One of my children was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and I didn’t see it coming.

I knew my child struggled in certain situations, but I didn’t think she had anxiety.

That day we got home from the doctor’s office after hearing the diagnosis, I went straight to my closet, shut the door, curled up in the corner, and fell apart.

How did I miss it?

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free checklist to help you watch for these hidden signs of anxiety in your child.

This Is Why

Months after my daughter’s diagnosis, I still feel guilty that I didn’t see the signs earlier.

The truth is that you never think it will happen to your child.

Maybe you’ve read about how anxiety disorders are one of the most common health issues for kids and adolescents these days…but that doesn’t apply to your child.

Sure, your child may struggle a bit in certain situations – maybe they have a hard time falling asleep at night or get extra nervous about tests at school or worry about making friends (and keeping friends) – but that’s just part of childhood, right?

But Here’s What I Learned the Hard Way

Every child experiences anxious feelings, so yes, that is just part of childhood. But sometimes, those anxious feelings are a sign of an underlying anxiety disorder.

In other words, for some kids, those anxious feelings are a sign that their brain overreacts to some triggers. Their bodies get stuck in a constant loop of the fight or flight response. Their brain and body feel the same as if they were constantly being hunted by a hungry lion.

How common is it? One study of over 10,000 kids discovered that more than 30 percent of those children had an anxiety disorder.

Won’t Kids Just Get Over It?

Honestly, that’s what I thought. I thought we could cope with my child’s sleep struggles and her endless worries about school, and eventually she would just grow out of them.

But as a child’s brain develops, their anxiety can intensify. Left unchecked, childhood anxiety can cause other serious issues.

Academic struggles. Depression. Substance abuse. Eating disorders. And my throat feels tight as I type this next part because this isn’t theoretical or a statistic – this could happen to my child – kids with anxiety are at increased risk of suicidal thoughts.

This is my baby. When I held my baby in my arms that very first time years ago, I didn’t yet know her brain would just happen to be a little too sensitive to triggers and stress.

It took me too long to realize my child might be struggling with an anxiety disorder. Two different pediatricians didn’t suggest she may have an anxiety disorder, even after I described the classic symptoms. The only reason we found out was because I felt in my gut that something wasn’t right, so I took her to a third doctor.

And now I’m on a mission to help other parents notice the signs of childhood anxiety early.

Related: 8 Surefire Ways to Calm an Anxious Kid

How Do You Know If Your Child Has Anxiety?

The hardest part is that your child won’t come out and say, “I feel anxious.” You have to watch for clues.

But first, a warning: I am not a medical expert. I’m just a mom who’s been in your shoes, and I know what it’s like to worry about your child.

So I compiled these signs and symptoms from several reputable resources to give you one single checklist for symptoms of anxiety in children.

At the end of this post, you can also get a free printable childhood anxiety symptoms checklist that you can fill out and take to your pediatrician’s office.

This is the checklist I wish I’d had years ago for my child.

Anxiety in Children: A Symptoms Checklist for Parents

Please watch for these signs in your child and see your child’s doctor if you notice any of them on a regular basis.

But keep in mind that experiencing one of these symptoms does not necessarily mean your child has an anxiety disorder. Your child’s doctor will likely be most interested in whether the symptoms are getting in the way of your child functioning in their daily life or if they’re impacting the rest of the family.

For example, if math homework every night leads to a meltdown or if it takes your child so long to fall asleep that she’s feeling tired the next day and unable to focus at school – those may be signs of an anxiety disorder.

With that said, remember that anxiety doesn’t just go away on its own. Without treatment, childhood anxiety can intensify and spur other serious mental health issues.

Note: For the source where you can find out more about each of these childhood anxiety symptoms, click the »» character after the checklist item.

Listen for These 15 Phrases That Are Code Words

If your child says anything like this on a regular basis, these phrases can be code words for “I’m anxious”:

1. “My tummy hurts.” or “I feel like I might throw up.” Anxious feelings often present in the body. Stomachaches are very common for anxious kids because in the throes of anxiety, the body redirects blood flow from the abdominal organs to the brain, which slows down digestion. That experience can cause nausea. »»
2. “I’m not hungry.” When digestion shuts down because of anxiety, so does the need to eat. »»
3. “Please don’t make me.” or “Can I just stay home?” or “I don’t want to!” Kids with anxiety may start to avoid stressful situations. »»
4. “Please don’t leave me.” or “Is it time to leave yet?” or “I want to go home.” Anxious kids in a stressful environment or situation will typically ask to leave so they can get away from the stress. »»
5. “I feel like I can’t do anything right.” or “I feel like there’s something wrong with me.” Kids with anxiety can be very hard on themselves. »»
6. “I can’t do it!” or “Can you do it for me?” Anxious kids tend to expect perfection from themselves, so they may avoid a difficult task to avoid making a mistake. »»
7. “I’m sorry.” Because anxious kids are typically hard on themselves, they may apologize often, especially for small things. »»
8. “Are you mad at me?” Many anxious children will seek constant approval or reassurance from others. »»
9. “I can’t fall asleep.” Anxious kids may have difficulty falling asleep. »»
10. “I’m so tired.” Kids with anxiety tend to have difficulty falling asleep or getting restful sleep, but sometimes the only sign you’ll see may be them complaining of feeling tired. »»
11. “But what if…? What if…?” Anxious kids typically worry constantly, sometimes about things that are far in the future. »»
12. “Nobody wants to play with me.” or “I don’t really have many friends.” Some kids with anxiety experience an intense fear of social situations. »»
13. “Are you sure…?” or “Do you think…?” Anxious kids tend to ask lots of questions to seek reassurance from you about their worries, like “Are you sure we’re not running late?” or “Do you think the teacher will like my science project?” »»
14. “I feel hot.” or “I can’t breathe.” An anxiety attack (or more commonly referred to as a panic attack) can cause hot flashes and sweating. Other panic attack symptoms include a racing or pounding heartbeat, trembling or shaking, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, lightheadedness, tingling sensations, and chills. »»
15. “I have a headache.” Anxious feelings or a panic attack can also cause a headache. »»

Related: 10 Best Journals for Kids That Will Boost Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

Watch for These 15 Behaviors

The following behaviors can be a sign or symptom of childhood anxiety. This list is not exhaustive, but it gives you one single list of the most common child anxiety symptoms as compiled from several sources.

1. Cries often or often seems sad »»
2. Becomes angry easily »»
3. Acts extremely sensitive, such as taking things personally »»
4. Gets in a bad mood easily or with no clear reason »»
5. Acts irritable often »»
6. Seems to have difficulty concentrating or focusing »»
7. Gets scared easily, sometimes due to phobias or exaggerated fears »»
8. Wakes up crying in the middle of the night because of bad dreams or nightmares »»
9. Behaves in obsessive or compulsive ways, such as worrying about germs, arranging objects in a specific way, finger tapping, and so on »»
10. Experiences intense tantrums or meltdowns »»
11. Turns down opportunities to socialize with peers »»
12. Seems overly concerned with their grades in school »»
13. Overreacts to any constructive criticism from a parent or teacher »»
14. Runs away or hides to avoid stressful situations »»
15. Acts clingy when you try to leave them for a short time »»

Next Steps: What to Do With This Child Anxiety Checklist

Then moving forward as a next step, take this child anxiety checklist and your notes to your pediatrician. If your pediatrician doesn’t take these signs seriously, find another doctor.

We had to talk to three doctors before someone took my child’s mental health seriously. When it comes to your child’s health, it never hurts to get a second (or third or fourth) opinion.

Get Your Free Printable: Anxiety in Children Symptoms Checklist

Use this checklist to evaluate your child for signs and symptoms of anxiety, then follow up with your child’s doctor.

1. Get the free checklist. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print and fill out the child anxiety checklist. You may want to jot down notes in the margins and take a few days to watch and listen for the signs. Fill in the appropriate bubble for any day you notice that behavior.
3. Make an appointment with your child’s doctor. Remember: If your child’s doctor doesn’t seem to take you seriously, get a second opinion.
4. Help your child calm down. While you wait to meet with your child’s doctor, you can help your child cope with anxious feelings with these 8 surefire ways to calm an anxious child.

Here’s a sneak peek of your checklist:

Your Turn

What would you add to this childhood anxiety symptoms checklist? Share with your fellow parents in a comment below.

The post 30 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Children That You Need to Know appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

My 6-year-old has been struggling lately. Every other week, she lives with us. The other weeks, she lives with her dad and stepmom.

She’s always had a hard time being away from us for a whole week, but her anxious feelings seem to be getting worse.

For the last few months, she hasn’t been eating much on Sundays, the day before she switches back to the other house. On Monday mornings – our last morning before she heads to school and a week away from us – she won’t eat anything. We’ve tried pancakes, muffins – anything to get her to just eat.

Nope.

And now she’s having a hard time in another area: sleep.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get this free checklist to help you watch for 30 hidden signs of anxiety in your child.

The Bedtime Battle You Don’t Expect

When it’s time to say good night, she gets frantic.

She asks for one more hug, again and again. Tears well up in her eyes. She says she doesn’t want to leave me.

Not just on her last night at our house – every single night.

It’s like she doesn’t trust I’ll be there in the morning when she wakes up.

She had the typical separation anxiety as a toddler, but it got more intense after she started splitting her time between two houses.

Then as we settled into a new life with new routines, her separation anxiety went away.

Four years later, it’s back with a vengeance.

Bedtime is now the ultimate struggle.

On top of that, she wakes me up several times a night. Nothing I say helps in that moment because she’s an emotional wreck.

Related: 30 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Children That You Need to Know {Printable}

8 Ways to Calm an Anxious Child

Neither of us were getting enough sleep. It was time for help.

I researched nighttime anxiety in kids. I scheduled a pediatrician visit and talked to the doctor about what’s going on. I searched for tools to help kids cope with anxious feelings.

Here are the best tips I found in my research. We started all these recently, and they’re helping so much already. My daughter has had only one middle-of-the-night wake-up since we started using these techniques.

If your child is struggling with anxious feelings from separation anxiety to nighttime fears, reading this post will give you the tools to help your child. Even better, your child will start to learn how to manage their own stress when they’re feeling anxious or scared.

1. Name the Bad Feelings

This suggestion came from our doctor, and it’s a common tip for helping children with anxious feelings.

Get your kid to think up a silly name for the bad feelings they’re having. For example: Bob.

Then tell your kid to boss those bad feelings around.

“Bob, stop making me feel like that!”

Or: “Go away, Bob!”

(I suggested my child name her bad feelings “Voldemort.” She decided to stick with “Bob” instead.)

2. Shhh…

I made the mistake of thinking logic would help. I explained she was safe. I wasn’t going anywhere. Our bodies needed sleep.

But my child’s brain was experiencing real stress. Logic didn’t do squat.

In fact, my rational explanations seemed to make her anxious feelings worse.

Then when my logical appeals didn’t help her, I got frustrated, and that really didn’t help.

This is what I did instead: I just stopped talking. I gave lots of hugs and kisses. And listened.

From the experts:

Recognize that the fear is real. As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to your child and it’s causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid…Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing your child to overcome it. Saying, “Don’t be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!” may get your child to go to bed, but it won’t make the fear go away.

Dr. D’Arcy Lyness for KidsHealth

3. Give Your Kid a Friend

Our doctor also suggested this one.

Let your kid pick a doll or stuffed animal, or even something like a bracelet.

In times of stress, encourage your child to find comfort in this special object. Research shows this helps kids with nighttime fears and sleep problems. Especially in cases of shared custody, the child can find it helpful to have an object they take between both houses that always travels with them.

When my child was anxious about starting kindergarten, we got matching bracelets, I wrote her a special poem, and it worked like magic.

To help with these new sleep problems, we found a miniature teddy bear from when she was a toddler, and she’s been sleeping with it at night.

Then on Monday mornings, we pack it in her backpack to take to her other house for the week.

4. Get a Straw and a Button

Seems random, but stick with me.

In one study, teaching kids to blow into a party blower reduced anxiety in 40 percent of the kids who tried it. Like this^†:

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

But I didn’t have a party blower on hand, so I found a pretty paper straw and a button instead.

Well before bedtime, I showed my child how to blow through the straw to move the button across her nightstand. This trick forced her to take a big deep breath and let it out slowly. Too fast, and the button would fly off the nightstand.

But what if you don’t have your props around, and your child needs help calming down? My child absolutely loves the breathing technique from the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety, which is a great book to have on hand for an anxious child anyway!

Some parents have also had luck with teaching their kids to blow bubbles when they get stressed out.

5. Make a Photo Album

When my child is feeling upset, it helps her to look at pictures of her baby sister. How can you feel anxious when you’re looking at such cuteness?

Because I’m not very crafty, I just loaded up the iPad with a bunch of family photos. My child can flip through the album as much as she wants.

But if you think your child would benefit from a physical photo book, check out this tutorial from my friend Allison about how to make a simple DIY photo book.

6. Record Yourself

I downloaded an app to our iPad called Super Notes. You can use this app to take notes or record voice notes.

When my kids were busy, I took the iPad into my bedroom, closed the door, and sat down to record a message for my child.

This is what I said:

“You are safe. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in the morning, and also right now your body needs some sleep. Breathe in until your belly feels full, then blow it out slowly. Feel your body sink deeper into the bed. Try that two more times. If you still can’t sleep, use the other tricks we practiced. I love you.”

In the middle of the night, she can replay the recording.

One morning, she told me she ended up playing it five times in a row!

7. Make a Calm-Down Jar

In the middle of the night, it wouldn’t have helped my child go back to sleep if she had to turn on bright lights in order to use a calm-down jar.

Which is why I absolutely love this glowing bedtime bottle!

After you make a calm-down jar for bedtime, teach your child to shake the bottle and then count as many stars as possible as they float back down to the bottom.

Here’s another great idea: a LEGO calm-down jar. Perfect for LEGO fans!

8. Build a Toolbox

After you read through these tips to see what will be a good fit for your child, review those ideas with them to make sure they understand all the tools.

Practice each one.

Then in the moment when they’re feeling anxious or scared, they’ll be confident and prepared to use their toolbox.

If you like the idea of putting together a physical toolkit, check out Create Your Own Anti-Anxiety Kit for Children from my friend Sharla. She’s put together an amazing resource with a ton more ideas for how you can help your child cope with anxious feelings.

Get Your Free Printable

Use this checklist to evaluate your child for signs and symptoms of anxiety, then follow up with your child’s doctor.

1. Get the free checklist. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you’ll get the printable! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print and fill out the checklist. You may want to jot down notes in the margins and take a few days to watch and listen for the signs. Fill in the appropriate bubble for any day you notice that behavior.
3. Make an appointment with your child’s doctor. If your child’s doctor doesn’t seem to take you seriously, get a second opinion.
4. Help your child calm down. While you wait to meet with your child’s doctor, you can help your child cope with anxious feelings using the strategies in this post.

Here’s a sneak peek of your checklist:

Want More?

Check out 30 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Children That You Need to Know.

Your Turn

When your child is stressed out or feeling anxious, what helps them? Share in a comment below!

The post 8 Quick + Simple Ways to Help Your Anxious Child Calm Down appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.

My oldest daughter is an anxious child. When she’s nervous or worried, she says her tummy hurts.

Just this past Sunday morning, she was so worried about something that she couldn’t finish one waffle for breakfast. Usually, this kid can polish off a whole stack of ’em.

On mornings she’s feeling especially anxious, I can’t get her to eat any breakfast.

So last fall when she was gearing up to start kindergarten, I knew she’d need more to help with first day of school jitters than just an extra big goodbye hug at the classroom door.

Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get a free printable first day of school note that will ease your child’s worries and make them feel loved.

The Solution? This Sweet First Day of School Note

I came across the idea of giving your child a first day of school note from mom or dad, so I decided to give it a try.

Here’s what you do:

1. Find two matching bracelets or necklaces, one for you and one for your child:
   • This pretty beaded bracelet^† is expandable to fit both your wrists. Or you can get this one with a “mom” and “daughter” charm.
   • For boys, try matching leather bracelets or a couple leather necklaces like this.

^† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.

2. Print a special first day of school note (grab the free printable poem below!) and attach one of the bracelets or necklaces to the poem.
3. Wrap up the poem and bracelet, and present the gift to your child before the first day of school.
4. After your child opens the gift and reads the note, explain how it works: On the first day of school, you’ll both wear your bracelets or necklaces. At school when your child is feeling nervous or scared, they can touch their bracelet or necklace and think of you, knowing that you’re wearing the twin and doing the same.

The Verdict

After my daughter opened her special gift and I read the first day of school note aloud to her, she grinned big.

But would it actually help her on the first day of school?

On the first day, after we found her classroom, I could see the worries etched on her little face.

I gave her a hug and a kiss, then I pulled her bracelet out and wrapped it around her wrist.

Her face lit up.

Now she had something tangible to calm her nerves. A talisman to remind her that I was thinking of her.

And as she walked into the classroom, I could swear she stood a little taller.

Here’s What I Didn’t Expect

My daughter wore her bracelet every day for the first couple weeks of kindergarten, and I followed her lead, wearing my matching bracelet every day she wore hers. And before school most days that first week while she ate breakfast, she asked me to read the first day of school note aloud to her again.

Then after a couple weeks, she felt more comfortable with her new routine, and she didn’t need her bracelet every day.

But here’s what really surprised me, almost a year later as she’s now getting ready to start first grade.

Last week, she came down the stairs from her room into the living room.

“Mommy? Remember those bracelets?”

I looked up from folding laundry. Bracelets? Oh, right.

“Yep, I remember.”

She held up that tattered old back to school note from a year ago to show me. “Can we do that again?” Her voice was small, tentative. Her chin sunk toward her chest.

“You mean like for first grade?”

“Yes.” Even smaller.

“Oh, honey. Of course we can.”

Her head popped up, and she flashed me a smile. Then she ran back upstairs to her room to play.

Get Your Free Printable: First Day of School Note

1. Get your first day of school note from mom or dad. You’ll get the printable, plus join my weekly newsletter! Just click here to get it and subscribe.
2. Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
3. Wrap the first day of school note and bracelets or necklaces, and you’re DONE.

Want More?

If your child struggles with anxious feelings, head over to 8 Surefire Ways to Calm an Anxious Kid for more ideas on how to help your child.

Your Turn

Have you tried giving your child a first day of school note to help calm their nerves? Share in a comment below!

The post This Sweet First Day of School Note Will Calm Your Child’s Nerves appeared first on Happy You, Happy Family.