One weekend afternoon, I was reading on the couch while my 8-year-old had flopped on her belly on the living room rug, head bent over a notebook and a pencil in hand.

Out of nowhere, she picked up her notebook and threw it across the floor. “Ugh!”

I looked up, surprised. “Hey,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

She let her head drop to the rug, her voice muffled. “I’m trying to write this stupid story, and I can’t get it to come out like I see it in my head.”

In my first few years as a parent, that’s the point at which I would have unleashed a barrage of words of encouragement for my child, thinking I was helping.

You can do it.
I believe in you.
Don’t give up!

But after experiencing several moments like that, I realized my attempts at boosting my kids back up weren’t actually helping them overcome discouragement. In fact, my encouraging words sometimes seemed to intensify my kids’ negative feelings.

Then years later during my training as a Certified Parent Educator, it finally made sense. Because I learned why words of encouragement for kids aren’t the best solution for moments when your child is feeling discouraged or frustrated.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free cheat sheet of the 125 most encouraging words for kids, plus a quick reference of the research-backed M-A-P technique for motivating and inspiring your child.

Why Words of Encouragement Don’t Always Work

Think back to the last time you felt discouraged and you confided in a friend or your partner.

Now imagine that your loved one said nothing to acknowledge your disappointment. Instead, they busted out a stream of positive platitudes like, “It’ll all work out!” or “You can do it!” You’d probably feel frustrated. You’d feel unheard and unseen.

And you certainly wouldn’t feel ready to move past that discouragement so that you could learn from the situation and come up with a solution.

So What Does Work?

As parents, we hate seeing our kids frustrated and discouraged, so we’re anxious to push past those negative feelings and jump right to words of encouragement or telling our child how to fix the problem.

But research shows that when someone is experiencing emotional upset, what they need first and foremost is to feel validated.

Because until a child feels heard and seen, they can’t move forward into solving the problem or learning from the experience. In fact, without validation, their mood is likely to get worse.

In other words, without that essential first step of validating your child’s feelings, you could shower them in all the words of encouragement for kids known to humankind, and all those well-intentioned words would just go in one ear and out the other.

Here’s a Simple Way to Remember: The M-A-P Technique

When your child experiences moments of discouragement, it’s like they’re lost in a labyrinth and can’t find their way out. Everywhere they look, they see tall hedges pressing in on them – they’re overwhelmed by their scary negative feelings and lacking the life experience or brain maturity to know those feelings will pass.

The good news? As a parent, you can help your child get un-stuck and find their way out of that maze so they can learn and grow from the experience. All you need to do is give them a map.

So when you find yourself in those moments, remember the three steps of the research-backed M-A-P technique below to jog your memory about how to react and help your child move forward.

But First, a Warning

Making this shift in regards to encouraging words for kids might take some practice. Nobody expects perfection, so please be kind to yourself!

Here’s the deal: The simple fact that you’re reading this post tells me that you care deeply about the child or children in your life, and you want to do better. Stopping to reflect on how you’re encouraging them and whether you could do an even better job is no small thing.

1. Mirror

This is the first and most important step of the M-A-P technique, and it can take anywhere from less than a minute to 10 minutes – or more, depending on how upset your child is.

How to do it: Pretend you’re a mirror and reflect back what your child is experiencing, by naming the emotion they seem to be experiencing.

For example, you might say one of the mirroring statements below and use your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language to mirror how your child is feeling and to align with your own words. Much of human communication is non-verbal, so by aligning your words and the non-verbal cues you’re sending, you’ll communicate in a meaningful way that you really do get how your child is feeling.

Sometimes, a mirroring statement is enough to deflate the ballooning negative emotion. But other times, your child may need more comfort. In those situations, you could open your arms to offer a hug, rub their back or shoulder, or invite them to sit with you then cuddle in silence while breathing deeply.

If they still seem overwhelmed by their negative emotions, take 5 or 10 minutes to connect together. You could go on a quick walk around the block, kick off an impromptu dance party, or read together. This isn’t always necessary, but just a few minutes can help your child clear their head so they can find their way out of that scary maze.

Related: Family Connection Cards: Nurture a Relationship That Will Last {Printable}

2. Ask

After you get a sense that your child feels heard and understood and their negative emotions have started to dissipate, you can proceed to the next step.

How to do it: Ask a question to engage your child’s problem-solving skills so they can move forward in a positive way.

Why this step is important: Nurturing your child’s problem-solving skills is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. Kids who lack problem-solving skills may be at a higher risk for depression and suicide. On the other hand, when you teach children problem-solving skills, research shows that kids are less likely to have behavioral issues, plus they get better at controlling their own impulsive behavior.

Teaching children problem-solving skills is such a powerful intervention that one of the researchers behind those studies even went on to develop a program called I Can Problem Solve. When kids learn problem-solving skills through this classroom-based training program, studies show those kids benefit from improved academic achievement, have an easier time making friends and getting along with others, experience greater resilience in coping with frustration, and show decreased physical, verbal, and relational aggression.

3. Prop Up

After your child articulates a lesson learned or brainstorms a potential solution, that’s the best time for this final step: Share positive words of encouragement for kids that will prop them up.

Remember that the Mirror and Ask steps are essential so that your child will be capable of actually hearing and absorbing your words of encouragement. I used to jump straight to this final step with my kids and skip the previous two steps, and that never worked.

By leaving words of encouragement for kids as the last step, your child will feel they earned and deserve that encouragement, rather than feel like you’re dishing out empty praise.

A handy trick for making sure you stick to specifics and praise your child’s actions is to start off with “You…” then complete the sentence by describing what your child did.

Why this step is important: Rewards shape human behavior, and studies show that our brains respond to social approval like praise in the same way they respond to monetary rewards. Verbal praise and supportive gestures like high-fives make us feel good, plus they can encourage children to try again after a mistake or failure.

When you praise a child’s actions or choices, you can motivate them to stick with a challenging task. This is even true for toddlers, and that boost in motivation can stick with kids several years later.

Research also shows that words of encouragement can help develop your child’s social skills, such as encouraging them to help others in the future.

Related: 110 Powerful Compliments for Kids to Boost Their Self-Worth {Printable}

Inspire And Motivate Your Child: The Best 125 Encouraging Words for Kids

Get your free printable list of the most powerful words of encouragement for kids here. You can keep this list on your nightstand, tuck it in your purse or wallet, or leave it on the driver’s seat of your car as a handy reminder for the moments when your child feels discouraged. These phrases work for a wide range of ages from young children to teenagers, but you know your child best, so choose the phrases you think will most encourage your child.

The printable also includes a refresher of the 3-step M-A-P technique from earlier in this post so that your words of encouragement for kids will actually work. Because until you validate your child’s feelings and engage their problem-solving skills, sharing encouraging words would be a bit like lobbing a half-deflated ball towards them, then watching as your words fall flat without even reaching your child.

Quick tip: For some of these encouraging phrases, you can make an even more positive impact by first starting with one sentence to acknowledge your child’s actions, choices, or effort, starting with the word “You…” For example, “You didn’t know how to draw a dog, then you came up with a plan to watch a video tutorial.” When you start with that before sharing words of encouragement for kids, you help them see the whole story of their own struggle and how they moved forward from it.

Related: How to Make Your Child Feel Loved: 75 Positive Words for Kids {Printable}

For this next set of phrases, think of a small win or improvement you can point out first, then share the words of encouragement. Research shows that pointing out someone’s progress on small things can help motivate them to keep going after their big dreams.

1. You’re improving/getting better already.
2. You’ve made a lot of progress already.
3. You’re getting the hang of it!
4. Even though you’re not there yet, you’re closer than you were yesterday/this morning/an hour ago.
5. You’ve come a long way already.
6. Look how far you’ve come.

16. What time is your test/presentation? I’ll set a timer on my phone and at that moment, I’ll close my eyes and think of you, taking deep breaths and wishing you calm, confident energy.
17. When I was in school, I remember being so nervous about every test! You’re not alone.
18. When you get home today, let’s do something fun together to celebrate having this done. What sounds good to you?

Encouraging Words to Recognize Kids for Helpful Behavior

If your child’s struggle relates to doing something helpful, such as resisting helping with chores or a sibling scuffle over taking turns with a toy, these phrases can shift their internal dialogue and encourage them to make the helpful choice in the future.

Quick tip: When you’re trying to encourage helpful behavior, you’ll make the most impact when you draw the connection to who your child is, like being a helper or being a kind person. Research shows that when you praise kids for being a helpful person rather than praising them just for helping, kids are much more likely to act generously in the future. Here’s why: Your words shape your child’s self-image, and by seeing themselves as “helpers” for example, they’ll be more likely to behave in a way that lives up to that self-image.

1. You had an opportunity to be a helper, and you stepped up to the plate.
2. Thank you for being a helper.
3. Your sister/brother/friend needed help, and you chose to be a helper. How do you think they feel now?
4. I appreciate that you’re such a helper.
5. This goes faster when we do it together.
6. We’re like little worker bees, working on this together!
7. It feels good to be a helper, doesn’t it?
8. Let’s celebrate with something fun when we’re done!
9. This is more fun when we do it together.
10. Thank you for pitching in! How does it feel to be a helper?
11. I see you being a helper, and I appreciate it.
12. When we all pitch in together, that feels good inside.
13. That was a tough decision, and you made the choice to be a kind/generous/brave person.
14. That’s what a thoughtful/kind/brave person does.
15. I love seeing you be a helper.
16. Seeing you do that makes me smile.
17. That was a big task/project, and you stuck to it until it was done. What a hard worker you are!
18. Sometimes it’s hard to make the kind/generous/brave choice, but you did it.
19. You took a moment to think about your sister/brother/friend, and you made the choice to be a helper.
20. You put yourself in their shoes to feel what they were feeling. That’s called empathy, and being an empathetic person is so important.
21. Friends/sisters/brothers look out for each other, and that’s exactly what you did.
22. I love seeing you work together.
23. You have a kind/generous heart. You inspire me.
24. Your choices matter.
25. When you cleaned up the toys/loaded the dishwasher, that showed me that you’re a helper.
26. You are an example to your friends/siblings.

Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids – some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras they hear from their older siblings!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow – and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Grab your own set of mindset posters here, pair them with a set of colored pencils, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from their mistakes. A growth mindset is one of the best traits you can nurture in your child!

Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 125 Encouraging Phrases for Kids

When your child feels discouraged, use this cheat sheet of the most encouraging words to inspire and motivate them.

1. Get the free cheat sheet. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Keep your cheat sheet somewhere handy like in your nightstand or in your purse or wallet.
4. Say a phrase to your child. Use the research-backed M-A-P technique to make sure your child is ready to hear your encouraging words, then share a phrase from the cheat sheet. (If you need a refresher, the cheat sheet also includes a quick run-down of the 3-step M-A-P technique!)

Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

The Most Powerful Way to Respond When Your Kid Gives Up

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Your Turn

What are your go-to encouraging words for kids? Share in a comment below!

The post The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

A few weeks ago, my 4-year-old was sitting at the breakfast table with a stack of paper, a stencil, and a bunch of colored pencils when she said something that broke my heart.

I’d been washing dishes about five feet away, so I saw her in my peripheral vision, holding the stencil to the paper with one hand and tracing with the other hand.

But then she sat back and said, “I’m not a good artist.”

I glanced up. The corners of her mouth pointed down, and her eyes were starting to fill.

This is the girl who tells me every day that when she grows up, she’s going to be an artist during the day, then at night she’s going to be Wonder Woman and fight bad guys.

But in that moment, I could see her confidence in her dreams slipping away.

I felt a tug in my chest. I turned off the faucet and dried my hands.

Settling into the chair next to her, I asked, “What makes you feel that way?”

“I just can’t do it right. Every time I try to draw with the stencil, it moves and messes it all up.” She hung her head, and I reached out to rub her shoulder.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

The Problem With Kids Talking Like This

A little self-doubt can be healthy – as long as it drives you to put in more effort and try to improve.

But getting stuck in a negative mindset can cause you to give up on what you set out to do.

As parents, that’s the opposite of what we want for our kids. We don’t want to raise quitters who give up at the first sign of a challenge. We want to raise determined kids who work hard and persevere through challenges until they succeed.

A few kids seem to naturally learn that lesson and need no support to transform moments of self-doubt into a determination to work harder.

But after talking to my friends and reading messages from parents who write to me every day, what seems to be the most common situation is this: Our kids need our help to learn how to catch themselves in these moments of self-doubt.

They need our guidance on how to turn negative self-talk from something that makes them give up – into something positive that drives them towards success.

This Could Be the Most Important Lesson You Teach Your Child

A few years ago, I volunteered as a mentor to a small group of girls in a second-grade classroom.

During the volunteer training, the educators running the program taught us a powerful concept I hadn’t heard before: fixed versus growth mindset.

• Kids who have a fixed mindset believe that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be. You can’t change how smart you are, no matter how hard you try. You can’t change your personality, how creative you are, or anything else because your traits and abilities are fixed.
• But kids with a growth mindset believe that if you work hard, you can become smarter. These kids thrive on challenge. Fixed-mindset kids see failure as evidence of not being smart, but growth-mindset kids see failure as an opportunity for growing. In fact, they don’t even see failure as a failure. They see it as learning.

Can you guess which kids end up being most successful in school and in their careers later in life? Which kids have the greatest capacity for happiness?

More than 20 years of research^† shows that the key to success in school and life is being able to apply a growth mindset. In other words, if you believe that trying hard will make you smarter, it will.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

But if you believe that nothing you do will change how smart you are, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What’s more, fixed-mindset kids don’t enjoy the learning process. Their mindset even drives them to lie about their school performance so they can maintain the perception that they’re smart. They certainly can’t handle mistakes.

“In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort.

In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.”

Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

How to Foster a Growth Mindset in Your Child

To be clear, if your kid is showing signs of a fixed mindset, you won’t find a quick overnight fix. Shifting your mindset takes time. In the words of the top researcher on growth mindset:

“Change isn’t like surgery. Even when you change, the old beliefs aren’t just removed like a worn-out hip or knee and replaced with better ones. Instead, the new beliefs take their place alongside the old ones, and as they become stronger, they give you a different way to think, feel, and act.”

Carol Dweck

In other words, pretty much everyone has both a fixed and a growth mindset. As a parent, the best thing you can do to help your child is give them a toolbox of growth mindset tricks they can use when they’re struggling with a challenge.

Guiding your child from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset will take time and patience, but it will pay off for your child. In a minute, I’ll share a powerful trick to add to your child’s growth mindset toolbox, but first: How do I know?

Here’s a Powerful Trick

In my family, we’re no stranger to the struggle of shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

Our oldest daughter has struggled with her mindset since she started school. We reacted by nudging and encouraging her towards a growth mindset, and we’ve seen a huge transformation in her attitude about making mistakes, working hard, and not giving up.

We’ve tried countless parenting techniques to get to this point – some of them total duds and some that thankfully made an impact.

But we stumbled on one powerful growth mindset trick that I wish I’d done much earlier with my oldest daughter because the results have been fast and impressive with her and my preschooler.

Growth mindset posters.

But not just any growth mindset posters. Kids color in the phrases on these posters – phrases specifically designed to help kids internalize the crucial message that putting in effort is how you grow your brain.

Because the truth is that overused platitudes like “never give up” don’t stick in kids’ minds. But these special growth mindset mantras will burrow their way into your child’s internal dialogue and come out at the exact moment your child needs them.

9 Unique Growth Mindset Posters That Will Shift Your Child’s Mindset

The problem with most ready-made growth mindset posters you can get is that you stick them on the wall and they become…wallpaper. Your child may notice a pretty poster for a day or two, but then they blend in, and your child’s eyes will gloss right over them without really seeing the important messages you’re trying to get across.

Because of this, I put together a special set of printable growth mindset posters for my kids, and they loved them so much I decided to share them here.

You can use these color-in mindset posters at home with your kids, or you can use them in a classroom of students then decorate the walls with the students’ creations. (Just remember to move them around every now and then to keep them from becoming wallpaper!)

The phrases on these special growth mindset posters include:

1. I can’t do it yet, but I will
2. I’m the boss of my mind, and I can tell it what to do
3. My brain is a muscle, and mistakes are like lifting weights
4. I’m perfectly imperfect, and that’s a beautiful thing
5. Winning doesn’t matter. Learning does.
6. The more I try, the more my brain grows
7. There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs. (A quote from Zig Ziglar)
8. Worrying about mistakes is like putting a leash on my brainpower
9. I can (This one’s our favorite because it shows “I can’t” with the “t” being cut off with a pair of scissors!)

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Why These Posters Make the Mindset Message Stick

These are the only growth mindset posters that will actually make the mindset message sink in with kids.

Here’s why:

• Powerful mantras arm your child with positive sayings they can repeat to quiet internal negative thoughts, so they’re ready when they hit speed bumps during the learning process or during the everyday challenges of childhood.
• But kids may have a hard time grasping abstract concepts and remembering a string of words, which means phrases like “strive for progress not perfection” end up going in one ear and out the other. But the mantras on these growth mindset posters are as literal and concrete as possible. When you can paint a picture in your child’s brain to go along with a mantra, your child is much more likely to remember it.
• After you get these posters, you can print new copies for your child to color as often as you want. Here’s why that’s important: For your child to shift to a growth mindset, she needs to internalize the lesson so she won’t have to think about it consciously. But she can’t just hear a message once and internalize it immediately. She needs repetition. From math to vocabulary and beyond, repetition and rehearsal of new information support a process that’s essential to memory – a process called consolidation. During consolidation, the brain moves memories from temporary storage in the brain’s hippocampus to more permanent storage in the cortex (the outer layer of the brain). Translation? The more your child colors these growth mindset posters, the more the message will sink in.
• And most important of all, these color-in growth mindset posters are just plain fun. Whereas slapping a ready-made poster on a wall and asking kids to read them aloud veers into drill sergeant territory, engaging kids in the fun activity of coloring unlocks their creativity and invites them to be an active part of the learning process. In fact, brain research suggests that fun isn’t just a “nice to have” for the learning process but that it may be required for authentic learning and for storage in long-term memory.

But…Will These Posters Spark a Change in Your Child?

When I first set out to create these growth mindset posters for kids, my goal was to shift my kids’ internal dialogue in those moments when they struggled. Specifically, I wanted to erase the internal dialogue where they painted a picture of themselves as incapable of improving – and replace it with a handful of powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow and help them become the people they want to be.

And although I’d done a ton of research ahead of time about the science behind how growth mindset posters could help my kids, I didn’t know exactly how well the messages would stick.

The day the final posters were ready, I called my two oldest kids over to the dining room table while their toddler sister was napping.

“Hey guys, let’s color!”

I’d laid the growth mindset posters on the table, along with my fancy coloring pencils that I keep on a high shelf in my closet except for special occasions.

They walked into the room, glanced around the table, and hurried to sit down.

We each took a sheet and started coloring. My preschooler wanted to talk about the letters on her poster while she colored, and my oldest who’s in elementary school said, “We have posters kind of like this at school in some of the classrooms, except you can’t color them in.”

“Oh yeah?” I said. “What do they say?”

“I can’t remember,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said. Probably not the effect the teachers were going for when they took the time to pick out those pretty posters and hang them up to inspire the kids to keep trying.

As we colored, we talked about the phrases on our posters – what the phrases mean, situations we’ve been in where the phrases would have helped us, and more. I kept it light and breezy by asking lots of questions and biting my tongue when I felt like lecturing. Just let the posters sink into their minds, I reminded myself.

We had a fun afternoon coloring together, then we picked out a piece of prime wall real estate to hang up our creations.

Later that day, I was in the kitchen while the girls were building with Magna Tiles in the living room, and I overheard my grade-schooler say, “I can’t get it to work.”

And my 4-year-old said, “You can’t get it to work YET. But you will.”

Score.

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Would the Messages Stick Long-Term?

I smiled at the fast impact, but I still wondered if the messages of the growth mindset posters would stick with my kids for the long-term.

Every week or so, I’d bust out a fresh set of the posters with my special pencils, and we’d have another group coloring session. I overheard the girls repeating the growth mindset phrases to each other for encouragement, and I noticed a shift in their self-talk – so I was one happy mama.

But after picking up my oldest from school one day, on the ride home she said, “We have to write two paragraphs every week with six to eight sentences each on the same topic. And we have to use these stupid prompts! I can’t write with a prompt.”

“Hmm,” I said. “Have you ever written with a prompt before?”

I expected her to get more frustrated and focus on why writing prompts are so hard, but she surprised me. “Well, it’s not that I can’t write with a prompt. I’ve done it before. It’s just that it’s hard to get started because it’s not my own idea.”

She got quiet, and I glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She was staring at a piece of paper, and I wondered what thoughts were churning behind the scenes.

She said something under her breath, so I asked, “What’s that?”

“Oh, I just said maybe this one will work. And if I don’t like how it turns out, I can try again.”

I smiled. “That sounds like a good plan.”

She was no longer just repeating the growth mindset phrases from the posters. She’d internalized the message.

But the real clincher came for me that weekend while we were in the car running errands as a family.

The two big girls sit in the back row, and I could hear them talking to each other but couldn’t quite make out the words.

Then after a bit, my preschooler called up to us. “Mommy and Daddy, we have a new phrase!”

Ty and I glanced at each other. “A new phrase?” I asked.

“Yeah. Wanna hear it?”

“Sure.”

She and her big sister whispered to each other some more, then my oldest said, “She wants me to go first. My phrase is ‘A life without mistakes is no life at all.'”

I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. I leaned across and whispered to Ty, “The growth mindset posters!”

Then to my oldest, I said, “That’s awesome!”

“Wanna hear mine?” my preschooler asked.

“We’d love to!” I might have been a little excited.

“Okay,” she said. “Winning doesn’t matter. Trying does.”

Not only had they internalized the messages from the growth mindset posters, but they’d been making up their own growth mindset phrases in their own words. All because of our special set of growth mindset coloring posters.

The girls have even taken it one step further and started coming up with their own rules to live by in the same style.

So far, my favorite from my 4-year-old is this one:

If you have something nice to say, say it. Otherwise, if you can’t say something nice, shut your mouth.

Wise words, little one.

How to Get Your Growth Mindset Posters

Invite your kids to color these growth mindset printable posters, then you can hang them in your house as a gentle and positive reminder of the power of your mindset. For an extra dose of fun, try printing two copies, then sit by your child and color them together.

If you’re a teacher, these are the perfect growth mindset posters for the classroom because you can print as many copies as you want and have a built-in growth mindset activity for your students.

1. Grab your mindset posters here. After you order, you’ll get a special link to get your growth mindset posters PDF.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal, especially if you plan to hang the posters on the wall later.
3. Set your kids up to color the posters. Regular old crayons work fine, or you can pair the activity with a fun new art supply like watercolor pencils or 80’s Glam Sharpies.

For an extra treat for your kids, you can have these growth mindset posters printed at Staples using their “engineering print” option to make super-sized versions of the posters. We’ve had the best luck with the 18×24 size (less than $2) and the 36×48 (about $7).

We pick one of the growth mindset posters every now and then to do this with, then unleash all the kids at once for a group coloring project that keeps them moving towards a growth mindset.

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

Your Turn

Which of these growth mindset posters is your child’s favorite (or yours)? Share in a comment below!

The post 9 Powerful Phrases That Will Inspire Your Kid to Keep Trying—Even When It’s Hard appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

When one of my kiddos was preschool-aged and was learning how to do something new, she would stick her little tongue out to the side and figure it out, no matter how long it took her. (And she definitely wouldn’t accept help from me.)

But one day, Bailey said something under her breath that caught me off guard – and not in a good way.

My husband was peeling carrots for dinner, and she walked up to him with a big smile on her face. “Can I do that?”

She’d never peeled anything before, so my mama heart squeezed at the thought of a sharp peeler in her tiny hands. What if she slips and cuts herself? What if she slices off a chunk of her thumb? What if we end up in the ER?!

Luckily, my husband is way more chill than I am, so he said, “Sure.”

I caught Tyler’s eye and raised an eyebrow at him, and he just smiled.

He got Bailey set up at the breakfast table with a bag of carrots and the peeler, and he gave her a quick safety lesson in Vegetable Peeling 101.

When she picked up the peeler, I felt an adrenaline surge.

But I knew enough not to hover, so I hung back in the kitchen and didn’t say a word.

Download: Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

And Then She Said It

Bailey stuck her little tongue out to the side and concentrated on running the peeler against the carrot.

Slow, deliberate. Safe.

I moved closer and opened my mouth to say, “You’re doing it!” But before I could get the words out, she said something under her breath that stopped me.

“I’m not good at this,” she said.

She let the peeler and carrot fall to the table, and her chin dropped to her chest.

And I just stood there, my mouth open but no words coming out.

What happened to my determined, persistent little learner? Since when did she talk down to herself?

Related: Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student {Printable}

The Danger of Negative Self-Talk in Children

Many parents instinctively know that calling a child “stupid” could influence that child’s idea of how smart they are and cause them to behave differently when learning something new. But as it turns out, a child calling themselves “stupid” can have the same effect.

Let’s suppose you’re back in high school, and you’re nervous about a big science test coming up. You tell yourself, “I’ll probably fail anyway, so why even study?”

By telling yourself that, you’ve given up before the test even happened and envisioned a future for yourself where you’ll skip studying. If you do skip studying, you’ll have increased the chances that you’ll fail the test.

Instead, consider what would happen if you told yourself, “I’m nervous about the science test, but studying will help me feel more confident.” You’d be more likely to study and therefore more likely to do well on the test.

This phenomenon is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, when you declare something like this to yourself or another person, it’s enough to influence your behavior to fulfill that declaration of “truth.”

Related: 7 Surprising Ways to Help Your Kid Do Better in School, According to Science

But the Most Common Response Doesn’t Work

When kids engage in negative self-talk, it may sound like:

I’m no good at this.
I can’t do it, it’s too hard.
I’ll never learn how to read.

Because we love our kids more than anything else in the world, our gut reaction as a parent is to convince them that their words aren’t true:

You are good at this!
Yes, you can do it!
You will learn to read. I believe in you!

But have you noticed that when you try to fight your child’s negative self-talk with your own positive words, it doesn’t work?

I learned that lesson the hard way with my oldest child. It took me a while to realize that when I unleashed a slew of positive affirmations, it actually made her attitude worse. She’d furrow her brow, cross her arms on her chest, and shut herself off from me.

I’d unknowingly turned her frustration into a power struggle instead of addressing the heart of the issue.

This Is What We’re Missing

Here’s what your child is really saying when they talk bad about themselves:

I’m frustrated.
I feel bad that I made a mistake.
I’m scared I won’t be able to figure this out.

When we respond with positive affirmations, this is what our kids hear:

Don’t be frustrated!
Don’t feel bad!
Don’t be scared!

I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling those emotions and someone responds by telling me not to feel those emotions, I don’t take it very well.

Which means the real problem is that we’re not stopping to empathize with our kids’ big and scary emotions. In that moment when your child gets easily frustrated and their confidence is shaken, they don’t feel heard.

So what can you do in that moment when you hear your sweet child saying mean things about themselves?

Say one simple word.

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

One Word That Will Flip Your Child’s Negative Self-Talk

A while ago, I stumbled on one word that helps me catch myself in that moment so I can empathize with my child and and help her move forward in a positive way:

• When your child says, “I’m no good at this” or “I can’t do it,”
• You say, “…yet.”

Adding this one word builds your child’s confidence by giving them a vision of their future where they do “get” it. They’ll make choices that will help them live up to that new “truth.”

Which means this little word is important for your child to hear, but it’s just as important for you. Because saying “…yet” will stop you from spewing out positive affirmations that will just make your child dig their heels further into the muck of negative self-talk.

For the best results when teaching optimism, grit, and stick-to-it-iveness, you’ll want to follow up “yet” with a little more guidance:

1. Yet – When you hear your child engage in negative self-talk, close the distance between you, look them in the eye, and repeat their statement but add “…yet” to the end. Depending on the statement, it may work better to say “…not yet.”
2. Empathize – Let them know you hear their frustration by saying “I can see that you’re frustrated.” Or “It seems like you’re nervous that you won’t figure this out.” Or “You feel bad that you made a mistake.” You might also follow this up with a question to get them talking about what they’re stuck on, like “Can you show me the part that’s hard for you?”
3. Turn it around – Now, ask your child a question to engage their problem-solving skills so they can move forward in a positive way. For example, “How can you try this a different way?” or “What part isn’t making sense yet?”

And all you have to remember is YET. Yet, Empathize, Turn it around.

Can One Word Stop Negative Self-Talk in Children?

To be clear, we can’t wave our magic mom wands and immediately stop all negative self-talk in children.

But adding “…yet” is a simple and positive response that can help nip negative self-talk in the bud and flip it into a positive mantra for your child.

On that day that my preschooler threw down the vegetable peeler and that sad little carrot, she’d said “I’m not good at this.”

I wanted to say, “It’s the first time you’ve ever tried to do this! You’ll get better! Just keep trying!” Which would have turned the whole situation into an argument with us on opposite sides.

But instead, I caught myself and said, “…yet.”

She looked up at me, and I moved forward to close the gap between us.

Bending down so we were at eye level with each other, I said, “You’re frustrated because you’re learning something new, and that’s hard.”

She nodded.

“You’re not feeling good at this yet.”

“Yeah,” she said.

I reached out with one hand and rubbed her shoulder. “How could you get better at it?”

She shrugged, and I waited, keeping my mouth shut.

After a few seconds, her eyes lit up with that determination I know and love, and she sat up straight in her chair. “I could use a knife.”

My eyes got big, and I heard my husband chuckling in the kitchen behind us. Not exactly the direction I wanted things to move in.

“You could. That’s true.” Buying myself time. “But…using a knife would take even more practice to learn than the vegetable peeler. Can you think of anything else that would help you with the peeler?”

She tilted her head to one side, thinking. “Can you show me again?”

I smiled and picked up the peeler. The power of yet.

Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids – some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras she hears from her older sisters!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow – and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Download your own set of mindset posters here, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from their mistakes.

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If your child struggles with negative self-talk, they may have a fixed mindset when it comes to learning new things. Get more tried-and-true tricks to nurture a growth mindset here:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

The Most Powerful Way to Respond When Your Kid Gives Up

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

Your Turn

Have you found any helpful tricks for responding to negative self-talk in children? Share in a comment below!

The post One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’ appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Every Friday when my oldest was in first grade, she’d get a list of spelling words from her teacher: ten main spelling words with five challenge words for extra credit. The next Friday, they’d have a spelling test covering those words.

Because spelling was one of my favorite subjects in grade school, the first time I saw the spelling sheet in her backpack, I couldn’t help but smile. Gold stars, here we come!

So that first week, we practiced every day. In the car, at the dinner table, while she colored with her baby sister.

She rocked the first test, and I figured we had this spelling test business all figured out.

Ready for a shortcut? Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

But Then the Real Test Came

Every week, she got a new list with new words. When we’d first start practicing each list, she didn’t know most—if any—of the words.

But my daughter hates making mistakes. So we couldn’t even get through all the words that first time without her getting frustrated.

Then my big kid would give up.

And seeing her give up left me frustrated.

We’d feed off each other’s negative emotions, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Related: Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student {Printable}

Here’s What Worked

One week, I changed my approach. After re-reading this article on why it doesn’t help to tell your kid they’re smart plus all the extra tips I found in my research for that article, I was ready.

I’d just picked her up from school, and we were at a coffee shop, splitting a piece of pumpkin bread.

“How about we practice your spelling words?”

“Okay.” She pointed at the pumpkin bread. “Is this the only snack we’re getting?”

“Yes, silly,” I said. “We can’t fill up on baked goods before dinner.”

She took a huge bite.

“Let’s do something different with spelling words today,” I said. “I know you get frustrated when you make mistakes when you’re first learning the words. Every time you try to spell it but get it wrong, let’s high five.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“Because mistakes mean you’re learning. They’re a good thing.”

“Well, what will we do when I get it right?” She took another huge bite of pumpkin bread.

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

She smiled. “Let’s do a double high-five and say ‘wahoo!’”

“Deal.” I held out my hand, and we shook on it. “Do you want to start with the regular words or the challenge words?”

She swallowed her last piece of pumpkin bread. “Challenge words.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Spell ’November.’”

She grinned. “That’s easy. N-O-V-E-M-B-E-R.”

I put up both hands for a double high-five. We both said “wahoo,” and she giggled and looked around the coffee shop to see if anyone had heard us.

“Can I have more pumpkin bread?” she asked.

I shook my head and smiled. “Again, no,” I said. “Okay, spell ‘motion.’”

She bit her lip. “M-O-…” She paused. “I-O-N?”

“Close! It’s M-O-T-I-O-N.” I put up a hand and smiled big. “High-five, you’re learning!”

She high-fived back but frowned.

“Hey, that’s a good thing. Getting it wrong a few times helps you learn it better.”

“Okay, give me another one.”

“Spell ‘science.’”

“These are hard!” she said.

“That means they’re a good workout for your brain. When we’re done practicing, your brain is going to be even bigger.”

We kept practicing, and every time she got it wrong I put a big smile on my face, held out my hand, and said “High-five, you’re learning!” or “Your brain is bigger now!” or “Next time, it’ll be easier.”

After a few times, she no longer frowned when she got it wrong.

She was actually smiling.

Related: One Powerful Word That Will Stop Negative Self-Talk in Kids {Printable}

The Verdict

When we got through the whole list, I asked, “Well, how did that go? Did it feel better to high-five and celebrate mistakes?”

She grinned and nodded. “Yes.”

“Is there anything else that would have helped more?”

“Every time I get a word wrong, you could give me some more food.”

I laughed.

“What?” she said. “I’m always hungry.”

So I went and bought that girl another piece of pumpkin bread.

She deserved it.

Get Your Copy: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Why You Need to Celebrate Your Child’s Mistakes

If your child tends to give up after they make a mistake or when they’re learning something new, they might be stuck in what researchers call a fixed mindset.

Children who have a fixed mindset believe that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be. They think you can’t change how smart you are, no matter how hard you try. And you can’t change your personality or how creative you are.

But children with a growth mindset believe that if you work hard, you can become smarter. These kids thrive on challenge. And this is important because more than 20 years of research shows that the key to success in school and life is having a growth mindset. In other words, if you believe that trying hard will make you smarter, it will.

If you want to help shift your child’s mindset and inspire them to keep trying, even when it’s hard, one of the best steps you can take is to start celebrating your child’s mistakes. Here’s why:

“Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child’s failures and insists he’ll do better next time. Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker studies this exact scenario and explains that the child may come to believe failure is something so terrible, the family can’t acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them.”

What does it look like to celebrate your child’s mistakes? Here are a few examples:

• Shift your reaction. When your child makes a mistake, pay attention to your reaction, including your facial expression, tone of voice, and the words you say. If it’s not appropriate to use a celebratory tone, try to at least stay neutral. For example, suppose your child is pouring milk into a cereal bowl and misses, spilling milk all over the kitchen counter. My knee-jerk reaction might be to exclaim the child’s name and say something like, “You need to pay more attention to what you’re doing!” But since learning about growth mindset, I’ve practiced adopting a neutral or even upbeat tone in that situation:
  • Now, I might say, “Aw, biscuits. The rags are under the sink if you need one.” I keep my tone neutral and my facial expression open to communicate that the mistake isn’t a big deal.
  • Or if I’m having a great parenting day and feeling tapped into my playful side, I might act startled and say, “Whoa! Did you see that giant yeti that just barged through here? He walked right over the counter and bumped into the milk jug! Let’s clean it up together.” By making light of the mishap, you send the message that mistakes happen, and they’re not the end of the world.
• Open up at dinner. At the dinner table, go around the table and ask everyone—including adults—to share a mistake from their day and what they learned from it.
• Take a break. If your child is learning something new and getting incredibly frustrated, walk up to them and say, “I can see you’re trying hard. Your brain must be getting a good workout! Let’s go grab an ice cream to celebrate all that hard work.”

But Did That Actually Help Her Learn?

On Friday after her test, I gave her a hug and pulled back to search her face.

“Well?” I asked. “How’d you do on your spelling test?”

She smiled and looked at the ground. “I got a 105.”

“Whoa!”

She giggled.

“So you got all the regular words right, plus all the challenge words right?”

She nodded.

“Wait a second,” I said. I squinted. “How did you do that? Were you just born magically knowing how to spell all those words?”

“No.” Still smiling.

“Tell me your secret. How’d you get a 105?”

She rolled her eyes. “Because I made mistakes and worked hard.”

Duh, Mom.

Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids—some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras she hears from her older sisters!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow—and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Get your own set of mindset posters here, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from her mistakes.

Get your copy now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

Your Turn

When your kid gives up, what’s worked well for you? Share in a comment below!

The post The Most Powerful Way to Respond When Your Kid Gives Up appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

Does any of this sound familiar…

• When your child makes a mistake, does she take it hard?
• Do you get the feeling your kid isn’t applying himself at school?
• Does your child shy away from learning new things?
• Has your kid ever gotten a low grade on a test or a report card and tried to hide it from you?
• Have you heard your child talk down to herself, saying things like “I’m not good at that” or “I’ll never learn this” or “I’m not smart”?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, your child may have a fixed mindset.

Children with a fixed mindset believe that you are as smart as you’ll ever be. You can’t change how smart you are, no matter how hard you try.

On the other hand, children with a growth mindset believe that if you work hard, you can become smarter. These kids thrive on challenge. Fixed-mindset kids see failure as evidence of not being smart, but growth-mindset kids see failure as an opportunity for growing. In fact, they don’t even see it as failure. They see it as LEARNING.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

So What?

More than 20 years of research shows that the key to success in school and life is having a growth mindset. Basically, if you believe that trying hard will make you smarter, it will.

However, if your child doesn’t seem to enjoy the learning process, or can’t stand making mistakes, or lies to cover up failure – they may be struggling with a fixed mindset. And it’s stressing out your kid!

But it’s not just a mental problem. Kids with a fixed mindset tend to do WORSE in school.

The good news: You can help your child change their mindset.

7 Ways Your Child Can Become a Better, Happier Student

The easiest thing you can start doing RIGHT NOW is to stop saying “you’re so smart” and say this magic phrase instead:

“You worked really hard!”

That change has to happen first, and here’s why.

But you may find that you need a few more tools in your mindset-changing grab bag. So here are 7 more tips for helping your child become a better student.

No, scratch that. These tips will renew your child’s love of learning. He will be happier and more successful, and he will feel better about himself.

YES, PLEASE.

Keep in mind that every tip won’t work for every kid, so read through them all and see which ones ring true to you. Try one or two and see how they go.

Then come back here and let me know how it goes!

1. Question Everything

If you start to feel like a broken record saying “you must have worked really hard” all the time, try this trick: Ask questions about your child’s process.

For example, let’s say your little one shows you a picture he drew. You could ask:

• What gave you the idea to color the tree purple?
• How did you stay inside the lines?
• Or when you have no idea what the hell you’re looking at: Can you tell me about everything in the picture?

Then just sit back and listen.

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

2. Pretend You’re a Court Reporter

The court reporter doesn’t pass judgement. They just watch and listen, then record facts that can be seen or heard.

With your court reporter hat on, you might say things like:

• You looked really focused on that math worksheet, like you were concentrating. It seemed like that helped you finish it faster.
• That picture has a lot of different colors.
• During the game, you kept your eyes on your teammates. It looked like your team was working together today.

Watch for effort, strategies, focus, and improvement.

Related: One Powerful Word That Will Stop Negative Self-Talk in Kids

3. Look in the Mirror

If you find yourself struggling to let go of the “you’re smart” type of comments, sit down with a pen and paper and try to sort out why. You might write:

• I want to build up my kid’s self-esteem.
• I want her to know I believe in her.
• It makes me proud to have a smart child. If I’m honest with myself, it’s almost like I’m complimenting myself for doing a good job at parenting.

Then write down other ways you can achieve the same outcome. For example:

• Praising my kid’s effort or strategies will have a bigger impact on his self-esteem.
• She will know I believe in her if I’m cheering her along as she works hard, instead of just showing up at the end with empty praise.
• If I switch to praising effort, one day I’ll be rewarded with a perfect SAT score and an Ivy League acceptance letter that I can brag about.

4. Raise a Muscle-Builder

In one study, kids improved their math test scores by learning one basic concept: that the brain is a muscle. Giving it a workout makes you smarter. And the way you give your brain a workout is by doing something hard.

Teach this concept to your kid. Get obnoxious about reinforcing it:

• At bedtime, ask your child what gave her brain a workout today.
• Have your kid draw a picture of the brain working like a muscle, to cement the idea in his head.
• On the drive to school in the morning, say “Let’s give our brains a workout” and then throw out word problems or riddles, or play the alphabet game backwards.

Or if you’re like us and you can barely get your kids’ dinner ready and get them into bed before you pass out every night, you can pay $79 and have your kids go through this online program that will teach them this “brain is muscle” idea.

5. Celebrate Failures

A lot of parents give children stickers or a hearty “good job” when the child accomplishes a goal.

Turn that on its head and celebrating the mistakes along the way that will make meeting that goal a possibility:

“Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child’s failures and insists he’ll do better next time. Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker studies this exact scenario and explains that the child may come to believe failure is something so terrible, the family can’t acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them.”

At the dinner table, go around the table and ask everyone to share a mistake from their day and what they learned from it.

If your kid is learning to tie her shoes and getting frustrated, walk up to her and say “I can see you’re trying hard. Your brain must be getting a good workout! Let’s go grab an ice cream to celebrate all that hard work.”

Bonus: You’ll totally make her day!

6. Change Your Kid’s Brain Chemistry

How? Don’t reward every accomplishment:

“…persistence turns out to be more than a conscious act of will; it’s also an unconscious response, governed by a circuit in the brain. Dr. Robert Cloninger at Washington University in St. Louis located the circuit in a part of the brain called the orbital and medial prefrontal cortex. It monitors the reward center of the brain, and like a switch, it intervenes when there’s a lack of immediate reward. When it switches on, it’s telling the rest of the brain, ‘Don’t stop trying. There’s dopa [the brain’s chemical reward for success] on the horizon.’ While putting people through MRI scans, Cloninger could see this switch lighting up regularly in some. In others, barely at all.”

Uh…in English?

“Cloninger has trained rats and mice in mazes to have persistence by carefully not rewarding them when they get to the finish. ‘The key is intermittent reinforcement,’ says Cloninger. The brain has to learn that frustrating spells can be worked through. ‘A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.’

I’d thought ‘praise junkie’ was just an expression—but suddenly, it seemed as if I could be setting up my son’s brain for an actual chemical need for constant reward.”

The moral: Be inconsistent and random with your rewards. “Inconsistent and random” is pretty much my parenting motto, so I think I’ve got this one in the bag.

7. Preempt the Report Card

Grades are tricky. They’re obviously important for achieving success in our society, but what’s more important is learning.

“Too many students are hung up on grades and on proving their worth through grades…Problems arise when students come to care so much about their performance that they sacrifice important learning opportunities and limit their intellectual growth.

Problems also arise when students equate their grades with their intelligence or their worth. This can be very damaging, for when they hit difficulty, they may quickly feel inadequate, become discouraged and lose their ability or their desire to perform well in that area.”

The day that report cards come home, don’t rush to open your child’s. Instead, give your kid a sheet of paper listing all her school subjects. For each one, ask her to give herself a grade based on how much she learned. You could use a scale of 1-3 or come up with your own grading system, like:

• A = My brain hurts I learned so much!
• B = I learned some, but I probably could have learned more
• C = That class made me sleepy

Then for each non-A she gives herself, ask what she could have done to learn more. And listen.

Bonus Tip! Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids – some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras she hears from her older sisters!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow – and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Get your own set of mindset posters here, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from her mistakes.

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student

Your Turn

Does your kid struggle with a fixed mindset? What about you? Leave a comment to share!

Social media photo by Purple Sherbet Photography.

The post 7 Surefire Ways to Make Your Kid a Better Student appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

My 5-year-old struggles when she makes mistakes. Just a hunch, but I think it might have something to do with her mother being a perfectionist. Or maybe it’s just the nature of my child’s own personality.

But watching my child be so incredibly hard on herself gives me a renewed sense of urgency to get a handle on my own perfectionist tendencies.

She’ll say things like:

• “I’m never going to learn how to read.”
• “Everyone else is better than me.”
• “I’m the worst kid in the world.”

That last one is like an ice-cold knife sliding into my mama heart.

Ready for a solution now? Get these fun coloring posters for your child to teach them the power of hard work and sticking with a problem.

An Eye Opener

The other night as I was tucking my child in, I asked: “What makes someone smart?”

“Their brain,” she said.

I laughed. “That’s a good point.”

Then I asked: “What about your baby sister? Is she smart?”

“No.”

I raised one eyebrow. “How will she get smart?”

“By learning things.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “And by making mistakes, right?”

She nodded.

We were both quiet for a few seconds. I thought of earlier in the day when she said she’d never learn to read. In response, I picked out an easy reader book and sat down with her. She read the whole thing, needing help on just a handful of words.

She pulled the covers up over her shoulders, snapping me out of the memory.

I asked: “What about you? Are you smart?”

A shy little smile. “Yes.”

“Are you as smart as you’ll ever be?”

“No.”

I smiled. “How will you get smarter?”

“I’m going to learn more things.”

“And make mistakes, right?”

She nodded.

One day, I know I’ll get an eye roll instead of a nod, but in the meantime I’ll gladly brainwash the perfectionism out of her.

There Are Two Kinds of People in the World

Our conversation that night sparked something for me.

A few years ago, I volunteered as a mentor to a small group of girls in a second-grade classroom.

In the volunteer training, the educators running the program taught us a concept I’d never heard before: fixed versus growth mindset.

Children who have a fixed mindset believe that you are as smart as you’ll ever be. You can’t change how smart you are, no matter how hard you try. And you can’t change your personality or how creative you are.

But children with a growth mindset believe that if you work hard, you can become smarter. These kids thrive on challenge. Whereas fixed-mindset kids see failure as evidence of not being smart, growth-mindset kids see failure as an opportunity for growing. In fact, they don’t even see it as failure. They see it as LEARNING.

Can you take a guess which kids are most successful in school and in their careers later in life? Which kids have the greatest capacity for happiness?

More than 20 years of research shows that the key to success in school and life is having a growth mindset. In other words, if you believe that trying hard will make you smarter, it will.

However, if you believe that nothing you do will change how smart you are, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What’s more, these fixed-mindset kids don’t enjoy the learning process. Their mindset even drives them to lie about their school performance in order to maintain the perception that they are smart. They simply can’t handle mistakes.

“In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort.

In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.”

Related: One Powerful Word That Will Stop Negative Self-Talk in Kids {Printable}

In the Words of a Genius

This idea may be hard to accept. The whole concept goes against what a lot of us have believed our whole lives. Myself included.

I’ve always thought: You’re either smart, or you’re not.

In the words of Ron White: “You can’t fix stupid.”

But here’s what another famous person had to say on the subject:

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” – Albert Einstein

If you think Einstein was just being humble, you can read this book^† to see the years and years of research that proves his point. From an article about the book:

“This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way – in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments – everyone can change and grow through application and experience.

Do people with this mindset believe that anyone can be anything, that anyone with proper motivation or education can become Einstein or Beethoven? No, but they believe that a person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable); that it’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training.”

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Well, duh. As a parent, of course you believe that if your child works hard, they can be anything they want to be.

But the problem?

Our actions as parents don’t always support this important growth mindset.

Here’s What We’re Doing Wrong

Have you ever told your kid they’re smart? I sure have.

And we’re not alone. According to one survey, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart.

But we need to stop, and here’s why.

Telling your child “You’re smart” is playing right into the fixed mindset.

In just one of the many studies that shows what happens when you praise your child by saying they’re smart, the researchers studied fifth-grade students:

The researchers would take a single child out of the classroom for a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles – puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well. Once the child finished the test, the researchers told each student his score, then gave him a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, “You must be smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort: “You must have worked really hard.”…

Then the students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice…was an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out.

But why?

“When we praise children for their intelligence,” [researcher Carol Dweck] wrote in her study summary, “we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.” And that’s what the fifth-graders had done: They’d chosen to look smart and avoid the risk of being embarrassed.

In a subsequent round, none of the fifth-graders had a choice. The test was difficult, designed for kids two years ahead of their grade level. Predictably, everyone failed. But again, the two groups of children, divided at random at the study’s start, responded differently. Those praised for their effort on the first test assumed they simply hadn’t focused hard enough on this test. “They got very involved, willing to try every solution to the puzzles,” Dweck recalled. “Many of them remarked, unprovoked, ‘This is my favorite test.’?” Not so for those praised for their smarts. They assumed their failure was evidence that they weren’t really smart at all. “Just watching them, you could see the strain. They were sweating and miserable.”

Having artificially induced a round of failure, Dweck’s researchers then gave all the fifth-graders a final round of tests that were engineered to be as easy as the first round. Those who had been praised for their effort significantly improved on their first score – by about 30 percent. Those who’d been told they were smart did worse than they had at the very beginning – by about 20 percent.

Telling your kid they’re smart stresses them out. It shifts their focus to getting and keeping that label of “smart.”

And when they’re focused on labels instead of learning, they don’t learn as well, they don’t enjoy the learning process, and they actually do worse on their schoolwork because of it.

Okay, Okay! Tell Me What to Do Instead!

If you’re like me, after reading this you’re all “Wait, whaaa? Not tell my kid they’re smart? That’s just MEAN!”

And yes, you may feel like a meanie at first.

But the secret to turning your child into an awesome student and setting them up for a life of success is to praise their effort, not the outcome.

Every time you feel the urge to say “Wow, you’re so smart” or “You’re really good at math,” say this magic phrase instead:

“You worked really hard.”

That’s all.

Just comment on how much effort your kid put into what they’re doing. Add a “Wow” at the front if you want to kick it up a notch. (But if you start to feel like a robot always saying that one phrase, you can keep your encouragement fresh with these 125 encouraging phrases for kids.)

Over time, your child will learn that it’s okay to struggle. That it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. And even better, they’ll learn that it’s fun to challenge yourself to learn new things.

Get Your Copy: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Print These Coloring Posters to Change Your Kid’s Mindset

I’ve tried countless parenting techniques to encourage a growth mindset in my kids – some of them total duds.

But I wish I’d created these special mindset posters much earlier because the results have been fast and impressive with my grade-schooler and my preschooler. (Even my toddler repeats the growth mindset mantras she hears from her older sisters!)

Thanks to these mindset posters, my kids have internalized powerful, positive mantras to remind them that hard work and sticking with a problem will help their brains grow – and will help them become the people they want to be. (Check out the science behind these growth mindset posters that makes them so powerful with kids.)

Get your own set of mindset posters here, and you’ll unlock your child’s true potential for working hard, not giving up, and learning from their mistakes.

Get yours now: 9 Best Mindset Posters That Will Inspire Your Child to Keep Trying

Want More?

If you want to nurture a growth mindset in your child, here are our most popular resources:

The Most Encouraging Words for Kids: 125 Phrases That Actually Work

One Powerful Word That Will Inspire a Child Who Says, ‘I Can’t’

7 Surefire Ways to Make Your Kid a Better Student

Your Turn

Which mindset do you have? What about your kids? Leave a comment to share!

Social media photo by woodleywonderworks.

The post Here’s the Secret Phrase to Turn Your Kid Into an Amazing Student appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.