{"id":6872,"date":"2015-02-20T19:41:33","date_gmt":"2015-02-21T01:41:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/?p=6872"},"modified":"2024-01-14T08:13:17","modified_gmt":"2024-01-14T14:13:17","slug":"temper-tantrum-teachable-moment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Turn a Temper Tantrum Into a Teachable Moment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"meta-desc\">Inside: When your kid throws a temper tantrum, your first priority is survival. But after everyone calms down, here&rsquo;s how you turn it into a teachable moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Temper tantrums. Meltdowns. Angry outbursts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whatever you call it, when your kid throws a <a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/handle-kids-temper-tantrums\/\">temper tantrum<\/a> &ndash; whether they&rsquo;re a toddler or a teenager &ndash; it&rsquo;s absolutely <em>zero<\/em> fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And when the dust settles, my first instinct is to put it behind me and pretend it never happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But when I don&rsquo;t circle back with my kid after a tantrum, I&rsquo;m missing out on a huge opportunity for a teachable moment.<\/p>\n\n\n<style>.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id6872_beb06e-c3 .kb-table-of-content-wrap{padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id6872_beb06e-c3 .kb-table-of-contents-title-wrap{padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id6872_beb06e-c3 .kb-table-of-contents-title{font-weight:regular;font-style:normal;text-transform:uppercase;}.kb-table-of-content-nav.kb-table-of-content-id6872_beb06e-c3 .kb-table-of-content-wrap .kb-table-of-content-list{font-weight:regular;font-style:normal;margin-top:var(--global-kb-spacing-sm, 1.5rem);margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;}<\/style>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-here-s-why\">Here&rsquo;s Why<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&rsquo;s suppose my husband and I acted like that with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe I forgot to run the dishwasher before bedtime, and now it&rsquo;s the next morning and he realizes my <strong>mistake<\/strong>. Oatmeal is kinda hard to make without a clean bowl, and he&rsquo;s already running late. He might lose his temper, raise his voice, and stomp off to the shower without eating breakfast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It doesn&rsquo;t take a marriage counselor to know that if we <em>never<\/em> spoke of the incident again &ndash; if we just pretended it didn&rsquo;t happen &ndash; that wouldn&rsquo;t make for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And yet, I find myself wanting to just shove my kids&rsquo; temper tantrums under the rug and <strong>move on<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately for me, that&rsquo;s not a wise parenting move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor.jpg\" alt=\"What Needs to Happen After Your Kid's Temper Tantrum\" class=\"wp-image-6893\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor-437x292.jpg 437w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-floor.jpg\"><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/donnieray\/14082223397\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Donnie Ray Jones<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-why-a-temper-tantrum-ain-t-over-when-it-s-over\">Why a Temper Tantrum Ain&rsquo;t Over When It&rsquo;s Over<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids learn how to <a title=\"Conflict: It&rsquo;s a Good Thing\" href=\"http:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/raising_happiness\/post\/conflict_its_a_good_thing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">deal with conflict<\/a> in a positive way, research shows that kids&rsquo; confidence and self-esteem increase, they become creative problem-solvers, and they have stronger friendships. Just like in a healthy marriage, an <strong>important<\/strong> part of kids dealing with conflict in a positive way is waiting until everyone is calm and then talking about what happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And all this leads to happier kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But let&rsquo;s say you&rsquo;re ready to revisit the cause of the tantrum, but your <strong>kid<\/strong> isn&rsquo;t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of calmly resolving a disagreement, she <a title=\"A Quick Fix for a Pouting Kid\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/2014\/07\/quick-fix-pouting-kid\/\">runs away and pouts<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What do you do when you&rsquo;re ready to lecture her about what went wrong, and she flat-out refuses to talk about what happened?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-pouting.jpg\" alt=\"What to Do When Your Kid Pouts After a Temper Tantrum\" class=\"wp-image-6895\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-pouting.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-pouting-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-pouting-438x292.jpg 438w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-pouting.jpg\"><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/eflon\/6072061144\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Alex<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-an-embarrassing-memory\">An Embarrassing Memory<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One night this week, I was flipping through my journal where I record the cute things our kids say and do. The entries are short, and my handwriting messy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, here&rsquo;s an entry from the beginning of last summer about a conversation between me and our then 6-year-old:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Me: &ldquo;What do you wanna learn about this summer? Dinosaurs? Outer space?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her: &hellip;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Me: &ldquo;History?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her: &ldquo;Yeah!&rdquo; Pause. &ldquo;What&rsquo;s history?&rdquo;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>But as I was flipping through and chuckling to myself, I came across an entry that was a couple <strong>pages<\/strong> long. So I stopped to read it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I was reminded of one of the stupidest things I&rsquo;ve ever done as a parent. Here&rsquo;s what happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-rookie-mistake\">Rookie Mistake<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One weekend afternoon a few months ago, we took the kids out for ice cream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We had SUCH a good time that from there, we decided to take them to the toy store and let them pick out a new jigsaw puzzle. Just because.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Only we didn&rsquo;t <strong>tell<\/strong> them we were going in to pick out a puzzle. We just drove there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we got out of the car in the toy store parking lot, my child&rsquo;s eyes got wide. (Our toddler was oblivious.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We walked into the toy store and let her run off to explore, and Ty and I walked over to the puzzle area with the toddler on my hip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store.jpg\" alt=\"A Temper Tantrum at the Toy Store\" class=\"wp-image-6897\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store-438x292.jpg 438w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-toy-store.jpg\"><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/pyxopotamus\/3773609949\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">me and the sysop<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>A couple minutes later, she came running up to us with some plastic monstrosity designed for two-year-olds. &ldquo;Mommy! Can I have this?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; I said. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s for littler kids, like your sister&rsquo;s age.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She hung her head and walked away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then after another couple minutes, she was <strong>back<\/strong> with another toy. &ldquo;I want this! Can we get it?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was staring at a puzzle of Positano, Italy, and daydreaming of Mediterranean beaches and gelato and wine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; I snapped. &ldquo;We&rsquo;re just getting a puzzle.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Which would be the first time we explained to our child our intentions in coming to the toy store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She kept picking out toys, I kept saying no, and she got increasingly frustrated and upset until <strong>it happened<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A full-blown temper tantrum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-but-that-wasn-t-the-hard-part\">But That Wasn&rsquo;t the Hard Part<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>She was <em>beyond<\/em> reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Crying. Stomping her feet. <a title=\"7 Ways to Get Your Kid to Stop Whining\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/2012\/12\/stop-your-kid-from-whining\/\">Whining<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Extracting her from the store squeezed every <strong>last<\/strong> drop of patience out of this mama.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She cried most of the way home, but the further we got from the store, the calmer she got.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Within 30 minutes of getting home, she was back to her regular, happy self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We played LEGOs for a while and had dinner, then it was time for bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With her pajamas on and teeth brushed, she jumped into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. I sat down in the chair next to her bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime.jpg\" alt=\"Revisiting a Temper Tantrum During the Calm of Bedtime Routine\" class=\"wp-image-6899\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime-437x292.jpg 437w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-kid-bedtime.jpg\"><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/geishaboy500\/426943815\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Thor<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;So,&rdquo; I said. And I hesitated. I was <strong>bone<\/strong> tired, and she was calm and ready for bed. I still had a toddler to coax into sleep after I was done with my oldest&rsquo;s bedtime routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I took a deep breath and kept going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;We need to talk about what happened at the toy store today. Do you want to talk about it now, or after bedtime story?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Now,&rdquo; she said, frowning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She pulled the covers up over her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Oh boy<\/em>, I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Can I hold your hand while we talk about it?&rdquo; I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Can I hold your foot?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Can I hold your nose?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The tiniest hint of a giggle. &ldquo;No.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;What can I hold?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;You can hold one finger,&rdquo; she said. And she peeked out from the covers and offered me an index finger, which I grabbed onto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;I know you don&rsquo;t want to talk about this,&rdquo; I said. And then I stopped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Exactly <strong>how<\/strong> was I going to convince her to talk about a tough subject? An image flashed through my mind of an adult version of my child having a disagreement with her boyfriend about who should walk the dog in the rain &ndash; and her running off to hide under the covers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then I had an idea. &ldquo;Here&rsquo;s the thing, honey. When something happens like what happened at the toy store, it gives you a little boo-boo on your heart. And me too.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her eyes got wide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;And when you get a boo-boo &ndash; any kind of boo-boo &ndash; you have to clean it out so it doesn&rsquo;t get infected and swollen and itchy and red and puffy,&rdquo; I said. &ldquo;But&hellip;is it fun to clean out a boo-boo?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No,&rdquo; she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Right. Cleaning it out is the hard part and it&rsquo;s no fun, but you have to do that before you can put a band-aid on it so it can heal.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I leaned <strong>closer<\/strong> to her and lowered my voice to just above a whisper. &ldquo;Do you know the way you clean out a heart boo-boo?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;By talking about what happened.&rdquo; I leaned back again. &ldquo;Why don&rsquo;t you go pick out some band-aids for us and come back, and we&rsquo;ll clean out the boo-boos.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;For real?&rdquo; she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Yes, for real.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She got up out of bed, disappeared into her bathroom, and came back with two <a title=\"Accoutrements Enchanted Unicorn Bandages\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/B0040RCPMU\/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=B0040RCPMU&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=idealmom-20&amp;linkId=3Z556PMI5CQZQJN5\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">unicorn band-aids<\/a><sup>&dagger;<\/sup>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"meta-desc\"><sup>&dagger;<\/sup> This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids.jpg\" alt=\"Reconnecting After a Temper Tantrum? Band-Aids to the Rescue\" class=\"wp-image-6901\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids-437x292.jpg 437w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-bandaids.jpg\"><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/40041127@N03\/14353030999\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Betsy Sammarco<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Did It Work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>After she climbed back into bed, I reached for her index finger again. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry for not explaining to you why we were going to the toy store. We were there to pick out a new puzzle, and that&rsquo;s it. But I didn&rsquo;t tell you that before we got there, and I should have.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She stared at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Is there anything you&rsquo;re sorry for?&rdquo; I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;No.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Anything you wish you hadn&rsquo;t done?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know.&rdquo; She looked down. &ldquo;Did I do anything bad?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Well&hellip;&rdquo; I hesitated, scared to set off a <a title=\"A Quick Fix for a Pouting Kid\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/2014\/07\/quick-fix-pouting-kid\/\">pouting<\/a> episode. &ldquo;When you stomped your feet and talked to me in that tone, it felt like you didn&rsquo;t respect me.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She ducked her head down. &ldquo;Sorry,&rdquo; she mumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Sorry for what, hon?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Sorry for stomping my feet and talking cranky.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not the most heartfelt apology, but it was <strong>better<\/strong> than her hiding under the covers again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We came up with a plan for how to handle going into a toy store. Before we walk in, we&rsquo;ll talk about what we&rsquo;re there to buy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If she sees something really cool, she can ask me to <a title=\"Warning: Read This Before You Take Your Kids Shopping\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/warning-kids-shopping\/\">add it to her wish list<\/a>, which I keep in <a href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/app\/evernote\/id281796108?mt=8&amp;uo=4&amp;at=10l5G8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\">Evernote on my phone<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We talked &ndash; not for the first time &ndash; about how we can&rsquo;t get everything that looks cool because we wouldn&rsquo;t have enough money to pay for our house and food and car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we were all <strong>talked out<\/strong>, I said: &ldquo;Is your heart boo-boo clean?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She closed her eyes tight, then opened them again. &ldquo;Yes, I think so.&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&ldquo;Are you sure? Is there any dirt or anything left in it?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She giggled. &ldquo;No.&rdquo; Then, quietly: &ldquo;Is your heart boo-boo clean too?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I smiled. &ldquo;Yes, it is. Are you ready to put the band-aids on?&rdquo;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We each opened a band-aid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I reached over and put a band-aid over her heart, on top of her pajamas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She reached up and put a band-aid over my heart, on top of my shirt. As it <strong>turns out<\/strong>, my heart is pretty close to my shoulder. Who knew?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She sealed my band-aid with a kiss. So I did the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide\"><a href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid.jpg\" alt=\"Talking After a Temper Tantrum Is Like a Band-Aid for Your Heart\" class=\"wp-image-6903\" srcset=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid.jpg 640w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid-439x292.jpg 439w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" data-pin-media=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-heart-bandaid.jpg\"><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/wonderlane\/5510953214\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Wonderlane<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5 Steps to Turn a Temper Tantrum Into a Teachable Moment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Since that conversation months ago, we&rsquo;ve referred back to the concept of &ldquo;heart boo-boos&rdquo; on at least a weekly basis. The metaphor helped my child understand why it&rsquo;s important to talk about arguments or tantrums, even if it&rsquo;s a tough conversation to have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&rsquo;d like to use the concept of heart boo-boos with your kid, please let me know how it goes! Just keep these principles in mind to increase your chance of success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Wait<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Make sure you and your child are <strong>both<\/strong> calm before trying to talk about what happened. You can&rsquo;t reason with a child in the middle of an emotional upheaval. Her brain just <a title=\"How to Handle Temper Tantrums: Coaching Kids to Calm Down\" href=\"http:\/\/www.empoweringparents.com\/coaching-kids-to-calm-down.php\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">won&rsquo;t compute<\/a> what you&rsquo;re trying to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the same goes for you. When stress hormones are flooding your system, you&rsquo;re <strong>not<\/strong> ready to have a calm, logical talk. Try taking some deep belly breaths together before you start the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Reconnect<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Any <a title=\"Building Resilience\" href=\"http:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/building_resilience\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">loving touch<\/a> will trigger the release of the hormone oxytocin, which helps bring the body into a calm, relaxed state. You could give your kid a hug, rub their shoulder, or hold hands &ndash; or even index fingers, apparently. <strong>Anything<\/strong> to show that you still love him, even though you experienced conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Be Playful<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You can diffuse a lot of tension with <a title=\"Handling Conflict\" href=\"http:\/\/www.ahaparenting.com\/parenting-tools\/communication\/conversations-kids\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">humor or acting silly<\/a>. For example, when my child resisted holding my hand, I asked if I could hold her foot or her nose. Not super creative, but it got the job done. You can tickle your child (if they like that), make a funny face, or turn on music and have a <a title=\"12 Songs for a Rockin&rsquo; Dance Party With Your Kids\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/2014\/03\/12-songs-family-dance-party-kids\/\">family dance party<\/a>. Whatever works for your child and your family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Listen<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This conversation isn&rsquo;t a time for you to unload a lecture. It needs to be a two-way conversation, which means you should <a title=\"The peaceful parenting approach to kid&rsquo;s conflicts\" href=\"http:\/\/www.peacefulparent.com\/the-peaceful-parenting-approach-to-kids-conflicts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">listen to your child&rsquo;s feelings<\/a>, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can <strong>prompt<\/strong> your child to start talking with a question like, &ldquo;How did you feel about what happened?&rdquo; Then reflect back what your child says to show her you empathize with her feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. Stay Neutral<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you start off the conversation by calling your kid names like a &ldquo;brat&rdquo; or &ldquo;whiny,&rdquo; your child will likely shut <strong>right<\/strong> down. I love <a title=\"Handling Conflict\" href=\"http:\/\/www.ahaparenting.com\/parenting-tools\/communication\/conversations-kids\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">these tips from Dr. Laura Markham<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Use &ldquo;I&rdquo; statements to describe your feelings. Example: &ldquo;When you talked in that tone, I felt like you didn&rsquo;t respect me.&rdquo; instead of &ldquo;You&rsquo;re so disrespectful.&rdquo;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Describe the facts of the situation and avoid making judgments. Example: &ldquo;You stomped your feet, crossed your arms, and yelled.&rdquo; instead of &ldquo;You acted like a total brat.&rdquo;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Share information instead of making accusations. Example: &ldquo;I saw the iPad on the kitchen counter, after we said no more iPad today.&rdquo; instead of &ldquo;Did you use the iPad when I told you not to?&rdquo;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading after-entry-cta\" id=\"h-before-you-go-get-my-free-cheat-sheet-75-nbsp-positive-phrases-every-child-needs-to-hear\">Before you go, get my FREE cheat sheet: <a href=\"#get-printable-positive-words\" class=\"modal-trigger\">75&nbsp;Positive Phrases Every Child Needs to Hear<\/a><\/h6>\n\n\n<style>#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link{color:var(--global-palette2, #2B6CB0);border-radius:0px;font-size:16px;line-height:24px;border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;margin:0px 0px 0px 0px;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link:hover, #kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-blocks-modal-link:focus{color:#f96d60;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay{background:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.6);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-overlay{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;max-width:700px;-ms-flex-pack:flex-start;justify-content:flex-start;text-align:left;-ms-flex-align:flex-start;align-items:flex-start;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{padding-top:30px;padding-right:30px;padding-bottom:30px;padding-left:30px;margin-top:10px;margin-right:10px;margin-bottom:10px;margin-left:10px;}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{background:var(--global-palette9, #ffffff);border-top-left-radius:3px;border-top-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-right-radius:3px;border-bottom-left-radius:3px;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}}@media all and (max-width: 1024px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}@media all and (max-width: 767px){#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-container{width:100%;border-top:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-right:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-bottom:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);border-left:0px solid var(--global-palette3, #1A202C);}#kt-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, #kt-target-modal19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg, .kb-modal-content19878_ef407f-13 .kt-modal-close svg{width:24px;height:24px;}}<\/style>\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-modal aligncenter kt-modal-linkalign-center\" id=\"kt-modal19878_ef407f-13\"><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Want More?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Check out <a title=\"How to Handle Your Kid&rsquo;s Temper Tantrum Like a Ninja Mom\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/2013\/09\/handle-kids-temper-tantrums\/\">How to Handle Your Kid&rsquo;s Temper Tantrums Like a Ninja Mom<\/a> for more tricks to survive temper tantrums.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Your Turn<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How do you circle back after a temper tantrum to create a teachable moment? Share your tip in a comment below!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Inside: When your kid throws a temper tantrum, your first priority is survival. But after everyone calms down, here&rsquo;s how you turn it into a teachable moment. Temper tantrums. Meltdowns. Angry outbursts. Whatever you call it, when your kid throws a temper tantrum &ndash; whether they&rsquo;re a toddler or a teenager &ndash; it&rsquo;s absolutely zero&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6908,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4503],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-emotions"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.0 (Yoast SEO v25.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Turn a Temper Tantrum Into a Teachable Moment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When your kid throws a temper tantrum, your first priority is survival. But after everyone calms down, here&#039;s how you turn it into a teachable moment.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kelly Holmes, Certified Parent Educator\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kelly Holmes, Certified Parent Educator\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#\/schema\/person\/930987755e95179c5b9f3335e3c8ce57\"},\"headline\":\"How to Turn a Temper Tantrum Into a Teachable Moment\",\"datePublished\":\"2015-02-21T01:41:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-01-14T14:13:17+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/\"},\"wordCount\":2179,\"commentCount\":8,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-feature.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Emotions\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/\",\"name\":\"How to Turn a Temper Tantrum Into a Teachable Moment\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/happyyouhappyfamily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/temper-tantrum-teachable-moment-feature.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2015-02-21T01:41:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-01-14T14:13:17+00:00\",\"description\":\"When your kid throws a temper tantrum, your first priority is survival. 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