Thanks Rebecca (and Kelly). Parenting is tough; what works for one doesn’t work for another. This phrase has so far made his attitude and behaviors worse. He’s said, “Why would I want to start this horrible day over? Do you like when I am upset?” But in my opinion, ideas from the heart that have helped one parent don’t warrant these harsh comments and I was surprised by them. Keep ideas flowing–I am grasping for anything right now, raising an incredibly smart and incredibly moody son. As he grows, different things may work.

U simply can’t compare the relation of A parent /child relationship and that of a spousal relationship or a friendship is very different dynamics the relationship between a parent and their child is unique and has an entirely different structure. After I discipline my child I add everything I do is because I love you and now I can say do you know why I’m not gonna let you do this or that? And they answer because you love me . It’s a baseline of mutual respect and genuine compassion and care for letting them be human and apologizing when one is due then that’s all that matters. But to compare the two you really can’t .

I feel like this particular advise isn’t meant for adults who already *should* have the emotional comprehension to understand things don’t just get erased, it’s meant to help super emotional (and often hormonal) young people to understand that they don’t have to LIVE in the funk they’re feeling. Sometimes cleaning that mess up piece by piece can feel very daunting and so instead of turning their day around at some point they make a bad 5 minutes into a bad day and until they’ve evolved emotionally enough to understand the difference I think this could be a great tool.

Tickle them!!!! When you realize things are starting to get heated and they are unable to get past an incident or unable to get out of a mood just grab them and tickle them. You will know if it’s beyond that or not the right thing to do in that moment. Don’t waste anymore time…they will be grown and gone before we know it. I wish I would have tried it sooner with my oldest…but even as a moody preteen it has helped things quite a bit. Finally getting her to crack a smile and then laughter…..its great. her mood there after is brighter and playful. Make sure you compliment them on their smile and laugh……compliment as much as you can as often as you can.

This is great advise, its like saying, lets not argue honey. Im sorry Iets make up.

We use the phrase “let’s have a do overand how would YOU like it to have been” or “I’m sorry, that didn’t go well for anyone! what would you like Mommy etc to do different”. I always assumed the position of I needed change, and gave her the power to be the one suggesting it. This helped tremendously as in less than two weeks the tone changes from what Mommy needed to change to how my daughter could do xyz, or what other actions could be impacting our feelings to make stuff escalate. It is a wonderful tool to get kids to think big picture. Often with Little’s it’s not even the current object that causes the breakdown it’s sometjing 4 hours or 2 days ago.

@ Sooz Em – Absolutely – I think this is the point that’s been missed from some of the other comments I’ve read that sounded so shaming instead. I also did not hear this as an attempt to be excused from abusive or very poor behavior. And I do understand abusive, destructive behavior – after having lived with abuse for years, I got help, left & sought health instead & later became a trained peer counselor in that area to help others. Abusive behavior seeks to maintain its power over others, rather than looking for ways for both parties to be able to operate from a place of mutuality. What I took away from this was that the adult here did recognize a need for re-adjustment on both of their parts & extended the olive branch or grace for BOTH to do so, which can be a very grace-filled act of love & care & help de-escalate an emotional situation when done appropriately. It says, “I think we both could use a do-over & I’m willing – would you consider it as well?” That in itself acknowledges “I could have handled that differently.” I also think there’s a difference between times of careless, hateful, selfish behavior – which all of us humans have done at one time or another if we’re completely honest – & a conversation or situation getting away from you. And what I read above is the latter. Sometimes we all could use a grace card in these types of situations.