Comments on: The Magic Greeting Every Kid Should Learn Before Visiting Family

By: Susan

Susan

I just met three young cousins forvthe first time. The girls are between 7 and 11. Although my family is very demonstrative, I was wondering how I should handle them without coming off as rude and cold or making them feel uncomfortable.. I am so glad I read your article. Great advice!!

By: rather keep secret

rather keep secret

In reply to jill. ok sorry, but do you have to be rude much? I totally understand I hate ads too, but no need to be rude about it! Like what we all learned in kindergarten, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!

By: Quiana Al-Islam

Quiana Al-Islam

Love, love, love this mantra, Kelly! Hug, handshake or high-five?! What if they say neither?!

By: Kelly Holmes

Kelly Holmes

In reply to Andrea. Hi Andrea! The child is the one who gets to pick what they're comfortable with :) What works best is to practice ahead of time before that moment, then in the moment you can give your child a gentle, quiet reminder that they're in the driver's seat. If you really want to go above and beyond, you can get relatives on board ahead of time by teaching them the phrase and encouraging them to ask the child what they prefer. Hope that helps!

By: Andrea

Andrea

I feel like I’m missing something. Does the kid just say all three and let the adult pick? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of the kid not wanting to hug when they give that as an option to the person? Are the kids just supposed to say whatever of the three they want to do?

By: John V

John V

I do not kiss family members, I don’t really know why but I don’t want it.
It might be because most of my family are women, and there are times when I’m the only guy.
My mother says it might be because one of my grandmothers used to lick her finger and then touch my food and do other grose stuff as a joke, and that i got some kind of phobia from that.
I have no memory of that but I want to get over this.
Does anybody have tips or does anybody know someone who got over this?

By: Anna Coe

Anna Coe

But isn’t there a difference between accepting genuine affection from a loving family member and thinking everyone is a predator. My daughter won’t let me touch her and lord knows I have no intentions other showing my love.
What hurts more is that she hugs and is very touchy with her friends.
So I’m supposed to follow her love language and do what she wants and needs but what about my love language? I’m just left in the dirt to glean what I can.

By: AusL

AusL

Some great ideas!

When I used to babysit, quite a few of the kids wanted hugs and kisses when I tucked them into bed, something I didn’t feel comfortable with. So instead we started doing ‘butterfly kisses’ on the back of each other’s hand (where you flutter your eyelashes across the skin) and they loved it, it was still special and personal without being too intimate. Plus it tickled and was funny and it was cute to imagine a little butterfly, lol, so it always put them in a happy mood before bed

By: Beth

Beth

Now we need a grandmother protection sign. DONT jump all over the woman, for goodness sake. Don’t yell in her ear. Don’t pull at her clothes or squeeze her arthritic hand. Thank goodness I have perfect g’children would never do any of those things, and they don’t need a cheat sheet to remind them, either.

By: Jean

Jean

In reply to Dottie Nash. Yes, as a Grandma, I also respect my grandchildren's boundaries and never 'force' a hug. That creates safety and helps us connect even more. I love your (and other's) suggestions for alternatives. Thanks!

By: Dottie Nash

Dottie Nash

As a grandma, I would love this as an option. I hesitate to go up to my grandchildren (that I see 1-2 times a year. I realize they don’t know me and I don’t want to scare them, But I don’t want to ignore them or act unfriendly.

By: Debra

Debra

As a fairly new Nanna I totally agree with this article. I never forced my children to kiss people, whether family or friends. I also taught them about what it felt like to feel uncomfortable and what to do. eg. Tell someone!!! When they were older we taught our kids that at sleep overs (which were few) or outings away from us, if they felt uncomfortable for whatever reason all they had to do was call and we would come and pick them up. We only had to do it once from memory. We have got to realise that our children have a voice to be heard and need safe people.

By: Jacqui

Jacqui

My 1 year old does “noses” basically she rubs noses with people , she’s just started blowing kisses too.

By: Marion

Marion

Thank you for sharing. I read another article about this yesterday. Printed the coloring page for my littles and husband and I to talk about and do together. My husband tries to force our little ones to hug and kiss his parents, but I’m not okay with it and I can see that they aren’t either. Going to share this article with him as well. Great post.

By: Kate

Kate

In reply to Beth Nepaial. Beth, I love this! Great idea.

By: Debbie

Debbie

Hugs, handshake or high five is a great phrase to work with. When my daughter was small and we visited extended family that she was unfamiliar with, her father insisted she should give hugs. I told him she’s not comfortable with hugs to those she is unfamiliar with and she should never be forced to give hugs. So, I taught her to throw a hug! It was easy, the family members loved it and my daughter felt much better with this technique. She is 9 years old now, but will still throw hugs to those she’s not familiar with, it’s a win win for everyone and no one is left feeling uncomfortable, especially my daughter!

By: Gillian

Gillian

In reply to Susan. That's an interesting comment to me, since I trained in creative writing at University and, for three years, my tutors' most consistent criticism of my style was that it was draining to read because I had way too many words in each sentences, and that I relied too heavily on commas. As you can see I've yet to address this problem ;)

By: Beth Nepaial

Beth Nepaial

I offer ‘Pinky Hugs.’ If a child is reticent to make contact, I just say, “Pinky Hug?” and offer them my crooked pinky. They always ‘hug’ back with their pinky! And it’s playful and won’t make them feel guilty or uncomfortable. It usually makes them laugh, and probably feel relieved.

By: Kelly Holmes

Kelly Holmes

In reply to Susan. Susan, I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. That just happens to be my writing style after being a professional writer and editor for nearly 20 years. The good news is that the Internet is bursting at the seams with all different styles of writing, so I'm sure you'll happen upon someone whose style is more to your liking!

By: Kelly Holmes

Kelly Holmes

In reply to Billy Board Game. Great point, Billy. This is a catchy phrase that will work well for some families, but a simple "hello" is of course always an option!