This is truly insightful. Thank you for sharing.

I had a similar age difference with my little sister, though I was a little younger when she was born. If it helps, I remember finding my little sister’s behavior completely baffling. She once bit me (without teeth, but it still hurt!) and I remember feeling utter outrage at both her and my parents – what kind of civilized human BITES someone else? And how could my parents allow this monster to live in our house???

I also remember wanting to learn how to write, so I could write down the baby language she said, so when she grew up, I could ask her “What did you mean when you said this?”

My point of those stories is that even though I “knew” that “she’s a baby, she doesn’t understand,” I wasn’t old enough to really understand what that meant. All I knew is my parents had incredibly high expectations for me – my mom would lose her patience if I so much as spoke loudly while excited – but then they brought home a screaming slug that hurt me, and they don’t even seem mad about it.

Of course, adult me would never ask you to act mad at a baby. But empathizing with your older daughter that this must feel really unfair to her might be helpful. I think it would feel that way even if your oldest was 10 or 15 yo, because now she has to share you, and you’re the best. That’s not fun.

For what it’s worth, I am incredibly close to my little sister now, I am so grateful to have her in my life. Sure, I’ve never let her forget that she bit me, but that’s what big sisters do. XD

It wasn’t an accident but at that age they don’t get the bigger context of things, they only know they want moms complete attention, not to share it and that’s how Bailey got it. I do think Mom should have chastised Bailey and instructing her to not kick or hit. A firm but loving “NO” should help. The older sister laughed because Mom behaved as if it were no big deal when it was done to the older sister. Children have a sense of what is just and what isn’t. When an older child is always is expected to be understanding, or to be receiving less attention, they become resentful and sulky. It also depends on the individual – some kids take everything in stride and others are more sensitive.

Sometimes, my friends don’t let me express my feelings because they feel like I’m just being negative or just complaining or being negative. I don’t know how to address this myself.

First, you misunderstood the post (see others’ comments if you need clarification). Second, discipline (which can be authoritative without being authoritarian) can be more about discipling/teaching/helping a child to do better — it still has boundaries but seeks to connect and to teach. We don’t all have to agree on parenting, but please be more respectful of those with whom you disagree (which starts with seeking to understand).

My son will often calm down if he can focus on a creative task or an outdoor chore. It’s hard to get him to get started if he’s already lost it, but we do talk a lot with him about how much better he feels once he’s done something positive and physical for awhile.

How about some kind of craft/physical/tactile activity that is reserved purely for this kind of needed time in to talk? I don’t know, like a tin of buttons to sort into colours/shapes/sizes, ribbon off cuts to sort or post into something? Something which is tactile may help relieve the stress and frustration she is feeling, allows the connection and closeness at a pace she can cope with and allows the proximity to be able to start to talk things through.

Clearly the method Kelly wrote about has been very positive for Abby and their relationship as well.

On a side note, when my siblings and I were growing up, my older brother and I were polar opposites when it came to discipline/correction. My parents had to be very strong with him because he was so stubborn. I on the other hand was a sensitive kid and all it often took was an unhappy or disappointed look on my parents’ faces and I was broken hearted, or a “puddle” as someone aptly put it. For me, that was usually punishment enough. Different kids, different needs.

I had NO problem understanding who was who in this post.

And while everyone has different parenting styles, I for one totally agree with this approach because it was tailored specifically for Abby (not the one who did the kicking). I’m sure as Bailey grows and more and more of her own personality becomes clearer, Kelly and her husband may have a slightly different or totally different method with her depending on how different she is from her sister.