One night while my four kids were in various stages of bathing, showering, or getting ready for bed, I took a sweep through the house to corral the never-ending stream of clutter. As I bent down next to the couch to scoop up a pile of LEGOs, something on the couch caught my eye.

A streak of vivid purple.

As I slowly stood up, my eyes followed the trail of purple to where one of our cats was lying on the back of the couch. Her entire left side was covered in purple paint.

That’s when I connected the dots. Earlier that day, my 10-year-old budding artist had asked if she could paint a canvas—one of her absolute favorite things to do. “Yep,” I’d said. “As long as you clean it up after.”

Spoiler alert: She didn’t clean it up after. And now our leather couch was sporting purple stripes, plus our cat had apparently entered her punk phase?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 110 most powerful compliments for kids to boost their self-worth.

Here’s the Good News (And the Bad)

Thanks to a miraculous infusion of patience I didn’t know I had, I managed not to lose my temper or even raise my voice, and personally, I consider that a parenting win.

In a calm tone, I made my points. “If you want to be able to paint, you need to take responsibility for cleaning it up after.”

She hung her head and in a small voice said, “I know.”

“When you finish an activity, you can’t just wander off to start something new. You need to put things away first. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

“I know,” she repeated. Then in an even smaller voice: “I’m just bad at remembering stuff.”

My heart squeezed. “Hey.”

She looked up, and I pulled her in for a hug. “You’re not bad at remembering. It’s normal for kids to forget stuff like that. It’ll get easier.”

But later, her words kept coming back to me. I wondered: Are my nagging reminders making my child think less of herself? Should I be complimenting her more often? Am I adding fuel to the fire of her inner critic?

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day

What You Need to Know About Your Child’s Self-Worth

As parents, we want our children to grow up to be healthy, happy, and confident, and an essential component of a child’s mental health is their self-worth.

Here’s why: When a person possesses self-worth, that means they evaluate themselves as an inherently valuable, capable human being who’s worthy of respect, compassion, and love. Self-esteem also feeds into self-worth because high self-esteem means feeling confident in your own abilities and strengths.

As you might imagine, research shows that children with high self-worth and high self-esteem are more likely to be happy and confident. In fact, low self-worth or self-esteem can lead to depression in kids. But high self-worth and self-esteem are so powerful they can even increase a child’s relationship and job satisfaction later in life.

How Do You Boost Your Child’s Self-Worth?

With self-worth being so important to your child’s mental health, happiness, and confidence, you might be wondering what you can do to nurture it.

Here’s the good news: Parental warmth boosts your child’s self-worth. That includes displaying affection, being responsive to your child’s needs, and encouraging them with the most effective kind of praise.

But as it turns out, some types of praise can actually hurt your child’s self-worth and self-esteem.

Which Compliments for Kids Will Nurture Self-Worth?

Below, I’ll share a handy list of the best compliments for kids that work to boost their self-worth, but first, here are a few guidelines to help you come up the best compliments for your child:

• Be sincere. Kids can see through over-the-top compliments and praise, and that kind of praise can hurt more than help.
• Be specific. Imagine how it would feel to hear a loved one deliver a generic “Good job!” as opposed to something like this: “Wow. You ran into a tough problem, and you worked through it. That took perseverance.” When someone pays attention like that, you feel seen and understood. That kind of specific encouragement is way more powerful than generic compliments or phrases.
• Compliment your child’s actions and choices. Praise your child for what they can control. Likewise, avoid praising your child’s abilities. Phrases like “You’re so smart” can undermine your child’s motivation, damage their self-esteem, and even foster narcissism. To learn more, check out Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student. (Hint: It’s not “You’re so smart.”)
• Less is more. You don’t need to shower your child in compliments every time they do something—especially when it’s something they enjoy doing. Too much praise can even decrease their motivation. Also, if you tend to use the same compliments on a regular basis, those phrases can start to lose their oomph with your child. Try cutting back on those phrases for a bit and replace them with something new from the list below.
• Be careful with appearance. When a child believes most of their self-worth comes from their physical appearance, that can undermine the development of an authentic self-worth. In other words, they might believe that they are worth of respect, compassion, and love only if the people around them think they’re “cute” or “pretty” or “handsome.” When a child views themselves as an object to be evaluated based on their appearance, that’s called self-objectification, and it can lead to body image problems, eating disorders, and depression. This can be a problem for girls and boys. But our kids are cute, and it’s fun to tell them that! And so to avoid these negative effects, first pay attention to how often you’re complimenting your child’s appearance. Then try to replace some of those less powerful compliments to something else on the list below. Ideally, experts recommend avoiding compliments about your child’s physical appearance, especially their bodies. Instead, you can compliment something they can control, like the outfit they picked out or how they chose to style their hair. Above all, it’s best to avoid making any comments about your child’s weight or shape—positive or otherwise.

Pro tip: A handy trick for making sure you stick to specifics and compliment your child’s actions is to start off with “You…” then complete the sentence by describing what your child did.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

How Well Do Compliments Actually Work?

After the Purple Paint Incident, I circled back to my daughter for a follow-up conversation about what her inner critic had been telling her.

And it broke my heart to hear the phrases she’d been repeating to herself.

Can you seriously not remember that?

You’re so clumsy.

What’s wrong with you?

From then on, I made a conscious effort to compliment her every day—not on how she looks or something out of her control—but on something she made happen. If I was tucking her in at bedtime and couldn’t remember complimenting her that day, I made a rule for myself to think of one specific, heartfelt compliment and share it with her then.

I didn’t know if that was enough to drown out her inner critic’s voice, but I kept at it. Then one night at bedtime, I thought back through our day together and said, “You had the magic touch with keeping your little brother entertained today. I’m impressed.”

She smiled and said, “You always give me compliments, Mommy.”

I laughed. “Is that…okay?”

She beamed. “I love it.”

Related: 50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child

110 Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth

After that experience with my daughter, I set out to put together a list of the best 100 ways to compliment a child so that I could share it with the parents in this community. But I uncovered so many fun options that I kept the list going to 110.

These phrases work for a wide range of ages from young children to teenagers, but you know your child best, so choose the phrases you think will best lift up your child.

You can also get a free printable list of the best compliments for kids here. You can keep this list on your nightstand, tuck it in your purse or wallet, or leave it on the driver’s seat of your car as a handy reminder for the moments when your child could use a pick-me-up.

Pro tip: If your child is feeling frustrated or discouraged, compliments typically won’t help. In those situations, you need to first validate their struggle. Check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work for the best phrases to use during or after their struggle.

1. You give the best hugs.
2. Your room looks tidier! Did you spend some time cleaning up?
3. You ask such great questions.
4. The world is better with you in it. (This is one of my favorite compliments for kids, so it’s featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

5. I respect you and your opinions.
6. You’ve been practicing hard for your game/recital/play/language class. I can see/hear the difference. (Or for younger kids: You’ve been practicing hard tying your shoes/riding your bike.)
7. I love your curious mind/spirit.
8. If I need a smile today, I’m going to remember… (Finish with a funny or sweet thing your child said or did.)
9. You make me smile.
10. You got ready so fast this morning!
11. I love hearing you read aloud to me.
12. There’s only one you in the world.
13. I love your imagination!
14. I noticed you working hard on… (Finish with a specific example when you noticed your child pushing themselves to learn, grow, or finish something.)
15. You make life fun.
16. I love spending time with you.
17. Your art/writing always puts a smile on my face. Can you tell me more about how you made/wrote this? (Alternative: What gave you the idea to create this? Or: How did you think to do that? Or: What’s your favorite part?)
18. You’re an important part of this family.
19. You worked hard on that. Do you feel proud of yourself? (Alternative: It looks like you feel proud. Or: I bet you feel proud.)
20. You waited patiently for your turn. I know it’s hard to wait.
21. Sometimes if I’m feeling sad, just thinking of you makes me feel better.
22. You really took your time on…to do it well. (Fill in with something that your child was focused on or worked hard on.)
23. I love how you put your outfit together! It looks so cheerful/colorful/sophisticated/comfortable.
24. I enjoy listening to your stories.
25. I feel so lucky to be your mom/dad.
26. Your creativity amazes me.
27. I could tell you were really focused when you… (Finish with something your child was focusing on, like making art, tying their shoes, riding their bike, and so on.)
28. I’m so grateful you’re my daughter/son.
29. You want to try to do this by yourself, and that shows you’re growing up.
30. I’m proud of the person you are.
31. I love to hear/see how passionate you are about… (Finish with whatever your child is passionate about and loves to talk about.)
32. Your creativity/personality shines through in your artwork/writing.
33. I love how you did your hair today.
34. I love to watch you… (Then give an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, get wrapped up in reading a book, make art, play your clarinet, and so on.)
35. You have the best laugh/smile.
36. Every morning, I look forward to getting to see you.
37. You got your homework done right away. That must feel good to have that out of the way!
38. You make my heart feel full.
39. You tell the best jokes!
40. Your art/writing makes my heart happy. Thank you for sharing it with me.
41. The jewelry/belt/socks/shoes you picked out today are a nice touch. (Alternative: That [accessory] goes great with your outfit.)
42. You’re one of a kind.
43. I could watch you…all day! (Fill in with an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, dance, make art, play the piano, and so on.)
44. I love your sense of style.
45. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
46. Picking you up from school and hearing about your day is something I look forward to.
47. I’m grateful that you’re in my life.
48. I love your sense of humor.
49. I can tell you really enjoy… (Finish with whatever your child loves to do.)
50. You’re always so willing to try new things. That makes life with you extra fun.
51. I love hearing your ideas.
52. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)^†

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53. I love walking into a room and seeing you engrossed in a book.
54. You’re always on the move. I love your energy!
55. I have fun when I’m with you.
56. You inspire me to be a better person.
57. I love getting to hear how you think through a problem.
58. You make a difference in my life.
59. Just seeing your face makes me smile.
60. You are my favorite 5-year-old.
61. I love your enthusiasm for… (Finish with whatever your child is passionate about.)
62. You look really well put-together today.
63. I love seeing the world through your eyes.
64. You are a precious treasure to me.
65. I love the colors you chose for your artwork.
66. You are wonderful, just the way you are.
67. I admire your persistence in solving that problem.
68. I love being around you, no matter what we’re doing.
69. One of my favorite times of every day is when we snuggle at bedtime.
70. I love the way your mind works.
71. Thank you for sharing your artwork/writing with me. Can I put it up on the fridge? (Alternative: Can I put it in your portfolio? Side note: We love these slim art portfolios and get a new one every year for each kid to display their work.)
72. I love your laugh/smile.
73. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo.)
74. I love you just the way you are.
75. I’m so grateful I got to spend today with you.
76. You light up my day.
77. I feel blessed to have you in my life.
78. You make me happy, just by being you.

Compliments for Kids to Recognize Helpful Behavior

These phrases can nurture your child to see themselves as the type of person who helps and encourage them to make helpful choices in the future.

Quick tip: When you’re trying to encourage helpful behavior, you’ll make the most impact when you draw the connection to who your child is, like being a helper or being a kind person. Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. Here’s why: Your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

1. You had an opportunity to be a helper, and you stepped up to the plate.
2. I appreciate when you… (Finish with a specific example of something your child does that’s helpful or kind.)
3. You’re always willing to help out when I ask. I really appreciate that.
4. You shared…with your sister/brother/friend. That was generous of you. (Fill in with whatever they shared, like a cookie, a toy, crayons, and so on.)
5. When I was your age, I would have loved to have a friend like you.
6. You hung up your backpack/put away your shoes as soon as you got home. That helps our family have a comfy and tidy home. Thank you!
7. Thank you for being a helper.
8. Your kindness warms my heart.
9. I saw when you… (Then give a specific example of your child doing something helpful or kind.)
10. Your sister/brother/friend needed help, and you chose to be a helper. How do you think they feel now?
11. When you…, that showed me you’re a team player. (Fill in with a specific example of your child doing something collaborative.)
12. I appreciate that you’re such a helper.
13. It feels good to be a helper, doesn’t it?
14. That was a kind decision when you… (Then give a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
15. Thank you for pitching in! How does it feel to be a helper?
16. I see you being a helper, and I appreciate it.
17. That was a tough decision, and you made the choice to be a kind/generous/brave person.
18. That’s what a thoughtful/kind/brave person does.
19. I love seeing you be a helper.
20. Seeing you do that makes me smile.
21. You… That shows you have a big heart. (Fill in with a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
22. That was a big task/project, and you stuck to it until it was done. What a hard worker you are!
23. Sometimes it’s hard to make the kind/generous/brave choice, but you did it.
24. You took a moment to think about your sister/brother/friend, and you made the choice to be a helper.
25. You put yourself in their shoes to feel what they were feeling. That’s called empathy, and being an empathetic person is so important.
26. Friends/sisters/brothers look out for each other, and that’s exactly what you did.
27. I love seeing you work together.
28. You have a kind/generous heart. You inspire me.
29. Your choices matter, and you made the kind/generous/brave choice.
30. When you cleaned up the toys/loaded the dishwasher, that showed me that you’re a helper.
31. You are an example to your friends/siblings.
32. Your sister/brother/friend was upset, and you comforted them/gave them a hug. You’re such a caring sibling/friend.

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 110 Compliments for Kids

When your child could use a pick-me-up, use this cheat sheet of the most powerful compliments for kids to help boost their self-worth.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Keep your cheat sheet somewhere handy like in your nightstand or in your purse or wallet.
4. Say a phrase to your child. Your loving words will help boost your child’s self-worth, which is important to their mental health, happiness, and confidence. (Quick reminder: For the best experience, compliment your child’s actions and be as specific as possible.)

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What are your go-to compliments for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Soon after my youngest turned five, he set something into motion that nurtured his emotional wellbeing in a powerful way, although I didn’t realize it at the time.

One morning after he’d eaten breakfast and his big sisters were still sleeping, he picked out two children’s books and came into my bedroom where I was catching up on email.

“Will you read these to me?” he asked in a small voice, almost like he was preparing himself for the “I’m sorry, I’m busy right now” that was sure to come.

But for whatever reason that day, I looked at my youngest child and pictured him five years older, sleeping in like his sisters and no longer asking me to read to him. So instead of mentally reviewing my long to-do list, I caught myself.

I smiled. “Sure, buddy.”

He lit up. We climbed into my bed, got under the covers, and read together, just the two of us. And that was the start of a cozy morning routine that’s still going to this day. All it takes is 10 minutes, but every morning, he bounces away smiling—the 5-year-old embodiment of Tigger energy.

Which Is Cute, But…

My youngest has always been my most emotionally intense child. His feelings are big, and he lets you know it.

Several times a day whenever he gets frustrated or angry or disappointed, he wails at top volume. The storm passes fairly quickly, but it certainly is a bumpy ride when you’re in the thick of it.

But after he turned five, he started to mellow a bit. His outbursts weren’t quite so intense or quite so loud. They became fewer and further between. Plus, he was able to play independently for longer stints.

I thought we’d finally hit a developmental milestone when it came to his emotional regulation. I love how emotionally attuned my child is and I wouldn’t change him for the world, and yet it was still a relief to have fewer outbursts to navigate every day.

Then One Day, Something Changed

One weekday morning, I had a doctor’s appointment, and I had to boogie in order to get out the door on time. So when my son came in to ask me to read to him, I said I didn’t have time.

He hung his head a little but didn’t have an outburst, so I thought he was fine.

But when I got home from my appointment later that morning, it was like we’d unknowingly traveled in a time machine to a year ago.

His big feelings were front and center, exploding into outbursts at every little disappointment. He suddenly seemed incapable of playing by himself, so he repeatedly demanded his big sisters play with him, then would melt into a puddle when they couldn’t immediately drop what they were doing to play.

My husband and I tried to troubleshoot all day: Is he hungry? Is he starting to get sick? Are we in the Twilight Zone?

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Can You Guess What Happened Next?

That night, my husband and I collapsed into bed a full hour before our normal bedtime, worn out from the emotional rollercoaster.

Then the next morning, my son came into my bedroom like normal, and we cozied up in bed together to read. And 10 minutes later, his love tank was full, and he was off to the races.

Thinking the previous day had signaled a developmental regression, I braced myself for the outbursts that were sure to come.

But they never did.

He was back to himself again, not the version of himself from a year ago. My brain tried to solve the puzzle: What was different about the day before? What changed?

Finally, I Connected the Dots

When we started the day with meaningful one-on-one connection, my son felt secure in my unconditional love for him. He could ride the waves of his emotions rather than getting swept away or pulled under. He was better able to play independently.

He was happier.

As a Certified Parent Educator, I know the science is clear: Children need unconditional love from their parents. Research shows that children who grow up feeling loved and accepted by their parents tend to have a healthier self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and better academic performance.

And yet, even with all the training I’ve completed and all the families I’ve worked with, it took me a full day of racking my brain to solve the mystery of my own son’s behavioral setback.

Please Give Yourself Grace

When it’s your own child, it’s hard to see the difference that a small dose of meaningful connection can make. It’s like you’re trying to focus on a picture that’s too close to your face.

Plus, your own emotions can cloud your vision.

For example, if you’re stressed, you tend to be less responsive, so you’ll likely miss a shift in your child’s behavioral patterns that might signal a need for more connection. Instead, their outbursts or meltdowns feel like just One More Thing you need to deal with, and you might snap at your child or lose your temper. (Ask me how I know.)

And that disconnection can lead to even more emotional storms, which pushes you further apart from your child. Your child feels unmoored from the anchor of your unconditional love—and it shows in their behavior—and you feel at your wit’s end.

Related: 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond

So What’s the Fix?

Pay it forward to your future selves with the best morning routine for kids. Before the emotional storms—from your child or you. Before the disconnection. Before the distance feels too vast to close.

Spend 10 minutes filling your child’s tank.

You can cozy up to read a children’s book together, go for a quick walk around the block, or sit down and play a quick card game. (My favorite card game to play with younger kids is Sleeping Queens, and for older elementary kids and tweens, my go-to is Rat-a-Tat Cat or Love Letter.)

Not only will you grease the wheels for a smoother day with your child, you’ll also nurture a warm and loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond.

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Rat-a-Tat Cat

    
“My 5 year old’s current favorite is Rat a Tat Cat by Gamewright. I really like how the rules can be adapted for an ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ version of the game, giving the game more longevity!” – Patricia

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But You Might Run Into This Problem

Unfortunately, when you’re busy or tired, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do to connect with your child.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect so you can focus on enjoying the meaningful moment with your child.

You can keep the cards anywhere in your home—on your kitchen counter, your nightstand, or next to your phone charger—and pick a card once a morning or any time you notice your child is acting moody or not cooperative.

With these cards in your parenting toolbox, you’ll make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection—in just 10 minutes a day.

What About…?

If you like the idea of starting off your day with a dose of meaningful connection, but you get tripped up on the specifics of how to make it happen, this section is for you.

Our mornings are so rushed! I don’t see how I could fit this in.

To create space in your own morning routine, you can set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier. But if the issue is that your child has no extra time in the morning, try doubling up your connection time with something else already in your routine. For example:

• Before your child wakes up, cuddle up next to them in bed. After they wake up, you can ask them what they’re looking forward to that day.
• While your child eats breakfast, sit with them and read a children’s book aloud.
• While they pack their lunch or their backpack, queue up your child’s favorite playlist and kick off an impromptu family dance party.
• While you drive them to school, tell a funny story from their childhood or yours. If you can’t think of a story, ask a meaningful question to engage and connect. (Not sure what to ask? Try one of our conversation starters for kids.)

My kid is a grump in the morning. Any suggestions?

Some kids aren’t chipper in the morning, just like some adults—and that’s perfectly normal. However, it could be worth starting a conversation with your child at another time of day to find out what’s going on. You could start by saying, “I’ve noticed that you have a hard time getting up in the morning.” Or, “It seems like you’re struggling to feel calm and happy on school mornings.”

You might discover that your child isn’t getting enough sleep the night before, that they’re anxious about something happening at school, that they feel rushed in the morning and that’s engaging their fight-or-flight response, or something else.

My tween or teen is always on their phone. How can I connect with them?

Try meeting your child where they are and connecting through technology. For example, you could:

• The previous day, keep an eye out for a funny video on YouTube or TikTok that your child might enjoy. The next morning, say, “I found a video I thought you might get a kick out of.” Then hold out your phone and watch it together.
• Start a tradition of playing a phone game with your child, like Words With Friends or a chess app. Then in the morning, you could say, “Do you have a couple minutes to sit with me and play a few turns back and forth?” Or as another option, you can sit together every morning and solve that day’s Wordle to see who gets it first.
• Ask for their best finds by saying, “I could use a pick-me-up. Have you come across any funny videos this morning?” Depending on what your teen is into, replace “videos” with tweets, posts, songs, and so on.
• Seek out news and updates about what your child is into. For example, if they love Taylor Swift, check the latest gossipy tidbits on Twitter and save interesting tweets to show your child: “Hey, did you see this yet?”

If none of that works and you already have a no-phone rule in your family during meals, you can sit down with your child while they eat breakfast and just chat. You can ask them what they have going on that day, ask what they’re looking forward to (or what they’re dreading), or ask one of our conversation starters for kids.

And if that doesn’t work, you can strike up a conversation while their hands are otherwise busy and phone-free, like while they’re making their lunch or packing their backpack.

But Could It Have Been a Fluke?

A couple weeks after my epiphany, I had another busy morning where I was rushing to get ready before a virtual meeting for work.

While I could have afforded 10 minutes with my son, I was stressed and wanted to reclaim that time for myself. To make myself feel better about begging off that morning, I started to question my earlier lightbulb moment: Maybe he’d just had a bad day, and his emotional setback had nothing to do with our cozy connection time?

So when he woke up later that morning, I explained I was running late, and I didn’t have time to read right now.

Just like before, he hung his head but seemed to take the disappointment in stride.

Then 15 minutes later, his emotions boiled over because his sisters wouldn’t stop eating breakfast to play a game with him. When he got over that, he lost it a bit later when he couldn’t find the Scotch tape for an art project he’d started.

By the third outburst, I had seen enough. Skipping out on our time together was making the morning harder for my son, and instead of the extra time alleviating my stress, my decision to skip reading was adding to my stress.

I asked if he wanted to read together, and he came running into my room.

To be clear, our connection time didn’t remove all emotional upset from his day—I’m not trying to cultivate a preschool-sized robot, here! But our time together smoothed out the bumps in the road so that he (and I) could better handle whatever life threw at him, Tigger energy fully intact.

Your Turn

What’s your best tip for a positive morning routine for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One morning after my 10-year-old had woken up and was fixing herself a bowl of cereal, I walked up and said, “Hey, can I have a hug?”

She looked up at me, one corner of her mouth lifted.

“What?” I asked.

“Mommy,” she said, fully smiling now. “You already gave me a hug.”

“I did?”

She laughed. “Yeah, like two minutes ago!”

“Oh,” I said. And then a hazy memory of a quick good morning hug swam back into view.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable that will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

Why Would I Forget Hugging My Child?

That first hug we shared had been rushed. Routine and mindless. I’d been on my way to let the dog outside when my child had walked up to me for a hug, so my mind was focused on checking off my task, not on our hug.

But because I hadn’t given the hug my full attention, I barely remembered it.

And yet, as a Certified Parent Educator, I’m trained on the science behind hugs and the benefits of hugging your child. For example, warm, affectionate physical contact like a hug from a parent increases oxytocin, which is commonly referred to as the “love hormone” because it promotes bonding and facilitates feelings of trust. Plus, research shows that warmth and affection expressed by a parent to their child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child, including higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavioral problems.

But here I was, doling out quick half-second hugs that were so routine that my brain didn’t even deem them worthy to encode in memory.

If our hugs weren’t notable for me, I knew they weren’t as meaningful as they could be for my child. So I decided we needed to shake up our hugging routine.

Related: How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life {Printable}

How to Hug Your Child: 21 Sweet and Silly Hugs to Make Them Feel Loved

After my epiphany, I invited my kids to help me invent a few new ways to hug each other so that our hugs would be heartfelt and meaningful.

Then we sat down and made a list, adding in all the other types of hugs we’ve ever heard of, so that we could share the full list with you.

If you want to delight your child and show them you love them, then surprise them with a new kind of hug from this list. Every hug in this list may not be a good fit for every family, but it sure is fun to try them all out and see what kind of physical affection your child likes best!

But First, a Warning

While hugging your child is beneficial for you and your child, the point is not to force hugs on anyone. Just as you probably aren’t always in the mood for a hug or physical affection, your child sometimes may not want a hug either.

Before you hug your child, you can ask a simple question like “Can I have a hug?” or “Hey, got a second for a hug?” to remind your child they get to decide. Or as another option, you can use this genius solution to put your child in the driver’s seat on the kind of affection they want.

1. The Long Hug

This is your garden-variety hug, but make it last 6 seconds or more.

Here’s why that’s important: When you hold a hug for several seconds, oxytocin and serotonin start flowing. Those are the chemicals that promote bonding and reduce your stress, plus they boost your mood.

Science hasn’t given us a definitive answer yet on exactly how long a hug needs to last to get all those benefits, but the author of The Happiness Project discovered research indicating that six seconds is where the magic starts to happen.

With that said, counting the seconds can take you out of the moment, so try to hold on until you start to feel relaxed. Or you can try my trick: I challenge myself to be the last one to let go of the hug.

2. The Sandwich Hug

This hug needs two adults to make a “sandwich” with your child in the middle:

1. Call out your child’s name and add the word “sandwich,” like “Oliver Sandwich!”
2. One adult stands in front of your child while the other stands behind.
3. Both adults put your arms around your child and hug.

3. The Deep Breath Hug

When your child is upset, a hug paired with deep breaths can comfort them and help calm their big emotions.

While you’re holding on, take deliberate deep breaths. Odds are, your child will follow your lead and take a deep breath too, which will help calm their nervous system. (This is called the Chameleon Effect—a human unconsciously mimicking the behavior of another.)

4. The Rocking Hug

As you’re hugging, rock your child side-to-side.

My toddlers have especially liked it when I also said, “Mmm mmm mmm!” timing one “mmm” with every rock.

5. The Side Hug

This works well if your child is busy doing something because you can sidle up next to them, put one arm around them, and squeeze.

For an extra boost of connection, plant a kiss on their cheek or the top of their head.

6. The Heartbeat Hug

This is another hug for when your child’s upset or coming down from a tantrum or emotional outburst. Guide your child’s head to rest where your heart is so they can hear your heartbeat.

Some research indicates that when humans are in proximity, their heartbeats synchronize. If you’re calm and your child isn’t, hearing your heartbeat might help them regulate their heart rate to match yours. (The fancy term for this phenomenon is interpersonal synchrony.)

7. The Bear Hug or The Whole-Hearted Hug

Throw your arms wide and put your whole heart into that hug.

8. The Catch Me Hug

Open your arms, bend your knees, and encourage your child to run and jump into your arms, then hold on.

9. The Reverse Hug or The Back Hug

Tweens and teenagers typically like this one because they get to pretend they’re too cool for a regular hug, but they still get the benefits of cuddling with you.

To try this hug, stand behind your child and throw your arms around them.

10. The Scoop and Hug

Walk up to your child and scoop them up into your arms for a hug.

11. The Lap Hug

Pull your child into your lap, then wrap your arms around them.

12. The Love Blanket

Younger kids love this one at bedtime!

When you go to hug your child good night, lay on top of them without putting all your weight on them. For guaranteed giggles, call out “Attack of the Love Blanket!”

Side note: My kids are huge Bluey fans, so any time they want to initiate The Love Blanket hug, all they have to do is say “dunny,” and they know I’ll give them a “squish-squash!”

13. The Group Hug

Call out “Group hug!” and open your arms to any family members who are nearby. The bigger the family, the sillier this hug gets.

14. The Kissy Hug

As you’re hugging your child, pepper them with tiny kisses until they giggle.

15. The Hug and Twirl

End a hug by twirling your child around in a circle for a few extra seconds of connection.

16. The London Bridge Hug

Play “London Bridge is falling down…” but when the bridge catches your child, hold on for a hug.

17. The Dance and Hug

Fire up a song from our love songs for kids playlist, then dance with your child while hugging them.

Research shows that when kids move their bodies to a rhythmic beat, they get a big dose of happy—and the same goes for adults.

18. The Spoon Hug

For a special bedtime hug, lie down next to your child and spoon them with an arm around them.

19. The Massage Hug

As you’re hugging your child, rub their back in soothing circles.

20. The Sweater Hug

I typically wear a cardigan-style sweater at home so that’s how this hug came about, but this would work with any light cardigan or even a jacket. Walk up to your child and tap them on the shoulder, then open up the sides of your sweater to invite them in for a cozy hug.

After they wrap their arms around you underneath your sweater, close the sides of the sweater and hug them back. My kids love it because it’s like a little cocoon!

21. The Hug Monster Hug

Make monster sounds and stomp around, calling out “Here comes The Hug Monster!” When you find your child, unleash your inner love monster and hug them.

As an alternative, you can act like a robot and call yourself “The Hug Machine.” (Side note: If you’ve never read the book Hug Machine^† with your child, it’s a fun read!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

But Will This Break the Quick-Hug Habit?

If you’ve fallen into the habit of rushed squeezes instead of long hugs, you might need more than a list of different kinds of hugs to break that habit.

In that situation, what works well is to issue yourself a Hugging Challenge for one week. A Hugging Challenge will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

This is something I do once in a while to reconnect with the importance of hugging my child, and it works like magic. A Hugging Challenge is easy and quick so I can fit it into my busy day, and it gently breaks a “quick squeeze” hug habit, replacing it with a whole-hearted hug habit.

For instructions on how to get started with your own Hugging Challenge, head to How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life and jump to the How to Take the Hugging Challenge section.

As a bonus, you can grab the printable Hugging Challenge tracker at the end of this article. Use it to keep track of your hugs and mark off one box for every awesome hug you deliver to your child.

Bonus: Invent Your Own Hug

The week when my kids and I were inventing some of the hugs listed in this article, we had a blast together. We invented a lot of duds, and giggling at our hug failures was almost as fun as discovering a winning hug.

So don’t be afraid to embrace your playful side and invent your own kind of hug with your child. Instead of a secret family handshake, maybe you’ll stumble on a family hug that gives you warm fuzzies. But the best part is you’ll communicate to your child that hugging them brings you delight, and that will pay off in ways you can’t anticipate.

For example, that day I forgot I’d already hugged my 10-year-old when I asked for another hug? When she called me on it, I did my best Dory impression from Finding Nemo and gazed off into the distance: “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”

She giggled and went back to pouring milk over her cereal, then I turned away to fill the cats’ food bowl.

But when I turned back around, my daughter was standing in front of me, holding back a smirk (and failing). “Mommy,” she said. “You haven’t given me a good morning hug yet!”

I laughed and opened up my arms, then that time, we held on tight.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Get Your Free Printable: The Hug Tracker

Use this free Hugging Challenge tracker to strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

1. Get the free printable. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print your Hugging Challenge tracker.
3. Keep it handy and visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child, aiming for eight 6-second hugs a day. On your tracker, mark off one box for every awesome hug you give your child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable hug tracker:

Your Turn

What’s your favorite way to hug your child? Share in a comment below!

The post 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One night after my kids were in bed, I came across a quote from a doctor and author who specializes in childhood development and trauma, and this one simple sentence hit me right in the gut:

“Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.”

Dr. Gabor Maté

In other words, even though I love my children with every fiber of my being, they won’t feel that love unless I intentionally show them.

At first, I’d scoffed. Of course I’d shown that I love them. Then replaying our day together in my head, I hunted for examples to reassure myself.

But the memories that came back to me told a different story:

• When they were dragging their feet in the morning, I nagged them to finish getting ready.
• When the preschooler dumped his PBJ on the ground and the dog gobbled it up in 2.3 seconds, I huffed and I puffed.
• When I came out of my home office at the end of the afternoon and saw LEGOs and Magna-Tiles and animal figurines covering every square inch of the floor, I demanded they clean it up before dinner.

Sure, I’d delivered a quick good morning and good night hug and said “I love you” to all four kids. But I couldn’t recall a single moment where I stopped and truly showed my children that I love them unconditionally and joyfully.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of 75 positive phrases to show your child you love them.

Here’s Why This Matters

Research shows that children who grow up feeling loved and accepted by their parents tend to have a healthier self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and better academic performance. Not only that, children who feel loved grow into adults who report higher life satisfaction and happiness, experience greater success, and have better physical health.

The science is clear: Children need unconditional love from their parents. Every child needs at least one person in their life who makes them feel absolutely loved—and they need to know that nothing they do will make that love go away.

But Here’s the Problem

As parents, instinctually we already know how important it is to show love for our children. We don’t need a scientific study to tell us that.

And yet, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of daily parenting life and forget to make space for intentional, meaningful moments where you show that you love your children.

Even if you do have a loving ritual like a good morning hug or a good night cuddle, sometimes we can get busy or distracted and go through the motions instead of focusing on connecting with our child in the moment. While some connection is always better than nothing, those rushed moments may not be truly filling your child’s tank of unconditional love.

What’s a Busy Parent to Do?

If you want your child to feel secure in your love for them, the best way to do that is by showing love for your child in small, simple ways.

Kids don’t need grand gestures or physical presents to feel your love for them. All they need are small, everyday moments where through our words and actions, we show them they are loved and lovable.

Below, I compiled a list of all the most heartfelt and simple ways to love your child in everyday life. But we certainly don’t need more heaped onto our already overflowing parenting plates. No more to-do’s, no more chores, and definitely no more guilt.

And so I’m also sharing a practical fix to help you make space for these small everyday moments of love and connection, based on the research of behavior change.

How to Love Your Child, Even When You’re Short on Time

When you want to make a change amidst the hustle and bustle of parenting life, you need a visual cue. Something to serve as a gentle reminder to switch out of survival mode once or twice a day and fill your child’s love tank.

Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example:

• If you were to set a goal to eat healthier, you could leave a neon bright Post-It Note on your fridge to remind yourself that “Snack = veggies only.”
• Or if you wanted to stick to an exercise routine every morning, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before as a visual reminder to nudge you forward.

For my visual cue, I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child and show that you love them unconditionally. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

101 Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day

You don’t always have time to drop everything and spend a whole afternoon connecting with your child, so the list below is organized by the amount of time each idea might take. When you’re busy, pick from the 10 Minutes or Less section. When you can afford to hit the pause button on your never-ending to-do list for a bit longer, pick from the other sections.

But even if all you can manage is one quick item from this list, know that you will be giving your child the gift of feeling loved and lovable.

10 Minutes or Less: Quick But Powerful

When you’re busy and short on time, here are the best ways to show your child you love them.

1. Say “I love you,” but mix it up.

Your child loves hearing these three magic words from you. But if you’ve been saying “I love you” on autopilot, you can mix up the routine with 50 cute ways to say “I love you” to your child so they feel secure in your love.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Give them a hug that lasts.

Even older kids and teenagers need physical affection! Make sure the hug lasts six seconds or more so you nurture your bond with your child, and challenge yourself to be the last one to let go of the hug. Here’s why hugging your child like that is important.

If your child isn’t used to you dishing out impromptu hugs, try a high-five or fist bump instead and work up to hugs. Or If you want to surprise and delight your child at the same time, try a new kind of hug: 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. When they talk, get low.

If your child starts a conversation with you, stop what you’re doing and get down to eye level with them to show they’ve got your full attention. As parents, we’re often already busy when our kids approach us—loading the dishwasher, paying bills, checking email on your phone—so giving your child your full and undivided attention for a few moments is powerful.

Here’s a mental image that helps me: When my youngest comes up to get my attention, I imagine I’m hitting a pause button in my brain, then crouch down to his level so I’m looking him in the eye while he talks.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

4. Ask a meaningful question.

Forget “How was your day?” because it typically just leads to one-word answers or shrugs. Instead, ask one of these powerful questions for kids, and you’ll make your child feel known, heard, and understood.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Cuddle up with a book together.

Your child is never too young and never too old—read to them. Not only will they love it, reading to your child is one of the most powerful steps you can take to raise smart, kind kids.

Try reading at bedtime, while they eat breakfast or lunch, or as a way to connect when they get home from school. For older kids, you might take turns reading aloud from the same book, or try another one of these tips for reading aloud to older kids.

If you want to read a sweet book that makes your child feel loved, these children’s books about love would be the perfect fit. And if your child asks for one more story, say “yes” to show them you love spending time with them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Greet with your whole heart.

The first time you see your child in the morning, stop what you’re doing and give them a heartfelt “good morning” along with a hug, then ask them what their plans are for the day. Also, greet them with your full attention when they get home from school or you pick them up, or when you get home from work or running errands.

For every greeting, try to physically connect with your child as well, whether with a hug, a shoulder rub, or simply moving a strand of hair out of their face. Research shows that physical touch is important to a child’s wellbeing, even well beyond infancy. Warm, affectionate physical contact—like a hug, rubbing your child’s back, or holding hands—increases oxytocin, which is a hormone in the body that promotes bonding in a relationship and facilitates feelings of trust between humans. And when you connect with your child through positive physical touch, they’ll be less likely to experience depression as an adult.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Go beyond “I love you.”

Say one of these 75 positive phrases for kids to make your child feel loved. Bonus points if you get their attention by saying their name first and make eye contact while you say the phrase. (Don’t forget to grab your free printable of these phrases at the end of this article!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Apologize.

Modeling an appropriate apology teaches your child how to be a kind, thoughtful human. For example, if you lost your temper and raised your voice, tell your child you’re sorry and that you’ll try to do better next time.

Your apology shows your child you care about making things right, plus you’ll teach them one of the most basic lessons of life—how to take responsibility for your own behavior.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Warm their coat.

On cold mornings, put your child’s jacket in the clothes dryer for a few minutes to get it nice and toasty before they have to brave the cold. If your child walks to school in cold weather, you can also get hand warmers for them to keep in their pockets on the coldest days.

As an alternative, you can warm up their towel or pajamas in the dryer while they’re in the shower or bath.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Smother them in kisses.

Tell your child you’re the Kiss Monster (don’t forget to roar!) and deliver as many kisses as you can until you both collapse into giggles. You can kiss the top of their head, their shoulder, their elbows—anything to get them laughing. (Warning: If at any point your child says “stop” or “no,” honor their wishes so that you’re teaching them healthy lessons about body autonomy.)

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

11. Leave a surprise note.

You can put a slip of paper in your child’s school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror or their nightstand, a card in the toy box, and so on. If you’re not sure what to write: Tell a joke, write down what you admire about them, or just say “I love you.” For kids who aren’t reading yet, you can leave a drawing instead of a written note.

Or if you have a little extra time, try writing a poem about your child. My oldest daughter had a project in fourth grade where parents were encouraged to write a poem about their kids. I was nervous to write a poem since that’s not in my wheelhouse, but when I read the finished poem aloud to my daughter, she beamed.

As an alternative, if you have magnetic poetry^†, you can leave a sweet message on the fridge for your child to discover.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

12. Just smile.

As parents, we tend to feel overwhelmed and frazzled, and that often shows in our facial expressions. To show your child you love them, make eye contact and smile with your whole heart, letting your love for them shine through. No need to say anything—your warm smile will speak volumes!

A side note on the topic of lighting up when you see your child: When Toni Morrison made an appearance on Oprah to talk about her books, she just so happened to drop one of the most powerful pearls of parenting wisdom I’ve ever heard, which you can see in the clip below.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Ask their opinion.

Say, “I’d love to hear what you think about…” Then ask your child’s opinion on something that matters, like what to have for dinner that night, what to do on the weekend, which movie to watch together on family movie night, which restaurant to go to as a family, where to go on your next family vacation, and so on.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

14. Join in for snack time.

Instead of catching up on your to-do list while your child eats breakfast, lunch, or a snack, sit down for a few minutes just to be with them. Ask one of these powerful questions for kids, tell each other jokes, or read them a funny picture book.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15. Give a quiet kiss.

When your child is busy making art, reading a book, or building with LEGOs, stop to kiss them on the top of their head, then keep on going without interrupting them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Check in.

Stop what you’re doing, get on their level, and ask, “Tell me how you’re feeling.” Not only will you foster emotional intelligence by helping them to be aware of their own emotional state, you’ll show them you care.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Play with their hair.

Most kids enjoy the feeling of someone playing with their hair, so if your child enjoys that, it can be a sweet way to show you love them. You can brush their hair, braid it, or try out a new hairstyle. Or for short hair, you can ruffle the hair at the back of their neck or twirl bits of their hair.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Share a memory.

Surprise your child by reminiscing about a specific memory from when they were younger, the story of their birth or adoption, or any other special memory. You can start by saying, “You know what just popped in my head? When you were younger…”

As an alternative, you can share a funny, cute, or slightly embarrassing story from when you were a child.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Ask a funny question.

These funny questions for kids are so silly and off-the-wall, they lead to shared giggles and sometimes all-out guffaws. And that’s perfect when you want to make your child feel loved because research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

20. Brush off mistakes.

When your child makes a mistake like spilling something or breaking something, train yourself to react with an upbeat, “That’s okay! Accidents happen,” instead of, “You need to be more careful!” It’s a simple shift, but you’ll show your child that you love them, no matter what.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Give a different kind of kiss.

Ask your child if you can give them a kiss, but make it a special one:

• Butterfly kiss—Flutter your eyelashes against their cheek
• Bunny kiss—Touch your noses together and rub back and forth (some families call this a muzzle nuzzle, a gnome kiss, or an Ugga Mugga from Mister Rogers or Daniel Tiger)
• Kunik kiss—Try an authentic kunik kiss from the Inuit culture
• Cheek kiss—Press your cheeks together
• Quadruple kiss—Kiss your child’s nose, then each cheek, then their forehead
• Puppy kiss—Pretend to slurp their cheek
• Forehead kiss—Touch your foreheads together
• Blow a kiss—If they blow one back to you, pretend to catch it in your hand and deliver it to your heart
• Fish kiss—Suck your cheeks in to pucker up, then move your lips up and down like a fish underwater and kiss their cheek (Bonus points if you flap your hands at your cheeks like gills!)
• Monkey kiss—Puff your cheeks out, pull your ears to the side, and release a puff of air on their cheek

By the way, if you know of any other fun kinds of kisses to give your child, leave a comment at the end of this article, and I’ll add yours to this list!

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

22. Wake them gently.

If you wake up your child when it’s time to get up in the morning, instead of barging into their room and bellowing “Time to wake up!”, try sitting on the edge of their bed and rubbing their back until they wake up. Or if they tend to wake up before you, set your alarm early one morning, then climb into bed with them and cuddle until they wake up.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Show your appreciation.

Think of something helpful your child has done recently and say, “I appreciate when you…” Bonus tip: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

24. Invite them to sit in your lap.

Yes, even lanky teenagers! Older kids may giggle and act a little awkward about it at first, but they’ll also secretly love it. With younger kids, you can gently rock side to side while you cuddle.

If sitting in your lap doesn’t feel like the right fit, invite them to sit next to you instead by saying, “Hey, will you come sit with me for a bit?” Then you can put your arm around them so they can lean on you. Or alternatively, you can invite them to rest their head in your lap.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

25. Stop and play.

Sit down and just play with your child for a few minutes—no smartphones, no multitasking. Follow your child’s lead, whether that’s building with LEGOs, coloring in a coloring book, or pretending all their stuffed animals are forming a democratic government. Or if they’re between play activities, invite them to join you in a board game or card game.

Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick dose of connection: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

26. Make a food smiley face.

For example, if your child has oatmeal for breakfast, add banana slices for eyes, a raisin for the nose, and a semicircle of honey for the smile.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

27. Kick off a dance party.

Queue up your favorite playlist and have a family dance party. Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy family bonds and builds positive memories.

If you need some inspiration for your family dance party playlist, here are our favorite dance songs for kids with kid-friendly lyrics.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

28. Give a surprise massage.

Walk up and rub your child’s shoulders for a minute or two, or give them a few back scratches.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

29. Say “yes” to their next question.

Within reason, of course. Obviously, we can’t deliver on a pet unicorn! But when you make a conscious decision upfront to say “yes” to the next thing your child asks, you open your adult mind to fresh possibilities, and that’s good for you, too.

For example, the other night we were all getting ready to head out to dinner at a new restaurant, and I was running late. So of course, I decided to give myself a quick pedicure. One of my kids walked in just after I started and asked in a small voice, “Can you paint my toes too?” I started to say, “We don’t have…” but I caught myself and said “yes” instead. It took just a couple extra minutes, and I made her whole day.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

30. Play their favorite song.

Whatever your child’s favorite song happens to be at the moment, play it for them while you’re in the car together or just hanging out at home. Especially if their favorite song or artist isn’t your favorite (and even more so if your child knows that it isn’t your fave!), this is a sweet gesture to show you love them and want to put a smile on their face.

If you don’t know their favorite song, you can ask first: “Hey, what’s your favorite song right now?”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

31. Profess your love.

Think of something you love about your child, and tell them about it out of the blue. For example, if you’re in the car on the way to school or in the kitchen eating breakfast, you can say something like, “You know what I love about you?” Then be specific about what you love. The more specific, the better!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

32. Reach a hand out.

No matter if you’re sitting next to each other on the couch, at the dinner table, or just hanging out in the kitchen chatting, reach a hand towards your child to invite them to hold hands. You can give a quick squeeze and let go, or you can hold on as long as your child seems to be enjoying the physical connection.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

33. Put their work on display.

Pick out a recent piece of your child’s artwork or writing and display it somewhere prominent for others to see. You can pop it into a spare picture frame, or hang it on the wall with a pushpin. Alternatively, you can take a picture of it and make it your phone lock screen wallpaper.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

34. Embrace your early bird.

If your child wakes up extra early, make the most of that one-on-one time when the rest of your home is quiet. You can have coffee or tea together (for young kids, make your child’s coffee 95 percent milk with a splash of coffee, then warm it up in the microwave), read a book or two together, or watch the sunrise.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

35. Offer a piggyback.

A simple “Want a piggyback ride?” will put a smile on just about any kid’s face.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

36. Be like the Tooth Fairy.

On a random day without a dental loss incident, sneak into your child’s room while they’re asleep and leave a treat or surprise under their pillow, like a piece of candy, a sheet of stickers, or even just a cool rock you found. For my older kids and teens, I’ve left a Starbucks gift card that I wasn’t planning to use myself, a lottery ticket, or a new lip balm when I know they ran out.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

37. Let them know you see them.

Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and understood—even kids. To do that for your child, simply acknowledge their actions, choices, or effort on something, then share a few encouraging words.

For example, you could say, “You didn’t know how to draw a dog, then you came up with a plan to watch a video tutorial. You came up with that solution all on your own.” For more inspiration, here’s a list of the best 125 encouraging words for kids.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

38. Give them an epithet.

That word sounds kinda fancy, but it just means “a term you use to characterize a person or thing.” For example, one of my kids loves to stay in her pajamas all day on the weekends. So one day as I walked by her, I stopped, smiled, and said, “My pajama-loving child.” She beamed.

To show your child you see them and accept them for who they are, take one of their characteristics or something they enjoy and turn it into an epithet like I did with “pajama-loving.” Epithets could also include your child’s name, like “Sierra the Scrabble Whiz” or “Miles, Big Brother Extraordinaire.”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

39. Start a game of chase.

Or if chase isn’t feasible, go for another childhood classic game like hide-and-seek or duck duck goose. Pro tip: When playing hide-and-seek with a younger child, they’ll love it if you pretend their hiding place is so good you can’t find them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

40. Ask about big dreams.

As parents, we often have our own ideas about what we want our kids to achieve or work towards. To show your child their thoughts and feelings matter, ask them to share their hopes, dreams, and goals—and just listen. Here are a few questions to help get your child talking:

• What will you be doing in 10 years?
• If you could be the best in the world at something, what would it be?
• If you could start a company that made something, what would that be?
• What is one thing you want to learn how to do?
• How would you change the world if you could?
• What’s something you enjoy doing that you want to keep doing when you’re a grown-up?
• What do you think your life will be like in the future?
• Imagine us sitting together 1/3/5 years from now, when you’re xyz years old. What does your/our life look like?

Bonus: If your child expresses a dream that you can help set into motion—for example, if they want to be an artist or work with animals—brainstorm something small you can do to help them along that path. For aspiring artists, you could pick up some blank canvases and a new paint set. Or for kids who love animals, you might find a fun Outschool class about animal care or a colorful book from the library.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

41. Play a sweet song.

If you know of a song that makes you think of your child, queue it up, then say: “Hey listen to this, it makes me think of you.” If you don’t have a song like this yet, check out The Best 20 Love Songs for Kids: Approved by Parents and Kids.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

42. Tell a joke.

The cornier, the better! If you can’t think of any, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. (If you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!) My kids also enjoyed this full-color book of kids’ jokes from National Geographic.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

43. Let them hear you brag.

If your child did something helpful or kind recently, tell your partner or another adult about it while your child is in earshot.

Bonus tip in case you missed it earlier in this article: Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. That’s because your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

For more ways to recognize kids for helpful behavior, check out The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

44. Ask them to guess how big your love is.

Say to your child, “Guess how much I love you!” and they might react a couple different ways:

• If they hold out their hands or arms to guess how much: For example, my preschooler throws his arms out wide and says “This much!” Then say, “Nope. I love you more!” and come up with a silly estimate of how much you love them, like “I love you all the way to the moon and back to our house” or “I love you more than peanut butter loves jelly!”
• If they say “I don’t know” or just smile: Jump straight to giving a silly estimate for how much you love them, like “I love you more than more than all the fish in the sea” or “I love you more than cupcakes love sprinkles!”

For extra inspiration, check out the “I love you more than…” item in 50 Meaningful + Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child.

• Ages: Toddler to elementary

45. Rough-house.

Yes, even with girls! Research shows this kind of play builds emotional intelligence and brings joy for kids. For example, you can have a “foot war” by sitting on opposite sides of the couch and putting your feet together, then pushing to see who can get the other person to bend their knees first.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

46. Let them prove you wrong.

If your child says something you’re not sure is right, instead of flat-out correcting them or telling them you think they’re wrong, say, “Huh. That’s the first I’ve heard that! I’d love to learn more. Wanna look it up online with me?” If it turns out they’re right after all, thank them for teaching you something new.

This happens all the time with animal facts in my family! One of my kids will pick up some interesting tidbit from a documentary or a book, share it at the dinner table, then we end up following a rabbit trail to learn more. As a side benefit, this has also helped my kids learn that you can’t just blindly trust one source of information.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

47. Embrace your silly side.

Do something off-the-wall silly to surprise your child. To really ham it up, you can first fix a stern look on your face and tell your child you need to talk to them. They might act a little worried, but that’s okay because it won’t last! Sit down on the couch facing them, then do something silly. A few examples for you:

• Bust out a can of Silly String and start spraying it—then hand them a can so they can join in. Or for a fun alternative, try squirt guns.
• Confess that you don’t have plans for dinner and the fridge is pretty empty, so you’re really, truly sorry, but you’ll have to have pancakes for dinner.
• Explain that you’re very concerned because you just realized your family doesn’t have a secret handshake yet, and that will not stand. Then invent one together.
• Announce that from this moment forward, it will officially be Backwards Day—if you can plan ahead, snag The Backward Day picture book from the library and start by reading it together. Or if Backwards Day is too much to keep up with, announce that tonight, you’ll have Backwards Dinner. Start with dessert, then the main course, then an appetizer like soup or salad. But just for fun, hold back some dessert to have at the end! You can also do Backwards Dinner as an outing, where you pick up something small for dessert at one place (like a candy bar from a gas station or an ice cream cone from an ice cream shop), then drive to another place for the main course (like fast food or pizza), and so on.
• Tell your child you had a bad day at work and you really want to build a fort to hide in and eat ice cream, but you have no idea where to start on building. They’ll jump at the chance to help! Especially if it means everyone gets ice cream at the end. (Side note: My kids love this build-a-fort kit. My 10-year-old told me, “This is the best present you’ve ever gotten us!”)

The sillier you are, the more your child will love it. Even teenagers! They might smirk or roll their eyes in the moment, but you’re demonstrating that it’s okay to be silly and childlike, even when you’re a grown-up.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

48. Draw a bath.

Make your child feel special by starting a bubble bath for them just because. Baths can help kids calm down from a stressful day, just the same as adults.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

49. Sing to them.

You can be silly and make up a nonsensical song about what you love about your child, then ham it up as you belt it out. I’ve found the “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” tune works well, like “Charlie Charlie, I love you. You’re an expert on the zoo.” As another example, I sometimes sing the Scooby Doo song but with my child’s name. So instead of “Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now,” I sing “Bailey Bailey Boo, where are you…” and get silly from there.

Or for a sweeter moment like when you’re cuddling before bedtime, you can quietly sing a favorite lullaby from when they were younger.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

50. Be a drill sergeant.

This is silly, but kids eat. it. up.

1. Using your best drill sergeant voice, call out “Private, fall in! Line up for your inspection!”
2. If this is your first time doing this, your kid will be puzzled at first, but if they’re slow to move, stay in character: “You heard me! This is a surprise inspection, so line up!”
3. When your child is finally standing in front of you, they might be giggling, so you can ham it up: “Get it together, private!”
4. Then comes the fun part: “Now, present your dimples for immediate inspection!” If your child doesn’t have dimples, replace that with anything special about them, like your funny bone, kind heart, big sister face, button nose, Bambi eyes, strong arms, and so on.
5. Put one of your eyes up close to whatever you’re “inspecting” and take your time studying it.
6. Eventually, stand up straight and narrow your eyes and proclaim the results: “You passed inspection for now, but let this be a lesson to you. If there are any shenanigans next time, you’ll have to drop and give me 20!”

If the idea of pretending to be a drill sergeant for 10 minutes doesn’t float your boat, that’s okay! Instead, you could pretend to be a head cheerleader judging auditions for their squad, a pirate interviewing new crew mates, or Dr. Bravestone from Jumanji evaluating his team members. (Don’t forget to smolder!)

• Ages: Preschooler to elementary

51. Bring them fuel.

If your child or teen is studying for a test or has a bunch of homework they’re stressed about, make them a special snack and deliver it to them so they feel cared for while they work. This also works well even if they’re wrapped up in something that’s not stressful, like if they’re in the zone creating art or immersed in a good book.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

52. Slow down at bedtime.

Too often as parents, we end up rushing through the bedtime routine because we’re exhausted and ready to collapse on the couch for some adult time. Show your child you love them (even when you’re tired) by turning out the lights and snuggling with them in bed for a few minutes. Here are a few ideas for simple bedtime rituals that will make your child feel loved:

• Chat about their favorite part of their day (and yours)
• Ask them to tell you a bedtime story
• Rub their back, massage their head, or scratch their back
• Draw letters or shapes on their back for them to guess
• Ask them what they think they’ll dream about
• Tell a story from their childhood (or yours)
• Just be quiet and relax together
• Before you turn out the lights: Read a bedtime story that will help them calm down

As a bonus, research shows that parental warmth can also help your child sleep better, from toddlers to teens—and some evidence points to parental affection and warmth at bedtime helping kids sleep longer.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15 Minutes to an Hour

If you find yourself with a small pocket of time, these simple actions will demonstrate your unconditional love for your child.

1. Go outside.

You can go on a quick walk, play catch, or hop on your bikes for a ride around the block. Without the distractions of daily life at home, your child may open up and share their heart with you while you’re on the move.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Reminisce together.

Invite your child to sit on the couch with you and look through family photo albums, even if it’s just the albums on your phone. Whether you look at their baby pictures or pictures from when you were a child, kids love a trip down memory lane. For bonus points, throw in a few childhood stories.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Leave a smidge early.

On a regular weekday, wake up a little earlier and get ready as fast as you can to give you 15 minutes of bonus quality time with your child. For example, if you drive your child to school, you can leave 15 minutes earlier and stop by a playground to swing together (but first set a timer for when it’s time to go so it doesn’t turn into a power struggle!).

Or if you homeschool, you can head out together for a leisurely 15-minute walk around the neighborhood before you come back to get started on school for the day. Follow your child’s lead and go along for the ride while they stop to inspect bugs, collect rocks, or pick flowers.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Trade a journal.

Get a shared journal designed for kids and parents, then write back and forth to each other. When you’re done with your turn, leave the journal on your child’s pillow. That’s their cue to fill it out and leave it on your pillow next. I’ve done this with my three oldest kids, and I can’t wait until my youngest is old enough for it. Sharing a journal with my children has deepened our relationships, and it made my children feel special and worthy of my time and attention, which is always in limited supply.

From a mother to a child, this mother-daughter journal or this journal for mothers and sons will give you a magical way to get your child to open up about what’s going on so you can stay connected. From dads to kids, check out this father-daughter journal or this journal for dads and sons. For more journal ideas, check out 10 Best Journals for Kids to Boost Their Emotional Intelligence.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

5. Share a late-night snack.

If your child is having trouble sleeping and keeps getting out of bed, sidestep the power struggle and make them a late-night snack instead. The snack doesn’t have to be groundbreaking—just make toast with butter, a bowl of cereal, or a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. No matter what you make, fixing a snack and sitting with your child while they eat will make them feel cared for.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Celebrate their accomplishments.

After they finish a stressful test or project for school (even if they didn’t get an A!), do something small to celebrate it being done and over with. Likewise if they achieve something they’re proud of, help them celebrate it. You can go out for ice cream, stop at a gas station for their favorite candy bar, or let them pick dinner.

And don’t forget to verbally acknowledge their accomplishments, too. For inspiration, head to 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

7. Make art together.

Invite your child to sit down with you and get creative. You can color in a coloring book, make a collage using old magazines, or watch how-to-draw videos and follow along together. Not only is creating art important for your child’s development, but it’s also been shown to impact health by reducing stress and anxiety, increasing positive emotions, and reducing the likelihood of depression.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Get back in bed.

One morning, instead of getting sucked into the hustle and bustle of your morning routine, invite your child to join you in your bed to eat breakfast in bed, drink a cup of hot chocolate, or read a couple picture books. Your routine will still be there after you slow down for a few minutes.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Ask for help.

When you ask your child to help you with something, they feel important and valued. Even so, it helps to be careful with your tone so it feels like you’re asking for special one-on-one time and not nagging them to do a chore! For example, you can ask for help with planning out dinners for the week, fixing something around the house, checking your math while paying bills, getting dinner started, making a bucket list of family vacations you want to take, and so on.

Case in point: A few evenings ago, my 8-year-old walked up while I was sorting mail, then pointed to a bill and asked what it was. I said, “It’s a bill…wanna pay it for me?” She lit up. For the next 20 minutes, she was on my laptop paying three bills, while I talked her through the steps. Not only did she feel valued, but she picked up a new life skill, too!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Co-view something they love.

If your child has a favorite television show or movie, join them on the couch and watch it together. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together—known as “co-viewing”—you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Give them a coupon.

Get my printable coupon book for kids and present it to your child. Every coupon is like an I.O.U. for a fun experience that your child can cash in on later. Your child will love calling the shots, and you’ll get to go along for the fun ride too. As an alternative, you can print out one specific coupon and give that to your child.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

12. Bake something.

Work together to make a special treat like muffins or cookies, and your child will get a double whammy of your love: the time you spend together in the kitchen plus the delicious manifestation of that time well spent. (My trusted source for the yummiest recipes is Smitten Kitchen.)

Even if baking isn’t your bag, you can make a special treat like these next-level Rice Krispie treats or whip up a batch of homemade ice cream.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Send snail mail.

Kids love when they get something in the mail that’s addressed to them! Write a letter or make a card for your child, then add a stamp and drop it in a mailbox.

If you’re not sure what to write, tell them something you love or appreciate about them, or you can say something simple like: “I love you and wanted you to know I was thinking of you.” When your child gets that surprise in the mail, they’ll feel special and loved.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

14. Give them a ride.

If your child takes the bus to school, pick a day to surprise them by driving them to school instead. Or if the school is within walkable distance, walk together and chat along the way.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

15. Game with them.

If your child enjoys playing video games, join them in a game sometime. While I was researching this article, so many adults called this out as a time they felt like their parents cared about them—when they took the time to join in on a favorite video game, just because their child loved it.

Ask your child to teach you how to play their favorite game, then while you play, make conversation about what they love about the game. Bonus: Odds are if you’re not a gamer yourself, you’ll stink at the game at first, and your child will be tickled to be better at something than you are, for once.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

16. Eat on the floor.

Instead of eating dinner at the table like normal, set up an indoor picnic on your living room floor. All you need is a big blanket! To make this even more special, turn on a family-friendly movie to watch while you eat.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

17. Nurture their independence.

When you trust your child with a grown-up task, they feel loved. For example, you can ask your child to walk to the mailbox and grab the mail, use cash to pay for something at a store (my kids love to swipe the credit card too!), or deliver something to your neighbor like a package mistakenly delivered to you or a plate of cookies to share.

Another idea my kids have adored: When you’re running errands, ask them to be the navigator—hand your phone over to them so they can use the maps app and tell you where to go next.

For older kids and teens, you could ask them to walk to the neighborhood store and pick up something you need, or if you don’t have a store within walking distance, they can run inside while you wait in the car. When teens start learning how to drive, you can ask them to start the car on cold mornings, back the car out of the driveway, or pull the car around if it’s parked far away.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

18. Hand your time over.

Say, “It just so happens I have 30 minutes free right now, and I’d love to spend it with you. And you get to decide: What do you want to do?” Kids rarely get to be in charge of what happens next, so they love this simple role-swap.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Check out a book.

Find a book at the library that your child might enjoy, then check it out and leave it for them to discover in their room along with a simple note like, “I saw this and thought you might like it!”

For example, if you have a young child who loves dinosaurs, check out a book about dinosaurs with colorful pictures. Or if your child has been enjoying graphic novels, find one with great reviews and check it out as a surprise for them.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Pile into bed.

Pick any time of day and climb into your bed and cuddle together for a few minutes. My favorite time to do this is after school as a sort of reset button after the stresses of the day. You may be surprised at what your child opens up about after a few minutes of shared quiet!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Let them choose dessert.

When you’re at the grocery store together, give your child an “allowance” of a certain amount of money to pick out whatever treat they want to bring home for the family to share after dinner. Don’t try to influence what they pick—let them enjoy the experience of having complete autotomy over this low-stakes decision.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

22. Give them flowers.

Pick a few wildflowers or buy a small bouquet, then give them to your child to keep in their room.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Fold their laundry.

If your child usually folds their own laundry, folding it for them can be a sweet gesture once in a while, especially if they’re going through a particularly busy or stressful stretch with school.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

24. Go exploring.

Hop in the car together and let your child tell you which direction to go next. Every time you stop at an intersection, prompt them to pick which way to go: left, right, or straight. If you end up somewhere you’ve never been before that looks fun, get out and explore. You might even discover a favorite new spot, like a scenic hiking trail, a yummy lunch spot, or some cute shops to browse.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

25. Share what you know.

Say to your child, “Have I ever told you about my secret for xyz?” where xyz is some hack or trick you know.

For example, if you have a particular way you like to fold towels or load the dishwasher, pass that along to your child. (Pro tip: Adopt a playful tone so it doesn’t feel like nagging them about chores!) Or if you have a go-to trick for amazing chocolate chip cookies or the best spaghetti sauce, let your child in on the secret. Whatever you’re the best at, teach them that.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

26. Treat them after school.

If your child has a favorite after-school snack or a favorite treat, surprise them with it when you pick them up from school or when they get home. After a long day at school, a special treat they weren’t expecting will let them know you care.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

27. Bend the rules.

Eat pancakes for dinner (with sprinkles on top!), have a day where everyone stays in their pajamas all day, or let your child stay up a little bit later than normal and play a board game or card game together. If you need ideas for quick games, here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. (The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for a quick round before bedtime: Sleeping Queens. For older kids and teens, Love Letter is an all-time favorite for many families—and my personal favorite card game right now!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

An Hour or More

If you can afford to carve out an hour or more, these powerful gestures will delight your child and make them feel loved.

1. Surprise them at school.

Pick a random school day and meet your child for lunch. Bring their favorite meal, even if it’s fast food. Or for a smaller treat, bring a cookie, a piece of chocolate, or another surprise dessert.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

2. Bring them to work.

Pick a day when your child doesn’t have anything important going on at school, or pick a day that’s a school holiday. Then bring them to work and show them what you do every day.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Make their favorite meal.

This works especially well when their favorite meal is something that’s not in your regular rotation. For example, one of my kids loves having crêpes for dinner, but we don’t do that very often. So when I want to make her feel loved and special, it’s an easy win!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Invite them along.

When you run errands, you might be in the habit of leaving your child at home with another caretaker (or alone if they’re old enough) so you can get through your list faster. Instead, pick a day to invite your child to join you on your errands. Sure, your errands might take a bit longer, but the time together will give you lots of opportunities for meaningful conversations with your child. (If you’re not sure what to ask, try one of these tried-and-true conversation starters for kids.)

To make this experience extra-special, add a stop for a treat from your favorite coffee shop (my kids love the cake pops from Starbucks!) or any place where they can pick out a piece of candy to enjoy during your errand time.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Hide your phone.

Pick a morning or afternoon when you’ll be with your child and put your phone in a drawer so you can focus on connecting and being in the moment together. Research shows that parents frequently spending time with a child without being on their mobile device has a positive impact on the child’s emotional intelligence.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Schedule a Do Nothing Day.

Pick a weekend day and forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run, throw your to-do list out the window, and schedule absolutely nothing. Tell your child you have nothing you have to do, so you can do whatever you want all day, then ask them what they want to do.

On your Do Nothing Day, you could bust out a jigsaw puzzle to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some parents use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do together.

Whatever you decide to do, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Grow your brains together.

Think of something your child has expressed interest in, like geocaching, photography, a musical instrument, and so on. Then make a plan to learn about it together. You can take a virtual class on Outschool, find an in-person class, or just binge a bunch of Youtube videos.

You’ll show your child that you pay attention when they tell you about something they’re interested in, plus the shared experience of learning together will make you feel closer.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

8. Let them pick a spot.

Tell your child you need to run errands and get them in the car ready to go. But when it’s time to hit the road, say, “You know what? I don’t feel like running errands today. Is there anywhere you’d like to go instead?”

Whether they want to go to the park or the ice cream shop, follow their lead, and they’ll be delighted that you’re listening to how they want to spend their time with you. (And if you do need to run errands, you can still do that afterward!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

9. Forage for dinner.

Tell your child you don’t have anything figured out for dinner, so you’ll need to forage for something. Look through the pantry, fridge, and freezer with your child, and cobble together a meal of whatever looks good.

Oatmeal, yogurt, and raspberries? Sure! Pringles, pepperoni, and peanuts for dinner? Why not? Toast, hummus, and baby carrots? Go for it!

Anything goes, so instead of saying “no” to what your child picks out, try saying “yes, and…” to round out their meal. For example, if they say, “Can I have Pop Tarts?” you can say, “Yes! And since that will cover your carbs, how about something with protein like a handful of almonds?” Also, you don’t both have to eat the same thing, so if what they pick out doesn’t sound great to you, you can pick something else out for yourself.

If you enjoy foraging, you can turn Forage Night into a weekly family tradition, which will save you one night of figuring out what to make for dinner!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Give a clean slate.

Many kids feel overwhelmed by a messy room and aren’t sure where to start tidying up. If that describes your child, consider cleaning their room for them as a special gesture of your love. If you don’t like the idea of doing it for them, block off a couple hours and tackle it together so your child doesn’t have to struggle through it alone.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Ask them out on a date.

Set aside time just for the two of you to do something special. For example, you can head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink—coffee for you, hot chocolate or juice for your child.

For one-on-one date ideas, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond. If you have more than one child and you want to make this a routine, you can alternate weeks or pick one day a month to reserve for each child’s one-on-one date.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Throw a party, just because.

You could throw an “It’s Friday” party, a “Rainy Day” party, or even a “We Had a Fight But We Still Love Each Other” party. But remember: A party without cake is just a meeting. (By the way, this Mom’s Apple Cake recipe might just be my favorite cake of all time.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Show up.

Make a plan to attend your child’s concerts, ball games, dance recitals, and science fairs. Whatever their hobbies or interests are, be there.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

14. Give them a day off.

Let your child take a mental health day off school, and you’ll send the message that they’re loved and important. The day off can help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress because studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress. In fact, rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it.

Pro tip: Before doing this, make sure your child doesn’t have any big tests, quizzes, or projects due that day. And if you can’t afford a full day, you can pick your child up an hour or two early from school and go do something fun from this list.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

15. Sneak out for breakfast.

At night, tell your child you’ll wake them up early and just the two of you will go out to breakfast before anyone else in the family is awake. They might be so excited they decide to sleep in their clothes! You’ll bond over tiptoeing and acting like a secret agent as you sneak out. You can pick up something like breakfast tacos or donuts, or go to a sit-down breakfast joint.

If you have a partner and/or other kids at home, don’t forget to bring something back to share with them!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Follow their interests.

If your child mentions that they’re interested in trying archery, set up a lesson to surprise them. If they love bunnies, take them to a bunny rescue shelter to pet the bunnies. If they seem intrigued by ballet, find an intro to ballet Youtube video to do together.

Whatever their current interest is, encourage them to explore it in a low-stakes way. They’ll feel like you care about their happiness, plus you’ll help them discover their true passions.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Host a sleepover.

But instead of hosting your child’s friends for a sleepover, invite your child to bring a sleeping bag and sleep in your room for the night, or vice versa. Then do everything you’d do on a typical sleepover—eat yummy snacks, watch a fun movie, and stay up late talking in the dark.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Set up a friend date.

Invite one of your child’s friends over to hang out for an afternoon, or offer to take them somewhere fun like a playground or a movie. Warning: For older kids and teens, make sure to get your child’s buy-in on this first so you don’t unintentionally step into in-progress friend drama!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Let them pick dinner.

Ask, “If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would it be?” Then make it happen. If you need ingredients, head to the grocery store together and pick them out. If your child isn’t sure what they want for dinner, sit down with a cookbook or two and browse until you find something they’re interested in.

For a fun twist on this, you can ask them what they want for dessert tonight—banana splits, root beer floats, brownies fresh from the oven with ice cream on top, or anything else.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Start something new.

Invite your child to help you start a new family tradition together. You can browse through this list of the best family traditions to nurture your family bond, then let them pick one that sounds fun to try out. When your child is grown, the traditions you create now are likely to become some of their favorite memories.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

21. Cancel something.

You know that feeling when a meeting gets rescheduled or an appointment gets moved, and you get the gift of reclaimed free time? Give that same gift to your child.

If they have an appointment or other scheduled activity that they don’t seem jazzed about, move it as a surprise, then encourage them to use that time however they’d like to.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

22. Declare a yes day.

Announce to your child that today is their yes day, then all day long, say “yes” when you’d usually say “no.” Can I have a piece of chocolate? Yes! Can we play a game? Yes! Can you teach me how to drive? Uhh…yes?

You don’t have to go to the extremes the parents in the movie Yes Day did, but a “yes day” can be a powerful way to show your child you love them. In fact, one of my kids once told me she didn’t care if she got any physical presents on her birthday. All she wanted was a yes day!

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

The Best Times to Show Your Child You Love Them

Let’s say you got your set of Family Connection Cards, and you set them up on your nightstand or bathroom counter as a visual cue. Awesome!

But…now what? You now have a handy collection of meaningful gestures of your unconditional love for your child, but when do you do them?

Here are a few ideas for how to work these loving gestures into your days:

• Surprise your child by saying their name out of the blue, then say a phrase from this list—even better if you bend down and get on their eye level first
• Pick a different activity to do at bedtime every night while tucking your child in
• If you’ve had a moment of disconnection like a disagreement or power struggle, reconnect by showing your child you love them with one of these gestures
• Start the day off well every morning with a different way of showing your love for your child
• When you notice your child seems sad or upset, pick something from this list
• If you notice your child struggling with something like homework or learning something new, try one of these gestures to give them a jolt of love and encouragement

Plus, here’s a bonus idea I love: Pick a week or a month and have your own personal “Love Challenge.” During a Love Challenge, you pick one new-to-you idea from this list every day and do it. You’ll surprise your child with fresh new expressions of your unconditional love, plus you’ll get to try out different ways to show your love and see what feels most meaningful to you and your child.

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids

Use this cheat sheet of positive phrases to show your child how much you love them.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What’s your best advice for how to show your child you love them? Share in a comment below!

The post 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As a parent, you’re responsible for getting everyone where they need to go, from school to extracurricular activities to doctor’s appointments and more.

You have to figure out healthy-ish food that will nourish your child’s growing body and mind, three times a day. Not to mention you’re also overseeing paying the bills on time, doing endless laundry, and keeping your home from looking like a tornado attacked a LEGO factory.

And in between all that, you want to nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond. Building a strong bond takes time, so you know you can’t treat it like cramming for a big test the night before.

The time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now, but how exactly are you supposed to fit that in on top of everything else?

Here’s the Solution

In as little as 10 minutes a day, you can connect with your child in a powerful way and build a stronger relationship that will stand the test of time. Because research shows that the quality of time you spend with your child is way more important than the quantity of time you spend.

The secret? Family bonding activities.

To be clear, I’m not talking about planning pricey day-long excursions or tackling elaborate craft projects that call for 42 random supplies you don’t have.

Because the best family bonding activities can be done in between your normal everyday routine—or even while you’re doing something that needs to be done anyway. That way, you’re nurturing a loving relationship with your child without adding anything to your overflowing to-do list.

Why a Strong Family Bond Is So Important

You might have already noticed that when your child feels connected and loved, they tend to cooperate more and engage in fewer power struggles.

But even beyond greasing the wheels of daily parenting struggles, research shows that investing in a strong family bond now will pay off for years to come. Here’s how:

• Kids thrive – Children in families with a strong family bond are much more likely to flourish, which includes feeling a sense of purpose in life, enjoying positive relationships with others, experiencing self-acceptance, possessing an ability for personal growth, and more.
• Kids grow into happy adults – Research shows that nurturing a loving bond with your child shapes your child’s happiness for life and results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavioral problems.
• Kids can handle stress better – Parental warmth and strong family bonds act as a buffer for kids to protect them from the negative effects of stress.
• Kids and adults are healthier – Stronger family relationships predict positive health outcomes for both kids and adults. Not only that, when you have a strong family bond, you tend to live longer.

Sounds great, right?

But when you’re an exhausted parent who’s barely keeping up with doing the laundry, helping out with math homework, and getting dinner on the table, you don’t have a lot of extra time to sit around and brainstorm meaningful activities that will make your family feel even closer.

So I decided to put a master list together for all the tired parents of the world, myself included.

The Best 60 Family Bonding Activities That Will Nurture a Loving Bond

Below, you’ll find a list of the best bonding activities for families to bring you and your child closer together.

To put together this list, I read every list of family bonding activities I could get my hands on in books and online, talked to friends and neighbors to hear about their favorite family activities, and surveyed the more than 100,000 readers in this community—then I compiled all the most-loved ideas into one epic list.

But First, a Warning

This list has a wide variety of ideas so that different families can find ideas that will work for them. But you don’t need to do everything in this list! That would be impossible, not to mention you’d be so overwhelmed you’d likely end up choosing nothing.

Instead, keep an eye out for one or two family bonding activities you’d like to try, and make a plan to do them this week. Add them to your calendar or put a reminder in your phone if you need to.

Pro tip: When you try a new family bonding activity, consider giving it a fun or playful name. Some studies suggest that when you label a concept or object, you change how people perceive it, and that framing can influence their preferences and behavior.

Using a short, playful name also helps you quickly communicate what the family bonding activity involves and can conjure up memories of previous experiences with it, giving you and your family warm fuzzies and getting everyone excited to do it again. For example, compare “Let’s all sit on the couch together while I read aloud from this chapter book” to “Family Read-Aloud Time.” Because giving your family activity an official name can elevate its value in these ways, below you’ll find some suggestions for naming each activity. Feel free to use any of those activity names that speak to you, or brainstorm a new name with your family to make it your own.

Everyday Family Bonding Activities

One of the best ways to nurture a strong family bond is by finding ways to connect during regular everyday routines. Because when you do that, you can elevate an ordinary ho-hum routine into a fun family tradition that will delight your kids every day.

Below, you’ll find the family activities that work best when you integrate them into your daily routines for a quick dose of connection.

Related: Be a Close-Knit Family: The Best 35 Family Tradition Examples

1. Pile into bed (but not at bedtime)

After you factor in time for homework, dinner prep and clean-up, and the kids’ bedtime routine plus everything in between, weekday evenings can feel rushed and chaotic. To strengthen your family’s bond after spending the day apart and keep the evening routine free of disconnection-induced speed bumps, start a tradition of stopping to snuggle and connect.

• Make it official: Popular names for this tradition are “Family Cuddle Time” and “Cozy up in Bed Time.”
• How to do it: When you get home on weekdays, call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and encourage everyone to run into your bedroom and pile into the bed. Something about the tight quarters of adults and kids all squished into one bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place. The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for. For the full details on how this family bonding activity works, head over to The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile.

2. Talk while you eat

If you’re not already sharing one meal a day as a family, this is one of the best family bonding activities to start. Research shows that children who regularly eat meals together with their family are more likely to experience long-term physical and mental health benefits, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: A simple “Family Dinner” or “Family Breakfast” gets the point across!
• How to do it: Make a habit of slowing down and coming together as a family for at least one meal a day, whether that’s a quick breakfast shared while standing at the kitchen counter or a sit-down meal at the dinner table.
• Variations: To boost the feelings of love and connection during your shared meals, ask one fun question at every family meal from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. The set includes 150 questions, which gives you enough questions for five months of family dinners. When you ask great questions like that, not only will you be teaching your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to them, what has them worried, what they’re excited about.

3. Pick a card, any card

Here’s the problem with reading an article like this: After you close your browser tab, the daily grind of parenting will suck you back in, and you’re likely to forget all these fun family bonding activities. To make family bonding a priority even after this post has faded from your memory, pick up our set of Family Connection Cards here.

I created these Family Connection Cards based on the science of what actually works when you want to bond as a family. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting. And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

• Make it official: In our family, we call this habit our “Fresh Start,” and we do it before the morning routine starts to get hectic so that we start the day off with our tanks of love full to brimming. One family told me they call this their “Come Together Time,” and they kick it off by playing the Beatles song Come Together. Other options include “Connection Time” or “10-Minute Together Time.”
• How to do it: Set aside 10 minutes in your daily routine. If you don’t have 10 minutes, five minutes can work. And if you can’t find five minutes, you can combine this with something else, like while your child eats breakfast. Have your child pick one of our Family Connection Cards, or you can pick one at random, then do what the card says to do. Because the Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you want to connect with your child, afterward you’ll both feel loved and connected.

4. Get lost together

Reading aloud to your child every day is a powerful family bonding activity because research shows daily read-aloud time grows your child’s brain (literally), increases your child’s capacity for empathy, and even improves their behavior. And no one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: Some families call this “Read-Aloud Time” or “Family Bookish Time.”
• How to do it: Pick a time of day when you can read aloud to your child for 10 minutes, like while they eat breakfast, while they’re in the bath, after everyone is in jammies and ready for bed, or when they’re tucked into bed and ready for lights out. For older kids, you can take turns reading aloud from the same book, or you can read a snippet from an interesting magazine or newspaper article. If you need a great book to read aloud, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: If you’re having trouble finding time to read aloud, turn on an audiobook when you’re driving back and forth to school or running errands, then listen together. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible^†, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Related: This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier

5. Walk it off

In busy family life, it can be difficult to make time for getting enough physical exercise. And yet, exercise is not only good for your child’s physical health, but research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Plus, kids who move their bodies every day experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes. To increase your child’s physical activity level (and yours!) so that you get all those benefits, start a family habit of taking a quick walk after dinner.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this bonding activity as simply their “Family Walk” or “After-Dinner Walk.”
• How to do it: After dinner, head out for 10 or 15 minutes and walk around your neighborhood. You can talk about your day, make it an informal scavenger hunt and count how many dogs or birds you see, or mix it up by hopping on your bikes for a ride around the block. If it’s already dark out, bring flashlights for an extra dose of fun.
• Variations: As an alternative, if you live in an area that isn’t walkable, you can queue up a yoga video and wind down together while you move through a few yoga poses. Our favorite family yoga video is this fun 17-minute practice:

6. Pitch in as a team

Most people don’t particularly want to spend their free time on household chores, and kids are no exception. But when you tackle chores together as a family, the work gets done faster so you have more time for other fun activities. Plus, research shows that sharing responsibilities as a family makes your family stronger. Not only that, kids who do chores at home tend to be more helpful to others, do better academically, and experience higher life satisfaction.

• Make it official: Say it’s time for your “10-Minute Tidy” or try a call-and-response approach, which my preschooler loves. When I say, “Teamwork makes the…”, he calls back, “…dream work!”
• How to do it: Take 10 to 15 minutes every afternoon or evening and pitch in to get something done together, such as loading or emptying the dishwasher, folding or putting away laundry, tidying up toys and clutter, dusting and vacuuming, and so on. To keep this activity light and fun, queue up a favorite playlist, like our family dance party playlist, and set a timer for 15 minutes. When the timer goes off, everyone stops and celebrates a job well done, such as by enjoying a piece of chocolate or some fresh fruit, playing a quick family-friendly board game or card game, watching funny animal videos, making hot chocolate, or reading a book together.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Weekly or Monthly Activities

Some of the best activities for family bonding require a little more time and planning than a daily routine. But when you make them into a weekly ritual, you give your kids something to look forward to and make the activity even more special. With that said, if you like an idea in this section but weekly feels too frequent to keep up with, many families use a monthly rhythm for these bonding activities, and that works well too.

1. Go head-to-head

Set aside one weekend afternoon or evening (or both!) every week for a family game night. Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to bond as a family. Plus, many family games are educational so your child will be strengthening skills like reading, math, and spatial intelligence without even realizing it because they’re having so much fun.

• Make it official: “Game Night” or “Family Game Night” were the most popular names families gave this bonding activity.
• How to do it: Let your child pick out a game they want to play, prepare a special snack like popcorn or one of these family game night snacks, and have fun playing together! If you find yourself cringing at the games in your closet (I’m looking at you, Candyland), I’ve gotcha covered. My family runs a small game shop, and we stock only the best family games loved by kids and parents. Here are our picks for the best family game night games. Two of our most popular games include Sleeping Queens – a quick and fun card game you can play with a wide range of ages – and My First Carcassonne – a game of strategy that’s fantastic for growing spatial intelligence and also fun for adults.

Black Friday’s back: Get 30% off all games with the code HAPPY30. Plus, free shipping for orders $49+.

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

2. Get free books

Set aside one day a week where your family heads to your local library so everyone can pick out a book (or twenty) to check out and take home. When you model regular library use and turn it into a fun family event, you’ll help foster your child’s appreciation for books and set them on the path to becoming a lifelong reader. Research shows that when kids grow up in a home full of books, that gives them a major boost in literacy (and numeracy!) that lasts into the adult years.

• Make it official: If you go the same day every week, you can name your special event by the day, like “Library Thursdays.” Or if the day changes, you can call it “Library Haul Day” or “Free Books Day.”
• How to do it: When you get to the library, let your child pick out whatever they want, even if it’s a Barbie early reader that makes you cringe. If you criticize your child’s choice in books, they could internalize that and become less interested in picking out books, which can dampen their excitement about reading in general. This is a lesson I learned the hard way with my oldest child. After I realized my mistake, I stepped back and encouraged her choices to rebuild her confidence. She’s now a major bookworm, but it took some time to undo the damage of my “helping.”
• Variations: Go through your owned books to decide whether you have any you’re ready to send to a new home. Then find a Little Free Library in your area, add your books, and pick out a few new-to-you books to take home with you.

3. Spin some tunes

Kick off the weekend with a family dance party every Friday afternoon. Research shows that listening to music together strengthens your bond and builds positive memories. Plus, studies show that young children especially get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat, and that goes for adults too.

• Make it official: If you decide on a standard day for your dance party every week, you can name it with the day, like “Friday Dance Party.” Otherwise, “Family Dance Party” will do the trick!
• How to do it: When everyone gets home on Friday, queue up a few of your family’s favorite upbeat songs. If you have a young child, scoop them up and start dancing. For older kids, challenge them to show off their best (or silliest) dance moves. Show your kids the dance moves that were popular when you were a kid, and ask them to teach you the dance moves popular now. (My teenager trying to teach me to floss always results in giggles for the whole family!) If you need some ideas for your family dance party playlist, check out our playlist of the best kids’ dance songs with clean lyrics.

4. Cozy up on the couch

Many families told me their favorite family bonding activity is movie night every Friday or Saturday night. As long as you accommodate younger kids when picking which movies to watch together, movies create a fun shared experience for the whole family. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together – known as “co-viewing” – you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Make it official: You can’t go wrong with just a simple “Movie Night” or “Family Movie Night”!
• How to do it: Take turns every week picking which movie to watch and cozy up on the couch together for a shared experience. To make this bonding experience extra special, add in a fun treat. You can watch new releases, share your childhood favorites, or rewatch one of your family’s all-time faves – the ones you have memorized. To help your child get the most out of the experience of co-viewing a movie, try pointing out interesting details, commenting on similarities between what you’re watching and something in your child’s own life, and pausing the movie after a complicated or potentially confusing scene to talk about what just happened.
• Variations: When the weather warms up, turn your weekly movie night into a backyard movie night. All you need is a projector and a white sheet or a screen to project on, plus blankets to spread in the grass or outdoor chairs. Bonus points if you roast marshmallows over a backyard fire pit. By the way, this is the outdoor projector I got for my husband one year for Father’s Day, and we use it every week during the summer for our Backyard Movie Nights!

5. Celebrate the full moon

Every night of a full moon, get the whole family outside for a nighttime walk to experience the magic of the night. When you cultivate these moments of awe and wonder for your child, it benefits their physical, mental, and emotional well-being, plus it makes them kinder and more generous.

• Make it official: Many families call these walks “Full Moon Walks.”
• How to do it: You can automatically add the phases of the moon to your Google Calendar. Then on those evenings, plan for a quick dinner so you can head out for a Full Moon Walk afterwards. Listen for the sounds of nighttime, and point out any wildlife or plants you happen to notice.

6. Move dinner outside

Sharing a daily meal can be a powerful family bonding activity, but depending on your work schedule and your child’s extracurricular activities, having a meal together every day may not be feasible. In that situation, you can set aside one day every weekend to pack a picnic to enjoy as a family, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Not only will your whole family get a healthy dose of fresh air, you’ll also foster the long-term physical and mental health benefits for children who regularly eat meals together with their family, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: The most common name for this bonding activity is just “Family Picnic,” but I also heard from one family that called this their “Eat Outside Day.”
• How to do it: Grab a blanket that can fit everyone – this is my family’s favorite picnic blanket because nothing soaks through, and it’s easy to clean off – and pack a meal to share. For a special treat, pack something fun your child doesn’t usually get, like a piece of candy or a juice box. You can set up your picnic in your backyard or front yard, at a neighborhood park, along the bank of a stream, river, or lake, in a clearing in a nearby wooded area, or even just on your living room floor. A picnic basket is absolutely not necessary, but if you find that your family enjoys this experience, you can add this lovely picnic basket to your wish list for future birthdays and holidays. We gifted that one to one of my kids, so every time we get geared up for a family picnic, she loves taking charge of getting the basket packed up.
• Variations: Bring a frisbee, a soccer ball, or an outdoor game you can play together after you eat. Or for younger kids, bring a kite or a bottle of no-spill bubbles.

7. Set a date

Head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink – coffee for adults, hot chocolate or juice for kids. When you turn a weekly coffee date into a family bonding activity, you’ll foster relaxed conversations where you take turns talking, which can boost your child’s vocabulary and nurture your child’s storytelling skills, which improves their reading comprehension down the road.

Many families also find that they naturally reminisce during these weekly coffee dates, sharing recent memories or even stories from their family’s history. When you engage in that kind of storytelling with your child on a regular basis, you improve your child’s self-esteem and give them the gift of higher resilience in the face of adversity.

• Make it official: Try “Family Coffee Date.”
• How to do it: Pick a time for your weekly family coffee date and add it to your calendar as a recurring event. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. These conversation starters are designed to boost your connection as a family, plus they’ll help you teach your child the art of a good conversation, unlocking all the powerful benefits listed above. Some families also like to bring along a favorite board or card game to play while they enjoy their drinks. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages, many of which we sell in our family-owned shop here. Among the games we stock, the best portable games for bringing along to a coffee shop are Sleeping Queens, Love Letter, Spot It!, Rat-a-Tat Cat, and Quiddler Junior.

$13 from Amazon* * Price at time of publishing

Love Letter

    
“My teen and tween love this quick little card game. To win, you need to rely on your deductive reasoning skills, plus a bit of luck. You can play a whole game in 20 minutes, but if you’re short on time, you can play one round in 5-7 minutes. But warning: Even when we set out to play ‘just one round,’ we always end up playing several!” – Tyler

8. Make a group effort

No matter if you’re the chef of the family or if you have a partner who usually does the cooking, pick a night every week when you can make dinner together as a family. When you show commitment to sharing responsibilities as a family – like making a meal to share – research shows that makes your family stronger. Plus, you’ll get help in the kitchen instead of everything resting on your shoulders.

Feel free to let the rest of your family take the lead while you take a step back and serve as more of an advisor and pinch hitter when they need help. Bonus tip: If you have trouble with this in general (I know I do!), try brewing yourself a coffee or tea or pouring another favorite beverage to sip on and keep your hands busy.

• Make it official: You might call this bonding time your “Teamwork Dinner,” “All Hands on Deck Dinner,” or “Calling All Chefs Night.”
• How to do it: Let your child decide what to make for dinner, then involve them in the work of making it. As an added benefit, they’ll be much more likely to eat a dinner they helped make! Keep in mind that especially when you have younger kids, you can expect the process to take a little longer than usual. Mistakes mean they’re learning. If your kid makes a mess, take a deep breath and try saying something like, “That’s okay, we can clean up when we’re done.”

Related: Want Your Family to Share the Load? Here’s the Best Way to Set Family Goals {Printable}

9. Batch your kindness

You might have heard before that regularly helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life. Research shows that even very young children are happier when helping others. But starting a daily “random acts of kindness” routine can make the experience feel meaningless. To keep the experience meaningful and enjoyable for the whole family, pick one day a month where you intentionally perform five small acts of kindness together. One study found that people who performed five giving acts all in a single day increased happiness.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Kindness Day,” “Random Acts of Kindness Day,” or “Family Kindness Marathon.”
• How to do it: Set aside one day a month for your Family Kindness Day, brainstorm small things your family can do for others, and execute on five of them. To help you brainstorm, check out our list of The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids That Will Teach Compassion. For example:
  • Bake fresh cookies and hand them out to your neighbors.
  • Write a thank-you note to someone.
  • Go through toys and pick some to donate to charity.
  • Collect non-perishable food in your neighborhood and donate it to a local food pantry.
  • If you have an elderly neighbor, help them out by mowing their lawn or weeding their garden.
  • Run a lemonade stand and donate the proceeds to your favorite charity.
  • Surprise a worker with a big tip, like a restaurant server, delivery driver, or your neighborhood coffee shop’s barista.
  • Go through your books to find those you can part with, then find a nearby Little Free Library and restock it.

10. Play in the dirt

Get everybody outside once a week to tend to a family vegetable garden, such as watering soil, pulling weeds, and picking ripe veggies. If you don’t have a garden yet, consider starting one, even if it’s just one container to begin with. Research shows that when kids get hands-on with a vegetable garden, they develop an increased preference for snacking on fruits and vegetables. Plus, gardening decreases stress hormones and boosts your mood. So if you can’t make a veggie garden work, you could also pick a spot to plant some pretty flowers in your yard or in a container on your porch.

• Make it official: Give this weekly bonding activity a playful name like “Green Thumb Time” or “Digging Hour,” or call it your family’s weekly “Garden Party” and make a batch of lemonade and fun snacks to keep you fueled as you work together.
• How to do it: To get started, here’s a quick guide to starting a container garden with your child. Then set aside a regular time every week for this family activity where everyone tends to be available, such as a weekend morning or afternoon. For younger kids, make sure to have kid-sized gardening gloves and garden tools, plus a small watering can available so they can help out. You can also use your time together to work on garden-adjacent projects, like painting rocks to use as labels in the garden, making or filling bird feeders, or putting up barriers to keep critters from eating your crops.

11. Schedule a break

While everyone experiences anxious feelings from time to time, research shows that anxiety disorders are on the rise with children. To help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress plus give yourself a break from the daily grind, consider setting aside one day a month as a mental health day.

On your family’s mental health day, you can take a regular weekday off from work and school—or if that’s not feasible, pick your child up early from school. Studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress, and in fact rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it.

• Make it official: The most common name for this bonding activity is “Mental Health Day,” but I heard from a couple families who call it “Get out of Jail Free Day” in reference to the Monopoly card!
• How to do it: To get the most out of your family’s mental health day, think of something special you can do together. If you all retreat to your favorite form of screen time, that won’t actually help your brain get the rest it truly needs. Research shows that the single most efficient strategy for dealing with stress is physical activity, so find a fun way to move your bodies together, like going on a hike, walking or biking around your neighborhood, taking a basketball or tennis rackets to a nearby park for a quick game, popping in a yoga DVD to do together, or kicking off your day with a family dance party. After that, do something to connect because connection with loved ones is necessary for overcoming stress as well. For example, you could play a fun new board game, read aloud to your child, or make art or color in a coloring book together. As another option, you can grab our Family Connection Cards, then pick one at random to do on your mental health day. The Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, so no matter what card you pick, you’ll be helping your child (and you!) recharge their batteries.

12. Drink words

One of my family’s favorite bonding activities is our monthly Family Read-a-Thon. Once a month, we set aside a weekend morning or afternoon, grab a stack of books, and cuddle up on the couch to read. A Family Read-a-Thon gives everyone a fun break from the hustle and bustle of a busy weekend. Plus, studies show that reading aloud grows your child’s brain, builds their empathy for others, and improves their behavior. Remember: No one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: My personal favorite name for this bonding activity is “Family Read-a-Thon,” but I also heard one family call it their “Family Reading Spree.”
• How to do it: We have a wide range of ages in our family, so we will typically read a handful of picture books and a couple chapters from chapter books. For chapter books, you can start a new book to be your family read-aloud book – and then make it a daily family activity to read a little bit each day – or you can get a stack of chapter books and read the first five pages of each one for what we call a “book flight,” which just means to sample a handful of books to see which one grabs you most. After that, my kids will often get hooked on their favorite story from our book flight and continue to read that independently after our Read-a-Thon. If you need book recommendations, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: Another option is to start an audiobook you can all listen to together while you do something else, like color in a parent-child coloring book, build with LEGOs or Magna-Tiles, or fold that mountain of laundry that’s been accumulating during the week. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

13. Reminisce

On the last day of every month, pick your top 10 favorite photos from all the photos you’ve taken on your phone and/or camera that month. Then pop them into a slideshow to share with your family before, during, or after a meal. Reflecting back on those moments as a family will spark your loved ones to share stories of those memories, plus make everyone feel all the feels.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Slideshow” or “Family Photo Round-Up.”
• How to do it: If you have a partner or spouse or an older child who also takes photos, ask them to send their favorites to you to include in the photo slideshow. To create the slideshow, you can use a free tool like Google Slides.
• Variations: To take this a step further, you can devote a wall in your home to displaying prints of your favorite family photos, then get your favorites printed every month, quarter, or year to swap them out. You can DIY this yourself or get a ready-made photo wall display like this. Some families also use these monthly “best of” photos to create a family yearbook. After you pick out your favorites photos, you can make a scrapbook or have them printed into a hardcover book at Shutterfly.

14. Throw your list away

If a monthly mental health day isn’t doable for your family, consider instituting a Do Nothing Day on the weekend where you all spend the day together. Similar to a mental health day, a Do Nothing Day gives you and your child a break from the daily stress of family life, which is important for helping you survive the harmful effects of stress.

• Make it official: Most families call this “Do Nothing Day,” but some alternatives are “Together Day” and “No To-Do-List Day.”
• How to do it: For one weekend day a month, forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run and throw your to-do list out the window. Then as a family, brainstorm one or two fun things you might do together. Keep in mind that TV, video games, or mindless surfing aren’t restorative, but aside from that, go with whatever sounds fun. You can bust out a jigsaw puzzle for the whole family to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort with your kids using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some families use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do as a family. Whatever you decide to do as a family, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

15. Stretch your brains together

Challenge your family to learn something new together once in a while, just for fun. Playfully testing out a new hobby or activity will open new neural pathways in your child’s brain, plus regularly learning something new is one of the best steps you can take to keep your own brain healthy as you age. A few months ago, we decided as a family that it would be fun to learn how to talk in a British accent, so we took a weekend morning to watch a few videos about how to do it, then challenged ourselves to talk that way the rest of the day. Our accents were horrible, but we had a blast, and the kids still talk about that day, months later.

• Make it official: A couple names to consider are “Family Curiosity Day” or “Be Curious Day.”
• How to do it: In a central location, you can keep a running list of things that sound fun to learn and encourage everyone in the family to add to it whenever inspiration strikes. Some families have a special notebook they keep on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter, and they call it their “curiosity journal.” Then once a month or whatever frequency works for your family, set aside a morning or afternoon to pick something to learn together. You can watch videos together, check out books from the library ahead of time, look for apps focused on whatever you want to learn, or ask someone you know to give you an in-person lesson. To kick off your curiosity journal, here are a few ideas: learn a new language, go bird-watching, pick up knitting or crocheting, practice yoga, tackle something new in the kitchen like baking bread from scratch, make origami, learn magic tricks, take your photography skills to the next level, try geocaching, make candles or soap, or take up astronomy.

16. Round up change

Challenge your family to collect any spare change they come across, then once a month count it up together and decide on a charity where you can donate it. You’ll be teaching your child the importance of giving back, plus research shows that helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life.

• Make it official: In my family, we call this “The Great Change Round-Up,” but I heard from one family that called it their “Spare Change Drive.”
• How to do it: Set up a jar for collecting spare change and keep it in an easily accessible location. (Important: If you have young children who still put things in their mouths, be sure to keep this jar out of their reach! One of my kids once swallowed a coin and ended up in the hospital, so I learned the hard way that you can never be too careful.) Tell your child any time they come across a coin on the ground, they can pick it up to add to your spare change jar. You can also plant some seeds about where else they can find spare change, like in the nooks and crannies of your vehicle, in pants pockets in the laundry hamper, under couch cushions (side benefit: my kids will regularly pull them out and clean up everything under the cushions, looking for spare change!), and so on. Kids tend to get excited by the challenge of seeing how much they can find, and you might even catch them asking neighbors and relatives if they have any spare change to donate to charity.
• Variations: In our family, we also set up a “matching” program where however much the kids scrounged up, we match that penny for penny to double the donation and make an even bigger impact.

17. Ride it out

For a weekly activity that’s good for the whole family, make it a habit to go for a family bike ride or on a family hike. Spending more time outdoors has been shown to improve mental health well-being for kids, to decrease stress, and even to boost academic performance. Plus, exercise boosts your child’s physical health (and yours!), and research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Kids who move their bodies every day also experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes.

• Make it official: If you opt for a weekly bike ride, try “Weekend Cruise” or plan a route to pick up breakfast tacos or donuts and call it “The Breakfast Club.” For a weekly hike, go for “Explorer Hour,” “Trailblazing Time,” or simply “Family Hike.”
• How to do it: If you don’t have an area in your neighborhood that’s appropriate for bike rides or hikes, research areas nearby that could work by searching Google for “best bike rides in xyz” and replace “xyz” with your city’s name. For hikes, search “best hikes in xyz.” Then carve out time on the weekend or another time everyone’s available so you can go exploring together as a family. Bring plenty of water and fun snacks to keep everyone fueled for the group exercise, or pack fixings for a picnic so you can break halfway to share a meal outdoors.

Once-in-a-While Activities

Some bonding activities for families might require more time or planning than a daily routine or a weekly ritual, and yet they can bring about some of the most meaningful moments for your family. The family bonding ideas in this section work best when you make them happen once in a while, whether that means once a quarter, once a year, or on a spontaneous basis.

Often, these activities create lifelong memories for your child and become part of your family’s lore, prompting out-of-the-blue reminiscing that starts off, “Remember that time we…”

1. Build an epic fort. Gather the supplies you’ll need, such as sheets, tablecloths, or curtains; command hooks and string to attach blankets to the wall; and pillows, blankets, or rugs to make it cozy. Then when it’s done, you can all pile in to play a fun family board game or read together. At nighttime, you can string some Christmas lights or fairy lights and keep the fun going with a slumber party in the fort.
2. Light a candle. Make something special for dinner, then turn out all the lights and have dinner by candlelight. To make the experience even more memorable, get everyone to wear their nicest outfit and pretend you’re at a fancy restaurant.
3. Kick off a spontaneous game. Start a classic childhood game with your family, like hide-and-seek, duck duck goose, Simon says, and so on.
4. Have afternoon tea. Make your favorite warm beverage and a cup of caffeine-free herbal tea for your child, and sit down to enjoy it together. To make this activity extra special, turn it into a tea party with snacks like fruit, cookies, or sandwiches cut into fun shapes with a cookie cutter. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids.

5. Go on a scavenger hunt. My personal favorite style is a photo scavenger hunt because the photos will help you remember the experience. When you find something on your list, snap a photo with the item and whomever found it or with the whole family. You can find free printable scavenger hunts online like this simple printable and this one for tweens and teens.
6. Make an obstacle course. Turn your yard or your living room into an obstacle course for your whole family. If you’re indoors, you can use couch cushions, step stools, chairs to crawl under or climb over, and so on. For outdoors, try scrap wood for balance beams, a hula hoop, a jump rope, and anything else you can get creative with.
7. Puzzle it out. Tackle a big jigsaw puzzle as a family and celebrate when you get it done.
8. Roughhouse. Research shows this kind of play helps kids manage their emotions and feel connected to their parents. Try starting a pillow fight, a game of chase, or a round of “Squish Squash” while lying in bed together. (Check out this Bluey episode for an explanation of Squish Squash.)

9. Sing karaoke. You don’t need a fancy karaoke machine to bust out some tunes together. Look for a karaoke app on your mobile device, or search Youtube for kid-friendly karaoke songs.
10. Be a tourist in your town. Plan a special outing to see one of the sights in your area, such as a trip to the zoo or aquarium, a kid-friendly museum, or the biggest playground within driving distance.
11. Give time together. Make a plan to volunteer at a local food bank, animal shelter, nursing home, community garden, and so on. If you can’t find a kid-friendly volunteer opportunity in your area, grab a trash bag and rubber gloves and visit a local creek or park to pick up litter. Not only will it feel good to help, research shows that kids who volunteer experience a boost in self-esteem, higher levels of positive emotions, improved ability to regulate emotions, and even better physical health.
12. Build together. Break out the LEGO or Magna-Tiles and join your kids in building something epic together.
13. Play putt-putt or go bowling. Find a miniature golf course or bowling alley in your area and set aside an hour or two to play together.
14. Have a contest. Challenge your family to a contest, like hula hooping, jump roping, or limbo. Winner gets to pick their favorite meal for dinner, an extra piece of candy after dinner, or just bragging rights.
15. Go camping—or try stay-camping. Even if you just camp in your backyard or set up a tent in your living room, the fresh air and quality time (and s’mores) will be an experience your family will remember. If you don’t have a tent yet, here’s the 4-person tent we got for our living room camping adventures. It’s affordable, has great reviews, and unlike most tents doesn’t drive my husband bonkers trying to set it up and take it down.
16. Visit an arcade. Take your family to a classic video game arcade where you can play pinball, skee-ball, Pac-Man, and more.
17. Make up stories. Go around the table and take turns adding a sentence to a story. For example, the first person might start with, “Once upon a time, a girl decided to go on an adventure in the forest.” The next person might add, “What the girl didn’t realize is that the magical creatures of the forest were currently engaged in an epic battle.” You’ll love hearing what your kids come up with! If you’d like more structure with this activity, pick up a set of these gorgeous Create a Story cards in our family-owned game shop.

1,208 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$12 from Amazon* $12 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Create a Story Cards

    
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona

18. Take a day trip. Find a fun destination that’s within driving distance and head there together to explore. Research shows taking a trip with your child becomes a “happiness anchor” for them. In other words, vacations stick in kids’ brains as vivid memories, and later on as adults those memories can even help them get through tough times. (Don’t forget to crank up a family dance party playlist and sing aloud at the top of your lungs!)
19. Strap on skates. Go skating together as a family. You can try a roller skating or ice skating rink, or if you have rollerblades you can gear up for a turn around the neighborhood.
20. Turn on the sprinklers. When the weather’s warm, set out a sprinkler everyone can run through. For an extra dose of family bonding, have a water soaker fight.
21. Make s’mores. Even if you don’t have a fire pit or grill, you can make them in the microwave. The deliciously gooey mess will make smiles and memories.
22. Catch the sunset or sunrise. Find out when the sunrise or sunset will be in your area, then set an alarm on your phone to remind you to catch the event together. Awe is a powerful emotion, and the shared experience of awe will bring you closer as a family.
23. Give a room a makeover. If you’ve been meaning to tackle a home improvement project, make it a group effort. For example, you can paint your child’s room the color of their choice, hang wall art, or just reorganize the furniture for a fresh look.
24. Go birdwatching. Get everyone outside and see how many different birds you can spot. You can even find a birdwatching app and take photos to submit to the app. Many families told me they’ve made this an annual tradition with the Great Backyard Bird Count.
25. Do a science experiment. We have this book of 10-minute science experiments for kids, and my kids love it!
26. Make money. Work together to put on a garage sale, bake sale, or lemonade stand in your neighborhood. Some families boost their bonding even more by deciding to donate the proceeds then voting on which charity to donate to.
27. Play an outside game. Get some fresh air while you play together. Try frisbee, disc golf, badminton, tennis, or just kick a soccer ball around your yard.
28. Get creative. Make art together, like sidewalk chalk art or origami, or grab a coloring book and some crayons or colored pencils to color together.
29. Go swimming. When the weather’s warm, visit a local pool and enjoy cooling off in the water together.
30. Make dough or slime. Look for a play dough or slime recipe online, make it as a team, then play with it together.
31. Listen to a podcast. Find a family-friendly podcast and listen together. This works well in the car, or you can pair it with making art or a chore like folding laundry to keep your hands busy. Some of our favorites are Brains On, But Why, Stories Podcast, Tumble, and Wow in the World. For tweens and teens, we also enjoy Book Club for Kids, Stuff You Should Know, and This American Life.
32. Wash the car. Grab a bucket, a sponge, soap, and the hose, then work together to get your vehicle looking spiffy.
33. Count stars. Stay up late together and lie in your yard after dark, counting stars and picking out constellations.
34. See a show. Visit a movie theater or catch a live concert, play, or other kind of performance.
35. Build a time capsule. Pull together a few mementos and seal it all up for at least a year. Then set a reminder on your calendar so you remember to open it together when the time comes. Some families love this bonding activity as a New Year’s tradition.
36. Create a haven for wildlife. Turn your backyard into a wildlife habitat to help reverse some of the human-caused habitat destruction that hurts wildlife, especially the pollinators we need to grow food. The National Wildlife Federation has a program where you can get your backyard certified as a wildlife habitat.
37. Host a comedy special. Challenge everyone in the family to learn a handful of jokes, then come together for your very own comedy show. Take turns telling jokes, and enjoy the shared giggles!

Your Turn

What are your all-time favorite family bonding activities? Share in a comment below!

The post 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As parents, our daily lives are full to the brim, if not overflowing. We pinball from cobbling together dinner with whatever’s left in the fridge, to helping with math homework, to tackling the neverending pile of laundry—and the list goes on.

That doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for connecting one-on-one with our kids and simply enjoying our time together.

And yet, if you want to nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now.

Which is why as a busy parent, I’m always on the lookout for simple ways to connect with my kids without adding to my to-do list. And one of my favorite tricks for that is to ask my kids funny questions.

Why Funny Questions Can Save the Day

Research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

And as you spend quality one-on-one time with your child, laughter is sure to bubble up before too long.

But when you’re short on time—and let’s be honest, patience—you can’t exactly flip a switch and manufacture a Fun-Filled Family Moment™ on the spot.

The good news? Even if you don’t have time to stop and play with your child, you can always ask a funny question on the way to or from school, during a meal like dinner, or anytime you find yourself in the same space for more than 60 seconds.

The shared laughter will make you feel closer, plus the conversation will support your child’s language development. Researchers have discovered that regularly having back-and-forth conversations with your child builds their vocabulary, improves their reasoning skills, and literally grows their brain.

How This List Is Different

You can search “funny questions to ask kids” and find a gabazillion lists already out there. But as you start reading through the questions, you’ll discover pretty soon that those questions clearly haven’t been tested with real, actual kids.

I know this because I did test those other lists with my four kids, whose ages range from preschooler to teenager. And a good number of the questions resulted in blank stares, shrugs, and eye rolls. Questions like, “What color would you paint your room?” and “What’s your favorite food to put ketchup on?” will at best give you bland one-word answers and certainly won’t elicit giggles.

So I put together a new tried-and-true list of funny questions to ask kids that will actually get them (and you!) laughing. I’ve been keeping this running list for several years, and today I’m sharing it with you so that you can experience the pure comedic gold that will come out of your child’s mouth.

Related: 100 Non-Boring Questions for Kids to Get Them Talking {Printable}

120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles

These funny questions for kids are one of my favorite shortcuts to help me quickly connect with my kids. Because these questions are so silly and off-the-wall, they lead to shared giggles and sometimes all-out guffaws.

But my favorite part of these fun questions isn’t even the moment of connection, although those warm fuzzies are undeniable.

What I love best about asking my kids these funny questions is that for a couple minutes, I get to see the world through their eyes. And that fresh perspective fills me with a sense of awe and reminds me how lucky I am to spend my days with these special little humans.

When you want to connect (quickly!) with your child, even when you’re busy, ask one of these funny questions for kids. Not only will their answers put a smile on your face, but you’ll delight in hearing how their mind works.

But First, a Quick Heads Up

Most kids don’t appreciate feeling like they’re put on the spot to perform like circus animals for the benefit of the surrounding adults. Plus, a conversation where everyone’s contributing is more fun anyway.

And so after your child answers one of these funny questions, consider answering the question yourself as well so that it feels like a conversation and not an interrogation.

Also, keep in mind that every child is different. Your child might not laugh out loud at every question, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re taking the time to connect with them and listen to their thoughts and opinions. If any of these questions turns out to be a dud for your family, just move onto the next question.

Pro tip: Any time one of your child’s answers tickles your funny bone, you can jot down the question and answer in a journal or a notes app for safekeeping. Then later on down the road, you can reread them to reminisce—either alone or together as a family. As an alternative, if your child is okay with it, you can take a quick video of them answering a question or two so that you’ll always have that snapshot of your shared moment of fun.

All-Around Funny Questions

Here are the best overall funny questions to ask kids because they work in just about any situation and with a wide variety of ages. When you need a good laugh, these open-ended questions are a sure bet.

1. What’s the funniest thing somebody did or said today?
2. If you could eat only one food for an entire year, what would you choose?
   • Alternative: If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
3. What’s the funniest joke you know?
   • Side note: If you discover that your child doesn’t know many jokes, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids^† and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. And if you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!
4. If you could change your name to anything, what would your new name be? (Or would you leave it?)
5. If you could stay up all night, what would you do?
6. If somebody from another planet came to Earth, what would they think of our world?
7. If you had three wishes, what would they be?
8. If you buried a treasure chest, what would you put in it?
9. What is the most annoying noise in the world?
10. If people could see inside you, what would they see?
11. If you could be anything for Halloween, what would you be?
12. If you had an extra room in your home, what would you use it for?
13. If you could create one law that everybody on Earth had to follow, what would it be?
14. What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever seen?
15. If you were a superhero with one superpower, what would it be? Fun follow-ups:
    • What would your superhero name be?
    • What would your weakness be? (Maybe cake?)

31. What would be the most annoying part of being a grown-up?
32. If you met your favorite famous person, what would you do or say?
    • If you already know their favorite famous person, ask the question with their name inserted.
33. If you were invisible, where would you go and what would you do?
34. If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
35. What’s the funniest sound you can make?
36. If you were trying to make me smile/laugh, what would you do?
37. If you could change one thing about your school, what would you change?
38. What’s the worst smell in the world?
39. What’s one thing that used to be cool but isn’t cool anymore?
40. Do you remember what you dreamed about last night?
41. What’s something I do that makes you laugh?
42. What’s one thing you wish you could tell your younger self?
    • This works best if you make it more specific. For example, for a 10-year-old, you might ask: What’s one thing you wish you could tell your 5-year-old self?

Funny Questions About Animals

For kids who love animals, here are a few funny questions that will be right up their alley.

1. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? Why?
2. If you had a pet parrot, what’s the first phrase you’d teach it to say?
3. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you choose?
4. If you woke up one morning and you’d turned into a bear/dolphin/elephant/insert favorite animal, what would you do?
5. If your pet could talk, what would they say?
6. If you could combine two animals to make a new one, what would you combine? What would you call it?
7. If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be? Why?

Silly Questions for Kids

Asking these silly questions for kids might get your child giggling even before they answer. These questions tap into your child’s imagination, and their creative answers might surprise you!

1. What would be the absolute worst name in the world to have?
2. If you could be any cartoon character for one day, who would you be? Why?
   • If your child doesn’t watch cartoons, you can change this to any fictional character—video game, movie, television, or Disney character.
3. What’s a weird combination of foods you’d be willing to try? Ketchup and banana? Syrup on mac and cheese?
4. Would you rather live in a castle, on a boat, or on a cloud?
5. If you could swap places with mom or dad for a day, what would you do?
6. If you had to take a bath in something besides water, what would you choose?
   • If your child takes showers instead, change the question to “If you had to take a shower…”
7. If you had a time machine that could travel to the future, what would you do there?
8. If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be, and what would it mean?
9. If there are aliens on other planets, what do you think they look like?
10. If you could build the perfect ice cream sundae and add any toppings in the world—candy, sprinkles, hot fudge, anything—what would you add?
11. If we left on vacation but you stayed home alone, what’s the first thing you’d do?
12. If you were in space and there was no gravity, what would be the hardest part?
13. If you could choose any one of your toys to come to life, which one would you choose? Why?
14. If you got to design a new Disney/amusement park ride, what would it be like?
15. If you found out your parents were secretly spies, what would you do?
16. If you found out your home was built on quicksand and you had to move immediately but you only had time to grab three things, what would you take with you?
17. If you woke up one morning and you’d magically turned into a grown-up, what’s the first thing you’d do?
18. If you were hired to invent the next dance craze, what would your dance look like?
    • Feel free to demonstrate famous dances as part of the question, like the Macarena!
19. If you had a pet monster, what would you teach it to do?
20. If you discovered your home was haunted by a ghost, what would you do?
21. If you could have a secret passage from your room to anywhere, where would it go? And what would the secret door look like?
22. If you were President for a day, what’s the first thing you’d do?
23. If you could create a new holiday, what would it be? How would you celebrate?
24. If you could build a robot to do anything, what would you make it do?
25. If you could live inside any movie but you had to be the villain, which movie would you choose?
    • Alternative: If you could live inside any book or fairy tale but you had to be the villain, which would you choose?
26. If you had to enter an eating competition, which food could you eat the most of?
    • Follow-up: How many could you eat without getting sick?
27. If you could give Mommy/Daddy/sister/brother a nickname and everyone had to call them that name for the rest of their life, what would you call them?
28. If you found a magic beanstalk and knew you could climb it to get a huge bag of gold, but you had to get past a grumpy giant, what would you do?
29. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? Why?
30. If you woke up tomorrow and discovered you had a clone, what would you have it do?
31. When you’re a grandma or a grandpa one day, what will you do with your grandkid to have fun with them?
32. What does the Tooth Fairy do with all those teeth?
33. If you could stay one age for the rest of your life, what age would you be? Why?

Questions to Get the Wiggles Out

Many of the funny questions for kids in this section will get your child moving their body in response. Perfect for active kids!

1. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
2. Can you wink? (If they can wink with one eye, ask them to do the other!)
3. Can you pat your head while you rub your belly?
4. Can you flare your nostrils?
5. How fast can you run?
6. Can you do an evil laugh?
7. Can you whistle?
8. Can you go a full minute without blinking?
9. Can you talk in a British/French/etc accent?
10. Can you hula hoop?
11. Can you talk with your tongue sticking out?
12. Can you wiggle your ears?
13. Can you talk like a pirate?
14. Can you juggle? (If you have bean bags or clementines on hand, those are perfect!)
15. Can you roll your tongue?
16. How high can you jump?
17. Can you yodel?
18. Can you kiss your knees?
19. Can you do a cartwheel?
    • Warning: If you decide to join your child on this one, be careful. I threw my back out trying to get in touch with my inner child!
20. Can you do a headstand? What about a handstand?
21. Can you raise one eyebrow?
22. Can you touch your toes without bending your knees?
23. Can you talk without moving your lips?
24. Can you do a pull-up?
25. Can you put your leg behind your head?
26. Can you jump rope?
27. Can you lick your elbow?
28. Can you do the splits?
29. Can you touch your toes to your nose?
30. Can you say a tongue twister 10 times in a row? A few examples:
    • She sells seashells by the seashore.
    • A proper copper coffee pot.
    • The sheep on the ship slipped on the sheet of sleet.

Potty Humor Questions

Different families feel differently about potty humor. But if that area of comedy is fair game in your family, here are a few funny questions for kids about just that.

1. If a unicorn farts, what does it smell like?
2. What would be the worst place to get the urge to poop?
3. What food would make the worst smelling farts?
4. Can you make yourself burp?
5. What’s the best way to get rid of the smell in the bathroom after you poop?
6. What’s your worst memory of throwing up?
7. What’s your favorite way to pass the time while you’re pooping?
8. You’re on the toilet, and you reach for the toilet paper but it’s all gone. What do you do?

Bonus: When to Ask These Funny Questions for Kids

Ask your child one (or more!) of these silly questions for kids any time you want to connect and laugh together. Here are a few specific situations that work well:

• Ask one of these questions when you’re in the car together, like as you’re driving your child to or from school, when you’re running errands, or on a road trip.
• When you find yourself in a situation where you’re stuck waiting like at the doctor’s office or at a restaurant, ask a couple of these questions to help pass the time and keep your child entertained.
• Pick a question or two to ask your child at dinner every night, then take turns answering the question.
• If you have a weekly tradition like family game nights or family movie nights, kick off the event with a question or two from this list. For game night, these questions work great as fillers when you’re in between games or when someone’s in the kitchen popping more popcorn!

Want More Awesome Questions?

For an everyday peek inside our children’s hearts, we keep our favorite set of family conversation starters in a mason jar on the kitchen counter. That way, it’s ready to go for the times we need an extra dose of connection.

We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy. Click here to get your own set.

Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: 75 Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear

Your Turn

What are your favorite funny questions to ask kids? Share in a comment below!

The post 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

As parents, the phrase “I love you” probably comes out of our mouths more than any other—although “be careful” and “stop bugging your sister” have got to be up there, too.

You say “I love you” to your child before they head off to school for the day, when you tuck them in at night, and in countless other small moments, day in and day out.

But after a while, saying “I love you” becomes something you do on autopilot. The phrase can feel like a routine rather than heartfelt words filled with warmth. So instead of your child hearing those words and feeling secure in your love for them, the words barely connect.

In the hustle and bustle of family life, saying “I love you” to your child can become as notable as saying “don’t forget your backpack” or “time for dinner.” In other words: Not at all notable.

Here’s the Solution

Your child needs to feel secure in your love for them. Because when a child feels warmth and affection from a parent, that shapes the child’s happiness for life—research shows that expressing love to your child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems.

But any phrase you use a lot can lose its meaning, including “I love you.” This phenomenon is called semantic satiation, and it means that repeating a word or phrase can make it less meaningful for the listener—or even meaningless.

The solution? Mix up your regular routine with a handful of new and cute ways to say “I love you” to your child.

But First, You Need to Know

Sharing sweet words with your child is just one way to show how much you love them. I would never want to suggest that simply talking about how much you love your child could replace giving them hugs and kisses, actively listening when they talk, and spending quality time together.

So if you’re looking for some fresh ways to show love to your child every day—even when you’re busy—here are a few more resources for you:

• Surprise your child with a new kind of hug from this list of 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.
• To encourage your child to open up about what’s important to them, what has them worried, and what they’re excited about, check out 100 Non-Boring Questions for Kids to Get Them Talking.
• If you struggle to fit in quality one-on-one time with your child, you’ll love The Best 10-Minute Fix to Spending Quality Time With Kids.
• Take five minutes to read aloud to your child from a special book: 10 Picture Books About Love That Will Make Your Kids Feel Absolutely Loved.

50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child

When you want to make sure your child truly feels the meaning of your loving words, pick one of these heartfelt but cute ways to say “I love you” to your child.

Because you don’t use these phrases every day, they’ll disrupt the automatic “I love you” reflex and get your child’s attention so that the words don’t go in one ear and out the other without connecting. (Side note: Many of these phrases work well for spouses, too!)

When you sprinkle a few of these sweet phrases and actions into your days, the meaning of your message will get through, and your child will feel secure in your unconditional love.

1. You make me smile.
2. I love you from your toes to your nose to where your hair grows!
   • For extra giggles, touch your child’s toes when you say “toes,” their nose when you say “nose,” and the top of their head when you say the last line.
   • As an alternative, some families use “I love you from your head to your toes—and from your knees to your nose.”
3. You make my heart feel full.
4. I love you so much I want to eat you all up! (If your child is familiar with the classic picture book Where the Wild Things Are^†, they’ll love hearing this one.)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

5. You’re one of a kind.
6. I love your insides and your outsides!
7. You make life fun. (This phrase is featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set here so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

8. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
9. You are a precious treasure to me.
10. I love your laugh/smile.
11. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)

12. I love you more than… Then follow up with a specific example, like:
    • More than all the stars in the sky
    • More than all the fish in the sea,
    • More than all the crayons in the biggest crayon box,
    • More than monkeys love bananas,
    • More than milk loves cookies,
    • More than cupcakes love sprinkles, and so on—feel free to come up with your own silly comparisons too!
13. I heart you.
14. Say “I love you” in sign language. (Teach your child what that sign means so that any time you flash them the sign, they’ll know what’s in your heart.)

15. You are my favorite 5-year-old. (Just replace with their current age!)
16. I love you to the moon and back. (Or you can take this one step further by adding on, like “I love you to the moon, past the end of our solar system, to the next galaxy over and to every other galaxy in the universe, to the alien planet no one knows about yet, and all the way back home.”)
17. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo. An alternative is: “I’m your biggest fan.”)
18. I love you so much that my heart might just explode. (To ham it up, you can cover your face or avert your eyes and say, “No, really. I can’t look at you anymore, or I’ll go kablooey!” Out of this whole list of cute ways to say “I love you” to your child, this is the one that gets the most giggles from my kids!)
19. You light up my day.
20. I love you THIS much.
    • Then hold your arms out as wide as you can.
    • Alternatively, you can ask “Do you know how much I love you?” and then answer “THIS much” with your arms held out wide.
21. Come up with a code word that means “I love you” so you can say it any time, even if you’re around others or in a crowded place. For example, you could teach your child that any time you say “whirligig” or “flibbertigibbet,” that means “I love you.”
22. I love you so big.
23. You are my sunshine. (You can also keep it going with “You make me happy when skies are gray.”)
24. I have fun when I’m with you.
25. I love you more than French fries. (Or insert your favorite food like pizza or cupcakes.)
26. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
27. You are made of awesome sauce.
28. I love you so stinking much.
29. Teach your child that when you mouth the words “olive juice” and “I love you,” it looks the same. Then a day or two later, get their attention and say “olive juice” aloud. It’ll take them a second, but they’ll remember!
30. I wouldn’t trade you for a million gabazillion dollars.
31. I love you when… or… Then finish with two very different examples, like:
    • I love you when you feel brave or scared, or
    • I love you when you’re serious or silly. (Side note: The inspiration for this one came from the sweet children’s book called The I Love You Book.)
32. I miss you when I blink. (This is also the name of a funny memoir from a mom about trying to do it all.)
33. Channel your inner Buddy the Elf and sing, “I love you! I love you! I love you!”

34. I love you times infinity.
35. You are pure magic.
36. I dig you.
37. I love you even when… Then finish the sentence with something silly or cute, like:
    • I love you even when you have stinky feet,
    • I love you even when your hair is a mess, or
    • I love you even when you have chocolate ice cream on your face. (By the way, the inspiration for this comes from the song “All Ways” that’s on this playlist of The Best 20 Love Songs for Kids. If you’re looking for more cute ways to say “I love you” to your child, check the lyrics of those songs!)
38. I wish I didn’t have to go to work so we could stay home together and play all day!
39. Say “I love you” in a different language, like “Je t’aime” in French or “Ich liebe dich” in German. (Here’s a list of some common “I love you” translations from the Duolingo app.)
40. I love you the mostest.
41. I love your face.
42. You’re a gem.
43. Come up with a secret handshake that means “I love you.” For example, you can teach your child that when you squeeze their hand three times in a row, that means “I love you.”
44. No matter how many times I say “I love you,” I will always love you more than that!
45. You’ve got a friend in me. (Toy Story fans love this one!)
46. If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and spend today with you all over again.
47. I love you three thousand. (This one’s perfect for Iron Man fans, but you can use any random big number.)

48. Ask, “You know what my favorite thing about you is?” They might say, “No, what?” Then reply: “Everything.”
49. Of all the days I’ve lived, the best ones have been with you.
50. I love you because… Then finish the sentence with something silly or cute, like:
    • I love you because you giggle at my stupid jokes,
    • I love you because you like curry, or
    • I love you because you hate getting pruney fingers in the bath.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Bonus: When to Use These “I Love You” Alternatives

You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to share loving words like this. Here are a few situations where you can try out these cute ways to say “I love you” to your child:

• Say one of these phrases during a transition time, like before your child leaves for school, when they get home from school (or you get home from work), or when you tuck them in at bedtime.
• Write one of these phrases on a small slip of paper and leave that little “love note” somewhere for your child to find, such as under their pillow, in their backpack, or in the fridge next to whatever they usually have for breakfast.
• Use window markers to write one of these phrases on your child’s bathroom mirror.
• Surprise your child with their favorite snack, just because, then sit down to enjoy it with them. When you hit a lull in the conversation, say one of these phrases.
• Pair one of these phrases with physical touch like a hug, a snuggle on the couch, or a quick shoulder massage. For hug ideas, check out 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved.
• As you’re doing chores together, slip in one of these funny ways to say “I love you.” For example, if you’re at the sink washing dishes while your child is loading, surprise them with one of these phrases.

Your Turn

What are your favorite cute ways to say “I love you” to your child? Share in a comment below!

The post 50 Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have many family traditions, aside from spending holidays together. We didn’t pick berries at a local farm every summer, make hot cocoa to celebrate the first day of winter, or host a lovingly cutthroat family game night every Sunday.

Don’t get me wrong: We still had fun together, and my childhood was a happy one. But as an adult when I would hear about my friends’ family traditions, I knew I wanted to intentionally create new traditions in my own family one day:

• One of my friends flies back home for her mom’s birthday every year because they have a tradition of going to the spa on her birthday.
• A neighbor drives to Florida every summer to meet up with her whole extended family.
• Another friend plans elaborate pranks to pull on her siblings every time they get together for a holiday—and her siblings happily return the favor.

Hearing about others’ traditions left me imagining what kinds of traditions I might create one day, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I learned family traditions are not just a heartwarming nice-to-have.

Because if you want your family to be close-knit into the teenage years and beyond, you need to nurture positive family traditions.

Why Are Family Traditions Important?

To investigate the importance of family traditions, researchers at Syracuse University completed a review of 50 years of research on family traditions. They discovered that when a family incorporates rituals and traditions into daily family life, they experience these benefits:

• Family relationships are stronger and more resilient, which includes staying connected even in the face of conflict, solving problems together, and maintaining a positive outlook
• Children feel worthy of love and feel accepted as a person
• Children learn that they can count on others
• Children gain a stronger sense of personal identity – such as what makes them unique and the kind of person they want to be
• Family members feel less stressed by daily family life
• Physical and mental health outcomes for children improve
• Children perform better academically
• Married parents report greater marital satisfaction

In other words, if you want to build a home your child will want to come back to even when they’re grown, a handful of strong family traditions are a must.

What Is a Family Tradition, Exactly?

When I first learned about all those research-backed benefits of family traditions, I had one reaction: Sign. Me. Up.

But then I wondered: What are family traditions? Because if I wanted to get all those benefits, I needed to understand exactly what makes something a family tradition versus a regular everyday routine. As it turns out, the definition of “family tradition” is tricky because family routines and traditions are similar. They both happen on a regular basis.

Here’s the big difference: Family routines are basic activities that need to get done to keep your family functioning well. For example, if you brush all your kids’ teeth right before bed every night, that’s a routine or habit. It’s important that it happens, but the experience of doing it is bland and probably not something you find yourself looking forward to.

On the other hand, family traditions are activities you engage in regularly that:

• Evoke positive emotion and
• Foster a sense of connection and togetherness.

Sticking with our tooth brushing example, suppose every night before brushing your kids’ teeth, you announce, “RAWR! The Dino Dentist is ready to see you now!” Some nights, you make your arms short like a T-Rex and pretend to struggle while you brush their teeth. Other nights, you stomp around like a Stegosaurus or screech like a Pterodactyl. In other words, you’ve elevated an ordinary routine into a fun family tradition that will get everyone giggling and your kids will look forward to every night.

Side note: You might hear some experts refer to “family traditions” as “family rituals” or use the words interchangeably.

“Family ritual is practically any activity you purposely repeat together as a family that includes a heightened attentiveness and something extra that lifts it above the ordinary ruts…

I wouldn’t call it a ritual if you sometimes sit on the front steps of your house, blowing bubbles with your kids. But if you do it every Friday while consuming cookies and lemonade and call it your ‘Welcome to the Weekend Party,’ then it’s definitely a family ritual.”

Megan Cox, The Book of New Family Traditions†

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

The Best 35 Family Tradition Examples

If you want to start a new family tradition to nurture a strong family bond, this list is for you. Below, you’ll find examples of family traditions that will bring your family closer now and into the future.

To put together this resource for families, I read every list of family tradition examples I could get my hands on in books and online, talked to friends and neighbors to hear about their favorite traditions, and surveyed the more than 100,000 readers in this community – then I compiled all the most-loved ideas into one epic list.

But First, You Should Know This

This list includes a wide variety of family tradition ideas so that different families can find ideas that will work for them. But you don’t need to do everything in this list! That would be impossible, not to mention you’d be so overwhelmed you’d likely end up choosing nothing.

Instead, keep an eye out for one or two examples of family traditions you’d like to try, and make a plan to do them. Add them to your calendar or put a reminder in your phone if you need to. Then if your family enjoys it, you can set up a recurring reminder until it becomes second-nature.

Pro tip: No matter which family tradition you want to try, consider giving your new tradition a fun or playful name. Some linguistic studies suggest that when you label a concept or object, you change how people perceive it, and that framing can influence their preferences and behavior.

Using a short, pithy name also helps you quickly communicate what the tradition involves and can conjure up memories of previous experiences with it, giving you and your family warm fuzzies and getting everyone excited to do it again. For example, compare “Let’s all sit on the couch together while I read aloud from this chapter book” to “Family Read-Aloud Time.” Because giving your tradition an official name can elevate its value in these ways, below you’ll find some suggestions for naming each tradition. Feel free to use any of those tradition names that speak to you, or brainstorm a new name with your family to make it your own.

Everyday Family Traditions

One of the best ways to stay connected as a family is to transform ho-hum daily routines into heartwarming family rituals and traditions. Most families are busy, so everyday family traditions tend to be simple and quick.

Use the family tradition examples in this section to help you see your daily routines in a new light so that you can elevate one or two of those habits to family tradition status.

1. Hold on for every good morning, good night, and hello or goodbye

In the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it’s easy to fall into the habit of rushed greetings delivered with quick half-second hugs, if at all. And yet, hugging your child for six seconds or more can lead to life-long positive outcomes for them and reduce the harmful effects of stress. Transform that quick hug habit into a tradition of greeting your child that will lift them up and remind them how much you love them.

• Make it official: In some families, they’ll say, “Can I have a Good Morning Hug?” or “Goodbye Hug” or “Hello Hug.” To mix things up and try different kinds of hugs, here’s a list of 21 sweet and silly ways to hug your child, and each hug in that list has its own special name.
• How to do it: Every time you greet your child, such as when they wake up in the morning, before they go to bed at night, or when they get home from school, stop what you’re doing and give them a whole-hearted hug for six seconds or more. To help you start your new hugging tradition, you can take the Hugging Challenge explained here and grab a free printable that will keep you on track.

2. Start your mornings with a full tank

A family’s morning routine can be hectic as everyone rushes around to get ready for school and/or work. That added stress can make everyone in the family snippy with each other, plus it can get kids started off on the wrong foot for the day with stress hormones pumping through their small bodies and impacting how they act at school. To avoid that, start your mornings with a 10-minute family tradition to protect your family against the stress.

• Make it official: In our family, we call this tradition our “Fresh Start,” and we do it before the morning routine starts to get hectic so that we start the day off with our tanks of love full to brimming. One family told me they call this their “Come Together Time,” and they kick it off by playing the Beatles song Come Together. Other options include “Connection Time” or “10-Minute Together Time.”
• How to do it: Set aside 10 minutes in your morning routine. If you don’t have 10 minutes, five minutes can work. And if you can’t find five minutes, you can combine this with something else, like while your child eats breakfast. Have your child pick one of our Family Connection Cards, or you can pick one at random, then do what the card says to do. Because the Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, you’ll both start your day feeling loved and connected, plus you’ll stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

3. Leave surprise messages

Start a tradition of writing a sweet note for your child every day and leaving it somewhere for them to find. You can tell a joke, write down what you admire about them, or just say “I love you.” When your child finds the note you left just for them, they’ll feel special and loved.

• Make it official: Many families call these surprise messages to their child “Love Notes.”
• How to do it: Leave a note in your child’s school lunch box or if they buy lunch at school, you can leave it in their pencil box or backpack. Or as an alternative, you can leave a Post-It note on their bathroom mirror every night for them to find it in the morning. For ideas on what to write, check out 75 Positive Words for Kids That Will Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved.

4. When you get home, run to the bed

After you factor in time for homework, dinner prep and clean-up, and the kids’ bedtime routine plus everything in between, weekday evenings can feel rushed and chaotic. To strengthen your connection after spending the day apart and keep the evening routine free of disconnection-induced speed bumps, start a tradition of stopping to snuggle and connect.

• Make it official: Popular names for this tradition are “Family Cuddle Time” and “Cozy up in Bed Time.”
• How to do it: When you get home on weekdays, call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and encourage everyone to run into your bedroom and pile into the bed. Something about the tight quarters of adults and kids all squished into one bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place. The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for. For the full details on how this tradition works, head over to The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile.

5. Read together

Reading aloud to your child every day is a powerful family tradition because research shows daily read-aloud time grows your child’s brain (literally), increases your child’s capacity for empathy, and even improves their behavior. And no one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: Some families call this tradition “Read-Aloud Time” or “Family Bookish Time.”
• How to do it: Pick a time of day when you can read aloud to your child for 10 minutes, like while they eat breakfast, while they’re in the bath, after everyone is in jammies and ready for bed, or when they’re tucked into bed and ready for lights out. For older kids, you can take turns reading aloud from the same book, or you can read a snippet from an interesting magazine or newspaper article. If you need a great book to read aloud, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: If you’re having trouble finding time to read aloud, turn on an audiobook when you’re driving back and forth to school or running errands, then listen together. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

Related: This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier

6. Stop and eat

If you’re not already sharing one meal a day as a family, this is one of the best family traditions to start. Research shows that children who regularly eat meals together with their family are more likely to experience long-term physical and mental health benefits, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: A simple “Family Dinner” or “Family Breakfast” gets the point across!
• How to do it: Make a tradition of slowing down and coming together as a family for at least one meal a day, whether that’s a quick breakfast shared while standing at the kitchen counter or a sit-down meal at the dinner table.
• Variations: To boost the feelings of love and connection during your shared meals, ask one fun question at every family meal from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. The set includes 150 questions, which gives you enough questions for five months of family dinners. When you ask great questions like that, not only will you be teaching your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to them, what has them worried, what they’re excited about.

7. Go around the block

In busy family life, it can be difficult to make time for getting enough physical exercise. And yet, exercise is not only good for your child’s physical health, but research suggests that regular exercise will protect your child’s mental health as they get older. Plus, kids who move their bodies every day experience better moods, an increased ability to focus, more confidence, sounder sleep, and better academic outcomes. To increase your child’s physical activity level (and yours!) so that you get all those benefits, start a family tradition of taking a quick walk after dinner.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this tradition as simply their “Family Walk” or “After-Dinner Walk.”
• How to do it: After dinner, head out for 10 or 15 minutes and walk around your neighborhood. You can talk about your day, make it an informal scavenger hunt and count how many dogs or birds you see, or mix it up by hopping on your bikes for a ride around the block. If it’s already dark out, bring flashlights for an extra dose of fun.
• Variations: As an alternative, if you live in an area that isn’t walkable, you can queue up a yoga video and wind down together while you move through a few yoga poses. Our favorite family yoga video is this fun 17-minute practice:

8. Fill a jar

One powerful family tradition that’s popular with many families is a daily gratitude ritual in the form of a gratitude jar. And for good reason: Research shows that when kids regularly practice gratitude, that increases their happiness and life satisfaction. Not only that, a simple gratitude ritual can improve your physical health, develop your compassion, and help you better cope with stress.

• Make it official: Refer to your jar as the “Gratitude Jar,” “Happiness Jar,” or “Warm Fuzzies Jar.”
• How to do it: Find an empty jar or bowl and make that your family’s new gratitude jar. You can keep it on your kitchen counter or on your dinner table. Then pick a time every day to encourage everyone to reflect on what they’re grateful for, such as at dinnertime. As everyone goes around to share their gratitudes, write each one down on a slip of paper to add to the jar. Over time, the jar will fill up, giving you warm fuzzies just by looking at it. But as an added bonus, if anyone in your family is having a rough day, they can pull out a slip (or five) to reflect back on the good.
• Variations: As an alternative, some families encourage everyone to add gratitude slips to the jar throughout the week, then at Sunday night dinner, they empty the jar out and read aloud all the gratitudes from the week. One more variation on this idea is to create a “good things” jar where you ask everyone in your family to jot down good things whenever they happen. Then once a month and again on New Year’s Eve, empty out the jar and read them aloud to reflect back on all those good things.

9. Take turns writing

Get a shared journal for kids and parents and take turns writing back and forth to each other every day. This family tradition works like magic to get your child to open up about what’s going on in their life so you can stay connected no matter what.

• Make it official: Depending on who’s sharing the journal, you can call it your “Mommy and Me Journal” or “Daddy and Me Journal.”
• How to do it: Pick up a journal designed specifically for kids and parents, or just get a blank journal. On your turn, write something to your child like something funny that happened that day, a memory you have of your child, or something they did that you appreciated. Before bedtime, leave the journal on your child’s pillow, and then it’s their turn to write back and leave it on your pillow the next night. My absolute favorite shared mother-child journal comes in a couple options: mother-daughter and mother-son. For a father-child option, check out this father-daughter or father-son journal. Or for younger kids who aren’t writing yet, you can share a drawing journal like this art journal for moms or for dads.

10. Make bedtime sweet

Bedtime can be stressful for kids for many reasons, from separation anxiety for younger kids to ruminating over worries for older kids. When you slow down for a few minutes and connect through a nightly family tradition, you can help your child destress and calm down so that they have an easier time drifting off to sleep. One of the best ways to do that is by using the power of touch.

• Make it official: Several families said they call this “Bedtime Cuddles” or “Bedtime Snuggles.”
• How to do it: After your child climbs into bed, ask if you can rub their feet or their back. Physical touch like massage helps reduce stress, which can improve kids’ sleep, mood, and behavior. As an alternative, you can use your finger to write a message on your child’s back like “I love you” and have them guess what you wrote. You’ll connect through physical touch, and they’ll feel proud when they figure out the message.

Weekly Family Traditions

When a family ritual happens just once a week, that gives you a little more breathing room to take your time and make it special. In this section, you’ll find family tradition ideas that work well on a weekly basis for reconnecting as a family. With that said, if a weekly rhythm feels like too much to keep up with, many of these work well as monthly family traditions as well.

1. Crank it up

Kick off the weekend with a family dance party every Friday afternoon. Research shows that listening to music together strengthens your bond and builds positive memories. Plus, studies show that young children especially get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat, and that goes for adults too.

• Make it official: If you decide on a standard day for your dance party every week, you can name it with the day, like “Friday Dance Party.” Otherwise, “Family Dance Party” will do the trick!
• How to do it: When everyone gets home on Friday, queue up a few of your family’s favorite upbeat songs. If you have a young child, scoop them up and start dancing. For older kids, challenge them to show off their best (or silliest) dance moves. Show your kids the dance moves that were popular when you were a kid, and ask them to teach you the dance moves popular now. (My teenager trying to teach me to floss always results in giggles for the whole family!) If you need some ideas for your family dance party playlist, check out our playlist of the best kids’ dance songs with clean lyrics.

2. Roll the dice

Set aside one weekend afternoon or evening (or both!) every week for a family game night. Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to bond as a family. Plus, many family games are educational, so your child will be strengthening skills like reading, math, and spatial intelligence without even realizing it because they’re having so much fun.

• Make it official: “Game Night” or “Family Game Night” were the most popular names families gave this tradition.
• How to do it: Let your child pick out a game they want to play, prepare a special snack like popcorn or one of these family game night snacks, and have fun playing together! If you find yourself cringing at the games in your closet (I’m looking at you, Candyland), I’ve gotcha covered. My family runs a small game shop, and we stock only the best family games loved by kids and parents. Here are our picks for the best family game night games. Two of our most popular games include Sleeping Queens – a quick and fun card game you can play with a wide range of ages – and My First Carcassonne – a game of strategy that’s fantastic for growing spatial intelligence and also fun for adults.

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4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

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Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

3. Grab the popcorn

Many families told me their favorite family tradition is family movie night every Friday or Saturday night. As long as you accommodate younger kids when picking which movies to watch together, movies create a fun shared experience for the whole family. As an added bonus, research shows that when you watch something with your child and chat about what you’re watching together – known as “co-viewing” – you increase your child’s literacy skills, boost empathy, and even mitigate the negative effects of certain kinds of screen time like violent scenes in movies and TV.

• Make it official: You can’t go wrong with just a simple “Movie Night” or “Family Movie Night”!
• How to do it: Take turns every week picking which movie to watch and cozy up on the couch together for a shared experience. To make this tradition extra special, add in a fun treat. You can watch new releases, share your childhood favorites, or rewatch one of your family’s all-time faves – the ones you have memorized. To help your child get the most out of the experience of co-viewing a movie, try pointing out interesting details, commenting on similarities between what you’re watching and something in your child’s own life, and pausing the movie after a complicated or potentially confusing scene to talk about what just happened.
• Variations: When the weather warms up, turn your weekly movie night into a backyard movie night. All you need is a projector and a white sheet or a screen to project on, plus blankets to spread in the grass or outdoor chairs. Bonus points if you roast marshmallows over a backyard fire pit. By the way, this is the outdoor projector I got for my husband one year for Father’s Day, and we use it every week during the summer for our Backyard Movie Nights!

4. Fill a basket

Sharing a daily meal as a family can be a powerful family tradition, but depending on your work schedule and your child’s extracurricular activities, having a meal together every day may not be feasible. In that situation, you can set aside one day every weekend to pack a picnic to enjoy as a family, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Not only will your whole family get a healthy dose of fresh air, you’ll also foster the long-term physical and mental health benefits for children who regularly eat meals together with their family, including lower levels of aggression, oppositional behavior, and delinquency.

• Make it official: The most common name for this tradition is just “Family Picnic,” but I also heard from one family that called this their “Eat Outside Day.”
• How to do it: Grab a blanket that can fit everyone – this is my family’s favorite picnic blanket because nothing soaks through, and it’s easy to clean off – and pack a meal to share. For a special treat, pack something fun your child doesn’t usually get, like a piece of candy or a juice box. You can set up your picnic in your backyard or front yard, at a neighborhood park, along the bank of a stream, river, or lake, in a clearing in a nearby wooded area, or even just on your living room floor. A picnic basket is absolutely not necessary, but if you find that your family enjoys this tradition, you can add this lovely picnic basket to your wish list for future birthdays and holidays. We gifted that one to one of my kids, so every time we get geared up for a family picnic, she loves taking charge of getting the basket packed up.
• Variations: Bring a frisbee, a soccer ball, or an outdoor game you can play together after you eat. Or for younger kids, bring a kite or a bottle of no-spill bubbles.

5. Share the kitchen

No matter if you’re the chef of the family or if you have a partner who usually does the cooking, pick a night every week when you can make dinner together as a family. When you show commitment to sharing responsibilities as a family – like making a meal to share – research shows that makes your family stronger. Plus, you’ll get help in the kitchen instead of everything resting on your shoulders.

Feel free to let the rest of your family take the lead while you take a step back and serve as more of an advisor and pinch hitter when they need help. Bonus tip: If you have trouble with this in general (I know I do!), try brewing yourself a coffee or tea or pouring another favorite beverage to sip on and keep your hands busy.

• Make it official: You might call this tradition your “Teamwork Dinner,” “All Hands on Deck Dinner,” or “Calling All Chefs Night.”
• How to do it: Let your child decide what to make for dinner, then involve them in the work of making it. As an added benefit, they’ll be much more likely to eat a dinner they helped make! Keep in mind that especially when you have younger kids, you can expect the process to take a little longer than usual. Mistakes mean they’re learning. If your kid makes a mess, take a deep breath and try saying something like, “That’s okay, we can clean up when we’re done.”

Related: Want Your Family to Share the Load? Here’s the Best Way to Set Family Goals {Printable}

6. Make it a date

Head to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink – coffee for adults, hot chocolate or juice for kids. When you turn a weekly coffee date into a family tradition, you’ll foster relaxed conversations where you take turns talking, which can boost your child’s vocabulary and nurture your child’s storytelling skills, which improves their reading comprehension down the road.

Many families also find that they naturally reminisce during these weekly coffee dates, sharing recent memories or even stories from their family’s history. When you engage in that kind of storytelling with your child on a regular basis, you improve your child’s self-esteem and give them the gift of higher resilience in the face of adversity.

• Make it official: Try “Family Coffee Date.”
• How to do it: Pick a time for your weekly family coffee date and add it to your calendar as a recurring event. To get the conversation going, ask one fun question from our special set of Conversation Starters for Kids. These conversation starters are designed to boost your connection as a family, plus they’ll help you teach your child the art of a good conversation, unlocking all the powerful benefits listed above. Some families also like to bring along a favorite board or card game to play while they enjoy their drinks. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages, many of which we sell in our family-owned shop here. Among the games we stock, the best portable games for bringing along to a coffee shop are Sleeping Queens, Spot It!, Rat-a-Tat Cat, and Quiddler Junior.

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Quiddler

    
“This has been a go-to game for our family for years, and my teens love it! It’s quick and easy, and you can play it anywhere. We even throw it in a suitcase so we can play when we’re traveling. If you like Scrabble, it’s similar, but this game is easier and allows more people to play.” – Cassie

7. Honor favorite foods

Whatever it is that your family loves to eat, from pizza to breakfast tacos, make it a family tradition to have it on a specific day of the week, every week. That way, you’ll be giving your family something they love on a regular basis, plus whoever handles deciding on meals will have one less meal to figure out every week.

• Make it official: Take whatever food it is you’ll be having and combine it with the day, like Burger Tuesdays, Pizza Wednesdays, or Pancake Saturdays. Bonus points for alliteration like Taco Tuesdays!
• How to do it: If you’re not sure what everyone loves most of all, start a conversation at the dinner table by asking, “What’s your favorite meal that we have on a regular basis?” Then depending on what you hear back, plan to have the top favorite once a week on the same day.
• Variations: If you have differing opinions in your family, you can always have more than one meal tradition, or you can alternate between them. For example, in my family we have Pizza Wednesdays every other week and Breakfast for Dinner the other weeks to accommodate the kids who prefer one over the other.

8. Pick out free books

Set aside one day a week where your family heads to your local library so everyone can pick out a book (or twenty) to check out and take home. When you model regular library use and turn it into a fun family event, you’ll help foster your child’s appreciation for books and set them on the path to becoming a lifelong reader. Research shows that when kids grow up in a home full of books, that gives them a major boost in literacy (and numeracy!) that lasts into the adult years.

• Make it official: If you go the same day every week, you can name your tradition by the day, like “Library Thursdays.” Or if the day changes, you can call it “Library Haul Day” or “Free Books Day.”
• How to do it: When you get to the library, let your child pick out whatever they want, even if it’s a Barbie early reader that makes you cringe. If you criticize your child’s choice in books, they could internalize that and become less interested in picking out books, which can dampen their excitement about reading in general. This is a lesson I learned the hard way with my oldest child. After I realized my mistake, I stepped back and encouraged her choices to rebuild her confidence. She’s now a major bookworm, but it took some time to undo the damage of my “helping.”
• Variations: Go through your owned books to decide whether you have any you’re ready to send to a new home. Then find a Little Free Library in your area, add your books, and pick out a few new-to-you books to take home with you.

Monthly, Quarterly, or Annual Family Traditions

For family traditions that take more than an hour or two, you might find that those work best on a monthly, quarterly, or annual basis. Here, you’ll find ideas for family traditions you might engage in once a month to renew your sense of connection and belonging. If you like a family tradition example in this section but monthly feels like too much to commit to, consider adding it to your calendar once a quarter or once a year.

For all the family tradition examples in this section, many families highly recommend adding the tradition to your calendar as a recurring reminder.

1. Outsource dinner

Picking up takeout for dinner can get pricey fast, especially if you have a big family. But if you can swing it, a monthly takeout night can be a fun family tradition everyone looks forward to. Whoever typically cooks in your family gets a break in the kitchen, and disrupting the regular dinner routine can make the night feel special to everyone else. Bonus points if you try a new restaurant or order something new off the menu for everyone to sample, family-style. Research shows that even a small bit of novelty can deliver a rush of dopamine, and dopamine plays a role in human bonding.

• Make it official: The most popular name for this family tradition is “Family Takeout Night.”
• How to do it: Pick one day a month, and make that your official Family Takeout Night. For example, some families make it the first Friday or Saturday of every month. If dinner isn’t a good fit, another option is to get takeout for another meal, like Family Donut Day or First Saturday Breakfast Tacos. To get the whole family into this tradition, you can rotate who gets to pick the restaurant every month. Also, consider letting your child pick out what they want on the menu. Research shows that when you give your child autonomy to make decisions within reasonable boundaries, their wellbeing improves and you foster a positive emotional family climate.

2. Pick five small acts

You might have heard before that regularly helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life. Research shows that even very young children are happier when helping others. But starting a daily “random acts of kindness” routine can make the experience feel meaningless. To keep the experience meaningful and enjoyable for the whole family, pick one day a month where you intentionally perform five small acts of kindness together. One study found that people who performed five giving acts all in a single day increased happiness.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Kindness Day,” “Random Acts of Kindness Day,” or “Family Kindness Marathon.”
• How to do it: Set aside one day a month for your Family Kindness Day, brainstorm small things your family can do for others, and execute on five of them. To help you brainstorm, check out our list of The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids That Will Teach Compassion. For example:
  • Bake fresh cookies and hand them out to your neighbors.
  • Write a thank-you note to someone.
  • Go through toys and pick some to donate to charity.
  • Collect non-perishable food in your neighborhood and donate it to a local food pantry.
  • If you have an elderly neighbor, help them out by mowing their lawn or weeding their garden.
  • Run a lemonade stand and donate the proceeds to your favorite charity.
  • Surprise a worker with a big tip, like a restaurant server, delivery driver, or your neighborhood coffee shop’s barista.
  • Go through your books to find those you can part with, then find a nearby Little Free Library and restock it.

3. Take a day

While everyone experiences anxious feelings from time to time, research shows that anxiety disorders are on the rise with children. To help protect your child from the harmful effects of stress plus give yourself a break from the daily grind, consider setting aside one day a month as a mental health day.

On your family’s mental health day, you can take a regular weekday off from work and school—or if that’s not feasible, pick your child up early from school. Studies consistently show that rest is essential for dealing with stress, and in fact rest makes you more persistent and productive by working with your brain instead of against it. Because mental health days can be so restorative for kids, some states in the U.S. are even passing legislation to allow kids to take regular mental health days off from school.

• Make it official: The most common name for this tradition is “Mental Health Day,” but I heard from a couple families who call it “Get out of Jail Free Day” in reference to the Monopoly card!
• How to do it: To get the most out of your family’s mental health day, think of something special you can do together. If you all retreat to your favorite form of screen time, that won’t actually help your brain get the rest it truly needs. Research shows that the single most efficient strategy for dealing with stress is physical activity, so find a fun way to move your bodies together, like going on a hike, walking or biking around your neighborhood, taking a basketball or tennis rackets to a nearby park for a quick game, popping in a yoga DVD to do together, or kicking off your day with a family dance party. After that, do something to connect because connection with loved ones is necessary for overcoming stress as well. For example, you could play a fun new board game, read aloud to your child, or make art or color in a coloring book together. As another option, you can grab our Family Connection Cards, then pick one at random to do on your mental health day. The Family Connection Cards are based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child, so no matter what card you pick, you’ll be helping your child (and you!) recharge their batteries.

4. Snuggle up and read

One of my family’s favorite traditions is our monthly Family Read-a-Thon. Once a month, we set aside a weekend morning or afternoon, grab a stack of books, and cuddle up on the couch to read. A Family Read-a-Thon gives everyone a fun break from the hustle and bustle of a busy weekend. Plus, studies show that reading aloud grows your child’s brain, builds their empathy for others, and improves their behavior. Remember: No one is ever too old to be read to! You can read aloud to tweens, teens, and even to your spouse or partner.

• Make it official: My personal favorite name for this tradition is “Family Read-a-Thon,” but I also heard one family call it their “Family Reading Spree.”
• How to do it: We have a wide range of ages in our family, so we will typically read a handful of picture books and a couple chapters from chapter books. For chapter books, you can start a new book to be your family read-aloud book – and then make it a daily family tradition to read a little bit each day – or you can get a stack of chapter books and read the first five pages of each one for what we call a “book flight,” which just means to sample a handful of books to see which one grabs you most. After that, my kids will often get hooked on their favorite story from our book flight and continue to read that independently after our Read-a-Thon. If you need book recommendations, check out The Ultimate List of the Best Picture Books, Endorsed by Kids And Parents and 48 Awesome Chapter Books for Kids Your Child Will Devour.
• Variations: Another option is to start an audiobook you can all listen to together while you do something else, like color in a parent-child coloring book, build with LEGOs or Magna-Tiles, or fold that mountain of laundry that’s been accumulating during the week. You can get audiobooks through your library, from Audible, or from Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

5. Do nothing

If a monthly mental health day isn’t doable for your family, consider instituting a Do Nothing Day on the weekend where you all spend the day together. Similar to a mental health day, a Do Nothing Day gives you and your child a break from the daily stress of family life, which is important for helping you survive the harmful effects of stress.

• Make it official: Most families call this tradition “Do Nothing Day,” but some alternatives are “Together Day” and “No To-Do-List Day.”
• How to do it: For one weekend day a month, forget the errands you’ve been meaning to run and throw your to-do list out the window. Then as a family, brainstorm one or two fun things you might do together. Keep in mind that TV, video games, or mindless surfing aren’t restorative, but aside from that, go with whatever sounds fun. You can bust out a jigsaw puzzle for the whole family to solve together, bake something yummy for breakfast, or build an epic fort with your kids using cardboard boxes, sheets, and Christmas lights. Some families use our Family Connection Cards on their Do Nothing Days and pick one random card to do as a family. Whatever you decide to do as a family, take your time and enjoy being together because this isn’t about marking something off your to-do list.

6. Schedule a Day in the Life

Set aside one day a month, quarter, or year to focus on capturing all the small, quiet moments with your family on camera. As parents, we typically grab our phones or cameras to snap a few photos of special events like birthday parties and Halloween costumes, but we don’t always remember to capture the everyday moments that make up the majority of our lives together with our kids. The intent focus on your child’s face as they build with LEGOs. A sweet, impromptu hug between siblings. Shared giggles at the dinner table after everyone’s done eating and is just enjoying the time together. In a couple years, those are the moments you’ll be glad you captured on camera.

• Make it official: This one goes by “A Day in the Life,” but one family said they call it “Family Picture Day.”
• How to do it: Plan on keeping your camera in your hands most of the day, and take a ton of pictures. You can always delete the stinkers later. If you have an older child or a partner who’s interested in playing along, turn the camera over to them for an hour and let them capture moments from their perspective. For more tips on how to start this family tradition, check out 53 photo prompts for your Day in the Life Project from my friend Tiffany.
• Variations: As another option, you can hire a photographer to take candid family photos while you go about your regular day, as opposed to the typical posed family photos we tend to expect when hiring a photographer. And don’t forget video: Set up a video camera or phone to record an everyday moment, like a family meal, reading a bedtime story, or your kids all solving a jigsaw puzzle together. I got a mini tabletop tripod and phone mount for this reason, and I love the videos we’ve captured. (Thanks to my friend Erica for this idea!)

7. Pick your favorites

On the last day of every month, pick your top 10 favorite photos from all the photos you’ve taken on your phone and/or camera that month. Then pop them into a slideshow to share with your family before, during, or after a meal. Reflecting back on those moments as a family will spark your loved ones to share stories of those memories, plus make everyone feel all the feels.

• Make it official: You might call this your “Family Slideshow” or “Family Photo Round-Up.”
• How to do it: If you have a partner or spouse or an older child who also takes photos, ask them to send their favorites to you to include in the photo slideshow. To create the slideshow, you can use a free tool like Google Slides.
• Variations: To take this a step further, you can devote a wall in your home to displaying prints of your favorite family photos, then get your favorites printed every month, quarter, or year to swap them out. You can DIY this yourself or get a ready-made photo wall display like this. Some families also use these monthly “best of” photos to create a family yearbook. After you pick out your favorite photos, you can make a scrapbook or have them printed into a hardcover book at Shutterfly.

8. Be curious

Challenge your family to learn something new together once in a while, just for fun. Playfully testing out a new hobby or activity will open new neural pathways in your child’s brain, plus regularly learning something new is one of the best steps you can take to keep your own brain healthy as you age. A few months ago, we decided as a family that it would be fun to learn how to talk in a British accent, so we took a weekend morning to watch a few videos about how to do it, then challenged ourselves to talk that way the rest of the day. Our accents were horrible, but we had a blast, and the kids still talk about that day, months later.

• Make it official: A couple names to consider are “Family Curiosity Day” or “Be Curious Day.”
• How to do it: In a central location, you can keep a running list of things that sound fun to learn and encourage everyone in the family to add to it whenever inspiration strikes. Some families have a special notebook they keep on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter, and they call it their “curiosity journal.” Then once a month or whatever frequency works for your family, set aside a morning or afternoon to pick something to learn together. You can watch videos together, check out books from the library ahead of time, look for apps focused on whatever you want to learn, or ask someone you know to give you an in-person lesson. To kick off your curiosity journal, here are a few ideas: learn a new language, go bird-watching, pick up knitting or crocheting, practice yoga, tackle something new in the kitchen like baking bread from scratch, make origami, learn magic tricks, take your photography skills to the next level, try geocaching, make candles or soap, or take up astronomy.

9. Collect change to make change

Challenge your family to collect any spare change they come across, then once a month count it up together and decide on a charity where you can donate it. You’ll be teaching your child the importance of giving back, plus research shows that helping others is an important factor in living a long, happy life.

• Make it official: In my family, we call this “The Great Change Round-Up,” but I heard from one family that called it their “Spare Change Drive.”
• How to do it: Set up a jar for collecting spare change and keep it in an easily accessible location. (Important: If you have young children who still put things in their mouths, be sure to keep this jar out of their reach! One of my kids once swallowed a coin and ended up in the hospital, so I learned the hard way that you can never be too careful.) Tell your child any time they come across a coin on the ground, they can pick it up to add to your spare change jar. You can also plant some seeds about where else they can find spare change, like in the nooks and crannies of your vehicle, in pants pockets in the laundry hamper, under couch cushions (side benefit: my kids will regularly pull them out and clean up everything under the cushions, looking for spare change!), and so on. Kids tend to get excited by the challenge of seeing how much they can find, and you might even catch them asking neighbors and relatives if they have any spare change to donate to charity.
• Variations: In our family, we also set up a “matching” program where however much the kids scrounged up, we match that penny for penny to double the donation and make an even bigger impact.

10. Walk in the dark

Every night of a full moon, get the whole family outside for a nighttime walk to experience the magic of the night. When you cultivate these moments of awe and wonder for your child, it benefits their physical, mental, and emotional well-being, plus it makes them kinder and more generous.

• Make it official: Many families call these walks “Full Moon Walks.”
• How to do it: You can automatically add the phases of the moon to your Google Calendar. Then on those evenings, plan for a quick dinner so you can head out for a Full Moon Walk afterwards. Listen for the sounds of nighttime, and point out any wildlife or plants you happen to notice.

Family Traditions to Celebrate Milestones

Simply put, family celebrations are fun. But research shows they’re important too: Like other types of family traditions, celebrations strengthen your bond as a family. When a child or someone else in your family reaches an important milestone, here are a few family tradition examples to help you celebrate.

Birthday Traditions

Kids (and most adults!) love to feel special on their birthday. Use the ideas in this section to harness the power of family traditions and delight your child every birthday.

1. Say yes

Surprise your child by saying “yes” when you’d usually say “no.” Can I have a piece of chocolate? Yes! Can we play a game? Yes! Can you teach me how to drive? Uhh…yes? You definitely don’t have to go to the extremes the parents in the movie Yes Day did, but a “yes day” can be a family tradition your child looks forward to all year. In fact, one of my kids once told me she didn’t care if she got any physical presents on her birthday. All she wanted was a yes day!

• Make it official: “Yes Day” gets the point across perfectly!
• How to do it: You can tell your child ahead of time that their birthday will be a yes day, or you can surprise them on the morning of their birthday. If they’re not familiar with the concept, you can pick up a copy of the sweet picture book Yes Day and read that together. Many families find it helpful to set some boundaries for yes days. For example, in my family we give the birthday kid a monetary budget they have to stick to that day. When the money’s gone, it’s gone, and they have to switch to free activities. As an added bonus, your child will get practice working through tough (for them) spending decisions like, “Do I get the new toy I want, or do I order every dessert on the menu?”

2. Send a message in a bottle

As every parent knows, kids grow up fast. In the words of author Gretchen Rubin, “The days are long, but the years are short.” To capture the sweetest memories of your child before they slip through your fingers, start a birthday letter tradition. On your child’s birthday, write them a letter to capture what they’re like right now, what they’re passionate about, what you love about them, and anything else that pops into your head.

• Make it official: A simple “Birthday Letter” works well.
• How to do it: Write a birthday letter to your child on paper or in a word processing app on your computer. You can either give your child the letter now, or you can save them all until they’re older or until they turn 18 to share with them. Some parents do this and then present all the letters as a high school graduation present.
• Variations: If email is more your speed, you can set up an email account for your child and email them a letter every birthday.

3. Make their favorite

Whatever your child’s favorite dinner is, make that for their birthday. Or if their favorite dinner is from a restaurant, pick up takeout as a birthday treat. This is a simple way to make your child feel special on their birthday.

• Make it official: You can call this “Birthday Girl/Boy’s Choice” for dinner.
• How to do it: This family tradition may require planning ahead, so a few days before your child’s birthday, ask them what they want for dinner. Or if you already know what their favorite is, you can just surprise them with that on the big day.

4. Measure and celebrate

Make it a family tradition to mark your child’s height on a doorframe or wall in your home on their birthday every year. You’ll marvel at how they grow over time, and they’ll beam at the visible proof of getting older and bigger.

• Make it official: You might call this tradition “Measure-Up Time” or a “Birthday Height Check.”
• How to do it: Find a doorframe or wall that’s out of the way where you can get away with adding pencil marks every year, then set a reminder in your calendar or phone to mark your child’s height. Or if you want to create a family keepsake, you can get a standalone growth chart like this wooden “ruler” and attach it to a wall.
• Variations: To take this family tradition one step further, you can do something to celebrate how much your child has grown. For example, if they grew an inch, you can let them pick out an inch worth of candy bars at the store. Or for every inch they’ve grown, you can give them $10 in birthday money.

School Traditions

Whether your child goes to school outside the home or you homeschool, these family tradition examples are the perfect fit for celebrating milestones related to that huge part of your child’s life.

1. Interview your child

On the first day of school every year, take a few minutes to ask your child a handful of thought-provoking questions and record their answers. You’ll capture a heartwarming snapshot of them as they are right now and after a few school years, you’ll have a one-of-a-kind memento.

• Make it official: Try calling this the “First Day Interview” or “Back to School Interview.”
• How to do it: Get my free printable first day of school questions here, print the questionnaire, and fill it out with your child on the first day of school. Don’t worry if your kid is in seventh grade and you haven’t ever done this before. It’s never too late to start! If you enjoy the first-day-of-school interview, you can also get a free first-day-of-summer questionnaire here for a similar family tradition after the last day of school.
• Variations: If your child is open to it, another alternative is to pull out your phone and record a video of your child verbally answering the questions from the questionnaire.

2. Get a special treat

On the first and/or last day of school, make it a tradition to celebrate with a special treat. Whether you make a treat at home or go out to pick it up from a restaurant or store, you’ll give your child something to look forward to. If your child feels anxious or worried about the first day of school, something to get excited about can be a welcome distraction.

• Make it official: Combine the name of the treat with the milestone, like “First Day of School Pancakes” or “Last Day of School Ice Cream.”
• How to do it: On the morning of, you could make pancakes, grab breakfast tacos, or pick up donuts on the way. After the school day, you can go out for ice cream, take the whole family to a favorite restaurant, or make a special dinner your child loves but doesn’t get very often. (In our house, the kids always pick mac-n-cheese!) One more idea I heard from a few families was to celebrate with a bonfire and s’mores in the backyard.

3. Snap a photo

Pick a place inside your home, on your porch, or in your yard that you can use every year to take first-day-of-school photos. While your child may grumble now, photos taken in the same place once a year will give you an invaluable memento, like a time-lapse series showing how your child has grown over the years.

• Make it official: Most families refer to this tradition as “First Day of School Photos.”
• How to do it: If you’ve tried this before, you probably already know that this isn’t most kids’ favorite back-to-school family tradition. To grease the wheels, you can talk with your child ahead of time about the photos and why they’re important to you, then ask for their ideas on how the experience could be more fun for them. For example, maybe they want to take a silly photo where they’re doing a handstand or making a goofy face. Or they might hate standing still, so you could break it up by having them do jumping jacks or run around the yard while you snap some action shots. As an alternative, if your child is excited about something they got for the new school year like a snazzy lunchbox or backpack, encourage them to show that off in the photos.

Want More?

For more ideas to help you feel even closer as a family, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond.

Your Turn

What are your favorite family tradition examples? Share in a comment below!

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The post Want a Close-Knit Family? The Best 35 Family Traditions, According to Science appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One morning a while back, my toddler tackled me in a bear hug. As his pudgy arms clung to my neck, I felt my shoulders relax, and my jaw unclenched. The stress of the moment melted away, and I felt fully and deeply connected to my child.

But then I glanced at my oldest, now a teenager, sitting on the couch.

And my stomach twisted with an uncomfortable thought: When was the last time I hugged her like that? I couldn’t remember.

My mind jumped to my other kids, 8 and 6, who were upstairs playing pretend in their room. I racked my brain, trying to think back to our last hugs.

Quick squeezes and pecks on the head, but I couldn’t recall more than that.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable that will help you strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

The Importance of Hugging Your Child: 6 Powerful Benefits

As a Certified Parent Educator, I’m trained on the science behind hugs and the benefits of hugging your child.

And yet, I’d gotten so caught up in the go-go-go of daily parenting life that I’d slipped into a bad habit of quick half-second hugs to say good morning or when my kids headed out for the day.

So I went back to review my notes on exactly how a habit of hugging your child for several seconds impacts them. And I uncovered both short-term and long-term benefits:

• A parent’s affection shapes a child’s happiness for life – Several studies have shown that warmth and affection expressed by a parent to their child results in life-long positive outcomes for the child. That includes higher self-esteem, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems.
• A parent’s affection protects a child – Parental warmth and affection can protect a child from the harmful effects of stress, leading to better mental and physical health outcomes for the child.
• A parent’s affection increases a child’s empathy – When a child receives parental warmth and affection, they’re less likely to experience depression and anxiety as an adult, plus they demonstrate a greater capacity for empathy and compassion.
• Hugs promote bonding – Warm, affectionate contact like a hug increases oxytocin, which is a hormone in the body that promotes bonding in a relationship and facilitates feelings of trust between humans.
• Hugs reduce stress – Scientists have also found evidence that oxytocin can reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body and promote feelings of relaxation.
• Hugs boost your mood – After an increase in oxytocin, the body releases serotonin. You’ve probably heard of serotonin before because it’s known as the “happy chemical” because it boosts your mood.

To add to all that, I know that if I want nurture a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now.

So I decided to renew my commitment to hugging my children – truly hugging them, not just quick squeezes.

My go-to solution? The Hugging Challenge.

The Science Behind Hugging Your Child

The Hugging Challenge works because it’s based on the science behind hugs and the science behind behavior change.

Before we get into the specifics of how the Hugging Challenge works, first here’s a quick recap of what research tells us about great hugs:

• How long you hold on matters – When you hold a hug for several seconds, oxytocin and serotonin start flowing. Those are the chemicals that promote bonding and reduce your stress, plus they boost your mood. Science hasn’t given us a definitive answer yet on exactly how long a hug needs to last to get those benefits, but the author of The Happiness Project discovered research indicating that six seconds is where the magic starts to happen. In other words, if you want to nurture your bond with your child, a super-short hug won’t cut it. Hold on until you start to feel relaxed.
• How often you hug matters, too – How many hugs do we need a day? Research shows that just one hug a day can improve your mood and decrease conflict in the relationship afterwards. Researcher and author Dr. Sara Gottfried says that in order to reap the full benefits of the oxytocin that hugs can stimulate, you need to give or receive eight hugs a day. Eight hugs a day of seven seconds adds up to 56 seconds. That means that in less than a minute a day, you can boost your child’s mood (and yours) plus strengthen your bond.

To add to that, world-renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir who’s known as the “Mother of Family Therapy” was famous for saying this:

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival.

We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.

We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

Virginia Satir

The Hugging Challenge also builds on the science behind behavior change. For example, below you’ll get a visual cue to serve as a gentle, physical reminder of the goal you set to give your child great hugs. Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

But here’s the best part: Giving your child several heartfelt hugs a day can be a keystone habit that will nurture your parent-child relationship in a deep way. Keystone habits are special because they kick off a chain reaction, influencing several aspects of your life at once. Translation: You can focus on just one keystone habit, and you’ll experience several positive impacts.

Here’s a quick example of how a keystone habit works:

“Take, for instance, studies from the past decade examining the impacts of exercise on daily routines. When people start habitually exercising, even as infrequently as once a week, they start changing other, unrelated patterns in their lives, often unknowingly. Typically, people who exercise start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed…[For] many people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change.”

Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit†

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

In my personal experience and in my work with families as a Certified Parent Educator, taking that one simple step of saying “yes” to a healthy hugging habit ends up improving your relationship with your child as a whole.

You’ll feel more connected, and you’ll likely find that you have more patience with your child. And because connection breeds cooperation, your child may start to listen more and be more cooperative.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

How to Take the Hugging Challenge

Think back to the last couple times you hugged your child. Were they quick squeezes hello or goodbye? Or did you hold on long enough to feel your child relax into you?

To strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide, try the Hugging Challenge for one week.

This is something I do once in a while to reconnect with the importance of hugging my child, and it works like magic. It’s easy and quick so I can fit it into my busy day, and it gently breaks a “quick squeeze” hug habit, replacing it with a whole-hearted hug habit.

Here’s how the Hugging Challenge works:

1. Promise yourself. Set a personal goal to give your child eight great hugs every day for a week.
2. Say it. Say your promise out loud or write it down to make the commitment official: “I will hug my child eight times today and every day this week.”
   • This is called an implementation intention, and hundreds of studies have shown they help you stick to your goals.
   • To get the full benefit of your implementation intention, be as specific as you can. For example, you might list specific times you plan to hug your child, like this: “I will hug my child eight times today and every day this week – once when they wake up, before every meal, anytime we say goodbye, at bedtime, and a couple more spontaneous hugs.”
3. Track it. Grab the bonus Hugging Challenge tracker at the end of this post, and use it to keep track of your hugs and mark off one box for every awesome hug you deliver.
   • This is a visual cue to help you form the habit.
   • Keep your tracker somewhere handy but visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child. For every hug, make sure it lasts at least 6 seconds or until you start to feel relaxed.
   • If you want to recalibrate yourself during the first few hugs, you can count in your head while you hug your child, but just for fun instead of your typical second-counting phrase like One Mississippi, two Mississippi… or One one thousand, two one thousand, you can try One I love you, two I love you…
   • If you want to add a dash of fun and playfulness to your Hugging Challenge and delight your child at the same time, surprise them with a new kind of hug. Find a new hug to try in this list: 21 Sweet and Silly Hugs to Make Your Child Feel Loved.
   • Important: While hugging your child is beneficial for you both, the point is not to force hugs on anyone. Just as you probably aren’t always in the mood for a hug, your child sometimes may not want a hug either. You can ask a simple question like “Can I have a hug?” or “Hey, you got a second for a hug?” to remind your child they get to decide. Or as another option, you can use this genius solution to put your child in the driver’s seat on the kind of affection they want.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Get Your Free Printable: The Hug Tracker

Use this free Hugging Challenge tracker to strengthen your hugging habit and make sure your child gets all the powerful benefits that great hugs can provide.

1. Get the free printable. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print your Hugging Challenge tracker.
3. Keep it handy and visible, like in your back pocket, next to your phone, or taped to your steering wheel.
4. Hug your child, aiming for eight 6-second hugs a day. On your tracker, mark off one box for every awesome hug you give your child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable hug tracker:

Your Turn

What are your thoughts on the importance of hugging your child? Share in a comment belo

The post How Hugging Your Child Shapes Their Happiness for Life appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Some days, it feels like I spend every waking second with my kids.

From the time they wake up in the morning until we put them to bed, we’re together. Whether they’re screeching like pterodactyls while I’m on an important phone call, seeking me out for every little sibling-inflicted injustice, or asking for food every 13 minutes, the constant barrage is well, constant.

Meanwhile, I have my own list of stuff I need to get done. Dishes, laundry, making meals (which means more dishes). Work, conference calls, email. Bills, budgeting, birthday planning. Rinse and repeat, all day every day.

And this isn’t unique to me. Research shows that in today’s world, we parents are spending more time than ever with our kids:

“The amount of time mothers and fathers spend in child care has been climbing since the 1970s. Fathers’ time has nearly tripled from 2.6 hours a week spent with kids in 1965 to 7.2 in 2010. Mothers’ time with children rose from 10.5 hours a week in 1965 to 13.7 in 2010.”

The Washington Post

We’re spending tons more time with our kids, but it’s not like our responsibilities as parents are decreasing to balance that out. If anything, our plates are fuller than they’ve ever been.

And so when one of my kids comes up to me and asks me to play pretend or read them a book or join a quick card game, my knee-jerk reaction is typically some variation of this: “Sorry honey, I don’t have time.”

But Here’s the Problem

With a finite number of hours in the day and an overflowing to-do list, I’m forever trying to get the maximum number of things knocked off my list in the limited time I have.

While I’m doing the dishes, I’m thinking through whether we have enough clean laundry to last another day. While I’m eating lunch, I’m making a list of phone calls to make after I’m done. While I’m sorting through the clutter that’s accumulated on my kitchen counter and multiplied like Gremlins, I’m making a mental grocery list.

So when one of my kids interrupted that go-go-go inertia and asked me to spend a few minutes of quality time with them, I felt absolutely justified in saying no. We spend so much time together already. Isn’t that enough?

But the truth is that in those moments, I’ve been missing the bigger picture.

While it’s true that my kids and I are together a lot, the time we’re spending together isn’t exactly…quality time. I’m always doing something else from the never-ending list in my head. Which means I’m paying only partial attention to the kids when they need something or try to connect with me.

So all that time we’re spending together isn’t giving my children the one thing they need most of all: connection.

Quick win: Get these Family Connection Cards so you can stop feeling guilty about spending quality time with your child and nurture the kind of close relationship that will stand the test of time – in just 10 minutes a day.

What Happens When Kids Don’t Get Enough Quality Time?

Unfortunately, when kids are feeling disconnected from their parents, that will result in more power struggles and less cooperation when you ask them to do something. Connection breeds cooperation, and disconnection breeds discord.

In other words, when I say no, sorry, not right now, that disconnection can lead to more sibling squabbles, grumbling when I ask for help to fold the laundry, conveniently “not hearing me” when I ask them to pick up their toys, and more.

And yet, as parents we’ve got real, grown-up, honest-to-goodness responsibilities. It’s not like we can just sit around playing LEGOs all day.

Here’s the good news: Not too long ago, I had an epiphany that changed everything for me as a parent. And because of that, I uncovered a simple 10-minute solution to this problem so many parents struggle with. You can skip ahead to the solution here, or you can keep reading the next section to find out the epiphany that led me there.

Skip Ahead: Want to Spend Quality Time With Kids? This Is a Must

The Simple Analogy That Made All the Difference

One day a while back when I was washing dishes, my 6-year-old walked up and asked me to play a game with her.

We were literally all out of clean bowls and spoons, so I gave a variation of my standard reply: “I would love to, but I need to get this done. Maybe later.”

She hung her head and shuffled off, dragging her feet.

I sighed. Don’t they realize I’d love to just stop and play? Don’t they know how busy I am? Don’t they appreciate me?!

While I scrubbed dried oatmeal off bowls, I kept wallowing in the hurt.

Then I picked up the crockpot. And as I poured elbow grease into scraping off the previous night’s caked-on curry sauce, an off-the-wall thought hit me: Kids are not crockpots.

With a crockpot, you can spend a few minutes mindlessly throwing ingredients together, hit a button, and your dinner will happily simmer all day. No attention required. When you’re ready for dinner, it’s there, ready to meet your needs and fulfill your wishes.

In a way, that was exactly how I was treating my kids. I expected that I could give them a big bear hug in the morning, then let them simmer in the background all day with no quality one-on-one attention from me.

And when I wanted something from them – for them to brush their teeth without me nagging them 72 times, for them to put their laundry away before the cats knocked over the neat piles and it had to be folded all over again, for them to put away one board game before getting out the next – I expected them to be ready to meet my needs and fulfill my wishes.

Spending Time With Kids Is NOT About Quantity

Even though my crockpot “aha” moment that day was a bizarre analogy, it did help my hurt feelings dissipate. And it made me realize that when it comes to spending time with kids, it’s about quality not quantity. As I later learned, research shows that the quality of time you spend with your child is way more important than the quantity of time you spend.

That day, I decided to test my odd little crockpot theory. I turned off the water, dried my pruney hands, and sought out my 6-year-old.

When I found her at the kids’ art table, she was drawing in a sketch book, the tip of her tongue sticking out one side of her mouth.

“Hey,” I said. “I have a question for you.” She looked up. “I’m going to give you two options, and you tell me which one you pick.”

She tilted her head a little to one side. “Okay.”

“Here’s the first option: Your life is exactly as it is right now. I’m here with you all the time getting stuff done around the house and getting my work done. Because I’m so busy, I don’t have time to play with you. I give you a hug in the morning and I’m there all the time, but we don’t have time to stop and read together or play, just you and me.”

She just stared back, so I continued.

“And here’s the second option: During the day, you and I would see each other three times a day, for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. That’s about enough time to play a game of UNO. And when we saw each other, I wouldn’t be doing anything else except just being with you. We could do whatever you wanted – read a book, play a game, draw together, play pretend. But it would just be for 10 or 15 minutes at a time, three times a day. And then the next time you would see me would be at the dinner table with the whole family. Then we would all spend the evening together as a family like normal until bedtime.”

I paused and opened my mouth to ask which she’d pick, when she beat me to the punch. “The second one,” she said.

“Are you sure?” I raised my eyebrows. “You wouldn’t get to see me most of the day. Just those three times.”

She nodded and grinned. “The second one sounds really fun. We could play so much!”

I stood there, this phrase like a gong in my head: Quality time, not quantity.

“So?” she said. “Can we do that today?”

I laughed. “Sure.”

I sat down next to her and pulled out another sketch book, and we sat and drew together and chatted for 10 minutes. We talked about what we were drawing, how she wants to be an artist when she grows up, and how my “cat” turned out looking more like a hairy foot.

Get Your Copy: The 10-Minute Solution to Spending Quality Time With Your Child

The Important Thing to Remember About Quality Time With Kids

The rest of that day, my daughter surprised me a couple times. After lunch, she cleaned up everyone’s dishes and loaded the dishwasher – without being asked. At another point, she walked up to me, and I thought she was going to ask me for something. But she just gave me a quick hug then ran off to play.

Above all, I noticed that afternoon, she shined a little brighter. Like I’d filled her tank of unconditional love.

And all it took was 10 minutes of stopping and being in the moment with her. She showed me that just 10 minutes of quality time with kids can pay much bigger dividends to your parent-child relationship and to your family as a whole.

But What About Those Moments When You Really Are Busy?

Having a sleep-deprivation-induced epiphany about crockpots and kids is one thing. Shifting your behavior in light of that epiphany is a whole other beast.

I knew I’d need to change something so that I wouldn’t fall back into that same harried mentality that made me say “no not right now” or “I’m too busy” or “sorry maybe later.”

My question to my daughter about what she’d prefer was enlightening. But I couldn’t actually skedaddle away from my family all day long and just pop back in two or three times a day. At least not until I get my dream “she shed.”

But I knew that adding “quality time with my kids” to my never-ending to-do list would just be One More Thing to add to my overwhelm and stress.

To make the most of this epiphany, any change to my daily routine would need to be simple. I’d need to make it automatic, not another task on my list. And it would need to be fun. If at any point, my kids or I felt like it was a chore, that important quality time would turn sour fast.

Want to Spend Quality Time With Kids? This Is a Must

How many times have you set a goal – to exercise more, or to eat healthier, or to stop watching silly reality TV on Netflix so you can get to bed at a decent hour – only to revert back to the status quo after a few days or a couple weeks?

This is where habits will save you. They work because they put your brain on autopilot so you don’t even have to muster up the willpower to do something. You just go through your normal routine, and it happens.

Brushing your teeth, taking a shower, and guzzling that first cup of coffee in the morning are all examples of things you might do on autopilot.

That day, I flipped open my book Happy You, Happy Family to the chapter titled Build the Right Habits to figure out what would work best.

And I found the solution to putting “quality time with kids” on autopilot: a visual cue.

Let Me Explain

Visual cues are a powerful science-backed tool that will remind you of a habit when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example, suppose you wanted to start flossing more regularly. You could put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror to remind you to floss every night before brushing your teeth. Or if you were trying to start a morning exercise habit, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before.

But spending quality time with your child is a unique situation. Because not only do you need to put it on autopilot in the first place, you also need to know what to do during that quality time.

I could have put a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that said “spend 10 minutes of quality time with kids,” but then the next barrier would be to figure out what to do during those 10 minutes. And yet to keep the quality time fun and not a chore, I’d need fresh ideas every day to keep things interesting for my kids – and for me.

My tired, overwhelmed brain had never proven to be all that great at coming up with fun new ideas on the fly for spending time with kids.

How to Spend Quality Time With Your Child: The 10-Minute Fix

I knew I needed a visual cue to make quality time with my kids into a habit. So one day I sat down and sketched out something called Family Connection Cards.

On each card, I wrote a different quick and simple way to connect with my kids so that when it came time to spend quality time with my kids, I could hit the ground running. I wouldn’t have to think up fresh ideas and figure out the details in the moment because my past self had already done it for me. For each card, I also added a time estimate and the age range of kids it works best with – because we have an almost-teen all the way down to a toddler.

The cards worked so well that I mentioned them to a few friends and family members, and they started asking for a set of the cards too. So I ended up making a pretty version you can print and even laminate if you want. Here’s where you can get your own set of Family Connection Cards.

You can keep the cards anywhere in your home as a visual cue – on your kitchen counter, your nightstand, or next to your phone charger – and pick a card any time you notice your child is acting moody or not listening to you.

But another fun way to use them is The Easter Egg Method.

How to Set It And Forget It: The Easter Egg Method

Here’s how it works:

1. Get your Family Connection Cards. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out the details of spending time with kids. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for spending time with your child.
2. Print your deck. After you get your set of Family Connection Cards here, then print them yourself at home or at an office services store like Staples or Office Depot. You can print them on any paper, but card stock works especially well. Or if you want to save yourself the step of cutting the sheets into 3 pieces, you can print on this ready-made Avery index card template and just pop the perforated cards out when you’re done. Some parents like to laminate their cards, so that’s another option too.
3. Find a container. This doesn’t need to be fancy or anything – you just need a way to keep the deck of Family Connection Cards all in one spot. Here are a few things that have worked for other parents:
   • Keep the cards together with a binder clip
   • Put the cards inside an empty bowl or mason jar
   • Hole punch the corner of the cards and stick them on a book ring like this or on a keyring
4. Hide the deck. This is where the magic happens! Take the deck and whatever container it’s in, and put it in a place where you’re likely to stumble upon it in a typical day. Think of it as setting up a little Easter egg hunt for yourself, but make it relatively easy to find. Here are a few places you might hide your deck:
   • On your nightstand
   • Next to your toothbrush
   • Next to the TV remote
   • In your underwear drawer
   • On the kitchen counter (as long as it’s not 100% covered in clutter like my kitchen counter because then the deck could get lost!)
   • Next to the coffee pot or inside tomorrow’s coffee cup
   • Next to your phone charger
   • In the pantry or fridge next to something you eat every day
   • Next to your comb or hairbrush
   • On top of the washing machine or dryer
   • Next to wherever you keep your computer or tablet
   • In the silverware drawer
   • If you wear glasses or contacts: Next to where you keep them
   • If you exercise regularly: Inside your sneakers or wherever you typically do your workout
5. Forget about it. After you hide the deck, forget about it and then when you stumble upon it naturally, continue to the next step.
6. Pick and connect. When you come across the deck again, that’s your reminder to take a few minutes to spend quality time with your child. Flip through the deck until you find an idea that’s the right fit for your current state of mind and the amount of time you can spare (you’ll even find ideas for when all you have is ONE minute!). Find your child and use that idea to connect with them.
7. Hide it again. After you’re done with that session of quality time with your child, hide the deck again. Pick a different place from the list in step 4 above, or get creative and come up with another place you’re likely to stumble upon. Even if all you do is put it back in the same place, you’ll still be carving out quality time with your child once a day.
8. Repeat steps 5-7. Every time you find the deck and connect with your child, hide it again for the next time.

And that’s it! You’ll fill your child’s connection tank without adding to your to-do list. The Easter Egg Method puts spending time with kids on autopilot so you don’t have to figure out the “when” and the “what” of spending time with your child.

Some days, you might have just one session of quality time with your child, and that’s okay. Other days, you might up with a handful of sessions, and that’s great too. The point is not to be “perfect.” The point of The Easter Egg Method is to remove the common roadblocks standing in the way of you spending quality time with your child.

Because regularly filling your child’s connection tank in this way is like an investment that pays dividends for the rest of that day – and to the strength of your parent-child relationship for years to come.

Bonus: 5 More Ways to Use Your Family Connection Cards

Every time you pick a Family Connection Card to do with your child, you show your child they’re important and loved, and you nurture a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.

If The Easter Egg Method doesn’t feel like the right fit for you, here are a few bonus tips for how to use your cards:

• Set an alarm. Set a recurring alarm on your phone for one or two times a day when you tend to be less busy. Then when the alarm goes off, pick a Family Connection Card and spend a few minutes of quality time with your child.
• Bundle it. Use a habit hack called temptation bundling. First, figure out something you love to do that you could bundle with this new habit of using your Family Connection Cards. For example, suppose you love to read, and you look forward to getting the kids into the bath every night so you can sneak in a few minutes of reading. To bundle that temptation with your new habit, you would allow yourself to read for pleasure only after you’ve picked a Family Connection Card to do with your child that day. You could even pick a different card every night to use as a bookmark as a visual reminder.
• Keep or share. Keep the cards to yourself for your own personal inspiration – or share them with your whole family and encourage your child to pick a card when they want to connect with you.
• Repair with five. Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. This is called the Magic 5:1 Ratio. After a negative interaction with your child, grab a card and reconnect with a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you.
• Banish a bad mood. When your child is acting moody, not listening to you, or acting out, that’s the perfect time to pick a card and connect one-on-one. Remember: Connection breeds cooperation. And when you feel grumpy, annoyed, or irritated, grabbing a card can work wonders for you, too! Sometimes that’s all you need to banish a bad mood.

Frequently Asked Questions About Spending Time With Kids

Below, you’ll find answers to the most common questions about how to spend quality time with your child. If you have a question about spending time with kids that’s not answered here, please leave a comment at the end of this post with your question, and I’ll do my best to get back to you!

What if I pick a card that I can’t do in that moment?

If you can’t spare the time shown on that card, you can always pick another card that has a lower time commitment. A handful of the Family Connection Cards take just one minute, and more than 20 cards take just 5 minutes. (For reference, only 15 of the cards land in the 15- to 30-minute range.)

But if you’re using The Easter Egg Method and in that moment when you find the deck you realize you just cannot spare one to five minutes, you can always hide it again to find a little later on.

I have more than one child. How do you spend individual time with each child?

I have four kids, so this is my reality! That’s why I designed the Family Connection Cards so that most of the cards work well with more than one child at a time. But if you prefer to connect one-on-one, you can set up one child with an independent activity while you connect with another child, then take turns. For a list of special activities that will keep your child actively engaged, check out our epic list: The Best 50 Activities for Kids At Home That Will Keep Your Child Busy + Happy.

What if I try to connect with my child, but they don’t seem to enjoy what we’re doing?

Every child is different, and some kids will enjoy certain Family Connection Cards more than others. If you discover your child doesn’t enjoy one of the activities, just take that card out of the pack and set it aside.

With that said, if you pick a card and it doesn’t feel like the best fit for you, try it once with an open mind. You might be surprised! If it turns out that card still isn’t a good fit for you and your child, take that card out of the pack.

How much quality time should a parent spend with their child every day?

At the time I’m writing this, research hasn’t yet shown whether there’s a “sweet spot” for the right amount of quality time with kids.

So rather than aiming for a certain amount of time, you might ask yourself: Do I feel connected to my child today? If the answer is no, connect for a few minutes. On the flip side, if you notice your child is acting moody, not listening to you, or acting out, a quick dose of quality connection time can usually help turn that bad mood around.

“Children don’t say, ‘I had a hard day at school today; can I talk to you about it?’ They say, ‘Will you play with me?'”

Lawrence Cohen, Playful Parenting

I’m so busy already. I can’t afford to spend even MORE time with my child!

I can definitely relate! The goal isn’t to spend more time with your child. Remember that research shows parents today are actually spending more time than ever with our children.

Instead, the goal is to shift a handful of short bursts of time you’re already spending with your child into high-quality connection. Quality matters, not quantity.

What if I’m available for quality time with my child, but they’re busy right then?

If your child is engaged in and focused on another activity, you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth it to interrupt them. Some of my kids hate being interrupted, which I completely understand because I hate being interrupted myself!

In my family, I consider it a win when my kids are actively absorbed in something that’s keeping them busy, and I leave them to it. And so if I stumble upon the Family Connection Cards in one of those moments, I “hide” the deck on the dining room table. That way as I’m getting our next meal ready, I’ll find it and remember to spend a couple minutes connecting with them before or during that meal.

What are the benefits of spending time with your child?

Research shows that spending quality time with kids has several benefits. Here are just a few:

• A happy, connected family. Regular high-quality interactions between parent and child increase your child’s wellbeing and strengthen your emotional bond.
• Fewer behavior issues. Research suggests that the quality time you spend with your child can be an antidote to impulsiveness, aggression, and uncontrolled emotion in your child. Also, research shows that when parents spend quality time with their teenagers, their teens are less likely to skip school or break the law.
• Better academic outcomes. When you spend quality time with your child while they’re young, that tends to result in your child experiencing better academic results and healthier relationships as adults.
• Less stress. When a parent and child play together, that regulates the body’s stress response. Also, studies have shown that leisure time helps you cope with stress and protects you from the negative health impacts of stress, so quality time together can help both you and your child deal with stress.

Your Turn

What’s your favorite way to spend quality time with kids? Share in a comment below!

The post The Best 10-Minute Fix to Spending Quality Time With Kids appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

After I tuck my kids into bed every night, I collapse on the couch, close my eyes, and sigh.

Unfortunately, with four kids, I get about 2.7 seconds of peace before one of them asks for another drink of water, needs an extra hug, or remembers a month-long school project that’s due tomorrow.

But after a few turns on the bedtime merry-go-round, I can finally sink back into the couch.

That’s when the replay of our day starts in my head. It’s like a 10x sped-up video, but every time my mouth opens to say something to my kids, the video slows down so I can hear myself.

“Put your shoes away.”
“Your room is a mess!”
“Stop bugging your sister.”
“You haven’t brushed your teeth yet?”

My own personal highlight reel of nagging and negativity, directed at the people I love most in the world.

The weight of my words crushes my chest, and my mind scrambles to remember: when did I say something loving, something sweet, anything positive?

Was I so focused on treading water in a neverending sea of parental to-dos – getting snacks, folding laundry, mediating sibling squabbles – that I forgot to tell my children how much I love them?

My kids deserve better. They deserve to hear every single day that no matter what road bumps we hit, I feel lucky to be on this lifelong road trip with them.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 75 most powerful positive words for kids, plus three important pitfalls to avoid when it comes to positive things to say to your child.

But Here’s the Problem

It’s heartbreaking to think that your child’s last thought after you tuck them in at night and before they fall asleep may be: Is Mommy mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Does Daddy still love me?

What’s more, lack of connection with your child also leads to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from your child when you ask them to clean their toys up, to help empty the dishwasher, or to stop chewing their food like a cow with a megaphone.

But as parents in today’s world, we have a lot on our plates. Because of that, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in the daily struggles of parenting that you forget to stop and tell your child how much you love them.

When you have too much to do and too little time to do it, you’re in survival mode not nurturing mode. And those positive sayings for kids like “You’re important to me” and “I love you to the moon and back” that our children crave from us? They go unsaid.

How Important Is It to Share Positive Words for Kids?

Recently, I came across this quote from a doctor and author who specializes in childhood development and trauma:

“Love felt by the parent does not automatically translate into love experienced by the child.”

Dr. Gabor Maté

In other words, those positive messages for kids don’t work when you just think them to yourself after your kids are tucked into bed. You need to actually say them out loud.

I realized it was time for a change.

Because the research is crystal clear that when kids feel warmth and affection from their parents, that has a life-long positive impact on the child.

Not only do kids with affectionate parents do better in school and develop a healthy self-esteem, they also end up emotionally happier and less anxious as adults. Parental warmth even has an impact on your child’s physical health.

And so the important question is: When you’re busy and overwhelmed and just impaled your left foot on a stray LEGO, how can you remember to say out loud all the positive things you should say to your child to remind them of your unconditional love?

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

Here’s a Quick Fix for Every Busy Parent

This is easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of parenting life, so I decided to set up a visual cue. Something to serve as a gentle reminder for me to switch out of survival mode a few times a day and fill my children’s tank with unconditional love.

Because when you’re trying to stick to a habit, research shows that a visual cue can remind you of your intention when you’re most likely to forget it.

For example:

• If you set a goal to eat healthier, you could leave a neon bright Post-It Note on your fridge to remind yourself that “Snack = veggies only.”
• Or if you wanted to stick to an exercise routine every morning, you could set your workout clothes on your nightstand the night before.

For my visual cue, I made a nice printable list of all the positive things to say to your child to show them you love them. I can stick this list of positive words for kids on my fridge, tape it to my bathroom mirror, or leave it on the driver’s seat of my car as a reminder every time we get in the car to go somewhere.

Below, you can get this free printable list of positive messages for kids as a visual cue for yourself.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly

75 Most Powerful Positive Sayings for Kids

Get your free printable list of the most powerful positive words for kids here right now. Then every time you see your printable list, say one of these positive messages for kids to make your child feel absolutely loved.

Don’t forget to grab the printable so you also get the list of three important pitfalls to avoid when it comes to delivering these positive sayings for kids!

A quick caveat: You won’t find phrases like “You’re so smart” to praise your child’s abilities on this list because that kind of praise can undermine your child’s motivation and even foster narcissism in your child. To learn more, check out Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student. (Hint: It’s not “You’re so smart.”)

1. You are important to me.
2. I love spending time with you.
3. You make me smile.
4. The world is better with you in it. (This phrase is featured on our sweet I Love You Bookmarks. Get the whole set so that every time your child reaches for one, they’ll feel absolutely loved.)

5. I feel so lucky to be your mom/dad.
6. I’m proud of the person you are.
7. I love you from your toes to your nose to where your hair grows! (For extra giggles, touch your child’s toes when you say “toes,” their nose when you say “nose,” and the top of their head when you say the last line! For more funny ways to say “I love you,” check out 50 Meaningful + Cute Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child.)
8. You are beautiful to me, inside and out.
9. I thought of you today when… (Finish with a specific time during the day that you thought of your child.)
10. I like you. (Even if you say “I love you” regularly, does your child know you like them too?)
11. Sometimes if I’m feeling sad, just thinking of you makes me feel better.
12. You can always talk to me, even if it’s about something that makes you nervous or scared or sad.
13. I love to watch you… (Then give an activity your child enjoys, like play soccer, get wrapped up in reading a book, make art, play your clarinet, and so on.)
14. You make my heart feel full.
15. I appreciate when you… (Finish with a specific example of something your child does that’s helpful or kind.)
16. You’re one of a kind.
17. I care about you more than you can imagine.
18. I’m grateful that you’re in my life.
19. I love your insides and your outsides!
20. I’m here for you, no matter what happens.
21. I’d love to hear what you think about… (Then ask your child’s opinion on something that matters, like what to have for dinner, what to do on the weekend, where to go on your next family vacation, and so on.)
22. I noticed you working hard on… (Finish with a specific example when you noticed your child pushing themselves to learn or grow or finish something.)
23. I believe in you.
24. I saw when you… (Then give a specific example of your child doing something helpful or kind.)
25. I love you no matter what. (This one is made even more special if you first read the beautiful children’s book No Matter What† together!)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

26. I love hearing your ideas.
27. You make a difference in my life.
28. I love seeing the world through your eyes.
29. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
30. You matter to me.
31. I hope you have an awesome day today.
32. Anytime you need help, I’m here for you.
33. I love you just the way you are.
34. You are a precious treasure to me.
35. I respect you and your opinions.
36. We’re a team, you and me.
37. I love being your mom/dad.
38. Sometimes I look at you and think back to when you were younger, and… (Finish with a specific memory of when your child was younger.)
39. There’s only one you in the world.
40. I love your laugh/smile.
41. Nothing would ever make me stop loving you.
42. It’s you I like. Every part of you. (Perfect for fans of Mister Rogers!)
43. You’re an important part of this family.
44. It’s exciting to watch you grow up.
45. I’m so grateful you’re my daughter/son.
46. You can always come to me, no matter what.
47. I love you more than… (Then give a specific example like more than all the stars in the sky, more than all the fish in the sea, more than cupcakes love sprinkles, and so on – feel free to come up with silly examples too!)
48. I will always be there for you.
49. Being your parent is my favorite part of life.
50. You are special to me.
51. Thank you so much for doing… (Finish with a specific example of an action your child took.)
52. You make life fun.
53. I love being around you, no matter what we’re doing.
54. You are my favorite 5-year-old.
55. I love you to the moon and back. (Or you can take this one step further by adding on, like “I love you to the moon, past the end of our solar system, to the next galaxy over and to every other galaxy in the universe, to the alien planet no one knows about yet, and all the way back home.”)
56. I’m a fan of you. (This one is inspired by our favorite pick for family movie night, We Bought a Zoo.)
57. I love when we learn something new together.
58. I’m never too busy for you.
59. You light up my day.
60. That was a kind decision when you… (Then give a specific example of something your child did that was kind.)
61. I have fun when I’m with you.
62. I love you more than French fries. (Or insert your favorite food like pizza or cupcakes.)
63. Seeing you smile makes me smile.
64. You’ll never get in trouble for talking to me about something that’s bothering you.
65. I feel blessed to have you in my life.
66. You inspire me to be a better person.
67. Even if I’m feeling frustrated about something, I still love you.
68. I love the way your mind works.
69. You make me happy, just by being you.
70. I wouldn’t trade you for a million gabazillion dollars.
71. I love you when… or… (Finish with two very different examples, like “I love you when you feel brave or scared” or “I love you when you’re serious or silly.” The inspiration for this one came from the sweet children’s book called The I Love You Book.)
72. I miss you when we’re apart. (Or you can go for the over-the-top version, “I miss you when I blink,” which is also the name of a funny memoir from a mom about trying to do it all).
73. You can always tell me the truth, even if you’re scared to, and I will still love you.
74. I wish I didn’t have to go to work so we could stay home together and play all day!
75. I will love you always and forever.

Related: 150 Conversation Starters for Kids That Will Make You Closer Than Ever {Printable}

But First, Beware of This Gotcha

Visual cues have one weakness. After a while, they become wallpaper.

In other words, after you get used to seeing the cue in your environment, the cue stops reminding you. And this list of positive words for kids is not immune to this phenomenon.

But there’s a simple fix: When the cue stops catching your eye, just move it to a different spot.

Here are a few different places you can put this free printable list of positive sayings for kids. When the list starts blending into the background, move it to a new place from this list.

• The fridge
• A door
• The bathroom mirror
• The dinner table
• The driver’s seat of your vehicle
• As a bookmark for whatever book you’re currently reading – your own personal reading material or a read-aloud chapter book you’re using at bedtime with your child
• On your nightstand
• Inside your kitchen pantry
• Laid inside a drawer you open frequently, like in your dresser or bathroom vanity
• On the kitchen counter – for example, next to your coffee maker

Plus, here’s a bonus idea I love for an extra reminder: Change your password to one of these positive sayings for kids every few days. Then whenever you enter your password, it will be a reminder to say those positive words out loud to your child.

For example, you could change your password to URImportant2Me! to represent the phrase you are important to me.

Related: 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth {Printable}

The Best Times to Use These Positive Words for Kids

Let’s say you’ve received your free printable list of positive words for kids, and you hung it in a prominent spot in your home as a visual cue. Awesome!

But…now what? These are all beautifully positive things to say to your child, but when do you say them?

Here are a few ideas for how to work these positive messages for kids into your days:

• Surprise your child by saying their name out of the blue, then saying a phrase – bonus points if you bend down and get on their eye level first
• Pick a different phrase to say at bedtime every night while tucking your child in – say it with a smile or whisper it while you give a big bear hug
• If you’ve had a moment of disconnection like a disagreement or power struggle, deliver one of these phrases with a hug, back rub, or pat on the shoulder
• Write a phrase down and leave it for your child to find – a slip of paper in your child’s school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror, a notecard on their pillow, and so on
• When you notice your child seems sad or upset, say one of these phrases
• If you notice your child struggling with something like homework or learning something new, encourage them with one of these positive sayings for kids

Related: 10 Children’s Books That Will Make Your Kids Feel Absolutely Loved

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids

Use this cheat sheet of positive things to say to your child to help you remember to show your unconditional love for your child – even when life is busy.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section earlier in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

What are your favorite positive words for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Every evening at the dinner table, my husband and I used to fall into this age-old parenting trap:

“How was your day?”
“Fine.”

“What did you learn today?”
“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with at recess?”
“No one.”

But one-word answers don’t foster a good discussion, and they certainly don’t help us reconnect with our kids after a long day apart from each other.

And yet, it’s absolutely essential that we do reconnect because if we don’t, we pay the price later.

When we’re all feeling connected, the kids jump in to help clean up after dinner—without being asked. They pay attention the first time we ask them to brush their teeth and get jammies on. When we tuck them into bed, they’re all giggles and smiles.

But when we’re all feeling disconnected? We get less cooperation, more power struggles, and grumbles and grimaces at bedtime instead.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun printable family conversation starters and use them at the end of every day to reconnect with your child.

What If We Asked Our Kids Better Questions?

I realized I needed to solve the problem of one-word responses so we could have a meaningful family conversation. Because conversations like that leave everyone’s connection tank overflowing, plus they contribute to a healthy parent-child bond. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you consistently engage in that kind of active listening with your child.

But as busy parents, we’re too exhausted to be creative and come up with questions to ask kids that will get a real, meaningful conversation going. So my first step was to find the best questions for kids that actually work at getting your kids to open up.

You can find lots of questions for children online, but you have to wade through quite a few duds, like:

• “What’s your favorite number?” or
• “Why do you think some kids disobey their parents?” or
• “Frozen or The Incredibles?”

In other words: Boring, loaded, or queued up for another one-word answer that takes the conversation nowhere.

Same goes with the ready-made conversation starters you can find on Amazon. After reading tons of reviews, I found out the store-bought versions of “questions of the day for kids” had the same problem—questions that were duds, plus the questions didn’t work well for a wide range of child ages.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly {Printable}

Here’s How These Questions for Kids Are Different

I devoured every list of questions for kids I could find, and I compiled the ultimate list of all the best questions for kids. These were my criteria:

• Open-ended questions for kids work best, like “How” and “Why” questions. These types of questions get kids talking because they open the door to more than just one-word answers. On the other hand, a question like “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your favorite outfit?” doesn’t foster a meaningful conversation.
• Any questions to ask your kids should be something adults can answer, too. Most kids don’t appreciate feeling like they’re put on the spot to perform like circus animals for the benefit of the surrounding adults. Plus, a conversation where everyone’s contributing is more fun anyway.
• No boring questions. Research shows people love talking about themselves—but not if you ask boring questions.
• No trivia questions. You’re trying to foster a meaningful conversation, not quiz your child on who’s the current President of the United States or what’s the fastest land animal. (A cheetah!)
• And this one’s important: Any questions to ask your child shouldn’t feel like a test or a lecture. For example, “Why do you think some kids disobey their parents?” may give you some interesting answers, but your kid could feel like you’re setting a trap.

I waded through pages and pages of questions for kids to find the absolute best questions that kids and adults will enjoy. The final list includes 150 awesome questions for kids, which gives you enough for nearly six months of questions of the day for kids.

Related: How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio {Printable}

Available for a limited time: If you prefer a printed set of these family conversation starters, you can get your printed set here.

100 Questions for Kids…That They’ll Actually Answer

With these questions for kids, not only will you be teaching your child the art of conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into their heart. You’ll go beyond the surface-level questions about their favorite movie, toy, or pizza topping—and tap into what’s important to them, what has them worried, and what they’re excited about.

And most important of all, you’ll close any distance that’s come between you and your child during the day so you both end the day feeling connected, loved, and happy.

To get a printable version of the full set of 150 questions for kids, get my family conversation starter cards here. Included in this post below, you’ll find 100 of the best questions for kids from those conversation starters.

These questions work for a wide range of ages, from toddler to teen and everything in between. You’ll find a mix of silly questions and thought-provoking questions, plus quite a few meaningful conversation starters that will bring out answers that are sure to warm your heart.

Open-Ended Questions for Kids

When you want to get your child talking, open-ended questions like these work best:

1. What are you excited about right now?
2. What was your first thought when you woke up today?
3. What do you want to accomplish by your next birthday?
4. What do you love about yourself?
5. What’s something that’s hard for you?
6. What was the last time you felt mad?
7. What’s the best thing about your life?
8. What’s a small thing that makes you feel happy?
9. What’s something you want to do, but you can’t yet?
10. What makes you feel loved?
11. What do you know how to do that you could teach others to do?
12. What’s the best thing that has ever happened to you?
13. What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
14. What are you most proud of?
15. When you’re feeling sad, what makes you feel better?
16. Which rule do you have to follow that doesn’t make sense?
17. If you could pack anything in your lunch tomorrow, what would it be?
18. What makes you feel special?
19. What is the best part of every day?
20. What is the worst part of every day?
21. What’s the best gift you ever received?
22. What do you worry about the most?
23. What’s something you’re looking forward to?
24. What’s something you’d like to get rid of or throw away?
25. What’s something you work hard at?
26. When do you feel happiest?
27. What’s your favorite holiday—the one you look forward to the most?
28. What’s your favorite thing to do outside?
29. What’s your favorite thing to do as a family?
30. What’s the best part of our family?
31. What’s something nice someone said to you lately?
32. Who understands you the best?
33. What’s your favorite thing to do with your friends?
34. What’s something you did to help someone today?
35. Who made you smile today?
36. What’s your favorite family tradition? Why?
37. What was the last time someone was mad at you?

Funny Questions to Ask Kids

Your child’s answers to these silly or funny questions for kids will get you and your child giggling:

1. What’s the funniest thing somebody did or said today?
2. If you could only eat one food for an entire year, what would you choose?
3. What’s your favorite joke?
4. If you were a superhero with one superpower, what would it be?
5. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to? (Or would you leave it?)
6. If you could stay up all night, what would you do?
7. If somebody from another planet came to Earth, what would they think of our world?
8. If you had three wishes, what would they be?
9. Would you rather live in a castle, on a boat, or on a cloud?
10. If you buried a treasure chest, what would you put in it?
11. What is the most annoying noise in the world?
12. If people could see inside you, what would they see?
13. If you could be anything for Halloween, what would you be?
14. If you had an extra room in your house, what would you use it for?
15. If you could create one law that everybody on Earth had to follow, what would it be?
16. If you were invisible, where would you go and what would you do?

Related: 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles

Thought-Provoking Questions for Kids

These thought-provoking questions go beyond the bland status quo of “How was school today?” Instead of hearing a one-word answer in response, you’ll get a peek into how your child’s mind works.

1. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
2. If you could be any animal, what would you be? Why?
3. What will you be doing in 10 years?
4. What’s the most important choice you will have to make in your life?
5. What’s your earliest memory?
6. Do you like morning or night better? Why?
7. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
8. If you had to choose only three words to describe yourself, what would you say?
9. If you won $1000, what would you do with it?
10. If you could be any book character, who would you be?
11. What is something you would never change about yourself?
12. What would you like to invent?
13. Which one of your 5 senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch) is most important? Why?
14. If you could be any age, which age would you choose? Why?
15. If you could be the best in the world at something, what would it be?
16. What’s something you used to dislike, but you now like?
17. Which three words would you use to describe our family?
18. If you could start a company that made something, what would that be?
19. Which do you prefer: a messy room or a clean room? Why?
20. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned so far?
21. What’s the hardest thing about being you?
22. What is one thing you want to learn how to do?
23. If you were stuck on a desert island but could pick three things to bring, what would they be?
24. What does it mean to show respect to someone?
25. If you could change one family rule, what would you change?
26. If you could switch places with one person for a day, who would it be?
27. What do you get to do at someone else’s house that you wish you could do at ours?
28. What advice would you give to a younger sister or brother?
29. Who do you admire? Why?
30. What do your friends like best about you?
31. If one of your parents described you, what would he or she say?
32. If you could start a new family tradition, what would it be?
33. What’s the most important job in the world?
34. What’s the most fun job in the world?
35. What is the best part of being a grown-up?
36. What is the best part of being a kid?
37. What’s the smartest thing you heard somebody say today?
38. If we didn’t have to go to school or work on Monday, what would you want to do all day?
39. Has someone ever asked you to do something you didn’t want to do?
40. What’s the most important thing for a parent to do?
41. Twenty years from now, where do you think you’ll live?
42. What’s something grown-ups get to do that you wish you could do?
43. What does it mean for two people to be in love?
44. If you could give everybody in the world one piece of advice, what would you say?
45. If you could learn any language, what would you learn?
46. What will the world be like in 10 years? What will be the same? What will be different?
47. If you could live in another country for one year, where would you live?

How to Use These Printable Questions for Kids

To save you some time, these printable conversation starters are designed so you can print them on pre-perforated business card templates and just pop each one out (see below). But regular paper and scissors work great too.

1. Get your cards here. After you order, you’ll get a special link to get your cards.
2. Print. I designed these questions of the day for kids to print on Avery business cards for inkjet^† or laser printers. Or you can just print them on regular paper or card stock, then cut the cards out or fold and tear to get a charmingly casual look.
3. Drop the cards into an empty bowl or spare mason jar, put it on your dining room table, and you’re DONE. Or to take it one step further, you can hole-punch them in one corner and put the whole set on a book ring like this. That makes the cards extra portable so you can throw them in your purse, car, or carry-on for a plane ride.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

When to Ask These Family Conversation Questions

Here are a few situations where you can ask your kids these questions:

• Pick a question or two to ask your child at dinner every night, then take turns answering the question—and get ready to feel closer to your child than ever before.
• Keep your cards in the car and ask a question on the way to or from school for an extra dose of connection.
• Set up a weekly one-on-one date where you grab ice cream sandwiches or another favorite dessert and ask each other questions.
• If you have a weekly tradition like family game nights or family movie nights, kick off the event with a question or two from this list. For game night, these questions work great as fillers when you’re in between games or when someone’s in the kitchen popping more popcorn!

Before You Go: 4 Quick Tips for the Best Conversations

Your Turn

What are your favorite questions of the day for kids? Let’s help our fellow parents discover another way to say “How was your day?” that will actually get a conversation going. Share your best questions to ask children in a comment below!

The post The Best Questions to Ask Your Kid Instead of “How Was Your Day?” appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

With four kids in our family, our daily responsibilities as parents take up most of our free time.

It starts from the minute we wake up, when my husband and I start planning out the day—Who’s picking up the oldest from school? What’s for dinner tonight? Do we have enough food for every kid to have a lunch that consists of more than a stale tortilla and three dried-out carrots?

While we figure all that out and more, my husband makes three bowls of oatmeal alongside his own, and I clean the toddler’s grubby high chair from dinner last night because I forgot and…is that an ant?!

We’re constantly in go-go-go mode just to get the bare minimum done, and that doesn’t leave much time for stopping to connect with our kids.

But That’s a Big Problem

A healthy connection with our kids is essential. Research shows that in order to have a healthy relationship, for every negative interaction, you need five positive interactions to balance it out.

For example, when I lose my cool over my toddler coloring on the walls, we need five positive interactions to balance that out, or our relationship will suffer.

But I don’t need the research to tell me that because I can see it for myself.

When my connection with my children starts to suffer, the result is more power struggles and less cooperation from them. And when the power struggles wear down my patience, I sometimes turn into an angry mom, which feeds the disconnection even more.

And then above all, my goal is to build a strong mother-daughter bond that will last a lifetime. As it turns out, a healthy mother-daughter relationship can be the strongest of all family relationships throughout your child’s life.

But it’s when my daughters are young that I must invest in a solid foundation for our relationship. If we don’t start out with a healthy connection now, it certainly won’t magically appear when they’re teenagers or adults.

Related: How to Stop Being an Angry Mom Now Using 5 Hair Ties {Printable}

Here’s the Solution…With a Catch

Nothing gets us back on track like some good quality bonding time, whether that’s reading our favorite picture books on the couch together or playing one of our quick family bonding games for an emergency dose of connection.

All it takes is a few minutes, and we walk away smiling and feeling that invisible string between our hearts again.

But sometimes my kids let me know that what they really need is more than a group bonding activity. They need one-on-one quality time with me.

Because my daughters all have such different personalities, the way they communicate this manifests in different ways:

• My oldest gets quiet and disappears behind a book
• My youngest daughter acts out by climbing the furniture, dumping her water bottle out on the floor, or morphing into a toddler-sized Godzilla and destroying her older sisters’ prized Magna Tiles creation of the day
• And my middle daughter, whose emotional intelligence outstrips my own, will walk up to me while I’m doing dishes or folding laundry, slip her little hand into mine, and say, “I want some mama time”

Sometimes I’ve made the mistake of ignoring or pushing off these pleas for connection, and I always regret it later. But more power struggles and less cooperation don’t exactly make for a happy family. So I’ve learned to pay close attention to my daughters when they show me or tell me they need one-on-one time.

The Tricky Part?

One-on-one time sounds great in theory, but we do still have a household to run and four kids to parent, so I can’t always drop what I’m doing and have a full-fledged mother-daughter day to get that one-on-one time. And with my daughters ranging in age from tween to toddler, what works as a fun mother-daughter activity with one girl may not work with the others.

So when it comes to mother-daughter date ideas, we’ve had to get a little creative.

For several years, I’ve kept a special list of mother-daughter date ideas on my computer for my own use. Every time I came across a new idea for fun mother-daughter dates, I added it to the list.

Any time I feel a disconnect with one of my girls, I go to the list and find an idea of something we can do in the very near future. I don’t have to come up with fun ideas out of thin air, and my girls get the connection they’re craving. Win-win.

Related: 7 Most Powerful Ways to Get an Emergency Dose of Family Connection {Printable}

101 Best Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Every Age, Budget, And Situation

Recently, it dawned on me that I may not be the only busy mom looking for simple ways to connect with my daughters, so I decided to clean up the list and share it here with you.

If you’re looking for mother-daughter things to do that will help you feel closer to your girl, check this epic list for the best ideas.

Decide how much time you have for your one-on-one bonding, then find that section for oodles of ideas for fun things to do with your daughter.

Quick win: Get these Family Connection Cards so you can stop feeling guilty about whether you’re spending quality time with your daughter and nurture the kind of close relationship that will stand the test of time—in just 10 minutes a day. The cards feature the ideas included in this article, plus bonus ideas.

But First, a Disclaimer

My husband has also used this list over the years for father-daughter date ideas, and I’m absolutely planning to use this list with my son when he’s a little older. Out of this whole list, I counted only a handful of ideas that may not be the right fit for some boys.

So if you have a son or if you’re a dad (or grandparent or aunt), please go ahead and use this list too!

But because I’m a mom and I have three older daughters I’ve been having one-on-one time with for 13 years, I wrote this as a mother-daughter date ideas list.

20 Minutes or Less: Quick But Powerful!

These fun mother-daughter date ideas are perfect when you need a spontaneous dose of healthy connection with your daughter.

Free, or Less Than $10

All the mommy-daughter date ideas in this section are quick, and they’re also no-cost or low-cost. Score!

1. Have an impromptu dance party.

Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy bonds and builds positive memories. To help kick off your mother-daughter dance party, I’ve curated a few of the best songs for kids in these playlists: girl power songs, funny songs for kids, love songs for kids, and family dance party music.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Ask each other interesting questions.

Our favorites are from this set of adorable family conversation starters. We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

3. Read aloud.

If she’s old enough, you can take turns reading out loud to each other from the same book. If reading aloud is already part of your daily routine and feels a bit too routine to be special, you can switch it up by changing genres. For example, you might read poetry or magazine articles to each other. When my oldest daughter and I want to connect one-on-one, we’ll take turns reading to each other from Harry Potter.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Take turns taking photos of each other.

Odds are that as the mom, you’re the one behind the camera most of the time so there aren’t many family photos of you. So your daughter may appreciate the honor of capturing some rare snapshots of you. You can dress up if you want or keep it simple. Feel free to be as silly as you want!

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Make art together.

You can doodle, design thank-you cards, or try something fancy you found on Pinterest. Not only is creating art important for your child’s development, but it’s also been shown to impact health by reducing stress and anxiety, increasing positive emotions, and reducing the likelihood of depression.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Take turns telling each other jokes.

If you don’t know many jokes, these two joke books are our favorites, and they’re both super inexpensive: Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids^† and Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids. (If you like those, this author has a ton of joke books for even more ideas!) We also enjoyed this full-color book of kids’ jokes from National Geographic.

As an alternative, you can take turns asking each other funny questions because research shows that when you laugh together, you feel more connected and strengthen your relationship.

And for that, all you need is this list: 120 Funny Questions to Ask Kids for Guaranteed Giggles.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

7. Look at pictures.

Grab a family photo album and look at old photos together. Whether you look at her baby pictures or pictures from when you were a kid, kids love a trip down memory lane. For bonus points, throw in a few childhood stories.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Make up a story together.

You make up one sentence, then pass it to your child for the next sentence. For even more fun with this mother-daughter bonding activity, use one of the Create and Tell Me a Story card decks. We always keep that fun game stocked in our family-owned game shop!

• Ages: Preschooler to tween

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1,208 families purchased this game after reading this post…

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Create a Story Cards

    
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona

9. Dress each other.

Let your daughter pick out your clothes for the day, then you do the same for her. Then head out to run errands or to your regular daily routine wearing what you picked out for each other.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Write poems about each other.

My oldest daughter had a project in fourth grade where parents were encouraged to write a poem about their kids. I was nervous to write a poem since that’s not in my wheelhouse, but when I read the finished poem out loud to my daughter, she beamed. Sit down and write poems together, then read them aloud to each other.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

11. Climb into bed.

Pick any time of day and pile into your bed and cuddle together for a few minutes. You may be surprised at what your daughter opens up about after a few minutes of shared quiet!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Tell a story.

Think back to a funny or cute story from when she was younger—or from when you were a child—and share it with your daughter. Even if she’s heard it before.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Stop and play.

Sit down and just play for a few minutes—no smartphones, no multitasking. Just follow her lead.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

14. Start a game of chase or hide-and-seek.

For younger girls, she’ll love it if you pretend her hiding place is so good you can’t find her.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

15. Start rough-housing or a pillow fight.

Research shows this kind of play builds emotional intelligence and brings joy for kids—yes, even girls!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Talk in the dark.

When you put her to bed, turn out the lights and snuggle in bed with her. Ask questions and listen. Here’s one of our favorites: “When did you feel most loved today?”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

17. Ask for help.

Ask her to help you with something like doing laundry or paying bills. Not only is this one of the best kinds of mother-daughter bonding activities, she may learn a new life skill, too.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

18. Welcome the day.

Wake up early and watch the sunrise together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

19. Have a hula hoop contest.

The winner gets to pick their favorite meal for dinner, an extra piece of candy after dinner, or just bragging rights.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

20. Make slime or play dough.

Then play with it together.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

21. Color on the sidewalk.

Use washable sidewalk chalk to create a masterpiece or invent a new game. If sidewalk chalk is a regular activity for your daughter, make it special with glitter chalk or a mandala stencil. For creative inspiration, check out Chalk on the Wild Side, which has 25+ chalk art projects, recipes (glow-in-the-dark chalk!), and chalk game ideas for you.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

22. Learn a new language together.

Try the Duolingo app, or listen to language lessons on Audible or on Libro.fm. (By the way, Libro.fm is the same price as Audible, and you’ll support a locally owned bookstore with every audiobook you choose!)

• Ages: Elementary to teen

23. Meditate together.

Our favorite app is Headspace because it has sections specifically for kids.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

24. Give each other massages.

This works for a wide age range, and it’s easy to do anytime or any place.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

Between $10-20

If you have a small budget to work with, try one of these fun mother-daughter activities.

1. Color together.

Get a special mother-daughter coloring book, which has one intricate page for mom and one simpler page for your daughter in each spread. Our favorites are this book with adorable animal illustrations and this one with more variety that a family therapist helped create. Coloring is perfect as a mother-daughter bonding activity because you can do it in short spurts of time. And if you’re feeling a little disconnected, the action of coloring calls on both logic (staying in the lines) and creativity (picking colors and color schemes), which helps your brain relax.

Don’t forget to pick up some snazzy new coloring pencils or fineliner pens to go along with your pretty coloring books!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Do a crossword puzzle.

We love this series of crossword puzzle books because they have perforated pages you can tear out so you can solve a puzzle on the go.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Take turns writing.

Get a shared journal for kids and parents and write back and forth to each other. This is my favorite mother-daughter journal because it gives you a magical way to get your kid to open up about what’s going on so you can stay connected. Or if you’d prefer to share a drawing journal, the co-author of this gorgeous mom and me art journal is a licensed art therapist so it’s specifically designed to improve your mother-daughter relationship.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

An Hour or Two

When you have a little more time to spare, these fun mother-daughter activities will help you feel close and connected.

Free, or Less Than $10

Every mother-daughter activity in this section is free—or close to it!

1. Go for a long walk or hike.

Without the distractions of daily life at home, your daughter may open up and share her heart with you on the walk. Plus, outdoor time is good for your relationship, according to science. Research shows time spent in nature helps mothers and daughters get along better.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Have a coffee date.

Bring your favorite board game or card game to your neighborhood coffee shop, then treat yourselves to a fancy drink while you play—coffee for you, hot chocolate for her. Here’s a list of our all-time favorite family board games for all ages. (The bestselling card game in our family-owned game shop is perfect for coffee dates: Sleeping Queens.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

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Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

3. Browse the bookstore.

Take her to a bookstore and browse the shelves in the kids’ section together. Whether she’s at the picture book, chapter book, or young adult level, pick out a book or two and read out loud to her. (Kids are never too old to be read to!) If you need some ideas, here are our absolute favorite picture books of all time—and we read a lot. For a special treat, surprise her by buying her a new book she has her eye on.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Host a movie night for two.

At home, watch your favorite movie, her favorite movie, or a new movie you’re both interested in. Then afterwards, talk about your favorite parts.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

5. Get a mani-pedi.

You can go DIY style with a spa day at home and paint each other’s nails, or make it an extra special event by taking her to a nail salon for a manicure and/or pedicure so you can both relax while you’re pampered.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Trade makeovers.

Get your makeup bag out, and let your daughter do whatever she wants—then swap roles. You may look ridiculous after she’s done with your makeover, but she’ll love being “in charge.”

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Get moving together.

Pop in a workout DVD (we like Jillian Michaels’s Yoga Meltdown) and have fun keeping your bodies healthy. Or if that’s not your style, go for a quick run or bike ride together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Do a buddy read.

Read the same book—together as a read-aloud or separately on your own—then have a meeting where you talk about what happened in the book, your favorite characters, what surprised you, and so on. Even better: Host your book club for two at the local coffee shop or bakery.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

9. Make a meal.

This is extra fun if you try out a new recipe for the first time together. Or if you don’t want to make a meal, bake a treat together (cookies are quick and easy!) or make homemade ice cream.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Put on a fashion show.

Try on clothes from your closet that you haven’t worn in a while, and your daughter can do the same. If you’re close in size, you can even let her try on your clothes. As an added bonus, you may get new ideas for how to wear what you already have—or at least you’ll be able to clear out stuff that didn’t work out.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

11. Play a board game or card game.

For an extra treat, pick up a new game you haven’t played before. If you need ideas, check out Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages. For the perfect one-on-one date, check out 7 Wonders Duel. My daughters beg me to play that one with them on our dates! If you have more than an hour or two, try a game night for just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Camp out in the living room.

After the rest of the family goes to bed, set up your sleeping bags in the living room and stay up late talking, watching a movie, or playing a board game—or all of the above.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

13. Go on a photo scavenger hunt.

You can find free printable photo scavenger hunts online like this simple printable and this one for tweens and teens.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

14. Paint rocks.

Then leave them somewhere for a stranger to find so you can brighten their day.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

15. Go to a park, just the two of you.

Join your daughter on the swings, and go ahead and try out the big slide too. If your local park doesn’t have a playground, try driving to another park in your area that does.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

16. Stargaze.

Stay up late and lay in your yard, counting stars.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

17. Get literary.

Go hear an author speak at a local bookstore. Bonus points if it’s one of your daughter’s favorites.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

18. Feed the ducks.

Visit a nearby pond with ducks. (Just make sure to bring defrosted frozen peas or corn, never bread!)

• Ages: Toddler to tween

19. Go swimming.

Visit the local swimming pool or splash pad, just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Try geocaching.

Have fun exploring together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

21. Try on shoes.

Go to the best shoe store in your area and try on as many shoes as you want. You don’t have to buy anything—in fact, it can be even more fun to try on wild styles you’d never consider buying.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

22. Make something.

Find a craft or DIY project on Pinterest and make it together. (My Playful Parenting board has tons of fun ideas.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

23. Go skating.

Try roller skating, ice skating, or rollerblading.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

24. Visit the library.

Then pick out books for each other that you think the other person would enjoy.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

25. Play a sport together.

Try something like tennis, or visit the batting cages or driving range.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

26. Scrapbook side-by-side.

Print a few family photos and look for other tidbits like ticket stubs, notes you’ve written each other, or your child’s artwork, then sit down together with a scrapbook and preserve those memories. For older kids, you can print funny text message threads between the two of you and paste them into a scrapbook.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

27. Train for something.

Sign up for a race like a 5K and train for it. Then run it together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

28. Declutter as a team.

Go through your closet and pick things to rehome, then switch and go through her closet.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

29. Round up spare change.

Then decide together on a charity to donate it to. Check the couch cushions, the bottom of purses, junk drawers, and cup holders in your car. (Whenever we do this, my girls always want to throw in some of their piggy bank money to donate even more!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

30. Purge the pantry.

Get rid of expired food, and bag up any other food you can to donate to a local food bank.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

31. Invent a recipe.

Start with a favorite recipe and experiment with switching it up to make it even better, or start from scratch to come up with something new together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

32. Get inspired.

Look through magazines and Pinterest to find ideas for redecorating her bedroom. Clip any photos you love and make a vision board. (For fresh ideas, try my Kids’ Room Ideas board.)

• Ages: Elementary to teen

33. Do each other’s hair.

Find a fun hairstyle on Pinterest and practice it on each other. (Check out my How to Be a Girl board for ideas.)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

34. Fly a kite.

Take turns flying a kite at a nearby park.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

35. Have a slumber party.

Join your daughter in her room for one night, just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

36. Play with paper dolls.

Print a cute set of color-in paper dolls, then cut them out and color them together, then play dress-up. I downloaded a set of the most adorable paper dolls from this Etsy seller, and my girls had so much fun! Even my 13-year-old.

• Ages: Preschooler to tween

Between $10-20

Got a bit more budget to work with? Here are a few ways to spend your mother-daughter quality time.

1. Solve a jigsaw puzzle.

We do a lot of puzzles in our family, and our absolute favorite puzzle-maker is Ravensburger because the pieces are nice and sturdy—perfect for little fingers. A few of my daughters’ favorites have been this magical 150-piece unicorn puzzle, a panoramic puzzle featuring the Frozen characters, and this playful carnival scene.

But if you’re both whizzes at puzzles, maybe you’re brave enough to try this impressive 33,000-piece puzzle that’s the world’s largest.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Take her out for ice cream.

Let her order whatever she wants. The more scoops the better!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Grow something.

You can go all out and start a garden or just find an empty pot and plant a pretty flower in it. This mother-daughter bonding activity is great because you can take care of the plant together every day. Here’s an all-in-one garden starter that we’ve used and loved. If you’re new to gardening and your daughter is young, you might also want to pick up a kid-friendly set of garden tools.

On the other hand, if you have a black thumb (hello, that’s me!), you can skip the plant aspect and try a butterfly-growing kit.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Have a picnic.

Grab a basket and pack yummy food, an outdoor blanket, and a fun treat like sparkling juice. Side note: If you enjoy picnics together, you might want to invest in a great outdoor blanket that’s waterproof and will last a while. We went through a couple duds before we got this stud of an outdoor blanket, and it’s fantastic.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Meet for lunch.

Pick a random school day and meet your daughter for lunch. Bring her favorite meal, even if it’s fast food. Or for a smaller treat, bring a cookie or another surprise dessert.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

More Than $20

When you can splurge a bit, these mother-daughter date ideas will create lasting memories for both of you.

1. Take a class.

Find a class you’re both interested and sign up, like an art, pottery, sewing, photography, self-defense, or cooking class—or something else altogether. If you’re on a budget, most home improvement stores offer free kid-friendly workshops. Learning a new skill or trying something you’ve never done before can be a little stressful in the moment, but research shows it pays off with increased happiness in the long term.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

2. Go thrifting.

Shopping is one of the most stereotypical mother-daughter bonding activities, but it doesn’t always fit the family budget, and you may not want to foster a love of “stuff” from a young age. If that’s the case, take her to a thrift store, a flea market, or garage sales and look for hidden gems.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

3. Take her out to eat.

Pick a restaurant you both love, a new restaurant you’ve never tried before, or just get a couple slices of deliciously greasy pizza, and share a meal just the two of you.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

4. Go to a yoga class.

Find a class your daughter will feel comfortable with, and do it together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

5. Catch a movie.

Go see a movie in the theater. Be sure to get your favorite theater treat, whether that’s buttery popcorn, a king size Twix, or the pucker power of Sour Patch Kids.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

6. Visit a local farmer’s market.

Sample as much as possible, and pick up something fun to bring home and share with the rest of the family.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Explore a museum.

Younger kids love children’s museums, and older girls may enjoy visiting other attractions like an art museum, natural history museum, planetarium, science museum, and so on.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

8. Take her to a show.

Find a musical, play, or other performance, and surprise her with tickets. She’ll love the excuse to get dressed up!

• Ages: Elementary to teen

9. Throw a spur-of-the-moment party just because.

You could throw an “It’s Friday” party, a “Rainy Day” party, or even a “We Had a Fight But We Still Love Each Other” party. Remember: A party without cake is just a meeting.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

10. Go bowling.

It doesn’t matter if you stink at bowling. Laugh it off, and it will add to the fun.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

11. Let your daughter decide.

Give her twenty dollars (or ten, or whatever your budget is) and tell her she can decide how you’ll spend your time together. She may decide to spend it all on candy, but research shows that kids are happier when they have a say in how they spend their time.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

12. Play putt-putt.

Find a miniature golf course, play a game together, and laugh at yourself when you miss terribly.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

13. See an outdoor show.

Take her to an outdoor play or concert.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

14. Host a tea party for two.

Dress up and wear fancy hats if you have them, and do everything the British do for high tea. Or if you’re feeling adventurous, visit a local tea room or hotel for high tea.

• Ages: Toddler to tween

15. Give back.

Pick a project on Kiva to invest in. You can lend as little as $25 to help someone start or grow a business, go to school, and more to help them realize their potential. As another option, you can find a project on DonorsChoose and help kids in economically disadvantaged areas get what they need in order to learn better at school.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

16. Watch sports.

Get tickets to a sporting event and splurge on the junk food. For an extra treat, get a souvenir to remember the fun day.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

17. Go on a walking tour.

See your city with fresh eyes by signing up for a walking tour. Some cities even have food walking tours where you can try a few new restaurants in the span of a couple hours.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

18. Book haircuts for both of you.

Schedule them for the same time so you can chat while you’re pampered.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

19. Pick fresh fruit.

Visit a local u-pick farm and pick fresh fruit—berries, apples, pumpkins, or whatever’s in season.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

20. Visit animals.

If you and your daughter love animals, visit a zoo or a farm with a petting zoo. If you don’t have a zoo nearby, a local pet store works in a pinch, especially for younger kids.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

21. Get breakfast treats.

Wake up before everyone else in the family and head out early to get breakfast treats, like breakfast tacos, donuts, or cinnamon rolls. Don’t forget to bring home extras to share with everyone else!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

22. Visit an arcade.

Play as many games as possible together.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

Half a Day or More

As busy parents, it can be hard to set aside a full day or even half a day. But if you can put it on the calendar once every two to three months, do it because these mother-daughter date ideas are so much fun.

Free, or Less Than $10

When you have a bit more time to spend with your daughter, here are the best free (or cheap) mommy-daughter date ideas.

1. Take a mental health day.

Take one day off school and work and spend the day together. Just make sure she doesn’t have any big tests, quizzes, or projects due that day! Or if you can’t afford a full day, pick her up an hour or two early from school and go do something fun from this list.

• Ages: Preschooler to teen

2. Give time.

For younger kids, it can be difficult to find organized volunteer activities, but you can always put together care packages for the homeless in your area or make cards to brighten the day of nursing home residents.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Bring your daughter to work with you.

Pick a day when she doesn’t have anything important going on at school, or pick a day during a school holiday. Then bring her to work and show her what you do every day.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

4. Camp out in your backyard.

Put up a tent for the full experience, and don’t forget the s’mores fixin’s!

• Ages: Toddler to teen

5. Go on a kindness spree.

Pick a day and commit as many random acts of kindness as you can think of. For ideas, check out The Best Acts of Kindness for Kids—For Every Age And Budget.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

6. Be in nature.

Drive to the nearest beach or nature center and soak up the outdoor time together.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

7. Take her to college.

If it’s within driving distance, take her to your alma mater and show her around campus. If it’s too far away, take her to the closest college campus and explore together. Ask questions about what she thinks college will be like, and share any fun stories you can remember from when you went.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

More Than $20

If you have extra time and budget, try one of these mother-daughter date ideas.

1. Take a day trip.

Find a fun destination that’s within driving distance, pack some fun snacks, and head there together to explore. Research shows taking a trip with your child becomes a “happiness anchor” for her—in other words, vacations stick in kids’ brains as vivid memories, and later on as adults those memories can even help them get through tough times. (During your road trip, don’t forget to crank up a girl power playlist and sing aloud at the top of your lungs!)

• Ages: Toddler to teen

2. Visit a fair or amusement park.

Ride every ride together and eat all the junk food you possibly can.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

3. Pretend to be tourists in your own town.

Have fun exploring a tourist attraction or two.

• Ages: Elementary to teen

4. Have a one-night staycation.

Book a night at a hotel in your downtown area. For a special treat, order room service for breakfast or for a late-night treat.

• Ages: Toddler to teen

Bonus: How to Reconnect After a Tough Moment With Your Child

Research shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. This is called the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

In other words, after a negative interaction with your daughter, you need to reconnect through a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you and your child. Because if you don’t close that gap and your daughter feels a lack of connection, that will lead to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from her when you ask her to do something.

But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your daughter so you can reconnect.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to reconnect. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to reconnect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

Want More?

For more ideas to help you feel even closer as a family, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond.

Your Turn

What are your favorite mother-daughter date ideas? Share in a comment below!

The post The Best Way to Nurture Your Mother-Daughter Bond: 101 Fun Mom-Daughter Date Ideas appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Within three months, my world turned upside down.

I’d had a cryptogenic stroke, which left me with Broca’s aphasia and apraxia. Aphasia and apraxia are just fancy medical terms for saying that my expressive communication – speaking and writing – was devastatingly affected.

At the age of 31, with two boys to raise, with a nursing career, and in the middle of training for a half marathon, a stroke was not on my agenda. Strokes very rarely affect someone of my age, but more important than my age was the age of my two children: 4 years old and 15 months.

My kids were much too little, and they needed their mother.

This is what was left of me.

Three days after my stroke, the shock had subsided and the gravity of what disabilities I had been left with came into focus. As much as I tried, communication with the rest of the world was not coming back as easy as I would have liked.

My sister was at my bedside, as she was most of the time that I spent in the hospital. We were working on my speech rehabilitation, which was essentially what you would learn in early elementary school. She was reading out sentences that I was supposed to attempt to write.

I sat cross-legged on my hospital bed with a note pad, trying to write “The dog was black.” I couldn’t do it.

After what seemed like an hour, I scribbled “dog black.” I knew that wasn’t correct. I knew I had missed the connecting words of a sentence, but I had no idea what they were. My internal dialogue could say this simple sentence, but when I opened my mouth or put pen to paper, all I could muster was “dog black.”

And then, clarity.

I could feel the sting of tears welling up in my eyes and the lump rising in my throat. But at that very moment, I was not frustrated, I was not feeling sorry for myself, and I was not overwhelmed.

All I could think of is: What was the last thing I wrote to my boys? What was the last thing I told them? Would they remember any of the things that I had taught them?

I surely did not give them enough encouragement, enough words of praise, and enough words of wisdom to get them through to adulthood. I surely did not say “I love you” enough to last a lifetime.

I had written letters to my boys since the day they were born, detailing their lives. But as life has gotten busier, the letters had been few and far in between. What if I could never write to them again? They needed to know how perfect and how miraculous they are to me. I needed to tell them they are enough, I loved them more than anything, and my heart beats for them.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of 75 positive things to say to your child that will make them feel loved.

How many words did I waste that didn’t mean anything?

I regretted every time I fought with my 4-year-old about what type of pants to wear to preschool. The times where I uttered the words, “I’m tired” or “I can’t right now, I’m busy.”

I should have used my energy to tell my 4-year-old, “The clothes on your body don’t matter. I respect your choice to wear what you want.” Or “I will always have time for you, you are important.”

I regretted the time I spent on social media instead of writing the most amazing love letters to my children, documenting every cherished memory. How I longed for those moments back.

Would I ever get a second chance?

My sister looked at me with compassion and empathy in her eyes. I gestured to what I had wrote and with tears threatening to spill over, I could only say, “Boys…not write.”

She grabbed my hand. She looked at me, and I knew that she understood what I was trying to say. She said with such conviction that I would get better and would be able to say the things I so desperately wanted to tell my children.

Remarkably, I did get better.

With a lot of help from my husband, sister, and speech pathologist and a lot of determination and hard work, I relearned sentence structure and began to speak and write again. I recovered enough to say what I so desperately wanted to express to my children.

Now, I make a point to focus my energy on choosing the words that come out of my mouth with hopes that I never forget the way this feels and what the stroke has taught me.

Among the many things this experience has taught me is that communication matters. Conversations matter. The words you choose matter. Talking leads to understanding, and that is never a bad thing.

Words have a magical power to make people feel wanted, loved, and special. They let people know they are not alone and even in extreme cases, to want to live another day.

The opposite is true as well. Words can give sadness, anger, and disgust, and they can break a child’s spirit.

We can live in heaven or hell by the sentences we string together. What power! We can choose our words to give love to this world. If it’s honest, kind, and is used to lift someone up, say it. Don’t let fear get in the way.

Related: The Best 10-Minute Fix to Spending Quality Time With Kids {Printable}

Please, imagine this for me.

I want you to imagine that you’re a child or young teenager. Remember when you felt like an utter disappointment and regretted your actions. Is it when you failed that math test? Is it when you cut your own hair (or your sister’s)? Or dropped a very breakable ornament?

Now, can you imagine that when your mom, dad, or a loved one found out, they said, “I understand that was a mistake. You will need to fix this, but we can work through it together. You have not disappointed me. My love for you is unconditional.”

How good would you feel? The words they spoke can make you feel safe and supported and important to them.

Now imagine that your loved one had a different response. They rolled their eyes and sent you to your room, and the look of disappointment haunted the lines in their face. How would you feel? Certainly not safe or loved or important.

I try to remember this in every interaction with my children. Although it sometimes isn’t easy, I want them to feel loved and that I understand they are human and will make mistakes.

Related: 101 Heartfelt and Simple Ways to Love Your Child Every Day {Printable}

Full disclosure…

I’m not pretending to be some sort of expert or prodigy of parenting. I have made many mistakes and will continue to do so.

I have gone to bed more often than not worried about whether I made the right choices for my children or said the right things. If we’re honest, my guess is everyone has. In all our parenting wisdom, we are perfectly imperfect and will make blunders along the way. I have accepted that.

But what I do ask of myself is to choose to fix my mistakes and never let a relationship suffer for my impulsive or harsh response.

I see now with such certainty that words with intention can bring about peace or can spew out venom that poisons the space around you. Words have the power to mend relationships, stitch together an open wound, and heal the heart.

Say the things that matter to you. Have the conversations you always wanted to have. Tell your children that your heart beats for them. We don’t know when we can get another chance.

It seems like a lifetime ago, but living with the aftermath of a stroke reminds me that it has not been long at all. It also reminds me to not take my second chance for granted.

Now, every day I try to live my life at the pace of my children. I read more stories, I have more playtime and attempt to see the world through my children’s eyes.

At day’s end, when the last story is read and I tuck my children into bed, I ask myself, “Did I give enough encouragement or words of praise to last them into adulthood? Did I say, ‘I love you’ enough to last a lifetime?”

I don’t know, but I’m working on it.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Absolutely Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet

Use this cheat sheet of positive things to say to your child to help you remember to show your unconditional love for your child – even when life is busy.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join our weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock^† would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

Share your thoughts in a comment below.

The post Did I Say “I Love You” Enough to Last a Lifetime? appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One night a while back, my husband and I collapsed on the couch after wrangling our three kids to bed. We passed a pint of Ben & Jerry’s back and forth between us, decompressing about the day. We talked about…

• How we still needed to pay the bills that have been sitting on the counter for a week,
• Whether our toddler turning three next year will help her tantrums or make them worse, and
• How two out of three kids willingly and happily eating Brussels sprouts isn’t all bad – but getting our preschooler on board for three out of three would be epic.

“When we start our garden, the kids will be so excited to eat what they helped grow,” Ty said. “Just watch. I bet she’ll be way more into veggies after that.”

Oh, I thought. The garden. The corners of my mouth slipped down.

We’ve been talking about starting a backyard veggie garden for years. It started when we got an all-in-one garden kit for Christmas one year, and the kids had an absolute blast watering it and checking on it everyday.

On the day they saw sprouts peek out from the soil, you’d have thought we just told them we were moving to live inside the Cinderella Castle at Disney World. But then the cats dug up every last plant, and we had to pitch the whole thing.

I want to start a new garden, Ty wants to start a garden, and the kids can’t wait to start a garden.

And yet, every time the dang garden comes up in conversation, it stresses me out.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free worksheet that will help you get your kids excited about setting family goals – and working towards them as a team.

Here’s the Problem With Setting Family Goals

Dreaming about your future is supposed to be fun.

But when you’re so overwhelmed by your neverending mental to-do list that you can’t even get around to paying three measly bills that have been sitting on the kitchen counter for a week? Dreaming about the future is just One More Thing to add on top of your overflowing to-do list.

Earlier this year, Ty started making plans for our garden – reading a gardening book cover to cover, sketching out where our garden would go in the backyard, figuring out which supplies we’d need.

But every time the garden came up in conversation, I bristled.

I didn’t want to talk about it because I had a million must-dos to worry about before I could think about a nice-to-have bonus.

One kid is overdue for a well-check, we need to check Craigslist for a bassinet before our newest little one is born, the kitchen cabinet where we keep all the art and craft supplies is on the verge of turning into an avalanche every time we open it, and on and on. How can I take time away from all that to plan a garden?

Then He Did Something Brilliant

One night after dinner, we all sat around the table, taking turns asking questions from our favorite set of family conversation starters.

The question was “What makes you feel loved?” and our oldest answered, “When you play with my hair.” Our preschooler said, “When you read That’s Me Loving You.”

Then our toddler said, “When you give me dessert!”

We all laughed, and Ty stood up. “Well, I have good news then. How about s’mores?”

Squeals of delight from the kids. He grabbed our official s’mores supplies container out of the pantry.

“But first,” he announced. “I have something I want to talk about.” With a bag of marshmallows in hand, he had the kids’ attention.

“We’ve been talking about starting a new family garden for a while, and I want to decide as a family when we’ll start it.”

He set the marshmallows down and walked over to our family dry-erase board in the dining room, a neon pink marker in hand.

“We already missed the fall planting season, but the next good time to start would be in January,” he said. He wrote “Garden: January?” on the board.

“When’s January?” my 4-year-old asked.

My oldest turned to her. “That’s right after Christmas.”

“Let’s start in January!” my 4-year-old yelled.

Ty and I laughed. “What do you think?” I asked my oldest.

She smiled. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

I glanced at the toddler, who was still eyeing the marshmallows on the counter. “Do you want to start a garden after Christmas?” I asked her.

“Can we have s’mores now?” Fair enough.

Ty laughed, then used the heel of his hand to erase the question mark after January. “January it is, then,” he said.

And I realized: At no point during that conversation about the garden did I bristle against the idea. I didn’t feel stressed at all. And the whole exchange even left me a little bit…excited.

What sorcery is this?! I wondered.

Related: 150 Conversation Starters for Kids That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart

So…What Made the Difference?

When I’m overwhelmed by the daily work of parenting, I feel lucky to keep up with the bare minimum on my to-do list. Every day feels like a battle to keep the sink from filling up with a week’s worth of dirty dishes, stop one kid’s bad mood from dragging down the whole family, make sure the kids don’t run out of clean laundry and have to resort to wearing their underwear inside out, and more.

I loved the idea of family goal-setting for growing and working together as a family, but the problem was we hadn’t moved from the idea stage to actually setting family goals.

Then my husband took our “one day” idea of starting a family garden, and he called an impromptu family goal-setting session.

But because he nudged us to pick a date and then wrote it down to make it official, that “one day” idea shifted into a family goal that we’d all bought into and had a say in.

The stress of figuring out how to fit in One More Thing on the teetering tower of to-dos in my head disappeared because we had a date and a plan.

And it makes sense. Because as I found out later, research shows that one of the best ways to fight stress is to come up with a plan for whatever you’re stressed about – instead of just letting things happen.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly {Printable}

How Family Goal-Setting Will Make Your Job As a Parent Easier

I mistakenly thought family goal-setting would just give me more to-dos, but I was missing the big picture.

Setting family goals transcends the daily slog of family life that can make us feel run-down and overwhelmed. Because when you’re working together towards a common goal, your connection with your family will be stronger.

Why does that matter? Connection breeds cooperation.

For example, when your kids feel a strong connection with you:

• Your kids will feel safer talking to you about tough topics, like problems with friends or something they’re struggling with at school.
• They’ll be more willing to jump in and help out, like when you’re making dinner or folding laundry.
• They may even listen the first time you ask them to pick up their toys – or at least they’ll listen before you get to your breaking point and threaten to throw all their toys in the trash.

Plus, setting family goals is an excellent way to teach your kids an important life skill before they leave the house: how to set a goal and stick to it until it’s done.

How to Set Family Goals Without Making It Formal And Weird

Until my husband’s impromptu family goal-setting session, I thought the idea of setting family goals sounded a little…stuffy.

But after that experience, I read as much as I could about the best way to set family goals, and I learned that setting family goals definitely doesn’t have to be formal or weird. It can actually be fun.

Since that day, we’ve set a few more goals together – big and small. I talked to every parent I know about how they tackle family goal-setting, and we worked out the kinks on the best process for how to set family goals.

Every family is different, but here are the “gotchas” we ran into and how to avoid them, plus the steps that brought about the best reactions from the whole family. And remember: The promise of s’mores certainly doesn’t hurt.

1. Pick One

Before you start a conversation with the whole family, pick just one family goal you’d like to talk about. The idea of setting family goals can be exciting because you’re dreaming of and planning for the future, so you may be tempted to bring up a few goals all at once. But especially if it’s your first attempt at family goal-setting, tackling more than one goal can be overwhelming – for you and the kids.

When you have a spouse or partner, you can try picking your first family goal after the kids are in bed.

Family Goals Examples

If you need ideas, here are a few family goals examples I’ve heard from friends and extended family:

1. Divvy up household chores to share the workload
2. Save up for a special family vacation
3. Eat more veggies
4. Volunteer together
5. Spend more time together as a family, like a family date night out, game night, movie night, and so on
6. Be more physically active together
7. Commit to having a device-free dinner every night
8. Start a family book club
9. Go somewhere new once a month
10. Start a garden
11. Take a class together, like a cooking class or a self-defense class
12. Establish a day once a month that mom gets the day off and everyone has to take care of her for a change (A girl can dream!)

2. Preload the First Decision

Make a decision ahead of time about when you’ll start the family goal-setting conversation with everyone. This will keep the idea from becoming another “one day” task that’s floating around in your head, competing for attention with all the other things on your mental to-do list.

You may get the best results if you start the conversation during or after a fun family event or tradition, like on pizza night, on family game night, before dessert, after a happy-making dance party, and so on.

For example, you might say, “After pizza night on Friday, I’ll start the conversation about saving up for a trip to Hawaii.”

To help you remember, you can set a reminder in your phone or tablet, or mark it on whatever calendar you use.

Also, no need to wait until January for these conversations! You can set family goals any time of year.

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

3. Gather a Few Fun Supplies (Optional)

After you pick a date, you may want to gather a few helpful supplies before the conversation.

During the talk, it will be important to write down every idea offered up. (More on why that is in a minute.) So here are a few supplies you might find useful for doing that:

• Pick up a few brightly colored Post-It Notes^† so you can write ideas down and stick them on the wall while everyone talks,
• Get a jumbo-sized Post-It pad that you can put on the wall and write everything on, or
• If you have a chalk board or white board in your home, consider having the family goal-setting session near that. We have this cool black dry-erase board hanging in our breakfast nook – it’s where we write down our weekly meal plan, errands we need to run, important dates, and more – so that’s where we do our family goal-setting. (And here are the best markers we’ve found after trying lots of duds that dried out fast.)

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

4. Pretend You’re the WD-40

After talking to many other parents about how they tackle family goal-setting, I’ve learned the number one danger is allowing yourself as the parent to assume the role of dictator, not facilitator. The truth is when you’re standing up in front of everyone trying to lead a discussion, it’s natural to find yourself responding to blank stares and silence by sharing your opinions and ideas.

Unfortunately, as a leader in your family, sharing your opinions and ideas first may cause everyone else to clam up. Your kids especially may be scared to share their thoughts because they’re expecting to be told “no.” And to be fair, kids do tend to hear “no” from parents a lot, so it’s understandable that they’d feel hesitant to speak up.

But if you do all the talking, your family goal-setting session can quickly become a one-woman or one-man show. The problem with that? Without involvement and buy-in from the rest of your family, it will be hard to make real progress on whatever goal you had in mind. And goodness knows you don’t need any more family goals resting solely on your own shoulders.

Here are a few tried-and-true tricks for making sure that setting family goals ends up being a group effort, not a top-down dictatorship. Just remember: Above all, your goal is to grease the wheels of the conversation – be the WD-40.

• Invite everyone to chime in. You can do this by quickly stating what you want to talk about, then shifting right into a question. For example, you might say something like, “We’ve been talking about starting a family book club for a while, so can we come up with a plan for starting it?” Or as another example: “Dad and I thought it would be fun to start volunteering together as a family to help others who haven’t been as lucky as we have. What do you think?” Or: “You might have noticed that Mom and I act like the Oscar the Grouch when we’re doing household chores all alone. How can we all pitch in to get housework done faster?”
• Repeat and write. This is where those colorful Post-It Notes, giant Post-It pads, or a white board or chalkboard from step 3 can come in handy. For every idea or question someone offers up, repeat it out loud then write it down without making any comment on the idea. Even if you don’t end up using that idea, this simple step will help everyone feel heard and like they contributed to the conversation. If you skip this step, you can quickly kill the brainstorming vibe. If you shoot down an idea right after your kid offers it up, she’ll be less likely to speak up again, and you’ll be left with blank stares instead of an engaged family. After you write down all the ideas, you can circle back and decide as a group which ones to incorporate.
• Summarize often. One helpful trick that several parents mentioned is to summarize the conversation as much as possible. This could be your kids’ first experience having a group discussion with the goal of making a joint decision, so summarizing the major points can help them keep track of the direction of the conversation. One phrase that works well for this is, “What I’m hearing is that xyz. Does that sound right?” For example, you might say something like, “What I’m hearing is that we all want to go to Hawaii this year, but saving up that much money that quickly would mean making some sacrifices.” or “What I’m hearing is that we’d all love a family game night, but if Mom has to play Candyland one more time she may gouge her eyes out with a junky plastic game piece.”

5. WOOP Your Goal

Now you know how to facilitate the family goal-setting conversation, but how do you come up with a plan that will make your goal a reality?

You need WOOP.

The WOOP method for tackling personal goals is based on more than 20 years of research on what motivates us and what will drastically increase our chances of success in meeting those goals.

Here’s what the acronym stands for, plus how each step helps you make your goal a reality. At the end of this post, you’ll also get a handy printable that will help you use WOOP while setting family goals.

1. Wish – What do you dream of achieving? Ask everyone to say what they want out loud. Just be careful not to get stuck in this step, fantasizing about what you want. Because it can be so much fun to fantasize about the outcome that it keeps you from actually taking steps to get there. (For more on why this is, check out this TED talk.)
2. Outcome – Next, take your wish and clarify the outcome you want, being as specific as possible. For example, if your goal is “go on a summer family vacation,” you’ll be more likely to hit that goal if you can be more specific, like “save up enough money to go on family vacation to Hawaii in August.” If you know exactly how much you need to save, go ahead and be specific on that part, too. To get the family involved in brainstorming all these details, you can ask lots of what, where, when, and how questions during the family goal-setting conversation. Example: If someone says, “Let’s go on a big family vacation” then you could say, “We want to go on a big family vacation. Where do we want to go?”
3. Obstacle – After you clarify the exact outcome your family wants, you can ask, “What might get in the way of this happening?” That will help your family articulate the obstacles that could get in the way of achieving that outcome. The simple step of anticipating which obstacles could trip you up will increase the chances that when you do hit one of those obstacles, they won’t throw you off course. For example, building on the vacation example in the last bullet, one obstacle could be spending money on eating out when you could use it to save up for vacation. Keep asking, “What else?” in this step until you’ve come up with as many obstacles as you can think of.
4. Plan – Next, create mini “if-then” plans for each obstacle you came up with. To get your family thinking about a plan for each obstacle, you can ask, “If this happens, then what will we do?” The goal is to come up with “if-then” plans like, “If we don’t have enough food in the house for dinner, then Mom or Dad will run to the grocery store real quick to get a rotisserie chicken and sweet potatoes for a cheap dinner of chicken sandwiches.” or “If Mom is craving Starbucks, then she’ll grab a fancy bag of coffee at the grocery store instead and only whine a little bit about it not being a caramel latte with extra whip.”

6. Put It on Display

At the end of the conversation, write down the final plan and put it on display as a visible reminder for everyone.

Assuming matching family tattoos aren’t your style, here are a few ideas for how to make this happen:

• Fill out the free printable WOOP family goal-setting worksheet from the end of this post, then hang that up on the fridge.
• If you have a family calendar or family command station, add the goal there.
• Ask the kids to make a poster about the goal and your plan, then hang it up in a common area of the house.

7. Circle Back

Having the initial family goal-setting conversation is a big step, but to increase your chances of following through, you’ll want to revisit the plan on a regular basis.

For example, you might set a reminder on your phone once a week to bring it up during family dinner. You can share the progress you’ve seen, then ask everyone else to share what’s working and what’s not working so well.

This gives you an opportunity to come up with new “if-then” plans to address any obstacles you didn’t anticipate, remind yourselves of the “if-then” plans you committed to, and most important of all: celebrate the small wins.

Especially when you have an ambitious family goal, celebrating the small wins is essential to helping everyone feel that you’re making progress towards that goal along the way, which motivates everyone to keep going.

A few ideas for how to celebrate your small wins:

• Bust out a favorite family board game
• Go to the park
• Crank up a favorite song for an impromptu family dance party
• Rent a new movie you’ve been wanting to watch
• And our favorite…make s’mores!

Get Your Free Family Goal-Setting Worksheet

Use this free printable to get your family excited about tackling important family goals. And remember: This isn’t just something I cooked up in my head. This method for setting goals is backed by 20 years of research on what motivates us.

1. Get the free worksheet. You’ll get the printable, plus join my weekly newsletter! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Fill out the worksheet during a family goal-setting session.
4. Hang up your completed worksheet as a visible reminder of what you’re working towards as a team.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable worksheet for setting family goals:

Your Turn

What are your best tips for family goal-setting? Share in a comment below!

The post Want Your Family to Share the Load? Here’s the Best Way to Set Family Goals appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

One night not long ago, we had the triple threat – three simultaneous emotional breakdowns from three of our kids:

• One girl had a bruised heart because of less-than-kind words spoken to her.
• Another kid was impatient for something she’d asked for and wasn’t getting fast enough in her opinion.
• And the toddler was just plain annoyed that while we talked her sisters through their emotional upset, she was getting absolutely zero attention.

The stress of the emotional firestorm got to me and my husband too, and we started speaking in short, clipped tones to each other. Part of that is because it’s impossible to speak in full sentences and be heard over a tantruming toddler and a sobbing preschooler. But it’s also just hard to keep a positive attitude when everyone else seems to be unhappy at the same time.

When big emotions swirl at high speeds through our family, I feel like crawling under the covers with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and loading up an old Buffy episode.

But I Learned the Hard Way

Ignoring a negative interaction only delays the inevitable. Because when you crawl out from under the covers, the deep rift between you and your child will still be there. It doesn’t magically disappear just because you tried to ignore it.

But a while ago, I came across a fix for this situation that actually is magic.

Science shows that to have a happy relationship in spite of the negative bits, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.

Which means that to repair your relationship with your child after a negative moment, you need five positive interactions to balance out the negative.

It’s called the Magic 5:1 Ratio, and it works because of the power of connection.

In fact, research shows that when it comes to the wellbeing of both parents and kids, quality moments of connection are most important of all.

Here’s the Problem

Research shows the bad mood of one person can bring down the mood of everyone else in the family.

In other words, when you have a disconnect with one child, that can throw off the mood of another child or your spouse – or even everyone in the family.

This means that sometimes, your Magic 5:1 Ratio efforts need to cast a wider net.

And so on that day when we were all grumpy and snippy with each other, I called out: “Emergency family meeting right now! Living room rug!”

I don’t do this very often, so it gets the kids’ attention. But they’ve also learned that what’s coming next is exactly what they’re craving in their moment of emotional upset.

How to Fix the Bad Mood of Your Whole Family

Nine times out of ten, when bad moods descend on our family, the root cause is that one person (or more) feels a lack of connection. Literally a dis-connect.

• My oldest felt a lack of connection with the person who said something unkind to her,
• My preschooler felt disconnected when her requests (and then demands) went unanswered,
• My toddler felt she was being ignored by everyone all at once,
• And my husband and I felt like the kids didn’t appreciate that we were trying to help them through a tough moment.

What every one of us needed most of all was a moment of healthy connection with someone we love to help us pull out of the nosedive. Followed by another and another until we hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

But in this situation, you don’t exactly have time for five positive interactions with each person who’s caught up in the emotional storm.

To get the whole family back on track, you need an emergency dose of whole family connection.

But how in the world can you get that connection for the whole crew all at once?

Family bonding games.

Related: How to Reconnect With Your Child: 10 Miracle Phrases {Printable}

10 Best Family Bonding Games for an Emergency Dose of Connection

When you have more than one child who’s upset at the same time, you can hit the reset button for everyone all at once by using one of these family bonding games.

My kids like to call this “Get the Grumpies Out.” When one of us realizes the collective mood is spiraling down, we pick one of our favorite family bonding games and get back on track.

But we’re always on the lookout for new family bonding games! So after you read through our favorites, will you do me a favor and leave your favorite family bonding games in a comment below? You’ll be helping other families reconnect after tough moments and have fun doing it.

And now for our favorite family bonding games…

Related: 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond

1. Be a Copycat

• Ages: Toddler to elementary
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

Kids love this game. You all gather together, and the first person does something wild and crazy with their body – like busting out 10 jumping jacks, doing a handstand against the wall, making a funny face or a funny noise, or something else. Then that person says, “Can you do that?” to the rest of the group, and everyone does their best copycat.

What’s great about this game is that it forces you all to tune into and pay attention to each other, one at a time. The perfect antidote to feelings of disconnection!

If you want some fresh ideas for this emergency connection game, the You Do!^† game gives you 250 cards of silly things you can do.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

2. Sit in a Circle

• Ages: Preschooler to teen
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

For this one, you all sit in a circle facing each other. Then one person asks a question like, “What’s one thing you’re grateful for?” or “What would be the worst thing to eat in the whole world?” and everyone goes around the circle, taking turns answering the question. When that question is done, the next person gets to ask a question.

This encourages everyone to sit and listen to each other, and that goes a long way to healing bruised hearts.

For a list of the best questions you can use for this family circle time, grab this set of family conversation starters. We keep our conversation starter cards in a mason jar on the kitchen counter so it’s ready to go for the times we need an extra dose of connection.

We use these questions every night with our kids, and they’ve been a game-changer, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy. And what makes these conversation starters for families different from others is that they’ll get you more than the dreaded one-word answer from your kids.

3. Run to the Bed

• Ages: Toddler to teen
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

For something a little more low-energy, I call out “Family Cuddle Time!” and we all run to the master bedroom and pile into the bed.

Something about the tight quarters of two adults, a 9-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a squirmy toddler all squished into one king-sized bed makes everyone giggle. And then as the giggles fade, deep breaths and sighs take their place.

The closeness and shared quiet is one of the best reset buttons you could hope for.

Related: The After School Routine for Busy Families That Will Make You Smile {Printable}

4. Hold a Surprise

• Ages: Toddler to elementary
• Time Required: 5 minutes

For this game, you start by holding out closed fists to one child and saying, “Pick one.”

Your child touches one fist, and you turn it over so they can open it. As they pry your fist open, you say, “It’s a…” and then pick something to surprise them with like a hug, a kiss, or something else fun.

For example, you might say, “It’s a…hug!” Then when your fist is open, pull your little one into a surprise hug. Guaranteed giggles.

Here are a few of our favorite surprises for this game:

• Hug
• Kiss
• Tickle
• Hair mess-up – Take your hand and mess up their hair
• Massage – Rub their shoulders
• Eskimo kiss
• Butterfly kiss
• Fist bump
• High five

But feel free to be creative and invent your own! Your kids might surprise you, too.

One night when putting my toddler to bed, she asked me to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb. When I finished, she asked for it again. I said no, she asked again, and I said no again.

Then she held out her little fists to me and said, “Pick one.” I picked a fist and opened it, and she said, “It’s Mary Had a Little Lamb!” How could I say no to that?!

Related: 21 Sweet and Silly Ways to Hug Your Child So They Feel Absolutely Loved {Printable}

5. Shuffle the Deck

• Ages: Toddler to teen
• Time Required: 10-15 minutes

Playing board games and card games is an excellent way to connect as a family, but many of the most popular family games take a long time to play.

Here are the best games for all ages that you can play in 15 minutes or less. What works well is to pick one game as your go-to game so you can learn the rules really well. Then when you’re all grumpy, nobody needs to refresh their memory on how to play.

• Sleeping Queens – This is our number one go-to family card game. The rules were simple enough for our preschooler to understand at the age of three, but the game still keeps everyone on their toes. We never get tired of this game! Plus, you can play a whole game in about 10 minutes. When it comes to family bonding games, this one’s perfect for getting in a quick dose of family connection before sending little ones off to bed.
  • Age Range: 4 and up
  • Time to Play: 10-15 minutes
  • Number of Players: 2-5
• Sushi Go! – This card game takes just 15 minutes to play and is oodles of fun. Perfect for families who love sushi!
  • Age Range: 5 and up
  • Time to Play: 15 minutes
  • Number of Players: 2-5
• Spot It! – My favorite part of this game is that it’s so portable. I can throw it in my purse so it’s handy for whenever we need an extra dose of connection while we’re out and about.
  • Age Range: 3 and up for Spot It! Jr Animals and 123; 5 and up for Spot It! Classic
  • Time to Play: 10-20 minutes
  • Number of Players: 2-8

Black Friday’s back: Get 30% off all games with the code HAPPY30. Plus, free shipping for orders $49+.

4,687 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$18 from Amazon* $18 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Sleeping Queens

    
“My daughter and I love Sleeping Queens! It teaches them math without them even realizing it – or me, for that matter. I remember my daughter laid down a sequence that was like 1 + 3 + 5 = 9, and I thought ‘How did you know that…?’ Then I realized she just figured it out from doing math in the game. So cool to watch her learn right before my eyes.” – Ann

Related: Forget Candyland! This Is the Best List of Board Games for All Ages

6. Hide-and-Seek

• Ages: Toddler to tween
• Time Required: 10-15 minutes

A classic game of hide-and-seek for the whole family may be just what you need to chase the grumpies away.

My personal favorite is when our toddler “hides” and the rest of the family (older kids included) all pretend not to see that she’s sitting in plain sight. We all unite in our goal of protecting the magic of the game for her, even though she doesn’t have the hang of it quite yet.

Or if it’s more your speed, here are a few more quick games that will bring the whole family together:

• Duck Duck Goose
• Red Light, Green Light
• Mother, May I?
• Sardines
• Simon Says

7. Crank It Up

• Ages: Toddler to teen
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

Next time you have a collective case of the crankies, fire up a song everyone loves and dance away the bad mojo. Research shows that young kids get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat.

Not only will the movement help everyone’s moods, you’ll also burn a few calories. Which means you can skip working out, or at least skip feeling guilty for not working out. (You’re welcome!)

But did you notice how I said to fire up a song everyone loves? This emergency dose of connection won’t work if the song is a favorite for your kids but makes you want to destroy your eardrums with an apple corer.

Here’s a list of the best dance songs for kids – and parents too. Make a playlist ahead of time using that happy dance music for kids, and you’ll be ready for the next time Grumpelstiltskin comes to visit.

Related: 20 Best Kids’ Dance Songs With Clean Lyrics (And Loved by Parents, Too)

8. Draw a Secret Message

• Ages: Preschooler to tween
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

Use your finger to write a message on your child’s back and have them guess what you wrote. You’ll connect through physical touch, and they’ll feel proud when they figure out the message.

For younger kids, you can draw shapes like a heart or a star. For older kids, try a simple “I love you,” silly words to make them laugh like “flimflam,” or commands like “jump” or “skip” that they have to act out.

9. Make Up a Story

• Ages: Toddler to tween
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

Go around the table and take turns adding a sentence to a story. For example, the first person might start with, “Once upon a time, a girl decided to go on an adventure in the forest.” The next person might add, “What the girl didn’t realize is that the magical creatures of the forest were currently engaged in an epic battle.”

You’ll love hearing what your kids come up with!

If you’d like more structure with this family bonding game, pick up a set of these gorgeous Create a Story cards in our family-owned game shop. To play the card game, each player takes turns picking a card. The first person starts the story with “Once upon a time…” and then on the next turn, the next person picks a card and uses that as inspiration to add to the story. The stories we come up with as a family always leave us giggling. Even my toddler loves to play!

1,208 families purchased this game after reading this post…

$12 from Amazon* $12 from our family shop * Price at time of publishing

Create a Story Cards

    
“This little game is quick, easy, and fun! You pick a card, say “Once upon a time…”, and let your child fill in the details. Then you can ask follow-up questions like “and then what happened?” until they peter out. I love that this requires minimal brainpower from me when I’m tired (which is always) and my daughter LOVES coming up with the stories. Great for her imagination!” – Fiona

10. Play Keepy-Uppy

• Ages: Toddler to tween
• Time Required: 5-10 minutes

Blow up a balloon, toss it in the air, and then whatever you do—don’t let it touch the ground.

Prepare for giggles as you work together to keep the balloon in the air. To make it more of a challenge, you can turn on a fan or make a rule that you can use only your head to hit the balloon.

And who knows—your kids might just get a bonus lesson on tidying up their toys like Bluey and Bingo did.

Related: Why Your Kids Leave Toys Everywhere + How to Fix It With Toy Rotation {Printable}

Bonus: How to Reconnect After a Tough Moment With Your Child

After a negative interaction with your child, you need to reconnect through a positive moment or two so you can close the distance between you and your child. Because if you don’t close that gap and your child feels a lack of connection, that will lead to more unnecessary power struggles and less cooperation from your child when you ask them to do something.

But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your child so you can reconnect.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to reconnect. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to reconnect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

Want More?

For more ideas to help you feel even closer as a family, check out 60 Meaningful Family Bonding Activities to Nurture a Loving Bond.

Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: 75 Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear

Your Turn

What are your favorite family bonding games? Share in a comment below!

The post 10 Most Powerful Ways to Get an Emergency Dose of Family Connection appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Every night, my husband spends about an hour (or more) prepping dinner for our family of five. And I mean real cooking with veggie-chopping and meat-thawing and actual recipes, not my style of cooking that involves dumping a box of pasta into water, setting a timer, then mixing in a packet of powdered cheese.

While he cooks, my primary responsibilities include:

• Helping our oldest with her math homework
• Keeping the toddler from turning on oven burners, yanking kitchen appliance cords from the wall (while in use), and pushing chairs around so she can climb on various tables
• Reminding the preschooler that markers are for paper – and they are not for the walls, the table, or for giving “tattoos” to her little sister

Some nights, I smile as we dance around each other, like we’re all performing in a perfectly choreographed ballet. I help my oldest with a math problem and at the exact moment she gets the right answer (on her own!), the toddler runs up with a book she wants me to read. Then at the exact moment we finish reading, the preschooler asks for help putting the glue on her art project. And at the exact moment she glues the final pom pom on the paper, Ty announces dinner is ready.

Some nights.

But Here’s the Hard Truth

Most nights, it goes a little more like this…

My oldest is stuck on a math problem and gives up with “I can’t do it,” the toddler interrupts us screaming because she fell while trying to climb on a chair, and the preschooler calls out for help because she glued her hand to her hair.

I’d like to say I handle all the speed bumps of parenting with the grace and patience of Mary Poppins. But sometimes my tone gets snippy, or I ask “What were you thinking?”, or I huff and puff like the Big Bad Wolf as I clean up the mess.

Some nights when we all sit down at the dinner table, one or more of the kids are pouting, whining, or downright defiant – showing us they’re craving a positive experience (or five) to close the gap created by the most recent negative interaction.

The family dinner table gives us the perfect opportunity to reconnect with our kids, especially after we’ve devolved into rampant chaos in the hour running up to dinner.

But then Ty and I sit down across from each other, make eye contact, and immediately we know what the other one is thinking. And we know this because we’re having the same exact thought at the same time…

“Is it bedtime yet?”

Related: Why Every Parent Should Know the Magic 5:1 Ratio – And How to Do It {Printable}

Then We Fall Into This Common Parenting Trap

Unfortunately for this couple of wiped-out parents, bedtime is still two hours away.

We’re so zombified by the pre-dinnertime push that our minds draw a blank with how to get a good conversation going that will help us reconnect with our kids.

Or worse, we fall back on: “How was your day at school?”

“Fine.”

“What did you learn today?”

“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with today?”

“No one.”

But one-word answers don’t foster a good discussion, and they definitely don’t close the gap after a hectic evening.

And yet, it’s absolutely essential that we do close the gap at the dinner table because if we don’t, we pay the price later – in the form of less cooperation from the kids, more power struggles over small things, and tucking the kids into bed with a palpable feeling of disconnect hanging in the air.

Weeknights end like this more often than we’d like, and I walk away from the kids’ bedrooms with regret crushing my chest.

My husband and I collapse onto the couch, admitting to each other that we wish there were a rewind button so we could go back to the moment when we were all together at the dinner table and reconnect as a family in a meaningful way.

We realized we needed help. So I set off on a mission to solve the problem of how to get more than one-word answers out of my kids so we could have a dinnertime conversation that leaves everyone’s connection tank overflowing.

How to Unlock Your Child’s Heart: 150 Conversation Starters for Kids…That Actually Work

As busy parents, our brains are too fried to come up with questions that will get a real, meaningful conversation going. My first step: Find the best conversation starters for kids that actually work.

As it turns out, you can find lots of conversation starters for kids online, but you have to wade through quite a few doozies, like “What’s your favorite letter of the alphabet?” or “Why do you think some kids lie to their parents?” or “Caillou or Dora?” In other words: Boring, loaded, or queued up for another one-word answer that takes the conversation nowhere.

Same goes with the ready-made conversation starters you can find on Amazon. After reading tons of reviews, I found out the store-bought versions had the same problem of questions that were duds, plus the questions didn’t work well for a wide range of kiddo ages.

So I pored over every list of conversation questions for kids that I could find, and I put together the ultimate list of all the best family conversation starters. These were my criteria:

• Open-ended questions, like “How” and “Why” questions, seem to work best with getting kids to talk because they open the door to more than just one-word answers.
• The questions needed to be something adults can answer, too. Most kids don’t appreciate feeling like they’re put on the spot to perform like circus animals for the benefit of the adults around them. Plus, a conversation where everyone’s contributing is more fun anyway.
• The questions shouldn’t feel like a test or a lecture. For example, “Why do you think some kids lie to their parents?” may yield some interesting answers, but it could feel to your kid like you’re setting a trap.
• No boring questions, either. People love to talk about themselves – but not if you ask boring questions.

I waded through pages and pages of conversation starters to find the absolute best questions that kids and adults will enjoy. The final list includes 150 awesome questions, which gives you enough questions for five months of family dinners.

Get your own set of these powerful conversation starter cards here.

Available for a limited time: If you prefer a printed set of these family conversation starters, you can get your printed set here.

With these conversation starters for kids, not only will you be teaching your child the art of a good conversation, but you’ll get to peek straight into your child’s heart. What’s important to her, what has her worried, what she’s excited about.

And most important of all, you’ll close any distance that’s come between you and your child during the day so you both go to bed feeling connected, loved, and happy.

Get your copy: 150 Family Conversation Starters That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart

But How Did It Go?

I spent a lot of time picking just the right questions and putting these cards together, and so that first night when I set a bowl of the cards in the middle of the dinner table while everyone watched me, my stomach gave a nervous little flutter. What if nobody wanted to do it? What if we still got one-word answers? What if they rolled their eyes?

My preschooler was the first to pipe up, probably because I put the bowl in the spot where she was expecting to see mac-n-cheese. “What’s that?” My oldest and the toddler turned to me, too.

I tried to make my tone as nonchalant as possible. “Oh, just some fun questions I thought we could take turns asking at dinner.”

They all stared at me for a beat. Then, from the preschooler: “Can I pick the first one?”

And my oldest: “Can I read it out loud?”

I smiled. “Sure.”

As it turns out, the kids must have been craving connection just as much as me and my husband were because even months later, they still get excited for our dinnertime conversation card ritual every night. Early on, they decided among themselves that they’d take turns picking the card every night, and my oldest would read it out loud.

And the Answers From the Kids?

Pure. Gold.

Some nights, the answers set off a round of contagious giggles. Other nights, we wade into a deep conversation about the world that makes us stop and think about something in a different way. But every single night, I walk away from the dinner table and immediately grab my journal to capture as much of the conversation as I can remember.

Full disclosure: The toddler mostly just repeats one of the answers from her big sisters, but sometimes she surprises us by dropping her own little golden nuggets of cuteness and toddler wisdom.

But the best part comes after we all leave the dinner table:

• The kids play together without fighting at every turn. They still squabble here and there, but they work it out on their own and get back to playing faster.
• When I round up the troops for bath time, they all just head to the bath without me having to nag them 20 million times first.
• Then when it’s time to tuck them into bed, instead of feeling regret for how the evening went, I feel confident that we squeezed as much love and connection out of that night as humanly possible.

And when my husband and I collapse on the couch, we no longer wish for a rewind button. Instead, we take turns sharing our favorite quotes from the best family dinnertime conversations we’ve ever had.

Get your own set of these family conversation starters here.

Print your cards and keep these questions handy at home or in the car. Then ask a question at dinner, in the car to or from school, or any other time you want to unlock your child’s heart.

How to Use Your Conversation Starters for Kids

To save you some time, the conversation starters are designed so you can print them on pre-perforated business card templates and just pop each one out (see below). But regular ol’ paper and scissors work just fine too.

1. Get your cards here. After you order, you’ll get a special link to download your cards.
2. Print. I designed them to print on Avery business cards for inkjet^† or laser printers. Or you can just print them on regular paper or card stock, then cut the cards out or fold and tear to get a charmingly casual look.
3. Pop the cards into an empty bowl or spare mason jar, put it on your dining room table, and you’re DONE. Or to take it one step further, you can hole-punch them in one corner and put the whole set on a book ring like this. That makes the cards super portable so you can throw them in your purse or carry-on for a plane ride.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Let the kids pick a question or two to answer every night, then take turns going around the table and answering the question – and get ready to feel closer to your family than ever before. As another option, you can keep your cards in the car and ask a question on the way to or from school for an extra dose of connection!

Sneak Peek! Here’s a Sample of the Best Conversation Starters for Kids

Here’s a sample of these 150 conversation starters for kids that are guaranteed to get your child to open up. Get the full set of questions here.

Questions for Kids About Themselves

1. What are you excited about right now?
2. What was your first thought when you woke up today?
3. What do you want to accomplish by your next birthday?
4. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
5. What’s the best thing about your life?
6. What’s a small thing that makes you feel happy?
7. What’s something you want to do, but you can’t yet?
8. What makes you feel loved?
9. What will you be doing in 10 years?
10. If you could only eat one food for an entire year, what would you choose?
11. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
12. What’s the best thing that has ever happened to you?

Questions for Kids About Family And Friends

1. What’s your favorite thing to do as a family?
2. What’s something nice someone said to you lately?
3. Who understands you the best?
4. If you could change one family rule, what would you change?
5. What’s your favorite thing to do with your friends?
6. If you could switch places with one person for a day, who would it be?
7. What’s something you did to help someone today?
8. What do you get to do at someone else’s house that you wish you could do at ours?
9. What advice would you give to a younger sister or brother?
10. What’s the smartest thing you heard somebody say today?

Questions for Kids About the World

1. Twenty years from now, where do you think you’ll live?
2. What’s the biggest problem in our world?
3. If you could give everybody in the world one piece of advice, what would you say?

Before You Go: 4 Quick Tips That Will Give You the Best Conversations

To keep the conversation moving, here are a few tips that have worked well for us while using these family conversation starters:

• Above all, just listen. With some questions, you may be tempted to jump in and give the “right” answer. But your kid learns better from a good conversation where you foster a healthy discussion.
• If you have a toddler or preschooler, you may have the best luck with having your youngest child go first because otherwise, they tend to just repeat what the person before them said. Which is still adorable, but it’s also fun to hear what’s bouncing around inside that growing little mind.
• If your kid says “I don’t know,” explain that there’s no right or wrong answer. You just want to hear their ideas. If they still have nothing, you can say, “We’ll give you a minute and come back to you” then move to the next person at the table.
• If your kid’s answer happens to shock you, try saying “Hmm” or “Interesting” – something noncommittal to give you time to collect yourself. If you freak out on your kid, they’ll clam up. These conversations should be fun, not stressful!

Get your copy now: 150 Family Conversation Starters That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart

Your Turn

What are your favorite questions to use as conversation starters for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post 150 Conversation Starters for Kids That Will Make You Closer Than Ever appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

When my family comes together on weekday evenings, we’re already exhausted from a full day of school, work, or wrangling little ones who turn everything into a power struggle.

But we still have a long road ahead until we get to relax:

• Prep dinner
• Help our oldest with her homework
• Convince the kids to eat dinner
• Tidy up the messes of the day so we can start fresh with new messes tomorrow
• Shuttle everyone off to a bath
• Brush four sets of teeth
• Tear the youngest kids away from their Magna-Tile creations and the oldest away from re-reading Harry Potter and start the (never-ending) bedtime routine, which deserves a whole list to itself

Not to mention all the sibling clashes we have to referee, the toddler emotional outbursts to console, and the chocolate to sneak when no one’s looking – because mama’s gotta cope.

This Doesn’t Make Sense

Every evening is go-go-go.

My husband and I are so busy running through the nightly list of must-dos that we rarely have time to stop and just be with the kids.

After the kids are tucked into bed, my husband and I collapse on the couch. Most nights, I turn to him and say, “I didn’t get enough time with the kids tonight.”

Which doesn’t make sense because we spent the whole night together as a family. And yet, the time we had together was in go-go-go mode.

The only time we had to stop and connect with the kids one-on-one was to mediate an argument or comfort someone who got hurt.

That doesn’t exactly fill my tank with love and connection, and it doesn’t fill the kids’ tanks either.

Related: 7 Best Family Bonding Games That Will Help You Reconnect Quickly {Printable}

There’s Got to Be a Better Way

We didn’t see how we could cut anything from our evenings. Some things just need to happen every night, like making dinner and helping with homework and stopping the angry toddler from pummeling his older sister.

Then one day when we all got home around the same time, we started running off in different directions to kick off the after school routine.

But I couldn’t take another night of my family being together without really being together.

“Wait!” I called out.

Everyone stopped and turned to look at me. My husband cocked his head to one side.

“We’re doing something new, starting tonight.” At first I wasn’t sure what to do next, but because I was tired, one idea came to mind of what I wanted to do most of all.

“Follow me,” I said, and I headed towards the master bedroom.

Amazingly, everyone did follow – even the toddler.

I climbed into bed while they all stood watching me.

I threw the blankets wide. “Let’s have some family cuddle time.”

They stared with confused faces, so I patted the bed and smiled big. “Jump in!”

Related: This 10-Minute Morning Routine for Kids Will Make Your Life Easier

The Best Ever After School Routine

We have a king-sized bed, but even so with two adults, three big kids, and a squirmy toddler all piled in, a king bed can feel awfully small.

So at first, we giggled at the tight quarters.

Then it got quiet. We all stared at the ceiling, and I heard a few deep breaths and sighs as the stresses of the day slipped farther and farther away.

And then? The kids started talking about their days. Without being asked.

Funny things that happened, things that made them sad, things they were confused about. For example, my preschooler didn’t understand why when she was texting “smiley faces” to her grandma, I told her to erase the 27 poop emojis she had lined up to send.

For about five minutes, we were just together, as a family. Cuddling and chatting about our day before the evening rush pulled us in 20 different directions.

Related: One Simple Question That Will Reset Your Kid’s Bad Mood {Printable}

Here’s What I Didn’t Expect

When we finally spilled out of bed and went our separate ways, the rest of our evening completely changed.

We still had a long list of must-dos before we could get to the bedtime finish line.

Except that night, we laughed more. The kids all pitched in to help with dinner, without being asked to. And the sibling fights and toddler tantrums all but disappeared. Even when they did happen, they were over much more quickly than usual.

Related: 150 Family Conversation Starters That Will Unlock Your Child’s Heart

But Was This a Fluke?

We’ve kept up with this new habit of starting our after school routine this way, and I’m hooked.

Because the happier, less stressful evening we experienced that first night was not a fluke. We’ve been having more fun together as a family, and I find myself having more patience than normal because it’s not being tested at every turn.

This is the power of starting with connection.

Some days the kids call it our “family cuddle time,” and some days they call it “cozy up in bed time.” Sometimes the kids start talking on their own, and other times we bust out these conversation starters for kids that actually work.

But without a doubt, this 5-minute habit is the best thing we’ve done for our after school routine as a family.

And every night when my husband and I collapse on the couch, I no longer feel like I didn’t get enough time with the kids.

Instead, one of us will turn to the other with a big grin and say, “That was fun.”

Your Turn

What’s your favorite part of your after school routine? Share in a comment below!

The post The 5-Minute Daily Routine That Will Make Your Family Stronger appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Yesterday, a library book ruined my day. My toddler’s, too.

We visit the library every single week, leaving with a stroller piled high. Picture books for my toddler, chapter books for my 8-year-old who reads one book a day, and sturdy board books for the baby when she gets sick of chewing on the ones we already own.

Even though we have 30-50 books coming in and out of our home every week, we’ve never lost one.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of 75 positive phrases that will help you connect with your child.

Until Now

The book has been overdue for a few days, and I’ve been searching for it here and there with no luck.

Yesterday afternoon when we got home from the grocery store, I decided we’d find it once and for all.

I enlisted my toddler since her big sister was at school, and we tackled one room at a time. The kids’ bedroom, the playroom, the living room. Under the couch, under the beds, inside every dresser. On the bookshelf, in the car, and even in the freezer where the baby likes to hide her pacifiers.

Nowhere.

After every additional room we left empty-handed, my heart beat a little faster.

Did we really lose it? I’ve never lost a library book in my whole life. Don’t they charge like 50 bucks for a lost book? What’s the point of using the library for free when we have to pay for a book we don’t even get to keep?!

I was disappointed. Frustrated. Mad at myself.

But Guess Who I Lashed Out At

My sweet three-year-old Bailey followed me from room to room, searching just as hard as I did. Her fiercely positive attitude should have made me smile.

“Where can it be?” she asked as we’d enter a new room. “I bet we will find it in here.”

But instead, the longer we looked, the more my mood darkened.

About halfway through the hunt, I lashed out. “You know, if we don’t find this book, the library probably won’t let us borrow books anymore. They won’t trust us anymore.”

Bailey’s face paled, and the corners of her mouth pointed down. “Why?”

“Because we lost their book!”

We kept looking, and I kept storming.

A few minutes later, Bailey said, “Mommy, I feel sad.”

“What? Why?” I snapped.

“Because I love the library so much. I’m sad they won’t let us go there anymore.”

“Well,” I said. “Maybe you shouldn’t have lost their book then.”

Mother of the year, right here.

Here’s Why I’m Forgiving Myself

After a little time to cool down, I could see that I was mad at myself for not keeping closer track of the library book. But because Bailey happened to be nearby and was a convenient scapegoat, I heaped all my frustration on her. She’s been on this planet for three years, and I’m berating her for losing one library book out of probably 1,000 that have been through our home in the last year.

She’s my baby, and I did not treat her with kindness.

But here’s the deal.

Losing your cool doesn’t make you a bad parent. Parenting is hard, and everyone loses it every once in a while. We humans are perfectly imperfect, and keeping our emotions in check is something we’re particularly imperfect at.

Related: How to Be a Happy Mom: Science Says Do These 7 Things {Printable}

3 Musts After You Lose Your Cool

No matter how many articles you read about how to be a happy parent or how to stop losing your temper with your kids, you will encounter small frustrations and annoyances every day.

You can’t deal with those moments by denying that you feel frustrated or annoyed. Research shows that just makes it worse.

But here’s what you can and should do:

1. Forgive yourself.
2. Apologize to your child.
3. Challenge yourself to five good acts.

The first two are important, but the third may be the most important of all.

And Here’s the Reason Why

Science shows that in happy adult relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you’ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.

While this research focused on adults, every parent knows that in a parent-child relationship, negative interactions create distance between you and your child in the same way. But the good news is that the Magic 5:1 Ratio can help you close that distance with your little one, too.

In other words, after you’ve lost it with your child, make sure to get five positive interactions on the books as fast as possible.

Related: How to Go From Angry Mother to Happy Mom: With 5 Simple Hair Ties {Printable}

How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio

To repair your relationship with your child after an outburst, you need five positive interactions to balance out the negative experience of losing your cool and reconnect.

For the next time you find yourself in this situation, I made a list of a few simple ways you can hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio. Below, you’ll find 20 quick ideas for how to connect with your child.

But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your child so you can connect.

Which is why I created these Family Connection Cards, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out how to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.

And in just 10 minutes a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.

20 Simple Ways to Hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio With Your Child

Aim for five of these positive experiences with your child after a tough moment, and you’ll be on the road to making your parent-child relationship stronger than ever.

After my library book tirade, I apologized to my toddler, then used this list to get to five positive interactions as fast as possible. And the rest of our day together? Happy and silly and everything a day with your toddler should be. All because of the Magic 5:1 Ratio.

But before we get to the list, I have one more extra special bonus tip just for you: If you ever lose a library book and the way you happen to transport books in and out of the library is by piling them up in your kid’s stroller, you might want to check that same stroller before you throw an adult-sized tantrum over a “lost” book. Lesson learned, universe. At least my library record is still squeaky clean.

1. Say one of these 75 positive phrases for kids, even if it’s just “I love you.” (Don’t forget to grab your free printable of these phrases below!)
2. Give your child a hug. Make sure it’s a good quality hug of six seconds or more. Here’s why. If your child isn’t used to you dishing out impromptu hugs, try a high-five instead and work up to hugs.
3. Read a book together. Your child is never too old to be read to. For older kids, you may find it fun to take turns reading out loud from the same book.
4. Leave a surprise note or drawing – a slip of paper in his school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror, a card in the toy box, and so on. You can tell a joke, write down what you admire about him, or just say “I love you.”
5. Say “yes” to the next question she asks. Within reason! If she asks for a pony, please don’t send me a bill for $10,000 because I told you to say “yes.”
6. Look into his eyes and smile.
7. Say, “I appreciate when you…”
8. Tell a funny or cute story from when she was younger – or from when you were a child.
9. Add a smiley face to his next meal. Here’s my favorite go-to for turning a bowl of oatmeal into a smile: banana slices for eyes, a raisin for the nose, and a semicircle of honey for the smile.
10. Sit down and just play for a few minutes – no smartphones, no multitasking – follow her lead.
11. Start a game of chase.
12. Say one of these 16 miracle phrases to help you reconnect.
13. Tell a joke. The cornier, the better.
14. Go outside together – look for interesting bugs, play catch, or hop on your bikes for a quick ride around the block.
15. Look through family photos together.
16. Rough-house with your child – yes, even girls. Research shows this kind of play helps kids release fears and feel connected to their parents.
17. Queue up his favorite song and have a dance party. Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy family bonds and builds positive memories.
18. Grab that special coloring book^† you keep for yourself, and invite your child to color with you.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

19. Take turns writing in a journal to each other. You write in the journal, then leave it on your child’s pillow, then she writes back and leaves it on your pillow. You can use any journal or get one specifically designed for this purpose, like this mommy and me journal for daughters and this journal for sons.
20. Let your little one stay up a little bit later and play a board game or card game together. We’ve found that UNO is the perfect game for a wide range of ages. (Our toddler has been playing it since before she turned three. She doesn’t know the numbers, but she can tell you when they match in shape or color, and that’s really all you need!)

Related: The 5-Minute After School Routine That Will Make Your Family Stronger

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids

After a negative interaction, you feel the distance between you and your child, but it’s not always easy to know how to close the gap with your child so you both feel loved and connected. Use this cheat sheet of positive things to say to your child to help you connect with your child after those tough moments.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Hang your cheat sheet somewhere handy like the fridge. See the But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.
4. Say a phrase to your child. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: 75 Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear

Want More?

If you liked this list, you’ll love 10 Miracle Phrases to Help You Reconnect With Your Child.

Your Turn

How do you connect with your child after a tough moment? Share in a comment below!

The post How to Connect With Your Child and Repair Conflict: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Some days, I feel like I can’t do anything right as a parent. The baby will only sleep on me, my toddler throws a temper tantrum every five minutes, and everything I say to my 8-year-old seems to push her further away.

I know baby sleeplessness won’t last forever and tantrums are a phase, but this disconnection with my oldest daughter is new territory for me as a parent.

After she and I have been snapping at each other all day, I want to camp out in my bedroom with a tub of Nutella, queue up New Girl, and wait for the storm to pass.

I haven’t gone that far yet, but I definitely have retreated into myself with the explanation of “she needs space.” And what happened is the opposite of what I hoped for. The disconnect just got worse.

I knew there had to be a better way, so I researched the best way to handle these tough moments. And this is what I discovered.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free cheat sheet of 16 miracle phrases that will help you reconnect with your child after a tough moment.

No Island You’d Want to Visit

When you find yourself in this situation, it can feel like your child is on an island with a dark, churning ocean separating you and her.

Take a step toward the island? Uh, no thanks. I’d rather keep my footing on solid land.

But your kid feels like she’s on an island, too. With every nagging comment or barked command that comes from your mouth, the tide rises.

Your kid lashes out, desperate to grab onto something. Anything to keep her afloat. And you pull away. You get quiet, or you leave the room.

I mean, of course you do. She’s being unreasonable and grumpy and disrespectful. You can’t let her treat you like that!

But here’s what you don’t see: Your child is standing in the middle of that horrible, horrible island, the choppy water lashing at her feet. Feeling like she’s the most alone that any person in the world has ever felt.

Stress hormones are flooding her brain. She can’t think clearly. She can’t see that by lashing out, she’s pushing you further away. Her brain isn’t capable of pulling back for the bird’s eye view of her rapidly sinking island.

Some adults can’t get perspective in the middle of a stressful situation, and they’ve had a lifetime of practice. And yet we expect our kids to be able to.

Related: A Quick Fix for a Pouting Kid

But Here’s the Problem

In these moments, you have your own stress hormones to deal with, too. You feel frustrated, annoyed, or even flat-out angry. Even though you know you need to do something to reach out to your kid, your emotions cloud your ability to think clearly. When that happens, you are incapable of figuring out how to reconnect with your child.

Sometimes I’ve tried to deny that I feel frustrated or annoyed, but it never helps me deal with the situation. This is because bottling up a perfectly normal but negative emotion just makes it more intense.

Which is why I made the following list. Mainly, I made it for myself to use in those tough moments. But then I thought, Maybe I can share this with fellow parents?

Free Cheat Sheet: 16 Miracle Phrases to Help You Reconnect With Your Kid

How to Reconnect With Your Child: 10 Miracle Phrases

Below are 10 phrases you can use to jolt you and your child out of a negative downward spiral. I even made a handy printable with 6 bonus phrases, which you can download below to hang on your fridge and help you remember how to reconnect with your child in the heat of the moment.

You should know these aren’t just phrases that sound nice or that my grandma taught me to use. My suggestions are based on the science of how the brain works in those emotionally charged moments.

I compiled this list over a few months using several different sources, which I’ve noted or linked to below.

The next time you and your child aren’t getting along and you feel like you can’t say anything right, try one of these phrases.

But First, This Is a Must

Repairing your connection with your child after the tough moments is definitely important. But you can make those moments fewer and farther between by finding small, doable ways to connect every day.

To help us stay connected on an everyday basis – instead of just waiting for the negative moments to come – my family’s number one go-to solution is this set of the best family conversation starters. Unlike a lot of conversation starters for kids, these questions actually work to get more than one-word answers out of your kids.

We use these conversation starters at the dinner table, on the commute to and from school, and any other time we have a spare couple minutes. This one habit has been a game-changer for our family, helping us end every day feeling connected, loved, and happy.

Now…ready for the list?

1. Tell me how you’re feeling.

Getting your child to describe the emotion she’s feeling^† – even if it’s just a word or two – takes the power away from the emotion by engaging the prefrontal cortex of the brain. And that’s a very good thing because it’s the prefrontal cortex that acts as the “grown-up” and keeps you from playing video games all day or reacting like a three-year-old to every minor disappointment.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

2. I want to understand how you’re feeling.

Again, you’re getting your child to find words to describe how she’s feeling, and that will help her move on. But also, with this phrase you’re showing that you feel empathy for her and what she’s feeling. Empathy will build a bridge from where you are to the sinking island where your child feels stuck.

For this phrase and the previous phrase to work, be sure to look your child in the eyes and really listen to what she’s telling you.

3. I love you, even when you feel angry.

I’m sure you already know why this phrase works. Children need unconditional love from their parents in order to thrive physically and emotionally. This phrase shows your little one that even when you aren’t getting along, you still love her.

Change “angry” to whatever emotion your child is feeling.

4. It’s okay to feel mad.

If your child tries to suppress what she’s feeling, the feeling will probably intensify and come out in an even more unpleasant way. Feelings are a normal part of being human – even the not-so-fun ones. When you acknowledge it’s okay to have yucky feelings, you show your child you still love her even during those times.

Again, change “mad” to the emotion your child is experiencing.

5. Can I give you a hug?

In these moments, something in your child’s brain called the amygdala takes over. Why am I telling you about some random brain doohickey that neither one of us can pronounce? Because when you experience a negative emotion, the amygdala comes to life like an over-reactive car alarm. Then your brain shuts down to logic and interprets every little thing as a threat. This is why reasoning with your child when she’s upset doesn’t do any good at all.

Here’s the good news: Giving your child a hug will get the happy chemicals oxytocin and serotonin flowing. Even better than that, oxytocin reduces the reactivity of the amygdala. Just remember to make it a good one – turns out you need to hit this magic number of seconds for a proper hug.

Related: Why You’re Hugging All Wrong – And How to Fix It

6. Let’s take a deep breath together.

Deep breaths can stop a body’s stress response and lower the heart rate. And that’s something you and your child can definitely use during those strained times.

7. How can I help?

Asking this question gets your child thinking about solutions instead of focusing on the negative emotion. In order to think about solutions, your kiddo will need to engage her prefrontal cortex. And even if she can’t think of anything, the fact that you’re offering to help makes a big statement that you truly do care about how she’s feeling.

8. Can we start over?

This question works as a reset button. But first, a warning: The first few times you use it, it may not work. Here’s how to fix that.

Related: The Life-Changing Phrase You Must Use When Parenting Tweens

9. I’m sorry for…

You are human, after all. Show your child that a real adult owns up to her mistakes, and your little one will learn to do it, too. Maybe you didn’t acknowledge your child’s feelings at first. Or maybe you used a frustrated tone with her when you were actually upset about something that happened at work, or because you just realized you bounced a check, or because you haven’t slept more than three hours straight in three years.

For the record, this is not an effective apology: “I’m sorry I lost my temper, but you should know better.” Research shows a heartfelt apology helps repair a relationship, but no “buts” allowed.

10. Next time, I’ll…

For example, you might say, “I’m sorry I lost my temper, and next time I’ll try harder to stay calm.” A promise to change is an essential part of an apology.

Related: How to Go From Angry Mother to Happy Mom: With 5 Simple Hair Ties {Printable}

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet (With Bonus Phrases!)

When you’re in the thick of a negative interaction, it’s hard for your brain to settle on the right thing to say in order to reconnect with your child. Use this cheat sheet to help you in those tough moments. You’ll find these 10 phrases plus 6 more.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. You’ll get the printable, plus join my weekly newsletter! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Tuck your cheat sheet somewhere handy like on your nightstand, in your purse, or in your top desk drawer.

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Your Turn

Do you have a tip for how to reconnect with your child? Share in a comment below!

The post 10 Miracle Phrases to Help You Reconnect With Your Child appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.