{"id":10152,"date":"2016-09-12T21:15:44","date_gmt":"2016-09-13T02:15:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/?p=10152"},"modified":"2023-02-22T09:37:39","modified_gmt":"2023-02-22T15:37:39","slug":"how-to-connect-with-your-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Connect With Your Child and Repair Conflict: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"meta-desc\">Inside: After a negative moment, it&rsquo;s hard to see how to connect with your child and close the gap. That&rsquo;s why you need the Magic 5:1 Ratio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yesterday, a library book ruined my day. My toddler&rsquo;s, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We visit the library every single week, leaving with a stroller piled <strong>high<\/strong>. Picture books for my toddler, chapter books for my 8-year-old who reads one book a day, and sturdy board books for the baby when she gets sick of chewing on the ones we already own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even though we have 30-50 books coming in and out of our home every week, we&rsquo;ve never lost one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"yellowbox\"><strong>Bonus:<\/strong>&nbsp;As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter,&nbsp;<a class=\"modal-trigger\" href=\"#get-printable-positive-words\">get a free cheat sheet<\/a>&nbsp;of 75 positive phrases that will help you connect with your child.<\/p>\n\n\n<style>#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-blocks-modal-link{color:var(--global-palette2, #2B6CB0);border-radius:0px;font-size:16px;line-height:24px;border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;margin:0px 0px 0px 0px;}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-blocks-modal-link:hover, #kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-blocks-modal-link:focus{color:#f96d60;}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay{background:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.6);}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-overlay{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container{width:100%;max-width:700px;-ms-flex-pack:flex-start;justify-content:flex-start;text-align:left;-ms-flex-align:flex-start;align-items:flex-start;}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container{padding-top:30px;padding-right:30px;padding-bottom:30px;padding-left:30px;margin-top:10px;margin-right:10px;margin-bottom:10px;margin-left:10px;}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container{background:var(--global-palette9, #ffffff);border-top-left-radius:3px;border-top-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-left-radius:3px;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}@media all and (max-width: 767px){#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content21062_af792d-1d .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}<\/style>\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-modal aligncenter kt-modal-linkalign-center\" id=\"kt-modal21062_af792d-1d\"><\/div>\n\n\n<style>.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id_19a073-93 .kb-table-of-content-wrap{padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;border-top-width:0px;border-right-width:0px;border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id_19a073-93 .kb-table-of-contents-title-wrap{padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id_19a073-93 .kb-table-of-contents-title{font-weight:regular;font-style:normal;text-transform:uppercase;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id_19a073-93 .kb-table-of-content-wrap .kb-table-of-content-list{font-weight:regular;font-style:normal;margin-top:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;}<\/style>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-until-now\">Until Now<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The book has been overdue for a few days, and I&rsquo;ve been searching for it here and there with no luck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yesterday afternoon when we got home from the grocery store, I decided we&rsquo;d find it <strong>once and for all<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I enlisted my toddler since her big sister was at school, and we tackled one room at a time. The kids&rsquo; bedroom, the playroom, the living room. Under the couch, under the beds, inside every dresser. On the bookshelf, in the car, and even in the freezer where the baby likes to hide her pacifiers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Nowhere.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After every additional room we left empty-handed, my heart beat a little faster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Did we really lose it? I&rsquo;ve never lost a library book in my whole life. Don&rsquo;t they charge like 50 bucks for a lost book? What&rsquo;s the point of using the library for free when we have to pay for a book we don&rsquo;t even get to keep?!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was disappointed. Frustrated. Mad at myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a name=\"guesswho\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"guesswho\">But Guess Who I Lashed Out At<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>My sweet three-year-old Bailey followed me from room to room, searching just as hard as I did. Her fiercely positive attitude <em>should<\/em> have made me smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Where can it be?&rdquo; she asked as we&rsquo;d enter a new room. &ldquo;I bet we will find it in here.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But <strong>instead<\/strong>, the longer we looked, the more my mood darkened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>About halfway through the hunt, I lashed out. &ldquo;You know, if we don&rsquo;t find this book, the library probably won&rsquo;t let us borrow books anymore. They won&rsquo;t trust us anymore.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bailey&rsquo;s face paled, and the corners of her mouth pointed down. &ldquo;Why?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Because we lost their book!&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We kept looking, and I kept <strong>storming<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few minutes later, Bailey said, &ldquo;Mommy, I feel sad.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;What? Why?&rdquo; I snapped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Because I love the library so much. I&rsquo;m sad they won&rsquo;t let us go there anymore.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Well,&rdquo; I said. &ldquo;Maybe you shouldn&rsquo;t have lost their book then.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mother of the year, right here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"428\" data-pin-id=\"128000814388501847\" data-pin-description=\"If you want a strong relationship with your child, you need to know about the Magic 5:1 Ratio! This is the most important parenting tip you'll ever hear because research shows it's absolutely vital to a happy, healthy relationship. And the best part? Your kids will love it!\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-kid-doll-step.jpg\" alt=\"Heal disconnect between you and your child with the magic 5:1 ratio\" class=\"wp-image-10173\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-kid-doll-step.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-kid-doll-step-300x201.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-kid-doll-step.jpg\"><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/donnieray\/16174488497\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Donnie Ray Jones<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-here-s-why-i-m-forgiving-myself\">Here&rsquo;s Why I&rsquo;m Forgiving Myself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>After a little time to cool down, I could see that I was mad at myself for not keeping closer track of the library book. But because Bailey happened to be nearby and was a convenient scapegoat, I heaped all my frustration on her. She&rsquo;s been on this planet for three years, and I&rsquo;m berating her for losing <em>one<\/em> library book out of probably 1,000 that have been through our home in the last year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She&rsquo;s my baby, and I did <strong>not<\/strong> treat her with kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But here&rsquo;s the deal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Losing your cool doesn&rsquo;t make you a bad parent. Parenting is hard, and <strong>everyone<\/strong> loses it every once in a while. We humans are perfectly imperfect, and keeping our emotions in check is something we&rsquo;re particularly imperfect at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Related: <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-be-a-happy-mom\/\">How to Be a Happy Mom: Science Says Do These 7 Things<\/a> {Printable}<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-musts-after-you-lose-your-cool\">3 Musts After You Lose Your Cool<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>No matter how many articles you read about <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-be-a-happy-mom\/\">how to be a happy parent<\/a> or how to stop losing your temper with your kids, you <em>will<\/em> encounter small frustrations and annoyances every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can&rsquo;t deal with those moments by denying that you feel frustrated or annoyed. Research shows that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bakadesuyo.com\/2015\/10\/how-to-get-rid-of-anger\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">just makes it worse<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But here&rsquo;s what you can and should do:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Forgive yourself.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Apologize to your child.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Challenge yourself to five good acts.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>The first two are important, but the third may be the <strong>most important<\/strong> of all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"428\" data-pin-id=\"128000814388501847\" data-pin-description=\"If you want a strong relationship with your child, you need to know about the Magic 5:1 Ratio! This is the most important parenting tip you'll ever hear because research shows it's absolutely vital to a happy, healthy relationship. And the best part? Your kids will love it!\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-happy-kid-bubbles.jpg\" alt=\"How to connect with your child using the magic 5:1 ratio\" class=\"wp-image-10175\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-happy-kid-bubbles.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-happy-kid-bubbles-300x201.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-happy-kid-bubbles.jpg\"><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/donnieray\/20227462519\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Donnie Ray Jones<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"why\">And Here&rsquo;s the Reason Why<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Science shows that in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/the-positive-perspective-dr-gottmans-magic-ratio\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">happy adult relationships<\/a>, you need a ratio of <em>five<\/em> positive interactions to every <em>one<\/em> negative interaction. If you have too few positive interactions to balance out the negative ones, you&rsquo;ll end up with an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While this research focused on adults, every parent knows that in a parent-child relationship, negative interactions create distance between you and your child in the <strong>same<\/strong> way. But the good news is that the Magic 5:1 Ratio can help you close that distance with your little one, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words, after you&rsquo;ve lost it with your child, make sure to get five positive interactions on the books as fast as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Related: <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/angry-mother\/\">How to Go From Angry Mother to Happy Mom: With 5 Simple Hair Ties<\/a> {Printable}<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"how-to\">How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To repair your relationship with your child after an outburst, you need five positive interactions to balance out the negative experience of losing your cool and reconnect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For the next time you find yourself in this situation, I made a list of a few simple ways you can hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio. Below, you&rsquo;ll find 20 quick ideas for how to connect with your child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But unfortunately, when your brain is flooded with stress hormones in the moment, it&rsquo;s incredibly difficult to think of something fun and sweet to do with your child so you can connect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Which is why I created these&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/connection-cards\/\">Family Connection Cards<\/a>, based on the science of what actually works when you need to connect with your child. These cards remove the mental burden of figuring out&nbsp;<em>how<\/em>&nbsp;to connect with your child so you can just focus on nurturing your bond with your child. At any point during your day, you can pick a card to get a quick and simple idea for connecting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And in just&nbsp;<strong>10 minutes<\/strong>&nbsp;a day, these powerful cards will make your child feel absolutely loved and stop the power struggles caused by disconnection.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-pin-nopin=\"true\" data-pin-id=\"128000814398842526\" data-pin-description=\"Sharing a love song with your child can be a sweet and powerful way to say 'I love you.' But many love songs aren't exactly kid-friendly, and love songs made specifically for kids can be pretty cringe-worthy. Here are the BEST love songs for kids you'll actually enjoy sharing with your child for Valentine's Day or just because. #lovesongs #valentinesforkids #musicforkids #playlist #parenting #parentingtips #parentingadvice #kidsandparenting #kidsactivities #kidsactivity #kidactivities\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/connection-cards-h-joke-640px.jpg\" alt=\"The best 10-minute fix when you need to reconnect with your child\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/connection-cards-h-joke-640px.jpg\"><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">The best 10-minute fix when you need to connect with your child:&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/connection-cards\/\">Family Connection Cards<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-20-simple-ways-to-hit-the-magic-5-1-ratio-with-your-child\">20 Simple Ways to Hit the Magic 5:1 Ratio With Your Child<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Aim for five of these positive experiences with your child after a tough moment, and you&rsquo;ll be on the road to making your parent-child relationship stronger than ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After my library book tirade, I apologized to my toddler, then used this list to get to five positive interactions as fast as possible. And the rest of our day together? Happy and silly and everything a day with your toddler should be. All because of the Magic 5:1 Ratio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But before we get to the list, I have one more <strong>extra special bonus<\/strong> tip just for you: If you ever lose a library book and the way you happen to transport books in and out of the library is by piling them up in your kid&rsquo;s stroller, you <em>might<\/em> want to check that same stroller <strong>before<\/strong> you throw an adult-sized tantrum over a &ldquo;lost&rdquo; book. Lesson learned, universe. At least my library record is still squeaky clean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Say one of <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/positive-words-for-kids\/\">these 75 positive phrases for kids<\/a>, even if it&rsquo;s just &ldquo;I love you.&rdquo; (Don&rsquo;t forget to grab your free printable of these phrases below!)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Give your child a hug. Make sure it&rsquo;s a good quality hug of six seconds or more. <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/children-hugging\/\">Here&rsquo;s why.<\/a> If your child isn&rsquo;t used to you dishing out impromptu hugs, try a high-five instead and work up to hugs.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><span style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'>Read a book together. Your child is <\/span><a style='font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";' href=\"http:\/\/www.ibtimes.com\/reading-your-child-most-parents-stop-too-soon-kids-want-more-book-time-1779190\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">never too old<\/a><span style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'> to be read to. For older kids, you may find it fun to <\/span><a style='font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";' href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/news\/parenting\/wp\/2015\/06\/02\/why-i-read-aloud-with-my-teens\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">take turns reading out loud<\/a><span style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'> from the same book.<\/span><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Leave a <strong>surprise<\/strong> note or drawing &ndash; a slip of paper in his school lunchbox, a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror, a card in the toy box, and so on. You can tell a joke, write down what you admire about him, or just say &ldquo;I love you.&rdquo;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><span style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'>Say &ldquo;yes&rdquo; to the next question she asks. Within reason! If she asks for a pony, <\/span><strong style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'>please<\/strong><span style='color: var(--global-palette4); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Oxygen-Sans, Ubuntu, Cantarell, \"Helvetica Neue\", sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\";'> don&rsquo;t send me a bill for $10,000 because I told you to say &ldquo;yes.&rdquo;<\/span><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Look into his eyes and smile.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Say, &ldquo;I appreciate when you&hellip;&rdquo;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Tell a funny or cute story from when she was younger &ndash; or from when <strong>you<\/strong> were a child.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Add a smiley face to his next meal. Here&rsquo;s my favorite go-to for turning a bowl of oatmeal into a smile: banana slices for eyes, a raisin for the nose, and a semicircle of honey for the smile.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sit down and just play for a few minutes &ndash; no smartphones, no multitasking &ndash; follow her lead.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Start a game of chase.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Say one of these <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-reconnect-with-your-child\/\">16 miracle phrases to help you reconnect<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Tell a joke. The cornier, the <strong>better<\/strong>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Go outside together &ndash; look for interesting bugs, play catch, or hop on your bikes for a quick ride around the block.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Look through family photos together.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Rough-house with your child &ndash; yes, <strong>even<\/strong> girls. Research shows <a href=\"http:\/\/www.themilitarywifeandmom.com\/roughhousing-with-kids\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">this kind of play<\/a> helps kids release fears and feel connected to their parents.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Queue up his favorite song and <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/12-songs-family-dance-party-kids\/\">have a dance party<\/a>. Research shows that listening to music together creates healthy family bonds and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.wsj.com\/articles\/the-right-way-to-do-family-time-1428076067\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">builds positive memories<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Grab that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/1780674880\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=idealmom-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1780674880&amp;linkId=14781eee3627165b7b1d20f99f117465\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">special coloring book<\/a><sup>&dagger;<\/sup> you keep for yourself, and invite your child to color with you.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"meta-desc\"><sup>&dagger;<\/sup> This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\" start=\"19\">\n<li>Take turns writing in a journal to each other. You write in the journal, then leave it on your child&rsquo;s pillow, then she writes back and leaves it on your pillow. You can use any journal or get one specifically designed for this purpose, like this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0811868958\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=idealmom-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0811868958&amp;linkId=5d2f8d75e812f894d73d90b3812ca1dc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">mommy and me journal for daughters<\/a> and this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/1633360172\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=idealmom-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1633360172&amp;linkId=770667bf2feb995832090e6cb95a9493\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">journal for sons<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Let your little one stay up a <strong>little<\/strong> bit later and play a board game or card game together. We&rsquo;ve found that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/B00004TZY8\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=idealmom-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=B00004TZY8&amp;linkId=a3bf35485382d189f925460245b2db92\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">UNO is the perfect game<\/a> for a wide range of ages. (Our toddler has been playing it since before she turned three. She doesn&rsquo;t know the numbers, but she can tell you when they match in shape or color, and that&rsquo;s really all you need!)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Related: <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/after-school-routine\/\">The 5-Minute After School Routine That Will Make Your Family Stronger<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-get-your-free-cheat-sheet-75-positive-words-for-kids\">Get Your Free Cheat Sheet: 75 Positive Words for Kids<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>After a negative interaction, you feel the distance between you and your child, but it&rsquo;s not always easy to know how to close the gap with your child so you both feel loved and connected. Use this cheat sheet of positive things to say to your child to help you connect with your child after those tough moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Get the free cheat sheet<\/strong>. Join my weekly-ish newsletter and as a bonus, you&rsquo;ll get the printable! Just <a class=\"modal-trigger\" href=\"#get-printable-positive-words\">click here to get it and subscribe<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Print<\/strong>. Any paper will do the trick, but <a title=\"Neenah Exact Vellum Bristol\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/B006P1Z59O\/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=hyhf-positive-words-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=B006P1Z59O&amp;linkId=ad4fb38469b01abc7e75c711bce9e09e\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">card stock<\/a> would be ideal.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Hang your cheat sheet<\/strong> somewhere handy like the fridge. See the <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/positive-words-for-kids\/\">But First, Beware of This Gotcha section in this post<\/a> for ideas on how to keep the reminder fresh and effective.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Say a phrase to your child<\/strong>. A couple ideas for how to use the cheat sheet: You could set yourself a personal goal of a certain number of positive things to say to your child every day, or you could mark off each phrase as you use it and try to get through the whole list within a certain period of time.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&rsquo;s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><a class=\"modal-trigger\" href=\"#get-printable-positive-words\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"420\" data-pin-id=\"128000814395414973\" data-pin-description=\"For a strong relationship with your child, get this free printable of the most powerful positive things to say to your child. These positive words for kids will fill your kid's tank with unconditional love. But first, a WARNING: When it comes to how to encourage your child, simple positive affirmations for kids aren't enough. Avoid the pitfalls explained here to make sure positive messages for kids actually work. #positiveparenting #parenting #parentingtips #kids #affirmationsforkids \" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/positive-words-for-kids-preview.png\" alt=\"Preview of printable: 75 positive words for kids\" class=\"wp-image-14354\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/positive-words-for-kids-preview.png 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/positive-words-for-kids-preview-300x197.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/positive-words-for-kids-preview.png\"><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading after-entry-cta\" id=\"h-before-you-go-get-my-free-cheat-sheet-75-nbsp-positive-phrases-every-child-needs-to-hear\">Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: <a href=\"#get-printable-positive-words\" class=\"modal-trigger\">75&nbsp;Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear<\/a><\/h6>\n\n\n<style>#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link{color:var(--global-palette2, #2B6CB0);border-radius:0px;font-size:16px;line-height:24px;border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;margin:0px 0px 0px 0px;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link:hover, #kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link:focus{color:#f96d60;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay{background:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.6);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;max-width:700px;-ms-flex-pack:flex-start;justify-content:flex-start;text-align:left;-ms-flex-align:flex-start;align-items:flex-start;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{padding-top:30px;padding-right:30px;padding-bottom:30px;padding-left:30px;margin-top:10px;margin-right:10px;margin-bottom:10px;margin-left:10px;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{background:var(--global-palette9, #ffffff);border-top-left-radius:3px;border-top-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-left-radius:3px;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}@media all and (max-width: 767px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}<\/style>\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-modal aligncenter kt-modal-linkalign-center\" id=\"kt-modal19878_ef407f-13\"><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-want-more\">Want More?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you liked this list, you&rsquo;ll love <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-reconnect-with-your-child\/\">10 Miracle Phrases to Help You Reconnect With Your Child<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-your-turn\">Your Turn<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How do you connect with your child after a tough moment? Share in a comment below!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Inside: After a negative moment, it&rsquo;s hard to see how to connect with your child and close the gap. That&rsquo;s why you need the Magic 5:1 Ratio. Yesterday, a library book ruined my day. My toddler&rsquo;s, too. We visit the library every single week, leaving with a stroller piled high. Picture books for my toddler,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14840,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4511,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-bonding","category-printables"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.0 (Yoast SEO v25.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"After a negative moment, it\u2019s hard to see how to connect with your child and close the gap. That&#039;s why you need the Magic 5:1 Ratio.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kelly Holmes, Certified Parent Educator\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"10 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kelly Holmes, Certified Parent Educator\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#\/schema\/person\/930987755e95179c5b9f3335e3c8ce57\"},\"headline\":\"How to Connect With Your Child and Repair Conflict: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-09-13T02:15:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-02-22T15:37:39+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/\"},\"wordCount\":2047,\"commentCount\":17,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-feature-v2.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Family Bonding\",\"Printables\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/\",\"name\":\"How to Connect With Your Child: The Magic of the 5:1 Ratio\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/how-to-connect-with-your-child\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/how-to-connect-with-your-child-feature-v2.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-09-13T02:15:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-02-22T15:37:39+00:00\",\"description\":\"After a negative moment, it\u2019s hard to see how to connect with your child and close the gap. 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