERY competitive) in a game she can’t win. She’s in total denial on how much time the kids spend with the TV nanny, etc.

Me? Crying. Praying. Finally fasting, it seems to help, believe it or not. At least got me out of my curl-up-and-die position. Now, finally figuring out that I need help, reach out and see from those who have gone through this. It’s Saturday, can’t get a counselor until Monday, I guess, so looking at websites, maybe there’s a magic trick someone had found ? that will fix this situation. I’ve learned a few things so far today – never talk bad about their other parent, I’m glad I never did so with the kids, but I was overcompensating by throwing her under the bus to every friend I have, one of them said that was not healthy, I now can see her point. I need to get over so much anger, but I will. If I really care for the kids. And I do, so.

Thank you, everybody.

Mine are 15 and 16 and it’s been 9 years. Sometimes I think it’s actually getting worse.

This is really me, I have 2 yr old son that with me only during weekend. This happen all the time, on his first day, he’s so happy, when he saw me, he runs, jumps, and like crazy that laugh even theres nothing to laugh for, i know he just so happy and i love to see him like that, but this is it, when he feels that I will send him back again to his mom on that day, Sunday night, his happiness become opposite, i saw him always crying even his alone and no one around him that cause why he cries, and I know why, and i feel that too, my heart breaks every time i saw him sad and crying, i feel like its ok just to die just i don’t want to encounter that kind of feeling, right now he’s on my aide and I’m crying watching his face that sad that later i will send him back to his mom, and most of the time, me and my eldest son (half brother) let him tired and i will not let him sleep or take a nap , i just want him to sleep while were on our way back to his mom so that i will not see him crying and begging to take him, i really hate that scene, like the author, its really hard to breathe. I always pray hard to win the case to be his sole custodian, I even wrote to my case file and I really swear, God knows what inside my heart, I don’t care about child benefits, I only need my son to be with me, I can’t work normally, i feel like crazy every time because , he didn’t get out of my mind every single time, he is my life and my inspiration, if he will totally take away from me, I don’t think its still worth to live,

Same here. The pain just doesn’t stop. Trying to use ways to numb it. It’s tough. Glad to know I am not alone in this.

Maybe it’s just me but this sounds a little obsessive and not any way healthy for anyone involved!! Don’t you understand your daughter AND other children are absorbing your anxiety!! How do you think it makes the ones who don’t leave feel?! Mom is so upset about child bring home when we’re RIGHT here!! Why are we not good enough, why Is other child soooo special?! FYI – you need a life of your own separate from your children and START NOW…because soon they will be gone more and more and eventually for good!! What will you do then?! I believe there’s more to this than you are saying…some deeper reason why you react this way!! Are you a child of divorce? Do you have a fear she will think you don’t care she is gone and that you don’t love her? Or do you fear the more time she spend with her other mom the closer they get…resulting in loss of love for you?! If it is any of these things STOP now!! Children always love their parents even if another new person comes into their life and loves them dearly too!!

Get a lawyer and put a stop to that. There is a 100 mile rule in AZ that if a parent takes their child out of state without a 30 day written note to the other parent they could go to jail .

Hang in there. Get a lawyer and fight for your child! You can win! The judge said I was candid and found he did not trust my son’s dad’s intentions. I got a good lawyer who let me make payments to pay him back. I consulted free with many lawyers until I found the right one. I cried and I prayed as well.

That happened to me with my son’s dad and they held him in contempt of court and he had to give my child back and he had to pay over 3,000 in fines for the contempt of court.